Taking Bullets
by CirsiumVulgare
Summary: My first AU attempt. Ste is working as a chef on a morning TV and gets a very creepy fan. He hires a handsome Irish guy for protection but that might just provoke the eager stalker more. Note: I have no idea what's its like to be a TV celebrity.
1. Chapter 1

Ste did wonder would he ever get over that first feeling of anxiety when the camera turned on to him. He had done his show almost a year now, and he still was freaking out every time, worrying he would say something stupid or inappropriate while on live TV. He wondered did the viewers see his greetings as awkward as he felt when he said them, trying to picture all the people in front of their tellies watching his every more and yet talk to the camera lenses like they were his best mates.

But then, soon as he started his cooking, his nerves were suddenly calm, because that was what he knew he was good at. He knew how to treat the ingredients, how thin to cut his veggies so they would cook fast, how long to keep them on a pan, how much seasoning the fish needed – it was all as natural to him as breathing. _Born to be a chef_ , Tony has said, and Ste knew it was true. And talking got easier too once it was the food he was talking about, explaining what he was doing and why.

Weirdly enough, people seemed to love what he did. He got loads of messages from the viewers, asking more tips or requesting a recipes for him to do. Some more personal messages too, from eager fans who thought he was cute, or handsome, or funny. He didn't mind reading those, although it did make him feel strange that someone would see him and think about him like he did when he was watching his favorite celebrity from his own TV. Most of the messages were encouraging and kind, innocent.

Most of them.

Ste almost lost the train of his thoughts but managed to finish his dish without too much stumbling. Once he had plated the tuna steak and it's sides on the plate he looked the camera in front of him and wished the viewers delicious day. It was kinda his catch phrase now, and at first it had seemed funny but now he was wishing he would never have to say it ever again.

Light on the camera went off and the world came back to him again. He could see all the staff running around on set, getting ready for the next bit after a break. Mitzeee, the presenter of the gossip slash style section was standing next to a camera man and gave Ste a big smile and thumbs up.

Ste started to clean up his mess but instantly there was a few extras who took over, so he gave up and wiped his hands clean in a towel and walked to Mitzeee who was clearly wanting to have a word.

"Hiya Mitz. You look gorgeous."

"Well thank you" Mitzeee gave him a kiss on a cheek. "You look very nice yourself. And the camera loves you."

"You were watching the whole time? Did my intro go well?" It had been Mitzeee he had to thank about this job – She had been a regular guest at Tony's and became pretty familiar with both Tony and Ste. Once Jack, the previous chef in the morning TV's cooking section had announced his departure Mitzeee had suggested the 'adorable, down to earth chef' she knew to take his place. Ste hadn't been sure at first, but the crew seemed to like him during their test shoots, and the pay was amazing from the small hours he had to work in front of the camera, so he had agreed. He still did work with Tony too, but dreamed that with the savings he got from the TV work he might be able to open up his own place soon.

"Oh you are a star." She took his arm and started to walk him away from set and towards the dressing rooms. "And it doesn't matter if you look shy in front of a camera, people like that, it makes you someone they can identify with."

"Yeah? I was worried that I might have lost it, I had hard time focusing today."

"Trust me, it went well." She looked at him and what ever she saw in his face made her stop where they were. "Ste? Sweetie, is everything okay?"

"Yeah." Then it seemed pointless to hide it, specially from Mitzeee. She had more experience from fame, maybe she would know what he should do. "Well, no. I got another one."

Mitzeee was frowning. "Another? You mean... Another letter? What did it say?"she asked when Ste nodded his head.

"Well... I don't know if I'm just overreacting but... I just don't... It just don't feel right." He was playing with his sleeve, nervous.

"Can I see it?"

"If you want. It's in my dressing room."

They didn't speak before they reached the small room Ste had to himself to change his clothes. There was only a small couch, a cabinet to his clothes and a table in front of a mirror. On the table he kept the flowers his fans sometimes sent to him, and the letters he got from the mail, although most of the messages he got through social media and email.

He reached for an envelope which was laying away from the other post and handed to Mitzeee. She took the letter inside it, opened it and started to read. Her frown was getting deeper, while Ste was watching her reactions and biting his nails.

"Well, this really seems very detailed. And it is bit creepy. Maybe it's just some weirdo who has nothing else to do than send his delirious fantasies to guy he fancies." Mitzeee tried to smile at him but Ste could tell she was disturbed too. "You can always ask one of the staff to go through your fan mail first, and get rid of letters like these so you don't have to see them."

"The staff? No, Mitzeee, you don't get it." Ste took the envelope from her hand and turned it so she could see the address. "This came into my home. Like the two before it."

"But... How is that possible? None of our address is shared in public by the TV company, they are very strict about that." Mitzeee looked alarmed. Few moments they just stood there in silence. Ste could feel the panic rising inside him. Mitzeee was staring at the envelope like it could give her answers. Then she swallowed and nodded almost to herself. She gave Ste a steady, assuring look. "Right, I know what we will do."

::::::

Ste couldn't help but feeling a bit paranoid when he stepped on Mitzeee's car few hours later after she had finished her bit on the show. They left the station through the back door which lead to private parking lot where the stars had their vehicles, so Ste didn't have to face any of his fans today. He was still watching the street when they drove through the gates on the road, trying to see if there was anyone suspicious looking in the crowd which hanged around the tv station. Maybe that was a sign that what Mitzeee had suggested was a good idea.

"Are you okay?" She asked when they had drove for a while and Ste hadn't said anything. "You are awfully quiet."

"I'm dead nervous, Mitz. I'm not like, used to this. I still can't believe that I work on a telly, and now I have some mad person knowing my address." He sunk lower in his seat, staring the road ahead but hardly seeing it, only imagining all kind of creepy guys hanging around his apartment. "And you want me to meet up this guy, right, and I have to choose do I want some creeper on me tail or have a random bloke following me around as a protection."

"He's not a random bloke" Mitzeee said kindly. "He used to help me when I was starting my career and had a bad experience with my ex. He's a good friend of mine, I owe him a lot. Wait till you meet him, he's going to know what we should do. Trust me, he's good."

"Okay." Ste still wasn't convinced. 'Body guard' sounded such drastic measures and he was feeling like he was overreacting. But Mitzeee had been sure that they should at least talk to this guy and ask for advice.

They drove a little longer, and Mitzeee was chatting away about her latest date with this footballer she was seeing, and managed to make Ste forget the letter and where they were going for a while. Until she pulled by the side of a building, "We're here", and the Ste got the cold feeling on his belly again.

They got out from the car and walked up the stairs from the side of the building to a landing with few apartment doors. Mitzeee stopped in front of the first one and rang the bell, while Ste was searching for the nearest escape. The door didn't look like it belonged to a security company, and Mitzeee seemed to sense his thoughts because she leaned closer.

"This is his home, not the office, " She said with a stage whisper "We thought it would be best to keep it as comfortable as possible, you know, for your nerves."

Before Ste could answer the door was opened and a man stepped out to greet them. Ste's first impression was that the guy looked massive; He was taller than him, and he had broad shoulders and biceps too by the way his blue shirt was almost bursting while trying to hold him in. He had a dark hair and beard, and Ste could spot some white hairs on there too. Not that the man looked old, he look healthy and strong, and very masculine in a way that turned the coldness in Ste's belly into a sudden rush of heat.

"Anne." Man greeted and it took a second for Ste to realise he was talking to Mitzeee.

"Hello Brendan." Mitzeee threw her arms around his shoulders, which looked like a task even with her high heels on. Her head barely reached his chin. The hug lasted only a few second but Ste could see there was real warmth in there, from both parties. Mitzeee, or Anne as Brendan has called her, took a step back and turned to Ste. "Ste, this is Brendan Brady. Brendan, this is Ste, and he's having a bit of a problem you might be able to help him with."

"Nice to meet you, Steven." Brendan said with a strong Irish accent while offered his hand and giving Ste a steady look. His eyes were very blue.

"Hiya." Ste swallowed and shook his hand. It was warm and Brendan's grip was firm. Secure. Suddenly Ste wasn't sure how long he had been holding on or how long they had been staring at one another. He quickly let go and started to play with his sleeves again.

"I guess you won't be interested to talk about your problem outside, so, please, come on in." Brendan step aside and made a gesture with his hand. Mitzeee smiled at him and walked in, so Ste had to follow. He was now nervous in a completely different way and he wasn't sure was he pleased or annoyed that Mitzeee was there, preventing him being alone with Brendan. He heard the door click closed behind them.

He look the flat in front of him, and it didn't really look like it would fit for a man like Brendan. It was a open plan, sofas in front of him as a lounge and he could see kitchen in the other end of the room. There was stairs leading to the second floor, where Ste assumed the bedroom was. But it was the use of colors that shocked him, lot of purples and pink, leopard print, flowers on a vase on top of the table. Then Ste realised that must be Brendan's wife, or girlfriend, who had decorated the place.

"This is Cheryl's flat." Brendan's voice was low next to his ear, making Ste jump. Somehow Brendan had managed to come stand next to him without him noticing and had probably seen the curious way Ste was looking around. Ste turned his head and was met with that blue gaze again, and a small, crooked smile. "My sister, Cheryl, I live with her. Saves me the trouble for looking a place of my own, because I'm often spending nights with my clients... Not that way, of course."

Ste left out a nervous laugh. It was clear the older man was trying to joke and make Ste more relaxed. Brendan indicated towards the sofas.

"Please, sit."

Mitzeee had already made herself comfortable and Ste went to sit next to him. Brendan sat on the sofa next to theirs, posing himself so that he was facing Ste.

"So, tell me about this problem of yours, Steven."

"It's just Ste." He took a deep breath. "So I don't know do you know, but, I work on a telly, the same channel as Mitzeee does, and I get fan mail and stuff, from people who like my bits. People send it in the studio because it's address is public, but mine isn't, so... Anyway, I have been getting some.. Weird mail. And the guy sending them has somehow found out my address, and has started to send them in my home."

"How many letters? How long?" Brendan's tone was calm and reassuring, he didn't look Ste like he was wasting his time. It encouraged him to go on.

"I've got three sent to my home. They are getting more frequent. I had few before, but those were delivered in the office, so he must have looked up my address. Maybe eight or nine in total. There might have been more, but I just thought they were some strange mail for eager fan, before it turned.. ugly."

"Ugly? How?"

Mitzeee nudged Ste's elbow. "Show him the letter, Ste."

Ste reached to his pocket and pulled out the envelope. He handed it to Brendan, who took it, took out the letter and read it. Ste was watching his expression when his eyes moved over the words, but it didn't change. Ste had only read it once himself, but he remembered every word well.

 _You looked so beautiful when you cut that raw meat. I hoped it would have been more fresh and bloody. Those knives of yours look so sharp and shiny. They would look nice against your skin._

 _I would love to lick your throat, taste the sweat and blood._

Brendan folded the letter, put it back in the envelope and turned it around in his hands, like trying to look marks of the sender in it.

"You crossed anyone's paths, Steven? Can you think of anyone who would want to scare you like this?"

"No. I have been wracking my brain but I can't imagine anyone who I know and who could do this."

"Did you say they have been turning more graphic with time? Can you remember when?"

"They were always very, eh, sensual. But the tone got more violent when I came out. Six months ago or so."

Ste had been debating with himself a long time wether or not to do it. He hadn't even thought people would care, he was just a bloody TV chef, spending 15 minutes on telly three times a week and a bit longer for Fridays, and he wanted people to focus on the food and not to him. But he had stalked some of the conversations on online and saw how people were questioning his sexuality or who he was dating, judging some bad pics some bored paparazzis had took of him when it had been a slow week with no bigger celebrities to follow. So he had decided to make it clear he was gay in one of the rare interviews he gave for a magazine. He had expected the nasty comments which took over for a while, but there was lot of support too, and some people even saying how he was inspirational and gave them the courage to come out.

Brendan had stopped moving, his eyes looking down to the envelope but it seemed like he wasn't really seeing it. Awful feeling was settling inside Ste's core.

"Is it a problem? Me being gay?"

Mitzeee was looking from him to Brendan and back. "I'm sure -"

"It doesn't matter to me what you are, except that you are my client and I'm going to keep you safe." Brendan cut her off and lifted his eyes to meet Ste's. "That is, if you want my services."

"You think this is so bad that I need it?" Ste was sinking lower in the sofa.

"They might be just some lonely person who has too much time in their hands, but it might still be a good idea if I follow the situation closely for a while. Maybe just follow you around at first for a couple of days, see if I can pick up some strange behavior around you. Then, if needed, I can become your full bodyguard. How does that sound?"

"Okay, yeah. It sounds good." It was impossible to look away from those eyes and in some weird way Ste felt a buzz knowing Brendan would be near him for at least couple days.

"Good. Well then, lets get some details from our contract on paper and get this official." Brendan stood up and Ste did the same. Brendan handed the letter back to him and when Ste took it, their fingers brushed together. Ste wasn't sure was he imagining or was Brendan's gaze suddenly more intense than earlier. "Steven. It's gonna be okay. I'm gonna look after you."

Ste had never felt so assured in his whole life.

::::::

It had been eight days now without any new letters. Ste hadn't expect any new ones so soon anyway, even when the letters had started to arrive more frequently lately there could still be two weeks of separation between them, just enough to lull Ste into believing there would be no more.

He hadn't seen Brendan in those six days, well, not properly anyway. Brendan had told him to go on with his life as normal, and that he or his co-worker, young lad named Joel, would be watching out of him from the distance. It would be best at first, he had said, to go on like everything was normal in case someone was indeed watching Ste. So Ste tried to act like nothing was wrong. He woke up, went to the TV station, did his show. He then either had a evening shift on Tony's or went to see Amy and the kids. It hadn't crossed his mind before that if someone was following him, he would know where the kids lived, and the idea that he might have lead some creep to them scared Ste to his core.

Knowing that Brendan was always around did make Ste feel a lot safer. He had seen glimpses of him here and there. On the morning when he got into his way to the station there was a black car he knew belonged to Brendan parked on a little way from his home. Once Ste saw him hanging around near the coffee shop across the studio. Another time when Ste took the kids in the park to play he spotted Brendan reading a newspaper in a bench near by. Glimpses of him on the street when Ste was moving from one place to another. Brendan always looked like he just happened to be there, but Ste had to wonder did anyone buy it; he seemed to be more striking than anyone else around him, with his tight shirts and dark beard, sometimes wearing his shades too. Or maybe it was just Ste, who could not stop looking even when he knew he should not pay any attention to him.

Each night, after Ste had locked himself into his apartment he'd got a call from Brendan. It was a short conversation, just Brendan going over anything he had noticed, but so far everything seemed to be fine. He hadn't spotted anyone following Ste, or any weird behavior outside the studio or around Ste's flat. Ste desperately tried not to sound disappointed when the call was nearing to it's end. Brendan's voice was nice and low on the phone, and the way he wished Ste a goodnight before ending the call sounded almost intimate, making it hard for Ste to try and get some sleep afterwards.

On Friday was the first day of Ste's photo shoot for his book. Studio has suggested it, for him to pick up some recipes people had loved or requested the most and make a book out of it. _Jamie Oliver style_ , they had said. He hadn't been sure at first, he hated writing and had most of his recipes memoriezed in his head instead of having them written down, but the studio had it covered. They had made a deal with a publisher who had sent this american guy called Doug to work with Ste, basically writing everything down for him and give him some tips how to make things sound better on paper. It had been a long project, but now the text part was ready and it was time for the pictures. Publisher had arranged the photographer and some other crew members to come in Ste's flat early in the morning and Ste had informed Brendan that there was going to be a change in his usual schedule because of that.

It was exactly ten o'clock when Ste's doorbell rang, and it was Doug followed by group of other people, bags full of ingredients based on the ready recipes and all the technical stuff they needed for good lightning and such.

"How's my favorite client?" Doug greeted with his accent and beamed a bright smile towards Ste. He had spend many afternoons on Ste's living room chatting and writing down the ideas Ste had, and now lead rest of the crew to Ste's kitchen as he knew the place.

"Thanks. I'm cool, yeah. And you?" Ste tried not to feel awkward having all those people swarming around his kitchen, making things ready.

"Listen, Ste, I know this can be bit weird, but just focus on the cooking and let us take care of the rest. This group is very professional and know what they are doing, okay? Here, let me introduce you, that's Hannah, there's Joanie, they are gonna make sure you and the food look good, that's Simon, our photographer, those two setting on lights are Mark and Jem." Each people nodded to Ste while their names were mentioned, only Ste felt like he forgot them soon as he heard them. Doug placed his hand on Ste's shoulder for a second. "You okay to start?"

"Yeah. Yeah I am." Ste smiled nervously. He liked Doug, they had spent many hours together talking about what people would want to see, how Ste could give his own personal touch to the book so it wouldn't be just recipes people could easily find online.

"Good. So we were thinking we could start with these recipes, and see how long that takes, and then arrange the shoot for the other half after that, yeah? Sounds good? Okay people, let's get this show started!"

It was the same than with the live shows, the camera and lights were off-putting at first, but soon as he heated the pan and started to chop the veggies Ste relaxed and started to talk with the crew. They were joking while he cooked and he almost could pretend he wasn't been constantly filmed. Once the dish was ready it was placed on table where it was pictured from several different angles. With some dishes the photographer asked him to hold it, or pretend to eat it, but over all it wasn't as bad as Ste had thought. After every dish they all kinda had a nibble of it, and Ste loved to hear people saying how good the food was. He hadn't even realised what time it was until Doug said it was getting late and they should start to pack up their things.

"That went well." Doug said to Ste while others were cleaning up. "So we have our desserts and bakes left for the next time. Is Monday still good for you?"

"Yeah, no worries. This was quite fun actually. I like cooking for a real people, and not just for the cameras."

"Maybe you can cook for me sometimes." It seemed it just blurted out from Doug's mouth because he instantly turned red and he started to stare his shoes. "I didn't mean... I just think... If you'd like, to meet outside work it would, or I wouldn't mind."

Oh. Ste had thought Doug might be gay but he had no idea he was interested on him. It had been ages when anyone had asked him out. Ste's mind instantly drifted to Brendan, and how Doug was a complete opposite to him. He was a bit shorter than Ste was, and surely wasn't bursting any of his shirts with muscles like Brendan did. But Doug was funny and had made him laugh many times, and it seemed that he liked Ste, where as Brendan probably had ladies forming a line behind his front door.

"I'd like that too." He said. What harm would it done, to have a drink or a dinner with a guy who was nice? And the look of relief on Doug face was kinda cute. "Let's arrange something once the book project is ready?"

"Definitely." Doug smiled, and glanced the crew. "It seems like we're all set to leave you at your peace. I'll be in touch with the second shoot and with... other things."

"Sound's good." Ste said and walked the group to the door, said his goodbyes and closed the door, making sure to lock it. He had hardly taken a few steps when his phone buzzed. He saw Brendan's name on the screen and his heart jumped.

"Hello?"

"Okay, Steven? I assume the photo shoot is done now? You free for a wee chat?"

"Um, yeah, I have nothing now."

"Good. Can you meet me in the cafe, the one down the road?"

"Now?"

"If you don't mind."

"I'm on my way."

Ste almost ran to get his wallet and keys. Brendan hadn't sounded alarmed so he guessed there was nothing he should be worried about and he was curious what it was what Brendan wanted to talk him with. The street was nice and calm, and it had been one of Ste's priorities when looking for a flat. Something peaceful, with lot of parks around so he could take the kids out, but nothing too posh where he would feel completely out of place. He rushed down the street where the few stores and the cafe were, and he could see Brendan through the window, sitting on one of the tables with two cups of coffee in front of him. He was wearing a black sweater which looked just as tight on him that his shirts were. Ste's heart was pounding faster than it did moments ago when Doug was asking him out.

Brendan stood up when Ste stepped in, and offered his hand for a shake. Ste was disappointed when he eventually let go and gestured Ste to sit down opposite of him.

"Didn't know how you take your coffee, I should've ask. You can get the milk and sugar from the desk tho."

"Thanks." Ste took his cup to the front, added some milk and two sugars in. He could feel Brendan's eyes on him.

"I'll remember that next time." Brendan said casually and for a second Ste pictured them sharing coffees often in cafes like this. Then Brendan cleared his throat and leaned closer to him over the desk. "How have you been? Anything strange you have noticed?"

"No. Everything has been dead normal. Well, if you forget the fact that I have cameras on my face almost each day." Ste let out a nervous laugh and Brendan smiled at him.

"You must be used to it by now."

"Not really. I still can't believe this is all happening to me." Ste found it was safer to stare at his cup than look Brendan in the eye. "I still have my contract for couple of months but I've started to think I won't renew it. I have been thinking about leaving, I did already before but this... This has made me sure I don't want to go on."

"You shouldn't let this scare you." Brendan took a sip of his coffee. "Actually that's why I wanted to talk to you. I haven't seen anything strange for the whole week. No one is following you, well, only me, but I haven't seen no one who would trail you and intent to hurt you. I can go on for as long as you like, but at this point I think we should just boost your security system just in case and maybe go for a police that you have someone sending you nasty letters instead someone looking over you 24/7."

Ste was looking at him now, trying to battle with the feel of disappointment inside him. "You mean.. You don't want to go on working for me?"

"Like I said, it's up to you." Brendan leaned back on his chair and Ste couldn't read any emotion from his face. "At this point I don't know what else I can do, when the threat only lies on random letters."

"It's just, I have been feeling lot better this past week, when I have known you are watching over me." Ste realised how desperate he probably sounded. He started to stare at his mug again.

"Hey. Listen to me." Brendan was suddenly very close and Ste could feel his breath on his face when he spoke but didn't dare to look up. "I'm not abandoning you. I'm just saying what I think we should do now, in this particular situation. If it changes, if there's something new, then we rethink it, yeah? You can always, always call on me if you need to. Okay?"

Ste managed to nod his head. He heard Brendan mutter _good lad_ under his breath before drinking down rest of his coffee. Ste did the same, and glanced at Brendan but had to look away again because the man was staring at him so intensely.

"So, what now?"

"Now, I'm gonna walk you home, and then you are going to think about what I have just said. I call you in the morning to see how you are, and how you want to continue this. Okay?"

Ste gave him another nod and rose from his seat, marching to the door Brendan following closely by. "You don't have to walk me back to home, it's just there." He knew he sounded rude but if Brendan had enough of him he should leave already, instead of walking next to him, radiating heat that Ste couldn't ignore.

"I want to." Brendan simply said. They didn't speak until they reached Ste's flat. Then Brendan stood on the street, hands in his pocket, looking annoyingly confident and calm when he was watching Ste get to his door and unlocking it. "I call you in the morning."

"Yeah, talk to you then." Ste stepped inside his flat.

"Goodnight, Steven."

Ste couldn't look at him, so he just closed the door. He pressed his forehead against it and tried not to feel like he had just lost something important.

::::::

He must had fallen asleep at some point, despite the emptiness and million thoughts running though his head, because he was woken by a noise. It took him a moment to identify it; it wasn't any normal sound from the street, it was something else. Someone on his front door.

Ste was sitting upright in his bed, scared and listening every sound. It was quiet now, but he was sure he had heard it. After a few minutes, when nothing else happened, he slipped out from the bed and sneaked to the hall, and then to the front door. He stood behind it for a long time, debating with himself, but in the end he new he couldn't sleep if he wasn't sure there was no one on his steps. He carefully leaned to his peep hole and had a look.

There was no one there. The street looked empty.

He made sure the chain was on it's place and opened the door a little to have a proper look. Nothing. Everything was silent as it should be at this hour. The he looked down and saw a little box placed on his steps. Ste crouched down and was able to reach it without opening the door any wider, pulled the box in. He closed the door and walked in to his lounge area, put on the light and looked what he had. There was a little note taped on top of the box. He opened and read it.

 _Who's the guy, Ste? Don't tell me I have a rival._

Ste felt nauseated. All his sensed told him not to open the box, but there was a morbid curiosity too. He had to know.

It took him a while to realise what he was looking at.

He scrambled his way to his bedroom, found his phone and dialed.

It took five rings before there was a answer, groggy from the sleep. "Steven?"

"Brendan." Ste was aware that he was crying. He tried to bury himself under his blankets to hide, trying to forget how the dissected rat had spread all over his floor when he had dropped the box. "I need you."

"I'm coming."

::::::

The police were involved this time.

Ste had lost the track of time, but it couldn't have taken long for Brendan to drive at his place. He heard him knocking the door, "Steven, it's me, it's Brendan," and somehow managed to walk to the hall to let him in without looking at the little pieces of meat on his floor. Brendan had took hold of his face and asked was he okay, what has happened, but Ste could only point the floor. Brendan had swore and took hold of Ste's arm, walked him to sit into sofa. He had made Ste a cup of tea and brought him a blanket while waiting the police to arrive. Now there were two officers in his flat.

One of the them was taking pictures of the box and it's nasty content while the other tried to ask Ste some questions. It was hard for him to focus enough to answer. He had managed to give his name, told he had been woken up by noises. No, he hadn't seen anyone. No, he didn't know who could have done this.

"He's been having these letters for a while now, but this is something new. There's a security cameras near the door, if you want to see the footage." Brendan was saying to the officer. Ste felt like he was slowly coming out from the shock, the sound of Brendan's voice pulling him through. He was just noticing that Brendan was only wearing a t-shirt and trackie bottoms. He must have come straight when Ste called him. The thought warmed Ste more than the mug of tea did.

"And you are?" Officer asked from Brendan, pen poised, ready to take his statement.

"Brendan Brady." He stood there, between Ste and the police officer, arms folded, like a bumper shielding Ste from the world. "I'm mister Hay's bodyguard."


	2. Chapter 2

Note: This chapter covers the same time period as chapter 1, but from Brendan's perspective. Things will move forward after this, I promise.

* * *

The guy had enough sense to make his exit before Brendan had to told him to go, and he had already forgotten his name when the door closed after him. Sam? Seth? Something with a "S" in it. Brendan was also pleased that lad hadn't asked if they could meet up again, like some of his randoms did – like picking up a bloke from the club and fucking them in somewhere convenient place would make a beautiful start for a relationship. If Brendan wanted to give a relationship go, he wouldn't look the suitable candidate from nightclubs.

It was good thing that Cheryl was away in that three day lecture thingy, something about accounting, staying over in a hotel and giving Brendan the privacy. Not that he minded that Cheryl was there, noisy and colorful, pulling him out from his thoughts. But it had been nice to be able to bring the bloke into his place, instead of going to the guys apartment or search for a hotel.

Brendan made himself a cup of coffee and filled a bowl with cereals, opened the TV and made himself comfortable in the couch. There was no hurry to make it into the office, they didn't have any appointments today and there was only some paperwork to be done and invoices to sent from their last gig.

He flicked through the channels before settling into a morning show. Not that he was interested about the gossips and mindless news, but he was just in time to see the cooking part of the program. It was his guilty pleasure, eating while watching someone prepare food, specially if the guy making it was as cute as the chef they had hired. He was so skinny Brendan had first doubted was he chef at all when he's first seen the show, but once he had seen how the lad handled the kitchen tools he was convinced. The lad had a massive grin on his face almost constantly while he talked even tho Brendan could tell he was nervous, but there was nothing fake in his excitement over the dish he was making.

The camera zoomed into chefs hands while he was cutting the veggies and Brendan could easily imagine those long fingers wrapping around his dick. The guy was gay, it had been a big announcement some time back, even when Brendan had already known about it before that. He had always been good picking up things on people, that's why he was so good at what he did, and there was something in the lad which had made it obvious to him and surprised that no one else knew. There had been some rumors about the chef dating the sports guy from the same show, Brendan remembered now, but he couldn't remember how that thing had ended.

Still, there was nothing wrong with some filthy daydreams, was there, Brendan thought while hardly focusing on what the guy was talking about because his mouth was more interesting to look at. When the chef was done the camera zoomed out so both the dish and the guy were on the shot, and Brendan tried not to think how the man who he had picked last night could have been easily passed at this lad when it was dark enough. Brendan knew he had a type and this man, _Chef Ste_ as they called him, was like straight from his fantasies.

He had no interest to keep on watching once Ste was off screen, even when his friend Anne was working on the same channel – well, Brendan was hardly interested in celebrity gossip and recent clothing styles, was he - so he turned the TV off and hit the shower. He was just putting on some clothes when his phone rang.

Anne, it said on screen. What a coincidence.

"Hello gorgeous."

"Good morning to you, handsome. I assume I didn't wake you up?"

"Nah, I have been up for a while now. Are you good?"

"Oh, yes, yes I'm fine. But actually, I didn't call just for a chat, I was wondering if you could do me a favor."

"Anything for you." Brendan sat on the bed. "What is it?"

"I have this friend, Ste, who works with me." When she said the words Brendan's inside made a sudden twist and he was glad he was sitting down. "He's been running into some, how'd you say it, eager fan and doesn't really know how to deal with that. I was wondering if you could give him some advises?"

"Yeah." His voice sounded weird so he cleared his throat. "Yeah, sure, I can talk with him. Are you busy today? Cheryl is out so you could bring him over to our place instead the office. Would make it all less official." He hoped he didn't sound as keen as he felt. Having that lad from his fantasies in his apartment – he felt embarrassed how excited it made him.

"That sound lovely. It will make it easier for him, poor lamb, he's been quite shaken with it." Anne must really like the guy, because she sounded genuinely worried.

"You coming now?"

"I still need to shoot my bit, as you would know if you'd ever watch it that I'm not in until the end, but we could come straight after?"

Brendan smiled for her teasing tone. "When ever it suits you. I'll be here."

"Great. See you soon then. Kisses!"

"Bye, Anne." He ended the call. Well then, who would have known this would happen. He stood up and went back to his dresser for shirts. Brendan was always very precise how he dressed up but suddenly he really wanted to make a impact. It made him feel silly as well to put this kind of an effort, but he tried to tell himself that he needed to look good for potential new customer. When he looked himself in the mirror he was pleased what he saw, despite the telling signs of white hairs in his beard he knew he looked good.

It was around midday when the doorbell rang and released Brendan from anxiously trying to make himself busy with paperwork. He told himself to act professional when he pushed the door open.

He greeted Anne at first and got a hug from her before turning his attention to man she hand brought with her. He was even more gorgeous in real life, even when he was looking nervous as hell, or maybe that was part of his charm. His eyes were big and blue, and his lashes looked longer than on the TV screen, and Brendan had to fight not to stare that mouth of his.

They made through their introductions and Brendan liked the way Steven's skin felt against his when they shook hands and how the lad kept looking straight at him. Once Brendan indicated they should move inside and Steven walked past him he could catch his scent too, it was mixture of spices from the kitchen and something earthy, and it suddenly made Brendan feel very hungry in more physical way.

Anne went straight for one of his couches but Steven remained standing and looking around. It hit Brendan how overly feminine the place looked after Cheryl's decorations, and felt the need to explain. Somehow he wanted to make clear he lived with his sister, not with a partner. "Saves me the trouble for looking a place of my own, because I'm often spending nights with my clients... Not that way, of course." To his relief Steven let out a nervous laughter and Brendan lead him to sit down before he'd made another awkward joke.

After he got Steven settled down he asked about his problem. It seemed at first that the lad just had a case of a very eager fan which Brendan had dealt with before, but when Steven gave him one of the letters he had received his opinion changed. It annoyed him that anyone would sent this kind of poison to Steven and he could understand why the lad was so shaken about it. It seemed like the harassment had got worse after the lad had announced his sexuality which didn't surprise him, because if the sender was gay themselves they could have assumed it was an invitation for them to amp up what they saw as a relationship.

For a second Steven looked unsure when his sexuality came up, like he was half expecting Brendan telling him to leave. It told him a lot about what kind of past Steven must have had, and Anne was quick to jump in but Brendan cut her off before she could say anything. Through their conversation Brendan had tried to think what was the best way to proceed, and how to do it professionally – He had to admit to himself how insanely attracted he was to the young man sitting on his sofa looking vulnerable and hot at the same time. But there were very clear memories in Brendan's head about a similar case years before. Young lad in trouble and how Brendan had been drawn to him. Where it had lead. How it had ended. He shook the memory away from his head and tried to focus on the current situation. What Steven needed was someone to look after him and not someone trying to get into his pants.

He made his proposal of watching after Steven from the distance and felt relieved when the lad agreed to it. At least he could hang around the lad for a couple of days, and he was pretty sure this was nothing more than a case of some weird loner who had lot of unhealthy fantasies of a TV persona. Brendan tried not to think about how he too had his own fantasies about Steven, at least he hadn't actually harassed the poor lad with his imagination.

He did speed up the process then, with the ready files for contracts which just needed to be filled out with details. Steven was answering to all his questions more surely now when Brendan had agreed to help him out, and he could see glimpses of some of that confidence he had on screen when cooking.

"You have security in your house already?" Brendan asked when Ste had told him his address. He knew the area, it was nice and secure place to live.

"Yeah, there was one ready when I moved in, just changed it on my account or whatever. Just the basics, I guess, and the camera on the front door. I don't know much about it, actually." Steven looked bit embarrassed.

"It's alright, I send someone in first thing tomorrow to check it out and see if it needs to be upgraded."

"You won't come?" Brendan was almost certain Steven sounded disappointed.

"I'll be watching over you rest of the day. It would be better the less we're seen together, and if someone is watching your flat they might recognize me later on. So it's better if it just looks like you have a guy check up your security system, yeah?"

"Alright." Steven nodded. They finished finalizing everything, and then Anne said they should probably get going. Brendan walked them to the door.

"I know it's hard, Steven, but try to act normal. If we are lucky we'll soon catch the guy who does this to you and that'll be that." When Steven shoot a nervous smile towards him and turned to walk down the stairs giving Brendan the view of his backside he couldn't stop himself thinking how the faster they catch the guy and got the situation settled, the sooner Steven would stop being his client. He tried to banish the thought with picturing Vincent instead as a reminded how things could go wrong, but it was like his dick has a mind of it's own. Anne gave him a knowing look before rising to her toes to kiss him quickly on the cheek, and then strode after Steven, leaving Brendan to his own conflicted thoughts for the rest of the day.

::::::

For the next few days Brendan felt like he got to know Steven very well even from just watching him afar.

Firstly he was a very hard working. He had given Brendan his usual weekly schedule which seemed pretty busy. Not only he had his live shows in the studio from Tuesday to Thursday there was also a bit he filmed to Friday's longer episode beforehand, usually on Thursday after the live show ended, and alongside that he did work with a restaurant called Tony's too. Brendan kept an eye on him when he left to the studio early in the morning, spent few hours in before exiting again. Brendan would have loved to see what happened behind the scenes, but following Ste inside wasn't part of his current job description so he got himself a coffee and tried to look casual while watching the small crowd gathered in front of the studio.

Most of the cast and crew used the back side of the building to get in, it was more secure with parking lot surrounded by tall fences and special code to get inside the gates, plus there were lot of security cameras and a guard who kept the most eager fans away who tried to sneak in. The front of the building was more public, whit majority of fans hanging around there, and sometimes some of the cast members arranged the car to come and pick them up from front instead, so they could go and give autographs and take pictures with people supporting them. Or if there were someone bit more famous as a guest they made a short appearance there as well for good publicity.

Steven didn't have a car but he seemed to be one of those lower case TV personas who managed to move around without too much fuss. It still made Brendan's blood run cold to see the lad walk or take a public transport to work. That was another thing Brendan learned from him, that Steven was very humble. He dressed smartly when he went to the studio, with clean polo shirts and chinos, but Brendan also saw him walking around with tracksuits and hoodies. In that nice neighborhood of his Steven looked he was a council rat in a wrong area. Somehow it made Steven more charming in Brendan's eyes – the lad didn't much care what others might think of him.

Some nights Steven went to Tony's to do his shifts. The restaurant looked nice and classy, but not too posh, and it closed at 11 pm leaving Steven plenty of time to get back home and have a good night sleep before heading to the studio next morning. Brendan was worried of Steven taking the bus at that time of the night, there were plenty of things what could happen for a lad like him in those late hours, but the days went by and Brendan couldn't see anything suspicious around him.

Third thing Brendan learned was that Steven was a great dad. After his shoot in the studio and before getting into Tony's for the evening shift he took another bus (seriously, Brendan was pretty sure that owning a car would make life so much easier for the lad) to the further side of the town where his kids lived. Steven had explained that to Brendan during their conversation the first day they met, he had an ex and two kids with her. Steven had said it carefully like expecting Brendan to judge him, another sign that not everyone were very accepting with his sexuality, but Brendan hardly could say anything bad about it. He had his own failed marriage and two sons born from it, so he knew exactly what it was like to be young and confused or straight into denial, doing what everyone else did before one day waking up to the reality.

Usually Steven took his kids in the park with him, sometimes alone, sometimes the mother, young skinny blonde joined them. They had a girl and a younger boy, both more or less blond and very lively judging the way they kept sprinting around and had tons of energy. Brendan kept his distance but one day he couldn't stop himself and had to sneak a bit closer, sitting in a bench near by pretending to read a newspaper while in reality he tried to catch up the conversations Steven had with his kids. He was always fully invested to them, hardly checking his phone but instead chatted and took part of the games like a big kid himself, laughing a lot. Brendan had never heard a laughter like that, like someone strangling a donkey, but the more he heard it the more he started to like it. He couldn't help but admire the way Steven was so natural with the children, and it made Brendan's heart ache with regret when he thought his own sons and how distant he had been with them.

Overall, the more time Brendan spent watching Steven's everyday life the more ordinary he seemed, like any other lad of his age juggling with two jobs and a family, only difference being that Steven's other job was on a TV. But at the same time when it seemed like there was nothing special about him, Brendan was fully aware that there was _something_ in the lad which made him drawn in to him, something that made it impossible to look away and which made Brendan wake up each day excited with the thought that he could see Steven again. Each night he called for Steven's number and they went over the events of the day, or more likely, how nothing had happened. Brendan enjoyed hearing Ste's voice, even when he sounder bit wary like he was holding himself back for some reason. It was still one of the best moments of Brendan's day, and he was wishing he would have more to report so they could keep on talking. After the call Brendan drove back home and tried to relax with a glass of whiskey while Cheryl chatted about her day, but his thoughts always circled back to Steven. More than once he had woken up with a boner after a night full of dreams of him.

As the days went by it was clear that who ever was watching Steven wasn't doing it in very public way. Brendan had memorised the faces of the regular fans crowding the studio's yard and hadn't seen any of them following Steven around. If it was up to Brendan he would gladly follow Steven around rest of his life, but he didn't want the lad pay to him for something which was quite frankly pretty useless. Brendan was starting to believe it was just some random crazy person who had weird fantasies and had picked up Steven as his subject. If the letters were the only threat they could deal with that by simply destroying them unopened. Steven hardly needed someone to walk as his shadow for that.

There was also something more selfish boiling in Brendan's belly. He had his strict rules for not getting too involved with his clients, but the more he saw from Steven the more he wanted him. Not just for those fantasies he'd had on him before, and which he now felt quite embarrassed about, no, but because of the reality of that man was much more intriguing than any of those thoughts Brendan had during late nights to get him off. For the first time in ages Brendan was drawn to something else than just the idea of warm body next to his. He wanted to know more about Steven, have a regular conversations over their thoughts and it was weird. He had never wanted that before, not properly. Not even with Vincent.

He needed to go through the situation with Steven, and see what he was thinking about it. Then maybe, if Steven was up for it, they could go out, like normal people.

Going out, Jesus. Something Brendan had never done with another man. The thought made Brendan both excited and scared.

::::::

Steven had informed Brendan that he had a photo shoot in his house for a book, and that he wouldn't be leaving his apartment for the whole day. Still, in the morning Brendan found himself parking his car on the road Steven lived in for a little further, and kept an eye of the front door. Around ten there were two cars parking nearer to his flat and small group of people emerging from them, with boxes and bags full of gear and made their way indoors.

Brendan passed the time by going through the notes he had from this case and really didn't come across anything what would look suspicious. Now he just needed to figure out how to break this change of plans to Steven.

When it seemed that the photo shoot would really take up the whole day and it would be completely pathetic from Brendan to sit in the car all that time, he decided to check up one more thing before closing the case.

He started the car and drove to Tony's. Place seemed busy because he had hard time to find a parking space, but finally managed to find a spot and walked in the restaurant. The indoors matched the classy outside, lot of black, simple furniture and almost every seat was full with people eating their lunch. From the other side of the room wall had a opening where you could see the kitchen and the chefs at their work.

"Hi, welcome to Tony's, would you like to get lunch or make a reservation?" Young girl dressed in white shirt and black vest greeted Brendan.

"Neither, actually. I would like to have a word with the manager, if that's alright."

"With Mr. Hutchinson?" Girl looked curious but remained professional. "If you wait just a moment I check if he's free. Who can I say is asking?"

"Mr. Brady." Brendan watched the girl make her way to the kitchen. Few minutes later she returned with a man who was wiping his hands in the apron.

"Mister Brady? I'm Tony Hutchinson, the owner. You wanted to see me?" They shook hands. Brendan estimated that Tony was few years older than he was, and his first impression of him was reliable. Good.

"Pleasure to meet you. I was hoping I could have talked with you in somewhere more private?"

"Yes, of course. I'm due to my break anyway. Would it be okay if we step outside so I can get a bit of a fresh air?"

"That's fine." Brendan let Tony show the way and followed him through the restaurant to the door which said "Staff only". Behind it was a short corridor with few other doors which seemed to lead to the office and cleaner's closet, and then there was another door leading to the back yard. It was small but cozy, there were few benches and a small table with an ash tray, and it looked like a place where the staff would come and have their breaks.

"So, Mister Brady, what it is that you wanted to talk about? I'm not in trouble, am I?" Tony said it jokingly but Brendan could tell his mind was thinking all the possible scenarios.

"Nothing like that, no. My name is Brendan Brady and I work for Steven Hay." He took out his business card and handed it to Tony. "He's hired me because of some nasty incident and I have been trying to figure out who would be behind it. I was wondering have you seen anything suspicious while Steven has been working here?"

"Ste? Having a problem?" Tony stared at the card with confusion. "No, there's been no troubles in here. Only thing I can think of is when there's people coming for dinner just because they know Ste works here and sometimes ask if he could come join them for a photo or something. It can be bit distracting for work but it also brings out some new customers to have a TV chef working here, you know." He let out a little laugh and got serious again. "Ste is a good lad. I don't know anyone who would want him any harm."

"No customers with a grudge from getting a raw chicken with their meal, then." Brendan said and for a second Tony looked almost outraged by the thought before realised that Brendan was joking. "How well do you know Steven outside work? Any ideas does he had some old enemies? Possessive ex's?"

"I've known Ste since he was a teenager. He's come long way from the lad I met first time. He used to have a rough life but it's all past now, since he started to work with me he's done nothing but improved himself. As for the ex's, I guess you know about Amy? She's hardly any danger to him."

Brendan nodded. "Yeah I've seen her. No one else then?"

"Well, there was Noah, but what I gathered he's the one who dumped Ste so I don't see why he would hold anything against him. But Ste didn't talk about him much, or any other...partners."

"I see." If Brendan remembered correctly the sports guy on the telly was called Noah, so the rumors about him and Steven dating had been true. He felt a rush of anger in his belly. "If you don't have any other idea which might help me to get in the bottom of this, I appreciate giving me a minute of your time."

"Honestly that's all I can think about. Ste is always so kind to everyone, any bad incident would be easy to remember." Tony took a step towards the door to lead Brendan back inside but stopped and looked at him frowning. "Is he in a deep trouble? He's never said anything to me, and I'm his mate. I would love to help him out."

Brendan could see the man really cared for Steven. It was good to see, Steven needed lot of supportive people in his life.

"Just some harassing which he asked me to check out, but so far it seems it's nothing more than online bully or something. I would appreciate if you'd keep this between us tho, just in case."

"Of course." Tony nodded and walked Brendan back through the corridor and restaurant to the front. "I hope I was at least some help, even tho I had not much information to give you."

"You have my card, give me a call if you remember anything else." They shook hands, said their goodbyes and Brendan walked back to his car. Everything was pointing more towards the fact that who ever it was sending these letters wasn't anyone who Steven was interacting daily. Just some lonely weirdo who had a fixation of Steven. Nothing to worry about too much.

::::::

Brendan had something to eat before driving back to Steven's street. His timing was lucky, he hadn't been parked longer than 10 minutes when his apartments door opened and the crew started to carry their gear back in the cars. Once they were all packed in and started to drive away Brendan dialed Steven's number.

He picked up straight away. "Hello?"

"Okay, Steven?" Brendan greeted. "I assume the photo shoot is done now? You free for a wee chat?"

"Um, yeah, I have nothing now."

"Good. Can you meet me in the cafe, the one down the road?" Brendan had visited the place several times during the past week and liked it, it was usually pretty quiet and would be perfect place for them to meet and talk.

"Now?" Steven sounded surprised.

"If you don't mind."

"I'm on my way."

Brendan walked to the cafe and tried to tone down the excitement he felt. Even when he had seen Steven every day and talked to him through the phone they hadn't met up since the first day, and having a coffee with him made Brendan uncomfortably giddy. Jesus, he was grown man, and acted like a teenager.

He got two coffees, loaded his own with three sugars but then realised he had no idea how Steven liked his. There was one thing he hadn't learned during this week. Brendan took the coffees to his usual table near the window, so he could keep an eye of the street and see when Steven would arrive. He didn't have to wait long, he had barely sat down when he saw Steven approaching. He was dressed up more smartly than he usually seemed to during his free time, but it must have been the clothing they had chosen from the photo shoot.

Brendan stood up when Steven got in, and wasn't sure did he want to shake his hand for being polite or to be able to touch Steven now when he was right in front of him. He was even more gorgeous than Brendan remembered, all high sharp cheek bones, big eyes and plump lips which seemed to demand Brendan's attention. He struggled to keep an eye contact instead.

When they had sat down Brendan offered Steven his coffee, and kept an eye when he went back to front to get what he needed to it. Splash of milk and two sugars.

"I'll remember that next time." Jesus, how obvious was he? He cleared his throat and took the conversation to other direction, asking Steven how he had been and had he been encountering anything suspicious. While listening to his replies Brendan found his gaze constantly drifting back to that mouth of his, the way he bit his bottom lip when he seemed nervous, or how he licked it every now and then. It was mesmerizing.

He wasn't that surprised when Steven told he wanted to quit his TV career. Boy really didn't seem like someone who was hungry for fame, like Anne was for example, he didn't push himself to every event where his picture could have been taken to the gossip section. Even judging by his show Steven really loved making food, but not so much making it in front of cameras. Brendan wondered how he had ended up there in the first place.

Brendan forced his thoughts back to the moment and explained Steven what he had come up with during the week and how he didn't see any point of him continuing following Steven around. His reactions to the news were quite surprising.

"You mean.. You don't want to go on working for me?" Boy looked sulky and offended, but also scared.

Brendan tried his best to explain the situation to Steven, but he still felt that the lad didn't like what he was hearing and it was confusing. Usually his clients were glad if Brendan had informed them that there was no real danger, but Steven acted like his world was ending.

"It's just, I have been feeling lot better this past week, when I have known you are watching over me."

That hit Brendan in the chest and he was desperate to make Steven understand how much this all meant to him. "Hey. Listen to me. I'm not abandoning you. I'm just saying what I think we should do now, in this particular situation. If it changes, if there's something new, then we rethink it, yeah? You can always, always call on me if you need to. Okay?" He had leaned closer over the table and could catch the scents of spices and herbs from Steven, just like before. This man was teasing all his senses, even his mancunian accent sounded sexy to him, but it was clear that Steven was too upset for Brendan to throw out any cheesy _Well now when I'm not technically working with you anymore how about we have a drink sometimes._ It would help his flirting a lot if Steven wasn't being pissed off to him, so he needed to let the lad to calm down.

Steven nodded his head and Brendan leaned back. "Good lad," he murmured and couldn't tear his eyes off Steven. It gave him hope that the boy wanted him to stick around, maybe he wouldn't think him as a old creep when he would finally suggest them to meet outside work.

"So, what now?" There was new tone on Steven's voice, he almost sounded cold and Brendan could sense his annoyance. He needed to thread carefully.

"Now, I'm gonna walk you home, and then you are going to think about what I have just said. I call you in the morning to see how you are, and how you want to continue this. Okay?" And in the morning, once Steven was hopefully more calm, Brendan could approach him with other subjects.

Steven rose up with haste and left the cafe without saying a word. Brendan trailed right behind him, and to his own surprised he liked Steven's annoyance. So far he had only seen Steven when he had been scared and unsure, or happy and playful with his kids, and it was good to see him to have this side too. Steven basically told him to fuck off with very polite way, but Brendan insisted to walk with the short distance back to his apartment. For one, he enjoyed seeing the way Steven's bottom lip was pouting, and for a while Brendan was able to imagine what it would be like to walk him back home after a real date.

He really wasn't recognizing himself anymore with all these thoughts.

Brendan watched Steven to scramble with his keys while trying to unlock the door to his flat. Once he succeeded Brendan wished him a goodnight and only got a grunt as a reply before Steven slammed the door shut. It made Brendan let out a laugh; the lad really was acting like a sulky schoolboy but somehow it just made Brendan's dick throb even more eagerly. He was already looking forward to call him in the morning and being able to talk to him again.

::::::

The noise was waking him up. It took him a second to realise it was his phone, and he was squinting the dark, trying to locate it based of the sound and the screen which had been lighten up. After a few attempts to grab it from the nightstand he finally managed and there was Steven's name flashing on the screen. He answered.

"Steven?"

"Brendan. I need you." It was nothing more than a sob and Brendan was instantly awake, scrambling off the bed. Something had happened, something bad.

"I'm coming." He didn't stop to search clothing, just ran out from his room and downstairs clutching the phone to his ear. "Steven, what is it, what's happened?"

There was just sounds of Steven crying and gulping for breath between his sobs. Brendan grabbed the keys to his car and to the apartment from the bowl near the door, slid the first pair of shoes in to his feet and ran out from the apartment to his car.

"You need to tell me Steven, where are you? Are you at home? Steven?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm home. Brendan, please."

"I'm on my way." He strapped the seat belt and start the car, juggled the phone between his ear and shoulder while made his way to Steven's place. "Can you hear the engine? I''ll be there soon. You need to talk to me, Steven. Tell me what happened."

"There was... A noise. He was here. Brendan, he was here."

Jesus. Brendan's heart was racing. He was an idiot, such a fucking idiot. Just hours ago he had told Steven there's nothing to be worried about and now the boy was panicking and crying because something bad had happened. It was like Vincent all over again. How could he have been so blinded by his own lust? He pushed the accelerator and cursed how slowly he still seemed to move when Steven needed him.

"I'm almost there, just... He's not there anymore, is he? Are you okay?"

"No, he's... But there's... Please be quick."

His sobs were dying down, which hopefully meant that Steven was starting to calm down and that there was no direct threat to him now. Brendan still speed up and was glad the streets were almost empty during that time of the night. He kept the line open and kept murmuring calming things, _It will be alright, I'm almost there, Just keep talking to me, Steven_ , and he wasn't sure was it more to calm Steven down or to himself. Few minutes later Brendan parked right in front of Steven's apartment and ran up the stairs.

"Steven? Steven, it's me, it's Brendan. It's okay, let me in, it's Brendan." He pounded the door with his fist. It seemed it took forever until he heard someone walking to the door and unlock it.

Steven looked small like a child in his pajamas, his face pale and kinda blank, like he hardly could see Brendan at all. Brendan couldn't help himself and took a hold of his face, stoked his thumbs on those cheekbones and tried to make Steven focus on him.

"Are you okay? Steven, what's happened?"

Steven turned and pointed to the hallway. There was a box on the floor, bit smaller than a regular shoe box, and there was something else too, spread out like the box had been dropped. It was little pieces of something, something that looked like meat.

"Jesus. Alright, Steven, come here." He wrapped his arm around Steven and guided him inside the apartment. It was the first time he had been there, and the first door from the hall lead to large room which seemed to be combined kitchen and living space, bit like what they had in Cheryl's place. There was two large sofas in the other side of the room and Brendan lead Steven to sat on the other one.

"You okay? I get you something to drink, okay? Sit here."

Steven seemed like he hardly even heard him, but made a small nod. Brendan stroked his cheek one more time before going to the kitchen area. All the tools and machinery was neatly on their places, and he grabbed the electric kettle, filled it with water and turned it on. He made a few guesses with the cupboards before locating the one with coffee and several different brands of teas in it. He chose one in random, at this point the main thing was to get something warm inside Steven.

While the water was boiling Brendan returned to the hall and took a closer look the things on the floor. He could spot little legs and parts of entrails, and even the rat's head had been neatly cut in two from the middle. There was a note too, and Brendan carefully held it from one corner not to leave prints all over it, and read the message inside.

He had been so stupid indeed. The stalker had been watching them. He had seen Brendan walk Steven home and it had caused this violent reaction, changed his behavior from just letters to something worse.

This was all Brendan's fault, he had put Steven in danger. Just like he did with Vincent.

He stood up, fished out his phone from his pocket and called the police. While he was talking to them and giving the information he made Steven the cup of tea and took it to him, and because the lad had barely moved since he left him there Brendan took a blanket from the other sofa and wrapped it around him. The police were quick to arrive and Brendan went to open the door for them.

The other officer started to take pictures and Brendan told him where he had been touching and where his prints would be. Then he returned to look how Steven was doing, when the the younger officer was asking questions from him.

It seemed like the tea had helped Steven to calm down and come back to himself a little. He still looked pale, and tired, but at least he was answering the questions which was more than what Brendan had got out of him.

He was feeling sick from the stomach thinking how his behavior had caused this. He had been so driven by his own selfishness to speed up closing the case that Steven had to suffer from it.

Not anymore. Steven was all that mattered, and what Steven needed from him was for Brendan to protect him until that insane bastard had been caught. Brendan wouldn't let anything harm him, or leave the lad out of his sight for a second from now on.

"He's been having these letters for a while now, but this is something new. There's a security cameras near the door, if you want to see the footage." Brendan said to the officer when it seemed like Steven was getting tired of talking.

Officer turned his attention to Brendan. "And you are?"

"Brendan Brady." Without even realising he had made his way in front of Steven, as to shield him from what ever might come to his way. He might have not been able to keep Vincent safe, but he wouldn't let anything happen to Steven, not as long as there was any breath left in him. "I'm mister Hay's bodyguard."


	3. Chapter 3

For a second after waking up Ste thought it was all just a bad dream, but then the memories hit him hard. His head was groggy from the panic and crying and not sleeping properly. He was actually surprised he had slept at all after what had happened, but the exhaustion must had taken over eventually.

It was morning now, still early judging from the light coming through the window, but Ste knew he couldn't sleep any more. He slid off the bed, took his dressing gown hanging from the closet door and put it on. It made him feel warm, and bit safer.

He had left the bedroom door open and he could hear movements from the kitchen and lounge area. That was another reason what made him feel safe.

Ste felt almost shy in his own home when he sneaked to the doorway and saw Brendan moving around, setting up cups and plates.

"Hiya."

Brendan turned to look at him and the softness on his eyes made Ste's heart jump. "Morning. Thought I make you a cup of coffee, hope you don't mind me going through your kitchen. It's all I've touched, I promise."

"No, it's fine." Ste walked to him and leaned to the island which separated what he called the kitchen from rest of the room. "Did you sleep alright?" Brendan had stayed on the same couch he had sat Ste on, and even when it was long and wide enough Ste felt ashamed he hadn't thought about the quest room upstairs. Must have been the shock.

"Well enough. How about you, did you get any rest?"

Ste's thoughts returned to what had happened. The fear, the rat. How Brendan has arrived, then the police. The questions which seemed to go on forever. How Brendan had showed them the tapes from security camera but Ste didn't want to see what was on them. How once the police finally left Brendan had told Ste to get into bed and started to clean up the mess from the floor.

"Where did you put it?" He asked and his voice sounded small even to his own ears. "The rat." He continued when Brendan frowned while pouring the coffee on the mugs.

"In the bin. Couldn't take it out tho, because I didn't have the keys. I'll take it now when you are up and can let me back in." Brendan already made a move towards the cupboard Ste had his trashes in.

"No, don't, it can wait. Have your coffee, please. And something to eat, I should have some toast at least." Ste moved past him to pick up stuff for sandwiches out from the fridge and started to throw things needed in the island while going through his cupboards. "Or cereals, if you'd rather.. Or I can defrost some bagels I have in the freezer, or -"

"Steven. Stop." Brendan placed his hand on Ste's arm, stopping him from pulling more stuff out from the cupboards. "It's alright."

Ste hadn't noticed he was shaking before Brendan touched him. He swallowed and leaned all his weight on the counter. Wave after wave of anxiety and dread pushed over him and he did his best to breath through it, until all he could feel was Brendan's hand stroking his arm. When he quickly glanced at him Brendan was standing close, his heat radiating to Ste and his eyes were so full of concern Ste had to look away.

"Alright? Come, you need to eat. We need to go into police station later on and you need energy for that." Brendan returned to the island and started to butter two pieces of the toast and loaded them with ham and salad, set them on a plate and handed it to Ste. "Take your coffee and go sit down."

Ste did what he told and went to sit on the table. Brendan made himself a sandwich too and joined him. For a while they both sat quietly, eating and drinking.

"You have a nice house." Brendan finally broke the silence.

"Ta. Bit big. For just me." Ste didn't want Brendan to think he was someone who'd spend their money for things that they really didn't need. "When I was looking a place to live I thought.. I hoped, the kids, you know, they could move with me, and Amy as well."

"Why didn't they?" Brendan was looking at him curiously but his tone was also careful, like he was worrying for asking too much.

"Amy was worried about them being exposed too much. Because of me being in a telly. And she got scared when I was on the gossip sections on magazines for a while. " He smiled sadly. "I understand her, I really do, but I always thought how I'd like to make lot of money so I could buy a nice place for my kids and now... When it's just me it feels so empty." Ste stared the remains of his breakfast. "I sound like a proper saddo, don't I? Poor rich boy, eh."

"I don't think that. It's natural to want your kids with you." Something in Brendan's voice made Ste look at him. "I miss my boys every day."

"You have kids?" Ste's heart sank. So he was straight.

"Two boys. Live with their ma in Ireland." Brendan cleared his throat and took a swing of his mug. The subject was clearly painful for him. "I'm just saying, I have seen you with your little ones. You are a great dad. You got a place thinking about them. Of course it's natural to wish they would actually be around here."

"Thanks. Anyways, now I'm glad they don't live here, because of the..."

"About that... Steven, I'm sorry." There was flash of something like pain on Brendan's face before he composed himself and became serious and professional. "What happened was my fault, and I take full responsibility of it. I understand if you feel like you can't work with me anymore, and I'll make sure to help you find the best security there is."

"Your fault? How?" Ste didn't understand. And what was that about him not wanting Brendan around anymore. "Why you say this?"

"Because of the note, Steven. He saw us. It was my job to estimate the threat and I made a mistake. I thought it was nothing more than random letters but it's something more serious and it's because of my wrong evaluation why this happened. And I'm sorry for that."

"No." Ste shake his head like it would have make Brendan's words to disappear. "It's not your fault, is it. I mean, it would have happened eventually, wouldn't it? If he's out there.. If he's watching me he would have seen me with someone sooner or later and then this would have happened anyway. And I'm glad it happened now when you are around."

There had been a flash of something dark in Brendan's eyes when Ste mentioned about the stalker seeing him with someone, but now he looked almost hopeful. "What do you mean?"

 _He's hoping I'm not going to fire him_ , Ste thought, and it was the last thing he would do. "Because you are here to make it better, aren't you? You came when I called and made me feel safe."

Brendan nodded. "Okay."

They fell into a silence for a while until Ste carefully asked "So you don't want to quit, then?"

"If you want to keep me around, then no."

They looked at one another and something passed between them. Ste wasn't sure what it was, but it reassured him. Brendan would be there for him, as long as he needed.

"Is it gonna be like, around clock protection now?"

"I think it would be wise. At least for now. The guy is agitated, and if he sees me around it might make him move forward and easier to catch."

"Okay." Ste nodded. "You are going to stay here, then?"

"Or I can arrange something with Joel, us taking turns, staying outside during night watching over the apartment."

"No." Ste said quickly. He hated the idea of Brendan spending a night in a car. "I have a spear room upstairs. It would make me feel better if you'd stay in the house."

Brendan nodded. "I need to go back to my place to get more stuff. I'm not exactly well prepared." He gestured his clothing. He didn't even have socks on, and Ste felt guilty for making Brendan rush to him, but he was also feeling a panic rising inside him.

"Can't someone bring them to you? Do you have to go?"

"It would only be a short moment, an hour, tops. You could lock the doors and stay inside, I'll be back soon."

"No. No." Ste was shaking his head. He was aware how fast his breath was and how unreasonable he was being, but the fear hit him hard soon as he thought about Brendan walking out from that door. "Can't I come with you? Please? I don't want to stay here alone."

"Steven, breathe. It's alright." Brendan's voice was calm and he placed his hand on Ste's shoulder. "Of course you can come with me."

Ste managed to smile at him. The warm touch and the way Brendan was looking at him made him feel more secure. "Thank you. When do you wanna go?"

"Finish your breakfast, then we'll go. Can't go into police station with my feet bare, can I?"

::::::

After Steven had gulped down rest of his coffee and changed his clothes they head out. Brendan took the trash with him and threw it in the bin outside, while Steven was hovering next to him like he didn't want to get close to the bin bag, but didn't want to be too far from Brendan either. Once they got into Brendan's car he looked breathless, as if the short walk from the front door to where the car was parked had been a massive task.

"You okay?" Brendan asked because the boy still looked pale, and he almost again suggested that Ste would stay home instead, but Steven nodded and shoot him with a steady gaze like he knew what Brendan was thinking. "Good." Brendan start the car.

The further they drove from the apartment the relaxed Steven seemed to get. He sat more straight in his seat and looked more curious while watching the streets they drove on. They were mostly silent apart from few times one of them commented something they saw, but it wasn't awkward, and Brendan felt Steven needed this to calm down. He still wasn't sure how he was going to be once they'd go into police station for their statement, but one step at the time.

Once they reached Brendan's neighborhood he glanced at Steven. "Just to warn you, Steven, but Cheryl might be at home." She probably was, it was early Saturday morning still, and she liked her lazy weekends.

"Cheryl?" for a second Steven frowned and looked almost hostile, until the expression changed with his aha-moment. "Your sister."

"Yeah. She's nice, but she can get bit.. Excited. Specially for you being a TV star." Brendan was already cringing by the thought of all the things she might be saying once she met Steven. "If you want, you can wait in the car, I shouldn't take too long."

"No. I mean, if it's okay with you I'd rather..." Brendan had noticed from the first time they met how Steven liked to play with his sleeve if he was nervous and he was doing it again.

"Of course." He cut in before Steven had to finish his sentence. "Just know you have been warned, yeah?" He smiled at Steven to make sure he knew it was a joke and Steven returned one back to him.

He parked the car on his spot. "Ready?" and when Steven nodded they got out and slowly walked on the stairs and up to the door. Brendan opened it with his keys and stepped in. "Chez? Are you home?"

"Bren?" her voice came from upstairs and there was a sound of her steps when she was coming down. "Are you okay love, I heard you going out in the middle of the night and.." she had emerged on the stairs and spotted Steven standing awkwardly behind Brendan. "Oh, hi."

"Cheryl, this is Steven, he's my client. Steven, this is my sister Cheryl." Brendan made the introductions. Cheryl took the few last step to meet them at the bottom of the steps and she and Steven shook hands. Brendan could see confusion and questions in her eyes – he never brought the clients back home with him. "I'm going to stay with his place for a while now. Just came in to collect some stuff I need."

"Okay." Cheryl's eyes went between Brendan and Steven. "Steven, would you like some tea while Bren gets his stuff together?"

"That would be lovely, ta. And it's just Ste." Steven spoke the first time and it was like someone had put on a light on Cheryl's face.

"Oh my God! You're Chef Ste! I'm so sorry I didn't recognize you, I should have, Bren watches your show all the time!"

"Chez!" Brendan barked and she at least had the decency to look sorry. He felt hot with same and his quick glance towards Steven showed the lad looking at him surprised. "Okay, Steven, just give me a minute and I get my stuff together so we can go."

"Oh you take your time, I'll keep him company, isn't that right love. " She pushed past Brendan and took hold of Steven's arm, starting to guide him towards the kitchen. "Maybe you could give me some tips with my cooking, I'm awful, ask Bren, he'll tell you all about my foods..." and on and on she went. Steven threw a look for Brendan while he was being steered away but he didn't seem to be panicking. Not yet at least, but Brendan knew what Cheryl could be like.

He didn't even want to imagine what Cheryl would be blabbing on Steven, so he quickly run upstairs and started to back his bags so they could leave soon as possible.

::::::

Cheryl sat Ste on a chair by the table, put the kettle on and collected cups while constantly talking about some dish he wanted to do for her boyfriend. Ste had always thought Brendan was overpowering; his size, his presence, it seemed to demand all the attention to be in him even when he wasn't much of a talker. The way Cheryl took her space was completely different. Her coloring was lighter than Brendan's and it was hard to see any resemblance between them. Despite it being early morning she was dressed up in colorful clothes, turquoise top with low cleavage which was hard to miss even when Ste was gay, a very short black skirt and a massive necklace with "Cheryl" written on it. She was moving and talking constantly, and already chatting to him like they had known each other for years.

"So, Ste," she placed a cup of tea in front of him and sat next to him in a chair holding her own mug. "How did you and our Bren meet?" She was smiling so widely that Ste wasn't sure had she missed the fact that he was Brendan's client.

"Mitzeee introduced us." He explained and Cheryl's face did drop a bit with the name. "I asked her help for my... problem and she said Brendan could help."

"She used to be all over Bren, that one, let me tell you. Thank God she's not our Bren's type." She let out a laugh and Ste felt like she expected him to join in, but he just took a sip of his tea. It was hot and he almost burnt his tongue. "She works on the same station than you, doesn't she, that's how Bren knows you, she's always bugging him to watch her gossip bits but he's more interested about food as always." She gave him a little nudge and beamed at him.

"Really?" Ste's mind was buzzing. How he hadn't thought about that before. Of course Brendan would have been watching the morning show for Mitzeee and seen him too. The thought of Brendan seeing him stumble on words and looking like an idiot in front of a camera made him feel embarrassed. He never liked it when people he knew watched him on screen.

"Isn't it funny how he ended up working with you after being a big fan?" Then she, thankfully, turned more serious. "But if he's working for you then you must be in some sort of trouble. I'm sorry for that, you seen such a sweet guy."

"Ta. It's just some... Eager fan." Ste wasn't sure how much he wanted her to know. She seemed nice, but also someone who talked way too easily past her mouth. "Brendan has been very good tho, making me feel safe and all."

"That's our Bren, always looking after others. He's had his troubles, bless him, but he's come through them and turned his life around."

Ste was so curious to hear more, and it seemed it would have been easy to make Cheryl talk about her brother. He was taking another sip of his tea and tried to decide should he ask something to prompt her go on, but it seemed he didn't need to.

"Being so far away from his boys is hard for him, you know, but fresh start was all he needed after... And he has so much going on here now, and he's not alone like he used to, with me and Nate close by, and his friends." She gave him a wide smile again, like Ste was one of those friends and not just a client. "Oh gosh, here I am, going on and on. It's just so exciting, to think how you two met, like in a movies, you know."

"You ladies done with the gossiping?" Brendan's voice made Ste jump and almost spat his tea out. He was annoyed how silently Brendan could move but when he turned to look at him his annoyance turned to lust instead.

He had changed and was now wearing a very dark blue shirt, tight as his every clothing seemed to be, and dark jeans. He had combed his hair and looked more control of the situation. He was hot as fuck, but there was also a part of Ste which missed the casual, more relaxed Brendan he had seen in his kitchen this morning.

"I was just talking with Ste how you two met." Cheryl explained and for those two seconds Ste had been staring at Brendan he had almost forgot she existed. "It's a good thing you share a mutual friend who could bring you together."

"Mitzeee thought I could help Steven, and I'm doing best I can to do so. Steven, you ready?" It seemed like Brendan wanted to leave fast as possible.

"Yeah, I am." He turned to Cheryl. "Thanks for the tea. It was nice to meet you."

"You too, sweetie. I'd wish you didn't have to go so soon, are you sure you don't have time for another cuppa?" She had risen up from her seat same time with Ste and followed them to the door. Ste saw a massive luggage waiting there.

"We can't Chez, there's... Steven has a place to be."

For a second Ste thought it was just and excuse for Brendan to get out and stop Cheryl telling Ste things, but when Brendan gave him a steady look he remembered the police station and his heart sank. "That's right. I'm sorry, Cheryl, maybe some other time."

"I'm gonna hold on to that, you still need to give me some cooking tips one day." She smiled at him and then gave Brendan a kiss on his cheek. "Bye Bren, call me, please?" Her brother gave her a nod and started to guide Ste out from the front door. "Take care, Ste."

"Bye." Ste said over his shoulder while being pushed by Brendan to keep on moving. When they reached the stairs down the streets Ste couldn't help but notice how Brendan carried the suitcase down like it weighed nothing. "You were quick to pack." He said just to break the awkward tension between them.

"I always have some stuff ready in case I need to travel quickly. I just threw in some extra stuff and was ready to go." Brendan popped the car boot open and stuffed the suitcase in. "So what do you wanna do, Steven? Go back to yours at first, or straight to the station?"

"Station, I think." He'd had to face it sometime and the sooner the better. "Lets get that over with."

::::::

They were silent the whole drive to the station, but it wasn't the same comfortable silence they'd had before. Brendan hadn't heard the whole conversation between Cheryl and Steven, but he knew his sister and how much she liked to talk, and Steven seemed guilty like he'd been caught on something he knew he shouldn't have been doing. While driving Brendan tried to guess how much Cheryl had told him while Brendan wasn't there to shut her up. He had tried to be quick with his packing and changing his clothes, but he worried he hadn't been quick enough.

He hated to think how Cheryl could have made him sound, but was too nervous to ask what exactly they had talked about. How would one start that conversation? _Hey did Cheryl mention my dead boyfriend Vinnie?_ So Brendan didn't say anything and Steven seemed just as willing to sit in the silence instead.

It wasn't until Brendan parked near the police station when he turned to Steven. "It's going to be alright, Steven, they probably just want to go over your statement from last night now when you had time to rest, and show you the tape."

Steven nodded but still looked nervous when he got out the car and they walked inside the station.

Brendan gave in their names on the desk and they waited for a while in the hall until they were called by a young man. He offered his hands for them.

"Good day, I'm DC Ethan Scott. If you'd follow me please."

DC Scott lead them into a room with a table and few chairs. He sat on one side and Steven and Brendan on the other. It was like Brendan had thought, he went over the papers he had with him, read out Steven's statement and asked more questions about how the harassment had started. Steven answered calmly and clearly despite being so nervous, making Brendan very proud of him. When DC Scott turned his attention to Brendan he could sense Steven relaxing next to him. Brendan answered the questions of how Steven had come into him, how long he had worked for him, what leads he might have gathered. The detective seemed professional even when he was younger than Brendan, but he also didn't seem very invested on the situation, like it was just another job between many cases. The thought surprised Brendan – not everyone was as involved and worried about Steven's safety as he was.

When detective started to fiddle with the laptop on the table Steven sat more upright and Brendan could sense the anxiety radiating from him.

"Now, I'm going to show you what's captured in your security system, and I want you to tell me if you recognise this person in it." DC Scott turned the laptop facing them.

"It's alright." Brendan said laying his hand on Steven's tight and quickly removing it when something like electric shock went through the lad. "He can't hurt you through the video."

Steven gave a nervous nod and DC Scott pressed play.

The picture was dark because of the night time, but the street lamps gave just enough light so they could see a person quickly approaching. They were dressed on dark clothes, jacket with hood up covering their face and black gloves on. They run up the stairs to Stevens door and carefully placed the box behind the door. Then it seemed like they did something to the door, and then Brendan realised they were probably knocking or making some kind of sound which must have been what Steven heard. Then the person turned around and walked away as quickly as they had arrived.

Steven looked like he might throw up.

"There's nothing else on the tape which might be considered unusual, not until Mr. Brady arrives 18 minutes later. Do you have any idea who this man on the tape might be?"

Brendan followed Steven's expressions, hoping to see some kind of recognition, but Steven shook his head.

"No."

"Are you absolutely sure? I know it's a dark footage, but is there anything, any movement, which might tell you who this man is?" DC Scott started to play the video again.

"No." Steven shook his head again and turned his gaze away from the screen. "Are you sure it even is a man?"

"We are pretty certain this individual is a male, or they are a very tall woman. We compared his height on Mr. Brady when he appears and this person seems to be same height or maybe even slightly taller than him." DC Scott threw a look towards Brendan as to size him up. "No ideas, then?"

"No." Steven said the third time. "Can I go now?"

"If you have nothing else you think I should know, then of course. Here's my card, if you remember anything else or something happens, you can contact me directly. In the mean time, we have informed the TV station you work for that they should tighten up the security around the building, just in case."

"Ta." Steven took the card and nudged Brendan's arm. "I want to go."

DC Scott walked them to the door and then returned to his papers, his mind probably already on some another case. Steven walked so quickly through the corridor to the exit of the building that Brendan had troubles to stay in his speed even with his longer legs. When Steven finally reached the outdoors he let out a massive exhale and bend over to breathe. Brendan realised he had rushed because he didn't want to be seen getting the anxiety attack inside.

"Sit down. Here, on the steps, that's a good lad." He sat next to him giving him space, but still close enough if Steven needed the contact. You always couldn't tell with people what would help them the best in this situations. For a few minutes Steven hold his head on his knees and breathed in and out loudly, trying to steady his breath. Finally he turned his head so he could look at Brendan. "Alright?" Brendan asked and he gave a small nod.

"I just _can't stand_ that this person was behind my door. It's _my_ home, I should be safe there." Steven sounded tired. "Seeing him there, on me doorstep, it just... It's scary."

"I know. It's going to be better, now." Brendan carefully placed his hand on Steven's back and gave a little rub on those tense muscles.

"Yeah, 'cause you'll be there." Steven said. Then his face turned lovely shade of red and he quickly stood up and started to walk towards the car. Brendan slowly followed him and couldn't help himself enjoying the view of Steven's arse in front of him. He was only human, after all.

Once he had unlocked the doors and they had sat back inside a thought came into him. "Steven, aren't you supposed to work at Tony's tonight?"

"Shit." Steven rubbed his eyes. "I completely forgot. What time is it now?"

"Around noon. We had a early morning."

"Yeah, it feels like I have been up for hours."

"You could call Tony and say you are ill, you need some rest after everything." Brendan had begin to drive back to Steven's place. Peace and quiet, that's what the lad needed.

"No, I can't, he won't get anyone to cover me in such short notice. I can't leave him in trouble, Brendan. No, you know what, I have enough time for a nap before I need to be in and then I'm fine." Steven looked determined when Brendan glanced at him.

"Yeah? Are you sure? This has been quite a 12 hours you've had."

"I'm fine. I just can't let that psycho affect on my life, can I?" Steven looked like he made up his mind but there was also a hint of fear in his eyes. "I mean.. You are going to come with me, yeah?"

"As long as I don't have to cook anything." Brendan said and that got a smile out from Steven. "There's a place where I can be without being on the way?"

"The bar, yeah, you can sit there. It'll be dead boring for you though." There was worry on Steven's voice again.

"Hey, just focus on you. I've done this a long time Steven, I know what my job is like. I don't want you to worry about me, okay?"

He pulled in a free space next to Steven's apartment. If there was some resentment form Steven to get back into the place after seeing a video of a guy sneaking around it, he didn't show it, but instead let them in. Brendan set his suit case in the hall and for a while they both stood there bit awkwardly.

"I don't... How does this usually work?" Steven asked.

"It depends." Brendan shrugged. "Usually my clients might want me around for some event if they feel they need someone to look after them. Most of them have something like violent ex's or court cases coming up and they want someone to look at their back while going through that time. To be honest, in most of my cases I know when I go in how long I'm going to stay and they have a room arranged and so on. So, I guess we just have to see how this one goes."

Brendan watched how Stevens adam's apple moved when he swallowed. Then he nodded his head towards the stairs. "There's a spare room upstairs. Let me show you."

Brendan took his suitcase and followed Steven up. He showed him the bathroom with a tub in it, and the kids room which had two small beds and lot of colorful decoration. It was clear how much Steven would have wanted the kids with him.

"You can sleep here. The closet should have.. yes, there's some clean sheets, towels and stuff in here." Steven pulled some out and placed them on the bed. "It's not big but I hope it's okay." He said while looking around. Alongside with the bed and the closet there was only a small nightstand. It seemed Steven didn't have many guests staying over, because the room lacked the same personality Brendan had seen downstairs.

"It'll do fine. Thank you, Steven."

"Right. I'll let you settle in. Please make yourself at home and use the kitchen and what ever you need. I don't want you to stay stuck in here." Steven made his way to leave but turned back from the door. "Brendan? Do you think I should tell Amy?"

Brendan had lift his suitcase on the bed, opened it and started to get his shirts in the closet. He paused to look at Steven. "It's not me to decide. But yes, I think she should know, in case something happens again."

"What if she thinks it's not safe for me to see the kids?" The thought seemed to terrify Steven more than anything.

"I think who ever is following you already knows about them. So there would be no point trying to avoid them. But that's my opinion. She's the mother and can choose what she feels is the best for her kids. What I think is, the sooner she knows the better, so it doesn't feel like you have been hiding things from her."

Steven didn't look reassured but managed to give him a small smile. "I'm gonna take a nap now, yeah, so I see you in few hours, okay?" And before Brendan had the chance to reply he was gone.

::::::

Ste had been sure he wouldn't be able to sleep because he was so wired up, but he lied down on his bed anyway hoping that just staying still would make him feel more energized afterwards. He had heard Brendan's movements through the floorboards when he moved around his room and then to bathroom, and Ste tried to imagine what he was doing based on the sounds. Last night he had still been in shock, but now he felt safe and comfortable hearing the noises and knowing Brendan was so close to him. It was that though which had made him close his eyes just for a second, and ending up falling asleep.

He woke up later on with the low sound of music coming from the kitchen. He checked the time from his cellphone and it was alright, he hadn't overslept and still had time for a shower before heading to work. He had a long stretch and felt better than he had in the whole day. There was a small en-suite bathroom connected to his room, and he was in and out from the shower in ten minutes but still felt like he'd been refreshed enough to face the world again.

It was still weird to walk in the lounge and kitchen area to find someone else in there. Brendan had opened the radio and was sitting by the table with his laptop. He looked up when Ste entered the room.

"Did I wake you?" and when Ste shook his head Brendan pointed the fridge door where were lot of notes hanging by magnets. "Hope you don't mind that I borrowed the wifi password." It was written down in a massive yellow post it, so it wasn't very hard to miss.

"Of course not, I'm sorry I didn't think about it myself. Have you eaten anything? Oh God, I'm sorry I should have made you something." Ste felt embarrassed and was ready to start cook something straight away but Brendan lift up an empty plate next to him.

"Had another sandwich. It's okay Steven, you've had a lot on your mind."

"It's not okay to leave you starving whole day, is it. I'll make you something when I get to work, yeah, so you can at least eat while you wait me to finish. Actually, now when I think of it..." He went to one of the cupboards where he kept his random stuff, found what he looked for and went to hand it to Brendan. "Spare keys."

"I'll be staying with you, so I won't need a set, won't I?" Brendan said but Ste firmly placed the key to his hand. "Thank you, Steven."

"Just in case." Amy naturally had one set of spare keys, but Brendan was the only one after her who'd had a key to his place. "Anyways, do you mind if we go to Tony's early, I think I need to explain what's going on to him."

"Not at all. Actually, I have been meaning to tell you." Brendan posed himself and Ste was suddenly nervous what he was going to say. "I went to see Tony yesterday. Just to ask some questions but still. I'm sorry, I should have asked you first if it's okay."

That's all? "It's fine. I'm actually bit relieved." Ste smiled how surprised Brendan looked at his reaction. "I mean, now I don't have to drop the bomb to him, if he's already heard some of this from you."

"Yeah? Well I'm glad you're feeling that way." Brendan closed the laptop and stood up. "Are you ready to go? After you, then."

::::::

Steven showed him where to park the car, behind the restaurant where was a small empty space where staff seemed to keep their vehicles. Brendan wasn't sure should he follow Steven inside from the staff door, but the lad insisted, so he walked after him inside. They were met in sounds and rush from the busy restaurant, Steven shouted out his greetings with his colleagues who were working on the earlier shift, and even when Brendan got some curious looks no one asked who he was and what he did there.

Steven lead Brendan past the kitchen to the restaurant side and towards the small bar they had there for guests waiting for table or who just popped in for a quick drink.

"Right, this might be more comfortable for you than our tiny dressing room at back. I'm gonna go and find Tony before my shift starts, but I'll make you something to eat soon as I can. What would you like? Are you vegetarian of something?"

"Do I look like a vegetarian?" Brendan let out a laugh. Steven looked bashful.

"Well you can't know these days, can you, I have seen vegans who are..." He made a wage gesture towards Brendan's arms.

"Well I'm not one of those guys, no matter how much my oldest boy wishes me to be. Declan, see, he's just eating those rabbit foods."

"Okay, I got your point. Nothing vegan, then." Steven nodded like he made a mental note. "Rhys?" He called the man serving behind the bar. "Brendan here, he's my guest, so anything he wants, put it on me."

"Sure thing, Ste." Man looked few years older than Steven and gave Brendan a nod before went to serve another customer.

"You sure you are okay back there?" Brendan felt weirdly uncomfortable to let Steven out from his sight.

"I'll doubt there's anyone hiding behind pots and pans, is there. Besides, you would just be in the way with the size of you, it's a tight space we have in there."

Brendan smiled at the joke and well enough, Steven seemed much more confident and relaxed inside the restaurant. He clearly enjoyed being in this environment. Steven gave him a one last look and then disappeared in the back.

"What would you like, then?" The guy, Rhys, asked, and Brendan asked for a pint of Guinness. He was driving, but it was hours till the closing time so having one or two now wouldn't hurt.

He tried to see Steven from the opening to the kitchen, but it was a long time before he managed to catch a glimpse of him. He had changed his clothes to similar black uniform everyone in the kitchen seemed to wear, and he was moving fast while preparing his dishes so it was hard to keep an eye of him. It wasn't long after that when the same young girl who Brendan had spoken in the first time came to him with a steaming plate.

"Brendan? Ste asked to bring you this." She placed the plate in front of him on the desk and disappeared to serve other people, leaving Brendan to his food.

It was a steak, left raw in the middle just like Brendan liked it and with it was lot of steamed vegetables, roasted potatoes and some sort of dressing. He wolfed it down pretty fast – he was hungry and it was good, seasoned to perfection and everything was just on point. All those times when Brendan had watched Steven on the TV he had imagined how his food would taste like, and now he knew the boy truly was a talent in the kitchen. That didn't help with the desire Brendan was already feeling towards him.

After that he passed the time watching over the other customers, trying to guess their age and occupation, a little game of his he often played while during a case. He had another pint, but after that he switched to soda, even tho he was craving for a whiskey. He had packed a bottle with him and he would have one as a night cap soon as he'd got Steven home safely.

Few hours before closing Tony came to find him. After they had shook hands Tony lowered his voice so no one could heard their conversation.

"I talked to Ste earlier, he explained what had happened. Let me tell you, I'm as surprised as I was yesterday when you came to see me. How someone could do something like that to a lad like Ste?" he shook his head.

"World is full of creeps, I'm sad to say. I have met many during my career."

"God, yes, I bet you have. Actually, I came to ask, there are few fans in tonight, who would like to meet Ste for a photo and stuff, do you think it's safe?"

Brendan asked Tony to point them out, and it was a group of middle aged ladies. He almost laughed but he was touched by Tony's concern.

"I can't see any of them pulling out dead rats out of their purses." He joked and Tony laughed too, although he did look bit embarrassed.

"Well I just wanted to ask professionals opinion. I go tell Ste, then."

About fifteen minutes later Steven came out carrying the desserts for the group himself. They were too far for Brendan to hear their conversation over the chatting of the other guests, but Steven was smiling and talking to the ladies, who seemed very excited to meet him. One of them pulled out her phone and they took turns to pose with Steven. After that Steven started to make his way back to kitchen, but his eyes swept over the bar until he spot Brendan. He grinned at him and those few seconds before he vanished behind the staff door Brendan felt like the rest of the world disappeared.

The serving stopped half an hour before closing time, and by the time lasts of the customers were out it seemed like most of the cleaning had been done. Brendan made his way through the staff door and stood awkwardly around in the corridor while the staff moved around him. Finally Steven appeared from the dressing room in his regular clothes, yawning. There were shouts of good night around the group when they made their ways outside, some picking up their bicycles, some getting in their cars. Steven yawned again when they had sat into Brendan's car and started to make their way back to Steven's place.

"I'm so tired. But it was nice. It was busy so I had no time to think." Steven was leaning his head against the window and watching Brendan. "Were you dead bored? Did you like the food?"

"It was delicious, thank you. How'd you know how I like my meat?"

"Lucky guess." Steven said with a soft smile. "Did it match the expectation after the show?"

Brendan almost blushed. Almost. "Look, Steven -"

"I'm just teasing. I should have known you've seen the show because of Mitz. I was just surprised that you didn't mention it."

"Didn't want to embarrass you." Brendan said and hoped Steven didn't hear the strain in his voice. Neither of them said anything after that, but thankfully it wasn't a long drive.

Steven let them in, and Brendan made sure the door was locked and all the security systems were on. Then they both stood awkwardly on the hall again before Steven nodded his head towards his bedroom.

"I'm just gonna go straight to bed, it's been a long day and all. You can still watch telly downstairs if you want though, or have a snack or something."

"I'm good. I think I'm going to get some sleep too." Steven wasn't only one who was exhausted. "Good night, Steven."

He watched Steven make his way to his room and once he had closed the door of his bedroom Brendan climbed up to second floor. He was too tired for that night cap, so instead he just brushed his teeth and went to the guest room. Brendan stripped off his shirt and jeans, changed into T-shirt and trackies again in case he had to get up quickly. He usually slept nude or in his boxers, and it had been a rare occasion last night for him to have anything on him when Steven called him middle of the night. In that panic he probably would't had stop to dress up and would have driven to Steven's place naked.

Brendan slid into bed and tried to find a comfortable position. It was hard to try and relax, when his thoughts were circling back to Steven, how small and vulnerable he had looked in the early hours of the morning, how confident when talking to his fans in the restaurant. His profile when he had stared right ahead in the car. How skinny he had looked on that black chef uniform. That ass when he had walked in front of Brendan. Those full lips, and that smile which seemed to light up the whole room when ever Brendan saw it.

He did his best to try and fight down his boner, not knowing that just few feet underneath him Steven was having the same kind of problems.


	4. Chapter 4

Brendan woke up for the smell of bacon. Before he opened his eyes he thought he was at home and it's Cheryl in their kitchen, treating him for what ever reason by making a proper breakfast, one of the rare meals she won't fuck up. But then he remembered where he was, and why, batted his eyes open and let himself get accustomed to this place he was in.

The room was very plain, like the decoration was done only half way. The walls were light, very pale blue so they almost looked white when sun hit them. There was a big window facing to the street, but the area is so peaceful there was hardly any sounds coming in. On the opposite wall was a massive closet where Brendan stored most of the possession he had with him. With the closet, the bed, a small night stand and carpet on the floor the room was empty, like waiting someone to move in.

Then Brendan remembered that Steven had meant this room for Amy, while the kids would have the room next to it. There were no decorations, because Steven wanted her to make a home out from it, fill it with things important to her. After that realisation the emptiness of the room made Brendan's heart ache. Steven was a someone who seemed he had it all, but in the end lacked what he desired the most.

He could hear Steven moving downstairs, the low music from the radio, the clang of pots and pans. The smell of bacon and coffee made Brendan's stomach crumble.

He got out from bed, had a stretch and then did a set of push ups to wake his body up. After he was done he popped into bathroom to his business, brushed his teeth and tried to make himself look presentable. His bread needed trimming but other than that he was pretty pleased how he looked. No matter how many times he tried to remind himself he was there to look after Steven, not trying to woo him, Brendan still hoped Steven liked what he saw when he looked at him.

Brendan made his way downstairs and to the kitchen, where he met Steven middle of frying sausages on the pan. The lad threw a shy smile towards him.

"Morning. I was hoping you'd get up soon, this is almost ready."

"You didn't have to do this, Steven." Brendan walked over and had a look on what he was doing. The mixture of smells was making his mouth water. "But thank you."

"No, I wanted to, 'cause, I didn't think about the food properly yesterday and what kind of chef would I be if I'd let my guest starve. Besides I needed to get rid of this stuff in the freezer, before they get old. Only now there's hardly anything in, I need to go to shops later on."

He was moving around the kitchen space while talking, pouring the coffee, plating the foods and setting the dishes aside. He did it all so gracefully and fast that it was clear the kitchen was where he felt most comfortable. Steven took up one of the plates and a cup of coffee and handed them to Brendan.

"Here ya go."

"Thank you Steven." Brendan waited Steven to get his own plate and then followed the lad to the table. After he had sat down he had a proper look on what he had. There was bacon, fried eggs and sausages, some mushrooms and fried potatoes and green beans.

"I didn't have tomatoes or white beans, but I thought this would do." Steven said when he noticed Brendan was studying his dish. "Oh, I forgot the toast." And he was off again, getting the rack full of toast, butter and jam on the table before Brendan had the time to say anything.

"It looks amazing. First class breakfast." He noticed Steven's plate wasn't nearly as full as his, and when the lad started to eat he took small bites where as Brendan himself was wolfing the food down. "And it tastes good too." He said between mouthfuls.

There was that same shy smile on Steven's face again when he looked Brendan eating. "Ta."

For a while they both just ate with radio playing on the background. Brendan noticed Steven had changed the channel from the classics he had on yesterday to something which played cheesy pop songs. Somehow that reminded him how young the lad really was, and the age gap between them. Steven looked older than what Vincent had been when they first met, but Brendan was older too than he had been then, and guessed there was about ten years age difference with him and Steven. It would have been a lie to say that skinny lads in their twenties weren't his type. Suddenly Brendan was very aware of the white hairs in his beard and how old he must seemed like for someone that age.

"I was thinking," Steven's voice cut of Brendan's thoughts, "I'd like to go and see the kids today. Well at first I need to explain everything to Amy, I didn't want to call her 'cause.. Because I want to tell her in face to face. And in case she says I can't come and visit them anymore I can at least see them this one last time, before..." He took a new bite from his toast and looked completely miserable by the thought.

"I'm sure it won't come to that, Steven." Brendan did his best to sound reassuring. "And if, _if_ that happens you know it's not your fault, and it's only to keep your kids safe. Yeah?" Steven gave him a hopeful look. "You wanna go by yourself?"

"Aren't you supposed to watch over me? What if the guy is just waiting the next moment you aren't with me? And besides, seeing you might reassure Amy, because you are all..." He made another of those vague indications towards Brendan's body.

"I'm not going to sit few feet away from you when you play with your kids, Steven. I was thinking, if you plan to take them to that park again, I could have my exercise there? It's not a big area, I should be able to see you all the time when I run around it, and it would still give you the privacy with your little ones. How does that sound?"

"Good, yeah." Steven was nodding. "Is it okay if we go in the few hours? Around noon? And I need to do that grocery shopping after, but then I have nothing else except to prepare for tomorrows photo shoot so you can like, chill rest of the day."

"Sounds good to me."

They finished their breakfast and Brendan retreated back to his room. He would have wanted to stay in the lounge and keep on talking with Steven, but the professional side of him said how stupid it was. He was already getting way too involved and he could see the road to disaster in front of him. With his other clients he had his distance, if he stayed over he had his own space where he had his take way dinners or what ever, and only was in their clients presence when they wished for. With Steven he kept forgetting he was on a job, and it felt natural to spend time with him even after just a one day properly being with him. Too natural, and it was messing with his head. So, instead of staying downstairs to watch telly or talking he stayed in his room, tried to pass time with his laptop and did his best to avoid the desire to go back down before he heard Steven carefully calling for him.

Brendan had his training clothes on, another pair of trackies and black T-shirt, and Steven gave him a long look when he got down the stairs. He too looked very casual in his trainers, trackie bottom and hoodie on top. Brendan thought they probably looked just like two mates hitting the park together for Sunday outdoor activities.

"Are we taking your car?" Steven asked when they were out on the street.

"Of course we are." Brendan had no desire to travel on public transportation or have all those strangers around Steven. He indicated Steven to get in. "Why? You don't want to?"

"This all just seems a bit weird, is' all. Like, you're my chauffeur or something." Steven strapped himself on with the seat belt and threw a shy smile towards him.

"Multitasking, ain't I, man of many skills." Brendan said and got a short honking laugh out of Steven. He was grinning himself while driving out of Steven's area and towards Amy's place. "But all this traveling you do, you should get your own car, make life easier."

"I can't drive though." Steven said and when Brendan gave him a surprised look he laughed again. "Well, I _can_ drive, but I don't have the license. I used to nick cars when I was a teenager."

"Jesus, seriously? A little criminal, were you?"

"Yeah. I did a lot of stuff in my teens, before... Before I got a change to make something better." He didn't look embarrassed to talk about it, which surprised Brendan even more. Most of the people weren't so open about the mistakes of their past. Steven just looked bit sad, like he was feeling sorry for his old self. "Anyways, when I got me life back on track I had so much going on and driving felt too scary after everything, and I just never got into it again. But you're right, I should get it sorted, now when I can actually afford a car."

"I'm sorry I brought this up." Brendan said but Steven just shook his head.

"No it's alright. I'm not ashamed of it. Like, I hadn't even thought how people would dig up things when you go into telly so of course some of the news people found that out, and they tried to make it a big thing, but I don't need to explain it to anyone, do I? I have paid for the things I've done and after I started to work with Tony I've been a proper citizen so, none of that old stuff can throw me off now. So don't feel sorry for me, okay?"

"I don't." He didn't. It was the opposite, in fact. Quick glance towards Steven and Brendan saw him sitting upright, calm, the sun hitting him behind the window so it seemed like he was glowing. He was owning his past in ways not many people were able to do, Brendan included. The more Brendan learned about him the more he started to understand that he was much more than just a young lad, pretty enough to eat. Brendan had never been this amazed by anyone before.

Steven turned his head a little so he could give Brendan a studying look, like to make sure he wasn't lying. What he saw must have passed the test because he just said "Good." and then they were silent rest of the way, except when Steven told Brendan which way to turn and where to park the car.

"Okay, so I'm gonna talk to Amy first, so she can make up her mind with.. With everything." Steven said when they walked towards the council flat where Amy and the kids lived. He seemed to speak more to himself than to Brendan, as to steel himself for what was to come. Brendan wanted to stroke his arm for comfort, but mumbled _it will be fine_ instead while Steven rang the doorbell.

The woman, or girl most likely by the looks of her, opened the door. Brendan had seen her from afar but now he could see more clearly that she too was as slim as Steven was, and very young. Brendan had to remind himself that he and Eileen had probably been the same age than Steven and his girl were when first kid was born, but it was getting harder to imagine himself that young. Amy had a wide, bright smile on her face when she greeted Steven and looked like going for a hug, until she spotter Brendan and her smile wavered a little.

"Oh. Hi." Her eyes moved between Steven and Brendan and Brendan could see her making the connection.

"Hi Ames, err, this is Brendan." Steven made his introductions and Brendan extended his hand to her.

"Pleasure to meet you, Amy."

"You too." She looked unsure how to react. "I'm sorry, Ste didn't mention he was coming with someone, so..."

Before she could go any further the kids pushed past her with chanted greetings and rushing to hug their dad. Steven crouched so he was on the same level with them and gave both of them hugs and kisses while Amy threw curious glances towards Brendan over them. The little girl looked Brendan over his dad's shoulder.

"Who are you?"

Amy tried to shush her to be polite but Steven laughed and picked her up while standing up so she was higher on Brendan's levels while the little boy had escaped to his mum and peeked him from safe distance. "This is Brendan, he's daddy's friend." Then he turned to look Amy. "Actually, Ames, do you mind if we come in for a sec, there's something I need to talk to you."

"Yes, of course." She pushed the boy to get inside and then made room for Steven and Brendan to get through the door. "Please come in."

"Thank you, Amy." Brendan said while passing her and she gave him a thin smile which didn't quite reach her eyes.

The flat was pretty small, almost like most of it could be fitted in Steven's kitchen and living room area. There were manky looking wallpapers and all kind of signs of living on the door frames and rug on the floor, but place looked clean and cozy, even with kids stuff spread all around. Or maybe that was exactly why the place looked so lively, and Brendan suddenly realised that this had been Steven's home once. Compared to this little chaos his current apartment seemed very empty and Brendan had to wonder how lonely Steven felt himself inside it.

"Right, Amy, if I could have a word in the.." Steven had put the little girl down and nudged his head towards what Brendan guessed must be the bedroom. Amy gave a suspicious look towards Brendan, like she wasn't feeling comfortable leaving him alone with her kids. Steven saw it too, but instead of saying anything he turned to his kids. "How about you two show Brendan your toys, eh? Leah, show him what you have been drawing, or maybe you and Lucas can ask him to read a book for you."

Being a babysitter wasn't really what Brendan had signed in for. "Steven..."

"I'm just gonna have a little world with your mummy, okay, back in a sec." Steven continued and gave Brendan a begging look.

There was nothing he could have said, and before he had time to come up with anything anyway Steven had already rushed Amy behind closed door, but not before Brendan heard her hissing "You can't just come up here with your new bloke without letting me know beforehand!". The bedroom door closed behind them.

Brendan was alone with the kids. He stared at them. They stared at him. None of them said anything. The boy shifted on his feet a little. Okay.

He did what he had seen Steven do and crouched down so he was more on their level, hoping he would look less threatening. "So you're Leah and Lucas then? Your dad has been talking a lot about you two." Did he sound friendly? He wasn't sure, he had no idea how to talk with kids. "I'm your dad's new friend."

"Are you daddy's boyfriend?" Leah asked. Straight to business then. Brendan could see lot of Amy in her.

"No, I'm not. Just a friend."

"Are you coming out with us?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

Jesus. How long would Steven take? "Because your dad wants me to."

"Why?"

"Are you gonna show me your drawings like your daddy asked?"

"No."

"Okay." Brendan was really running out the ideas what to do. Had his own sons been this difficult to talk to? Maybe he just hadn't been around enough to notice it. "Alright, Lucas?" The boy had been standing behind his sister the whole time, but seemed more confident after Leah had talked to him. He pointed Brendan's face.

"Beard."

"Yeah, I have a beard." Brendan stroked it. "Your dad doesn't have one, does he."

"Mommy says it's because he can't grow one." Leah said. "How do you grow it?"

"It just grows, like hair."

"How does hair the grow then?"

"You're a nosy one, aren't you?" Brendan wasn't sure was he annoyed of amused.

"Daddy says I'm clever. I go to school. Lucas is too small for school, he's still in daycare."

Lucas had gone pick up a book and slowly made his way to Brendan handing it over. It was a story book, with some classical stories in it. Lucas had opened it on one page and pointed the picture on it. "Beard."

It seemed to be a picture of party of some kind, with people in their fairytale dresses, and there was a man wearing a crown and red cape who had a brown beard on his face. "Look at that. Yeah, he has a beard too. I'm no king, though."

"She's Sleeping Beautys' father." Leah said. "He sent her away so the evil fairy couldn't find her."

"I'm more of a man of action. Like here," he had flipped through the book and found a story of Little Red Riding Hood. "The Huntsman. He has a beard too."

"He kills the wolf and saves the Little Red Riding Hood." Leah informed and Lucas was nodding next to her. "But it's just a story, so you don't have to kill any wolves." And then she was on about stories and princesses and all Brendan had to do was to try and look interested.

Few minutes later Steven came into room. Brendan rose up and tried to meet his gaze but he was looking at his kids. "Right then, ready for park?" His voice was forcefully cheery and when the kids run off to look their shoes and jackets Steven leaned closer to Brendan. "Amy wants a word."

"What? With me?"

"Yeah." Steven finally looked at him but Brendan couldn't read anything from his eyes. "In the bedroom. We'll wait for you outside."

It seemed like he had no choice. He left Steven help the kids to dress up and made his way into the bedroom. Amy stood there, arms folded in front of her. "Please close the door."

Once he did it they stood there in silence. Brendan had a good look on her. Around her eyes looked bit red, but yet her eyes were dry when she was giving Brendan an icy glare.

"Steven said you are some sort of _professional_. That you are going to keep him safe. Keep my children safe. I need to know if it's true."

"I am. I will." She looked like she didn't believe him. "What did Steven tell you?"

"Enough." Then her tone changed a bit, and Brendan could hear the true reason for her cold behavior behind it – fear. "Is it really bad? Is he in real danger?"

Brendan wasn't sure how much Steven had told her so he had to tread carefully. "It seems who ever is behind this is more keen to emotional harm than physical one. Tries to scare him in different ways. I'm here to give him the backup he needs to feel comfortable."

"Do you think he'll come for my kids?"

"I'm being honest with you, Amy. If I'd thought the kids are in danger I would have advised Steven to contact you sooner, or sent the police in. It seems like who ever it is has been following him a long time, so he already knows about his routines, knows about the kids." Amy nodded and Brendan guessed Steven had said the same thing. "Like I said, I think it's all about making Steven scared. It gives that guy a feel of power. Steven is his target, no one else. I'll give you the number of the officer who's dealing his case, if you want to check if they can arrange someone to watch over you, or I can see if any of my contacts could put on a security if it makes you feel any safer."

She was shaking her head. "No, I believe you. It's just that I have tried to keep them safe from the publicity and live a normal life despite someone trying to take their pics just to get a scoop on the paper because their dad is a celebrity. Having someone following them, even if it was a police or.. I wouldn't want that, not unless I have to. It's him I'm most worried about."

"I'll look after him." Brendan said again and this time she looked more assured.

"They are waiting for you."

Steven and the kids were already made their way outside and were on the small front yard, kids running around making aeroplane noises and Steven pretending like he was trying to catch them. He stopped when Brendan came outside and Amy appeared on the doorway.

"Alright?" And when Amy gave him a nod he told the kids to wave for their mommy before they started to make their way to the park near by. Once they had a clear view for it Steven said the kids to race to the playground, and soon as they were out of earshot he turned his attention to Brendan. "How did it go?"

"Alright, I guess. She just needed some reassurance."

"I know. I tried to explain it to her, she didn't believe me at first and then she got all spooked because of the kids." He looked miserable for a moment. "I hate this. I hate that I have to bring my family in to this."

"Hey, it's going alright, isn't it. She hasn't said you can't see them anymore, has she, so it's all fine." They had almost reached the kids who were already playing in the swing set. "Do you want me to stay with you?"

"No, don't want to force you hang around the noisy kids, do I." Steven smiled at him. "You probably already had enough of them, our Leah can be a quite a talker if she wants to."

"Gets that from you, I imagine." Brendan grinned when Steven pretended to be outraged before smiling back to him. "I'll go for my run then, yeah? I'll keep an eye for you whole time, so if anything happens, just shout, okay?" And with Steven assuring that they would be fine he started to jog on the path.

The park wasn't large, and the vegetation was sparse enough that Brendan never properly lost a sight of Steven and the kids. Not that there seemed to be any threat anyway, there weren't many people around. There was one other jogger with his dog, a older couple sitting on one of the benches and group of youngsters goofing around on the other end of the park. Other people were passing through but didn't stay to linger, so Brendan started to relax a little.

It was nice to get on moving, he hadn't had a proper exercise since he started to watch over Steven and he had lot of energy piled up in his body. He hadn't been on a pull either, so no wonder he was feeling frustrated in many ways. That must be it.

Brendan had lost count of how many times he had run around the park. It seemed that every time Steven looked up from the kids, no matter how far away Brendan was from him, their eyes locked. It was weird how it sent shivers down from his spine. One time when Brendan was running close by Steven was bending down, maybe picking something up, and even when his pants were size or two too large the fabric got tighter around his bum, and Brendan almost lost his footing. He was glad no one seemed to see his stumbling but he still picked up his pace to run away the frustration.

He had just decided that he had enough of the running for a day and make it his last round, when he saw a man approaching Steven. Brendan felt the thudding of his heart and ran faster towards them, ready to tackle the man down. Only when he got closer he noticed that the man was there with a little boy who was now playing with Leah and Lucas while their dad's were having a chat.

Steven turned to him when Brendan was almost there. "Alright?" He said smiling. He looked a bit flushed, probably from playing with kids.

"I think I've done enough for today." Brendan had a little stretch and Steven quickly turned to his kids.

"Okay you two, we should get you back to mummy." There was some obligatory complains but in the end it didn't take long to get them to say bye for their playmate and get on their way to home. Steven was holding both of their hands and the journey took a bit longer now, cause the kids were clearly tired and were walking slower. Brendan didn't mind, he liked to listen Steven chatting with them.

Amy was waiting them, because the door opened soon as they got on the yard. The kids ran towards her blabbing about what they had been doing. Brendan nudged Steven's arm and when he looked at him he said "I'll go wait in the car while you say your goodbyes." To his relief Steven gave him a nod and Brendan left them to save himself from feeling an outsider.

It took only a few minutes before he saw Steven hurrying towards him, looking mighty amused.

"What?" Brendan asked when Steven kept throwing glances towards him while he was driving.

"You know what Amy said? About you?"

"No. Do I want to know?"

"She said you look so massive and scary that it should drive away any creeps from following me."

"What's so funny about that?" It wasn't the first time Brendan had heard about it. It was kinda the reason people hired him, to look menacing enough to give his clients the peace they wanted.

"It's just funny how other people see you like that. Tony was saying the same thing, how a bloke like you should be all I need. And I kinda get that, the first time we met you were bit, whats the word, intimidating, but now you're just..." His voice trailed off and he turned to look out from the window.

"I'm what?" Brendan prompted.

It took a long time for Steven to answer, and when he did it was just a faint mumble. "Safe."

Brendan had hard time to swallow, like he had something stuck in his throat. He tried to clear it but when he spoke his voice still sounded bit funny to his own ears. "The shops near your block good enough for you, or you want to go somewhere else?"

Steven seemed to welcome the change of subject and guided Brendan to the supermarket he wanted to use.

It was weird to do shopping with someone else than Chez. Steven kept asking Brendan what he liked to eat while stuffing things on the trolley. Brendan tried to shrug it off at first, but after Steven basically threatened him with celery, stating that as long as Brendan was under his roof he would feed him and if he wasn't telling what he liked Steven would just have to steam him vegetables, Brendan gave in and they managed to get stuff in which pleased them both. Another embarrassing moment happened when it was time to pay. Brendan tried to offer to do it but Steven didn't listen, saying it was part of their contract that he would pay the expenses. It was technically true, but it still didn't feel right, and Brendan hoped the cashier would just look at his sweaty clothes and think he had left his wallet home, instead of seeing it as a young twink paying his older man foods.

They drove back to Steven's, and Brendan went straight to upstairs bathroom for a shower to get the sweat off from him. When he got back down Steven had made a lunch, salad of somekind but it had massive chunks of chicken in it too, clearly to stop Brendan complaining about the green stuff. Again Brendan noticed that Steven's own dish was clearly smaller than his, and he still ended up leaving some of it in the plate where as Brendan was almost licking his after finishing. Steven gave him an amused smile and asked would he like to finish his portion, and it would have been rude to decline and the that delicious food go to waste.

He was making his way back up afterwards, but Steven stopped him. "There's not even telly in there, or anything, it must be so boring sit in there all alone with nothing to do. If you want you could stay here, keep me company?"

So he just went back up to fetch his laptop and sat on the sofa answering emails and such, while Steven was starting his doughs and what ever for the next day. They didn't talk much, but it didn't feel awkward either. Once Steven was pleased with the state of his kitchen he seemed to remember he hadn't made any dinner yet, and asked would it be enough if he just warmed up some soup from the freezer, but ended up making some grilled sandwiches on the side too. And instead of eating by the table they opened the telly and had their soup and sandwiches on the sofa.

There was some american film playing on and for a while they both just watched it silently, but then Steven was commenting about some stupid plot twist and it was all it took for them to start talking. Well, Steven did most of the talking and Brendan just made the right kind of noises to keep him going.

"I always think american accent is funny, do you?" and without waiting for an answer "It's always weird to hear Doug talking, it's so different."

 _Who the fuck is Doug?_ Brendan thought but before he had a change to ask Steven was already on another subject.

"Why do they have to do everything with their cars, though? Like that bald guy is massive, he could take the baddies down with his bare fists." He let out a honking laugh. "His arms are almost as massive as yours, right?"

"Almost, yeah." Brendan said.

They turned to look at one another and the warmth of the shared joke floated between them. Then there was a shift of some kind, the smile on Steven's face was slowly disappearing while his eyes were growing darker. Brendan could see the movement of his chest when he breathed in... And then he suddenly jumped up from the couch.

"I'm actually tired, so I'm gonna take a shower before bed. See you in the morning, alright."

"Good night, Steven." Brendan said but Steven was already on his way and seconds later his bedroom door closed.

Brendan tried to shake what had just happened from his mind and did his best to focus on the movie, when he heard the sound of Steven's shower going on. It was hard trying to follow the film and not to rather imagine Steven under the water, naked, stroking soap all around him, and in the end Brendan closed the TV and went back to his room in case Steven needed something from the kitchen and would find Brendan sporting a semi on his couch. He could still hear the shower up there. He cursed and dug out the glass and bottle of whiskey he had tucked into his closet, and hoped the burn of the alcohol would help to ease this other kind of burning he was going through.

::::::

When Ste looked the time next morning after waking up he realised he had almost overslept. It was already nine, and the group would be in his house at ten, so there would not be much time to dress up and finish up the preparations.

He rushed trough his morning routines and trying to pick up the clothes while he was silently cursing his own foolishness. Getting off always made him sleepy, and after his long wank in the shower he must have just drop off soon as he hit he bed without setting the alarm.

Oh God, last night. Ste felt the rush of embarrassment run through him. He had been so wired up these past days with Brendan in the house. Not in a bad way, but seeing him, feeling his presence, fuck, even catching the scent of his aftershave and sweat was driving Ste insane. He had never been this attracted to anyone, and of course it had to be a straight guy working for him. The night before he had been able to resist his urges, biting his knuckles rather than touching himself while Brendan was in a room above him. But last night he had to do something or he would have thrown himself to Brendan and made a complete fool of himself.

So instead he had escaped to the shower hoping the cool water would have helped. Instead his mind had circled back to how good Brendan had looked while running, the way his body moved. Those arms which looked strong and safe. There was a tattoo on his right arm, Ste had seen parts of it peaking under Brendan's t-shirts, and he had closed his eyes and imagined running his finger tips over it, feeling the muscles underneath his touch. He had stroked himself picturing Brendan's hands on him instead of his own, how that beard would feel against his skin, against Ste's lips. He had never kissed anyone with beard before, but that hadn't stopped his imagination running wild while his hand got more urgent. With Noah Ste had always felt like trapped, but the idea of being weighed down under Brendan's bigger frame didn't scare him, but instead made him ache with the need to feel completely owned.

Now Ste hoped the sound of water and him biting down to his hand had been enough to muffle the sounds which he had made while he came. After he had got his legs back Ste had just rinsed off the evidence and thrown himself on the bed, completely exhausted.

Ste realised he had been staring two polo shirts for a good while, and forced his thoughts away from Brendan and focused on getting dressed instead. Once he was done and pleased how he looked he made his way to the kitchen.

Of course Brendan was already there. He had abandoned his casual clothes too and had dressed up in a white shirt and dark grey suit trousers. Ste tried not to look the way those shirt buttons were fighting to stay closed against that broad chest or the dark hairs peeking from the top where the first button had given up and hang open.

"Hiay." Ste hoped he didn't look as flushed as he felt, or if he did Brendan would blame it for the excitement over the photo shoot. "I'm sorry I slept late, have you had anything to eat?"

"I did, yeah. Made you some coffee." Brendan indicated towards the cup on the island. "Hope it's not gone cold yet. You slept okay then? Must have done you good after the couple days you've had."

"Yeah." Ste quickly took a sip of his coffee. "This is lovely, ta."

"Two sugars and splash of milk." Brendan smiled. "I remember."

"Anyway," Ste said quickly, "the group should be here soon, so I can start baking the breads and stuff, and there's like loads of things coming up which you can eat after they've taken pictures of it and what ever, if you're still hungry."

"Sounds good. About that, Steven, you want me to stay here during the..?"

"Yeah, of course. If you want to, I mean."

"I was just thinking... What are you going to say to them? About me?" and when Ste gave him a confused look Brendan continued "I mean do you want them to know you have a bodyguard now or..?"

"Oh." Ste hadn't even thought about it. Now when Brendan mentioned it, it could be bit strange for random people, regarding that Ste wasn't so famous after all. It might come off very strange indeed, and Ste wasn't into needing to explain everything again. "We can.. Say you're my mate, staying over, eh? Just for now, I'm not.. I don't want anyone to talk about it."

"Sounds good. And stops the rumors going around too, I think."

It was dead on ten when the door bell rang, just like last time. Ste wasn't surprised, the hours he spent with Doug had shown that he was very precise. He went to open the door and greet the group, they were the same people than last time so it wasn't as nerving than earlier. They made their way to the kitchen carrying their stuff. Doug hang behind a little, and smiled nervously to Ste.

"Hi, you've been good?"

"Yeah." Ste didn't feel he could just drop in the whole stalker bomb to him. "Busy weekend, that's all."

"I kinda figured, when you.. I mean I wasn't expecting... But I was kinda hoping you would have text me about the..." Doug looked awkward and Ste's heard sank a bit.

"Oh God, yeah, sorry, I was supposed to, wasn't I, it's just, one thing happened after another and I forgot. Sorry."

"It's okay, maybe you can make it up to me?" Doug smiled when they followed rest of the group to the main area. Then his smile faltered a little and Ste followed his gaze to Brendan who hang around near the couches while the crew were setting up lights and stuff throwing curious glances towards him.

"Right, so, everyone, that's Brendan, he's me mate, he, err, needed a place to stay for a while so I hope it's okay that he's hanging around." Then Ste gave Doug a little nudge on a shoulder. "I speak to you after the shoot, yeah?"

After that it was a buzz again. The crew moved around the ready doughs he had, looked the best lighting and surroundings, added some strange stuff like oranges or candles next to them to make them more appealing, asked Ste to hold the containers they were resting or kneading them to get the good pictures. Once he had actually baked them it was the same thing, cutting the hot breads open and smothering them with butter so they could get a picture of it melting on the fresh bread and so on. Once all the breads and buns were done Ste started to make the desserts, trying to look natural as possible. The crew was as great as it was the last time, chatting and laughing, almost making Ste forget how bizarre the whole situation was. He couldn't help noticing that Brendan had hardly moved from the other end of the room, where he stood and kept an eye over what was going on. It made Ste feel even more self conscious, he could only imagine how stupid this whole thing looked for Brendan.

"So, Ste, what are you doing next?" Doug has a punch of papers in his hands where he kept making notes about the dishes and in which order they were made.

"The vanilla and apple pudding." The ingredients were already on the worktop and one of the girls were arranging them for the photographer to get the best shot. Once it looked like they were done Ste started to work, slicing the apples, mixing up the dry ingredients while Doug was explaining something about the publication process to him.

Ste heard a laugh and when he lifted up his gaze he saw how one crew member, Jem, was it, had made her way to Brendan for a chat. He couldn't hear what they were talking about, but she was laughing and playing with her hair while giving Brendan intense looks, and Brendan had tilted his head a bit and saying something what clearly made her blush.

"Ste, you're bleeding." Doug's voice cut through.

Ste looked down on his hands. He had cut his finger while opening the vanilla bean, and now there was blood all over it.

"Shit." The pain started soon as he had noticed the wound, but he was pretty used to accidents like this. Doug however looked pretty shocked by the amount of blood when he tried to wrap some tissues around Ste's finger to stop the bleeding.

"Move. Move!" Brendan was suddenly there, elbowing Doug out of the way and grabbing Ste's hand, hold it upright and pressing the tissues tight. "Take that camera off my face."

"Sorry" the photographer moved back and Doug told everyone to take a break.

"You okay, Ste?" He tried to pipe in but Brendan was blocking his way to Ste.

"I'm fine. This happens to me all the time in Tony's. Seriously, Brendan, let go, it's fine." He snatched his hand away from Brendan but soon as the pressure from the wound was off it started bleeding again. The tissues were soaking red.

"Come here." Brendan took hold of his wrist again and pulled Ste to the sink, put the water run cold and held Ste's hand under the stream. "Jesus, almost took your finger off."

"I'm fine." Ste tried to pull his hand off again but Brendan was ready this time and his grip was firm. So he just stood there, arm pressed against Brendan's and despite the cold water hitting his hand he was feeling hot. After a while Brendan closed the tap, grabbed some clean tissues and padded the cut carefully dry. It seemed the worst bleeding was over.

"Where's your bandaids?"

"On that cupboard. No, the next one." Ste thought it was pointless trying to argue, so he stayed put when Brendan wrapped a plaster over the finger. "Happy now?" He asked when Brendan finally seemed pleased and let go of his hand.

"You need to be more careful." Brendan said while looking serious.

"Ermm, Ste?" Ste had almost forgot Doug and rest of the crew. "Are you okay? Can we continue or you want us to come back another day?"

"Don't be silly, it's just a small cut, I'm fine." Ste tried to smile at him as reassuring as he could. "Just let me clean the worktop so we can go on."

"It's already been taken care of." Doug said and it was only then when Ste noticed that the crew had cleared off the blood and got fresh ingredients out there.

"Right, let's keep on going then." Brendan had already returned to his place near the couches and Ste picked up the knife again.

It took him a moment to get back in the right kind of head space, but eventually the familiarity of cooking took over and few hours later Doug was pleased with the amount of pictures and called it a wrap. While the crew was collecting their stuff Ste went to talk to him.

"All good then yeah? Everything ready for printing?"

"Looks like it. The editors have already started to crack on with the photos we took earlier and soon as this lot is processed it should be quick assembly. The E-book is planned to get out in couple of weeks."

"So soon." Ste's head was spinning, he still couldn't believe all this. He shook himself out of it. "Err, Doug, about that drink..."

"Listen, Ste, I don't want to get in a way of anything, so forget I ever asked, okay." Doug looked embarrassed and hurt, quickly starting to put on his notes away.

"What? I thought you wanted to." Ste was confused.

"I do. But I thought..." Doug shot a look towards Brendan.

"No, Doug, you got it all wrong. He's just me mate. Seriously," Ste reassured when Doug gave him a sceptical look, "Brendan's straight, he's just.. very protective over me. There's nothing going on between us, I swear. If you still want that drink I'm happy to go." Somehow Ste felt like he was half lying, but he was determined to get over about his thoughts of Brendan. A date should do the trick.

"Okay. If you're sure. Is Friday okay?" There was hope in Doug's eyes and Ste nodded.

"Friday's good."

The crew was making their way out, shouting their goodbyes as Ste waved them off. Doug picked up last of his stuff, and Ste walked him to the door, Brendan following their trails.

"It was nice to meet you, Brendan." He said bravely. Brendan stared down at him, towering above him.

"You too, Douglas."

"I'll text you," Doug said to Ste before leaving, and Ste pushed the door closed behind him. He was feeling exhausted.

"You okay?"

"Yeah." Ste turned to look Brendan who stood in the hall studying him intently. "Are you okay with take away? I'm too tired to cook anything anymore."

"S'fine."

Ste had some brochures of restaurants close by, and they agreed to go for a Chinese food. Brendan phoned in their order and while they waited it to arrive Ste went through the breads and desserts, deciding what would be good to freeze and which they should eat while fresh.

When the food arrived Brendan answered the door and before Ste even realised he had also paid the food.

"I'll owe you," he said while they dug in their dishes. It was nice to have something salty after tasting sweet stuff all day. He only managed about half of his meal and stuck the rest in the fridge, where as Brendan had finished all of his and didn't say no when Ste offered him some pudding for dessert.

"You have some sauce on your sleeve." Ste noticed the stain against the white fabric while handing Brendan the spoon for his sweet treat. He got a wet tissue, took hold of Brendan's arm and tried to wipe it off, before realising the stain was already dried on, and it was no sauce.

It was his blood from earlier, dripped from his finger into Brendan's shirt.

"Leave it, Steven." Brendan's voice was soft and low.

"I'm sure there's some trick to get it off. Soda or something."

"It's fine. Collateral damage."

Suddenly Ste realised how close they were and that he was still holding Brendan's arm. He quickly let go and went to bin the tissue. The memories of sensations hit him, warm skin against his, the firm grip of Brendan's hand on his wrist, how he couldn't get off no matter how hard he tried. Or did he even want to get away?

Ste was pretty sure he would need another long shower tonight.


	5. Chapter 5

This time Ste had remembered to set the alarm before getting into bed. He hand't wanked off though, because he was being paranoid about the noises and how they would echo in the quiet apartment. He had laid on the bed in the dark, allowed his thoughts wander and slid his hand between his legs, but just imagining it being Brendan's hand, Brendan's fingers gently stroking over his hole had made him whimper in the pillow so he had stopped.

He had a restless night with weird dreams he could hardly remember, except one part which had been clear as day. He had been anxious and lost somewhere with lot of people, certain that he had been followed. Them someone had been next to him, pulling him, and instead of fighting back Ste had surrendered to it, getting wrapped in tight embrace. There had been hand in his hair and words being murmured to his ear, and just when Ste had been wanting more the sound of alarm pushed through waking him up. Ste didn't need to guess who the person holding him had been, and hoped he could have had five more minutes of the dream.

Ste had hard time focusing in his morning tasks, when all he wanted to do was to watch Brendan standing there with his morning coffee, dressed completely in black today, while Ste quickly threw together a breakfast for them. He hoped that Brendan would count his edgy behavior for the nervousness because of the stalker and having to step on the TV cameras again.

It wasn't completely a lie either. Staying indoors with Brendan was easy. Being at Tony's was easy, because Ste knew the place and he could get lost in the work. Being with his kids had been easy, because even when they had been outside he had seen Brendan all the time. But going into busy TV station and knowing hundreds or even thousands people would see him through their television in couple of hours made him want to throw up. But at the same time he was desperate to show who ever was watching him too closely, that he wasn't afraid.

Still, once they got on their way to make it to the studio at time, the closer Brendan's car got the more anxious Ste was feeling. When he saw the group of fans on the front of the building he wanted to ask Brendan to turn away, but then they were already on the back gate and the guard walked to Brendan's side and indicated him to open the window.

"Good morning." He said to Brendan, then spotted Ste next to him. "Oh, morning Ste."

"Morning Jeff." Ste cleared his throat. "How's it going?"

"Bit busy since yesterday, with the new safety updates. You must know all about them already? The email?" He continued when Ste looked puzzled.

"I didn't check my mail. What is it?"

"Just need to keep a closer eye for anyone who enters or leaves the building, that's all, updating the register for the car license numbers and so forth. And people needing pass for their guest so no more sneaking friends on set." Jeff looked from Ste to Brendan and back. "I guess you don't have one, then?"

"No, sorry. We'll get one sorted right now. And you can add this car to your list too, we'll be using this one in the future."

For a second Ste thought Jeff wouldn't let Brendan in, but then he seemed to remember something and wrote something down in his notepad. "Of course, yes. I'll mark this license up and you get in the office and get the pass for mister..."

"Brady." Brendan said and Jeff made another note.

"Mister Brady. I'm sure there won't be any problem to get one regarding the situation."

"Thanks Jeff."

"Yes, thank you Jeffrey. Good to see the security is on top notch." Brendan said and Jeff looked pleased when letting them drive inside the parking lot.

There was a guest spot free and Brendan left the car there, and they made their way inside through the massive doors. Ste lead the way and took them into the info desk at first, where the newcomers, guests and reporters usually asked directions. Ste explained that they needed a guest pass for Brendan, and the woman who was on duty gave Brendan very appraising looks while sorting it out. Ste remembered the way Jem had been all over Brendan the day before, and his mood had a massive drop. He snatched the pass from the lady's hand before Brendan and rushed them forward towards his dressing room in upper floors.

"Steven. Jesus, Steven, slow down, what's the matter?"

"Nothing." Ste reached the lift where few people were already waiting the ride. "Here." He showed the pass in Brendan's hand and kept staring the number indicating which floor the elevator was coming.

He could feel Brendan's eyes on him and felt ashamed of his behavior. Brendan was an attractive guy, and what Ste had gathered he was single too so it wasn't Ste's business to control who he talked to. But at the same time he couldn't help this rush of feelings he had when he thought Brendan flirting with people. It had only been few days but Ste liked Brendan being there for him, and the idea of someone taking that away made him see red.

The lift arrived and they got in. With all the other people it got pretty full and there was a rush of panic for Ste to be in such a small place. But then there was a pressure against his side when Brendan leaned closer, and he made himself focus on sensations of that. It was so close to Ste's dream that it scared him.

Once the lift reached third floor Ste was already much calmer. They got out and Ste showed which way to go. There were other people rushing around, reading their scripts and carrying props or coffees for demanding stars. Ste stopped in front of his door and pushed it open.

There were fresh flower on his table and handful of letters. He had a quick look over them but nothing seemed suspicious so he let them be.

"Not gonna read them?" Brendan asked from the door frame where he stayed standing.

"Don't have time." Ste pulled his chef jacket from the hanger. Also he didn't want to read in front of Brendan in case he would notice how bad Ste was at it.

"Excuse me?" Voice was piping behind Brendan, who stepped aside and gave room to a young woman to make her way into Ste's room. "Hi, love, I came in earlier but you weren't here yet, I worried you'd be late."

"Sorry, yeah we had to run by the info desk to get the visitor pass to Brendan." Ste was pulling the jacket on while the woman placed her little make up kit on his desk. Ste was very aware of Brendan's presence. Ste didn't get the whole make-up thing anyway, but every time before stepping in front of cameras he needed to have his face covered with something, powder, was it, and God knew what else. Brendan was probably very amused about the whole thing, so Ste avoided looking at him while the woman did her thing and when she was pleased she was on her way towards who ever was the next victim.

"Right, we need to hurry." They made their way back to elevators and waited the lift to arrive to take them to next floor. There was no one else in this time so they had lot of space between them, but before the doors opened Brendan reached to straighten the collar of Ste's jacket.

"Ta." Ste managed a smile. "Are you excited to see the how the magic happens, then?" he asked while they entered the studio area. It was a big place, lots of different sections, lights and cameras everywhere, people rushing around to make sure everything was moving smoothly. There were two hosts talking in the couches in front of massive windows, and Ste knew his part was up soon. "This way."

He showed Brendan where he could stay so he wasn't in a way of anyone, and then rushed to his little kitchen set. Ste quickly ran through the tools and ingredients which were laid in front of him to make sure he had everything. Right, focus. What was it he was supposed to do today? Quick noodle wok, that was it. They decided the recipes weeks before hand, and it sometimes annoyed Ste how he was supposed to be natural when it was all very scripted after all. And the noise, there was so much going on around him, so many little things he needed to focus in. He saw the hosts were wrapping their part up, and the set director giving his signs to move things forward. Few moments from now and the cameras would be on him, all those people, watching and judging his every move.

His heart was racing and he felt he was starting to sweat any given second, ruin the make up which was supposed to make him look normal and easily related, and reveal what a mess he truly was.

The lights were on so it was hard to see what was happening behind them, but somehow Ste knew Brendan was close. He could just barely made his outline in the darkness behind the scenes. Suddenly he could remember the comforting pressure of Brendan's arm against his own. The security of it. And when the light of the camera turned green indicating it was on, it was easy for Ste to throw out his biggest smile and greet the viewers.

He was on a roll then. He didn't think about any of the creepers who might be watching over him. He didn't think about anyone who might laugh at him stumbling on words or accidentally making a bit of a mess. It was just him and the food and all he had to do was to prepare it and say what he was doing while he was doing it. It was easy. When he plated the dish he presented in to the camera and even said that fucking stupid catch phrase of his and kept on smiling until the light on the camera went off and they turned the bloody thing away from him.

Ste let out a mighty sigh and gave up with the cleaning when the crew members were already on it. He just wiped his hands and walked off the set away from the bright light and found Brendan standing where he had left him.

"Well? Was it as you imagined?"

"Sort of. I've heard something from Anne, but it's different to actually see how it all works, how many people are behind the scenes." Brendan tilted his head a little in a way that Ste realised he had started to adore. "You did well."

"Thanks." Ste hoped it was dark enough that Brendan didn't see him blush.

"Ste!" Ste turned towards the sound and saw the general manager making his way towards them. He was a somewhere around his fifties and trying to hide his age with insane work out routines and getting hair transplants which were kind of a joke among the staff. Ste had only talked to him few times and the man had always seemed to be extremely busy.

"Mister Clarke." Ste wondered what this was all about. "How are you?"

Mister Clarke stopped in front of them and his attention was in Brendan, looking up and down at him. "Yes, good, I assume your Ste's... What is it called?"

"Bodyguard." Brendan said. "Brendan Brady."

"Clarke." It looked to Ste like he was trying to battle for the dominance with his handshake, but Brendan's face remained unreadable no matter how hard Clarke was squeezing his hand. "Well then Ste," he said once he had got enough with his weird greeting ritual "I want to have a word if you don't mind. Private, please."

"Umm." Ste threw a look for Brendan but his expression didn't change. "Okay. Do you remember where we came in? If you want to go outside to wait. I'll meet you in the car?"

"What ever you say, Steven." Brendan agreed. Ste still felt awful to leave him stand there when he tried to keep up with Clarke who was already rushing through the hallways towards his office.

"Yes, come in, sit, sit." Clarke's office was full of schedules, contracts, magazines with station stars on the covers. Ste moved away pile of gossip magazines so he had room to sit in the chair Clarke was pointing. He himself half sat on the table in front of Ste. "Right. Ste. Are you doing alright?"

"What?" Ste was feeling confused.

"I have been informed by DC.. DC..."

"Scott?" Ste suggested.

"Yes, DC Scott, about your situation. I just want you to know how sorry I am about the situation and that all of us here in the station want to make you feel as safe and secure as possible." He gave Ste a fatherly smile.

"Okay."

"So, as you probably have noticed, we have tighten up the security so there's nothing to be worried about inside the building."

"Thank you." Clarke was looking at Ste like he was expecting more. "I appreciate it."

"It's no bother, we just want out staff and celebrities to feel as safe as possible. But there's something else I need to talk to you with. You remember that the stations 10 year anniversary coming up? I need you to go in the party."

"No." Ste was shaking his head. "I don't want to."

"Ste." Clarke was serious now. "I know this is a hard time for you. But in your contract you have agreed to attend at least six events during your stay with us, for publicity. So far you have only been on three, and your contract is coming to an end soon. And we need everyone from our team on that party to show how well we are doing, right?"

"But..."

"Besides you have your Marlon-"

"Brendan."

"Brendan who you can take in as your plus one if you feel scared to go alone." Clarke laughed. "It would give a good boost for your image, to have a bodyguard always gives up status of importance."

"I don't want to be important."

"I know, I know." Clarke sighed. "But I'm serious Ste. Everyone is going. Including you. I might look past rest of the agreed events judging situation, but I need you in this one."

It seemed he had no choice. "Okay."

"Good. Now. One more thing."

Oh God, what else? "Yeah?"

"About Noah Baxter. I know you two had a... a relationship before he moved stations. The thing is, he's going to be there too."

::::::

When Steven had walked in front of the cameras he had looked like he would break. Brendan wasn't sure did anyone else catch it, but in these few days Brendan had spent lot of time watching him and studying his expressions, so he could pick up the small but telling signs. Steven's eyes were running around the sets like scared animal, but then it seemed like they settled to Brendan's even when Brendan was sure Steven couldn't actually seen him from the blinding lights directed towards him. It must have been just wishful thinking of Brendan's side, but what ever it was it seemed to calm Steven, and suddenly he was like another person. Soon as the director gave a sign he started his performance and his confidence left Brendan breathless.

It had been joy to watch Steven through his TV screen, and it was even better to see him cooking live. Brendan could see the whole picture, not just his hands cutting the ingredients, but also the way Steven tongue poked out from his mouth when he was focusing, or the passion in his eyes. Still, no matter how much Brendan enjoyed watching Steven perform in front of the cameras, it didn't come even close the moments when he was still wearing his comfy home clothes and hair ruffled from the bed when he was sizzling sausages and bacon for Brendan's breakfast.

When the dish was ready and the cameras turned off Steven's shoulders dropped a little like what ever had just happened would have been exhausting. He made his way to Brendan and they had a little chat before Clark arrived and wanted to take Steven with him. For that few seconds Brendan had met him he could already tell Clarke was just someone who thought they were more important than they were, a show off. Steven seemed reluctant to go, but followed the man in the end, as Brendan didn't see any reason to stop it. He doubted the guy would be able to do any harm him.

Brendan started to make his way back outside, figuring which way they had come in to when he heard a click of heels coming to his way.

"Well this is a surprise!" Anne threw herself towards him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "You all alone? Where's Ste?"

"Guy called Clarke snatched him away."

"Urgh, poor Ste. Clarke's quite a character. Means well tho, so your boy is completely safe with him." She gave Brendan a wide smile before getting serious. "But you being here must mean Ste's little problem has not gone away, then. I was surprised when I came in yesterday and they had tightened up the security... Is it because of The Thing?"

"Sadly, yes. It's a bit bigger problem now."

"Oh dear. I'm so sorry to hear that. But, tell me, how is it going on with you two?"

"Okay, I guess. Bit different than my normal gigs. He's not quite my normal customer, is he."

"I bet he's not."

"What do you mean?" Brendan frowned at the way she was looking at him.

"Oh come on. I have eyes. You were giving him The Look when we came over, weren't you?"

"What? No I didn't." Brendan tried but Anne didn't seem to be fooled.

"Ste is very pretty, very single and very gay. There's nothing wrong with finding him attractive."

"He's also my very client," Brendan sighed. "You know you don't shit where you eat."

"Didn't know that's what you like to do with your boys..."

"Anne, I'm being serious. I'm supposed to be looking after him, not... not try to take advantage of him. You know what happened last time when I..." Brendan swallowed. Anne was touching his arm lightly.

"You know it wasn't your fault. Anyways, I'm sorry for joking. I just thought my cupid senses noticed something when I saw you two together."

"Yeah, well, I'm sure Steven is not interest about old guy trying to get into his pants."

"'Old?' Are you being serious?" She looked outraged. "I once dated a guy who was 25 years older than me, and let me tell you, there are perks with older men... Not that you are one." Then she was grinning wildly again. "You just admitted you want to get into his pants."

Brendan gave her a long look but couldn't help but smirk. "The boy has a arse sculpted by gods, what else can I say."

"Ooh this is so exciting!" Anne squealed. Brendan rolled his someone called Anne to get back into set. She gave him another hug. "I'll start writing my best woman speech for your wedding." She whispered, winked and strode off before Brendan could reply.

He found his way to the lift and then it was just traveling to the bottom floor and figure out which was the way towards the backdoor. While he was walking out he was pretty sure he would regret what he'd just said to Anne, but the same time it felt good to say it out loud. Well, at least the very, very mild version of his thoughts.

Brendan sat on the car to wait Steven, and to pass the time he texted to Cheryl, to tell her he'd been in the sets of the show. Like he suspected, her eager reply came back soon and for a while they texted back and forth. She was a handful at times, but Brendan still missed her.

When the passenger door opened it startled Brendan a bit, and he turned to look Steven when he scrambled in the car and slammed the door shut.

"Okay?" He asked and then had a better look at Steven. "Steven, you okay, what happened?" The lad was breathing hard and staring in front of him like he didn't properly see anything. Brendan's heart started to race. Had that guy touched Steven, he would get back inside and break his neck and -

"We need to go." Steven was shaking.

"Steven?"

"Please can you just drive?" Steven shot him a anxious look.

"Okay. Okay. Home?"

"No." He shook his head. "I don't want to go there when I'm... Somewhere else, please? Anywhere, but not home."

"Okay." Brendan thought for a moment and then knew where to take him.

Jeff waved at them when they drew out from the gate, but Steven didn't even notice. They didn't speak while Brendan was driving, and every time he glanced over Steven he looked distressed and distant, biting his nails or playing with his sleeves. At one point Brendan quickly pulled on the side of the road and run to a coffee stand to get them drinks, constantly checking the car during those few minutes, before returning to car and continuing driving. Finally Brendan reached the area he had planned. He left the main road, drove uphill and few minutes later they came into an opening with a grand view for the countryside in front of them. Brendan parked the car.

He handed one of the coffees to Steven. "There was no milk, sorry. But there's sugar in it."

"Thanks." Steven took a sip and made a face, and then they looked at each other properly for the first time since Clarke took Steven aside.

"Want to tell me what happened? Is there something I can do?"

Steven shook his head at first but then it seemed he had to talk after all. "You know that in our contracts we have to kinda agree to give the station some good publicity? Like attend to events and stuff?"

"I do, yeah." Most his clients enjoyed to push themselves out there and didn't need a reminder, but Brendan should have realised Steven wouldn't enjoy events like that.

"So there's this party coming up, anniversary or something, and my boss wants me to go. And I was already upset because of that, 'cause I don't like those things even when everything is normal and now... Anyway, then he told me that... that Noah is coming there too. 'Cause apparently he's moving stations again and is coming back to ours." Steven stared at his coffee cup like he wanted to murder it.

"Noah?"

"My ex." His voice was very small.

Oh. Brendan turned a little sideways on his seat so he could look Steven better without straining his neck. "That what upset you?"

"Yeah, 'cause, me and him, we didn't... It wasn't nice. Any of it." Steven sniffed. " He was my first... first boyfriend and that."

Brendan hoped his face remained steady while his insides took a twist. "I see."

"I mean, I didn't know much about that and was just excited that someone wanted me so I didn't want to see at first how he just... used me." Steven looked like he was about to cry Brendan found a new kind of rage inside him towards this Noah fellow.

"Did he... did he hurt you?" There were flashes of memories of someone else Brendan had once known, someone who had been hurt, someone he ended up hurting too.

"No. Well, not in purpose, I think." Steven took a sip of his coffee and Brendan waited him to go on. "I had never done that stuff before, you know, so it wasn't... It didn't feel nice. And I thought it would just take time for me to kinda, get used to it, and it would get better, but I still thought that it wasn't supposed to be like that. I know it's not supposed to be like that. It should feel good, right, when you're..." His face went red and he threw a sideways glance towards Brendan. "I'm sorry, you don't probably want to hear about this."

"It's okay Steven." Brendan was surprised how calm his voice sounded. He had never been this mad for anyone, as he now felt towards someone he had never even met. The idea of someone having their hands on Steven so selfishly was almost too strange to comprehend. How could anyone touch him and not want to give him pleasure? Even with his randoms Brendan always made sure they enjoyed what was happening – that was kinda the whole point of it. His own satisfaction was strongly linked to the fact that he could see the desire from his partners, from being able to make them feel better than any man before him. To imagine that Steven had never had felt that kind of pleasure made Brendan's heart ache. "Are you sure it wasn't him on the security tape? That this is not all his doing?"

"I'm sure, it's not him. This is not his style, he likes to pretend his above everyone else. Can you believe it was him who dumped me? Because I wasn't _invested_ in to him enough. How stupid am I? Jumping on the first guy who shows any interest on me and let him.. use me, and then leave me because I'm not good enough." Steven's voice broke down but he swallowed and pulled himself together again. "And then he fucked off because he got a better job from another station but apparently it's not been as good as he made it sound because he's been coming back to ours soon as he'd been offered a raise. And my stupid ass boss says it's all okay because they have put his show in the first half of the show and mine's on the last one so if I'm lucky I don't have to see his stupid face on the set and won't cause a scene." His voice was getting stronger as he spoke and he was almost screaming at the end. Brendan reached out to touch his shoulder and that seemed to calm him down. "I just don't know how I can see him again."

"We'll figure it out, yeah? You said he's going to be in that anniversary party or something?"

"Yeah. And once I heard about that I said again that I won't go but my boss insisted. Because it's some massive launch to one of the stations financial partners new office building as well, so they have demanded everyone should be there and give their new place a good publicity. There will be tons of press in there and people will be asking who am I wearing and other crap." He managed to laugh at the end and hearing that honking noise, even if just briefly made Brendan smile too.

"Well, I'll be there for you, and make sure that Noah fella has nothing to do with you the whole evening. Alright?"

"Yeah." Steven nodded and they sat there in a silence for a while. "It's a lovely view." Steven said finally.

"Isn't it? I sometimes drive here to think. And there's a nice path bit further away for running."

"Yeah I won't be doing that." Steven said and they both let out a laugh again.

"Okay to go home now?" Brendan asked and Steven nodded again. "Good."

He turned the car around and they made their way back to the village. They didn't talk much, both of them in their own thoughts. Brendan was so conflicted with his own feelings. He knew it was wrong to even think about anything sexual when it came to Steven, but after learning how badly the lad had been mistreated he couldn't help but imagining how much he'd like to show Steven what it could be like. What it was to be wanted and respected. He was becoming painfully aware that it didn't mean just physically either, that Brendan wanted all of him. At the same time he had the memories of Vincent in his head, how vulnerable he had been when Brendan had first met him. How Brendan had broken his heart. He couldn't risk doing it to Steven, who had already been through so much.

His usual spot in Steven's street was free, so he pulled over and they made their way in. Steven was saying something about how Brendan could have his last night's left overs for lunch same time he bend to pick up the mail from the floor and flipped through it. Brendan pushed the door close after him and Steven suddenly stopped talking middle of the sentence.

Brendan turned to look at him, frozen like middle of the movement with one of the letters in his hand. "Steven? What is it?"

"It's another one." Steven handed the letter to Brendan. It was basic white envelope, like the one he had shown Brendan the day they met. Steven's name and address were written on it with clear handwriting.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I recognize the handwriting." Steven was shuddering. "I don't want to read it, but what if it's something to use like a evidence? Can you read it? Please?"

"Okay." Brendan ripped open the envelope and peeked in. There was just a note in it. Brendan pulled it out.

 _Are you thinking of me when he's fucking you?_

"Well? What is it?" Steven was agitated.

Brendan pushed the note back into the envelope.

"Just nonsense. Nothing you should worry about."

::::::

Next few days Ste settled into this new situation he was in. In a way nothing was different, he had his breakfast, went to the studio, had a rest in home before heading to the afternoon or evening shift in Tony's. Only difference was that he wasn't doing it alone.

Maybe it should have been more strange than it was. Maybe it would have been, if he'd hired anyone else than Brendan Brady to be his bodyguard. But he almost kept forgetting why Brendan was there half of the time, that's how natural it felt. They shared the similar sense of humor, and Ste loved their little banters and jokes. Brendan liked eating and Ste loved cooking, specially when he was cooking for someone. When they went to get more groceries Brendan always tried to pay, but Ste batted him away – it was his job to feed Brendan, and it was Brendan's job to make him feel secure.

In evenings they watched telly together, sitting on the opposite ends of Ste's massive sofa and Ste could feel the space between them and had to battle with himself not to cuddle up. Several times a day he had to remind himself that Brendan was there just to do his job. That Brendan was straight and not interested on him, that no matter how much Ste loved to spend time with him Brendan was paid to do it.

During one of his shifts in Tony's one of the waitresses came to him while picking up the ready dishes. Ste didn't know what Tony had told to rest of the staff, but none of them questioned Brendan's presence or how he got foods and drinks on the house each night they were in. But now this woman who had just started working there few weeks earlier and who's name Ste still didn't remember, came to him with a curious smile on her face.

"Oh Ste, your friend is so fit, isn't he! I just dropped him his meal and the size of his arms..." She looked like she was imagining those arms around her. "You know if he's seeing anyone?"

"He is." Ste said before he could stop himself, but thankfully the woman just gave a shrug and said "Pity", before picking up the dishes and going back to her work. Stacy, the other chef Ste was working with gave him a long knowing look, but Ste pretended he didn't notice it while focusing back to his work. He did feel awful about lying, but he also couldn't handle the rage and jealousy filling him every time he thought Brendan with those women swarming around him. If he paid Brendan to spend time with him, he wouldn't want him to flirt with any women during that time.

He felt almost as bad thinking about going for a drink with Doug on Friday night. Ste hadn't been directly saying Brendan what the occasion was, he had run it past in one of their conversation, mentioning he'd agreed to have a drink on a pub nearby which seemed to be fine by Brendan. Ste had been texting with Doug a little, but he was still having very mixed feelings towards the whole thing. Doug didn't give the same buzz for Ste's insights than just sitting on the sofa with Brendan did. But Doug was nice and seemed kind, the kind of person who wouldn't hurt Ste the way Noah had.

Neither Ste or Brendan had mentioned Noah since their conversation in the car and Ste felt relieved. He had been nervous of saying too much, he knew how straight blokes got uneasy when mentioning gay sex, but he was also glad that Brendan now knew the vaguely what had happened between them and why Ste had been so upset. He still was, and just the thought of seeing him again, working in the same station again made his skin crawl.

Looking it all back he could see why he had fallen for such relationship. If it even could have been said as a relationship, they had dated little over a month or so before Noah informed he was leaving the station and Ste with it. But when they had met Ste was barely out from the closet. After growing in a abusive surroundings where gays were made fun of Ste had had his fun with girls before moving together with Amy and Leah, followed by Lucas and it had been good for a while. But something had always felt off, causing problems to their relationship and eventually breaking them off. It had been only then when Ste had sat her down and talked with her. She wasn't as shocked as he had expected, and after gotten used to the idea she had started to encourage Ste to date guys.

There had been few drunken fumble in gay bar loos which made Ste feel embarrassed when he remembered those, but nothing serious. After he started to work in the station he met Noah who gave him the attention Ste craved. Noah knew Ste was new to it all, and it seemed to interest him even more. Few dates later Ste was eager and willing to do what ever it was that Noah asked, just to feel wanted and accepted. The first time had hurt like hell and Ste had to stop before it properly even started. Noah said it was fine but Ste could see it wasn't, that Noah had expected more of him and he had let him down. So when they tried again few days later Ste made sure to have a long shower beforehand to relax, and tried all the tricks he had learned form online to prepare himself. It had still hurt, but he had bit his tongue and gasped trough it, and Noah had seemed pleased afterwards. "The first time always hurts", he had said, only the second time hurt too, and the third. Ste had hoped more foreplay, that it would have been Noah to make him ready instead of himself desperately trying to make it easier, but that never happened. Noah always wanted him all fours, so Ste just leaned on his forearms and tried to breathe through it, waiting the moment which would make him scream in pleasure like he saw in porn. But none of the nudging and pushing nor Noah's sighs or the way he kept hold on Ste's hips made that happen. Maybe they all faked it in porn, after all.

But he had seen homemade videos, couples filming themselves, and it was different than the porn with paid actors. There was the connection, and the desire to give pleasure for their partners. Even if the guys weren't as attractive than some of the porn actors were, seeing video like that where they kissed and touched each other with love made Ste's heart hurt. There was nothing fake in those videos.

It was almost like Noah could have sensed that Ste was starting to doubt the whole thing, because before Ste had found the courage to ask Noah to touch him differently or suggest something new, Noah informed that he felt like Ste wasn't really invested into their relationship and that he'd be leaving him.

It had taken months to get over the hurt, embarrassment and feel of being used and now Noah was coming back to bring it all back up again. Maybe a nice guy like Doug would be exactly what Ste needed after everything that happened to him before.

Ste tried not to think how it might be with a man like Brendan, who made him feel all kind of things he never had before. His desire to let someone as strong and big to take over completely was both scary and erotic.

He had done his best to hide how flustered he got around Brendan, and hoped that it didn't cross his straight mind that a man could have a crush on him.

On Thursday Ste did his bit in the studio, and after that he filmed the longer part for Friday morning with a recipe which took more time to prepare than the short slot Ste had on live shows. It wasn't as easy, sometimes he had to stop what he was doing or do it again because director didn't like how he was moving or something. Brendan was always hanging in the background and this particular day, knowing that he would later have to bring up the subject of the upcoming date, Brendan's presence made Ste more clumsy than usual. When the director was finally pleased and rushed the material for the poor editors to make it presentable for the next day's show Ste quickly wished everyone nice weekend before they made their way to Ste's dressing room to drop off his chef gear.

Ste felt relieved when they had the short drive into his flat and he could relax again. Well, almost.

"Um, Brendan?" He said from the kitchen where he was preparing their teas.

"Steven." Brendan had made himself comfortable on the sofa, flipping on his phone.

"I've been meant to ask you about the tomorrow." Ste poured the hot water over the teabags. "About my.. When I go for drinks."

"You mentioned that." Brendan put down his phone and was looking at Ste. "I said it's okay, didn't I, you having a pint with your mate. You can't stop living because of this weirdo is stalking you."

"I know. But it will be very uncomfortable to you."

"Don't worry about it. You wont even notice I'm there. Unless you want to introduce me to your friend."

"Doug already knows you, don't he, and it would be pretty weird to have you with us when it's supposed to be a date."

"A what?"

"Your tea is ready."

"It's a date?" There was a tone in Brendan's voice which made Ste more nervous.

"Yeah." He blew in his cup. "With Doug."

"With Douglas? You can't be serious." Brendan looked Ste like he had lost his mind.

"Why not? He's decent." He felt the sudden need to defend Doug.

"I could fit that guy for my pocket. Is that your type?" Then Brendan seemed to notice he was crossing the line. "I'm sorry. I just thought I was going to look after you having a chat with a friend, not that I have to witness your _date_ with Douglas."

"You don't have to come, alright, it's just few street down, I can go on me own!" Ste knew his was pouting from the way Brendan's eyes dropped to his mouth.

"No, you won't." Brendan pulled himself together. "I'll go with you."

They didn't talk about it afterwards – in fact they hardly spoke at all. Ste felt miserable the whole evening, trying to come up with conversation at first, but even when Brendan politely answered to him it was like there was a wall between them. In the end Ste left Brendan watch TV alone and escaped to his room to have a early night in, only he ended up staying awake till the early hours tormenting himself with awful thoughts.

Maybe Brendan wasn't okay with Ste being gay after all. Or it was okay as long as Ste didn't bring that up. The conversation in the car might have been pushing it already, and now having a date with a man was like rubbing it on Brendan's face. When Ste had come out for Tony there had been some awkward moments between them and Ste had worried he'd ruined their friendship before things had got back to normal to his great relief. And Ste knew that if by some miracle he would have still been in contact with his mum or stepdad they would have made his life even more like living hell after learning his sexuality. So maybe this was going on with Brendan too, even when he had said only thing that mattered was that Ste was his client and his job was to keep Ste safe.

Next morning felt just as awkward and Ste was glad he had a early sift in Tony's so they could leave the house soon as they finished their silent breakfast. Brendan eyes were on Ste the whole time he ate, like he wanted to say something but didn't, and it made Ste even more aware of how unnatural the situation felt after them getting so close during the past week. For the first time during that week he was glad to let Brendan take his place on the bar desk while he could escape in the kitchen to get busy with preparing lunches for Saturday crowd.

One of the waiters informed there were few fans in again who asked if Ste could greet them, and once Ste had finished his current dish he wiped his hand down and went in the dining room to meet them. They were a lovely male couple, who had come in earlier to meet him and who sent him lot of encouraging fan mail too. They were getting married next summer and were asking if Ste could do their catering and saying what kind of honor that would be. Ste loved the idea – by next summer his contract with the studio would be over and any upcoming job sounded interesting, so he asked them to send him more details about the dates and their wishes so he could work out a plan for them. When the guys asked a waiter to take a picture of them Ste was aware of Brendan's eyes on him from the bar, but he did his best not to look at him while making his way back to kitchen. He couldn't have stand to see the disgust in his eyes.

They had a quiet ride back home after Ste's shift was over.

"Are you hungry, do you want anything to eat?" Ste carefully asked once they were inside his flat.

"The food you sent me in the restaurant was enough, thank you. Even though it was a salad..."

Brendan's attempt to joke eased the pain inside Ste a little and he managed a small smile. "There was double the ham so no complains."

Again Ste felt like Brendan wanted to say something else, but instead he swallowed and looked somewhere over Ste's shoulder. "What time are we going out?"

"We agreed to meet up around seven, if that's okay?"

"Yeah. I'm gonna take a shower then before we..." Brendan nudged his head towards the upstairs. "Okay."

"Yeah it's fine." Ste watched him disappear up the stairs and went to his own room to wash up and change his clothes.

He tried to think what would look nice on him, to show Doug that he'd been paying attention for looking good. The polo shirt he had chosen was tight and made him look so skinny that Ste felt bit insecure about his frame, but it was the smartest shirt he had if he didn't want to go in full suit. The jeans he chose were new and Ste wasn't sure did he like the way they hugged his bum, but hopefully Doug would find it appealing. But while he was styling his hair and checking how he looked Ste kept thinking did he look too gay and how Brendan would react.

Ste went in the kitchen to have a yoghurt for a snack before going out, and few minutes later he heard Brendan coming down the stairs. When he stepped in the kitchen area Ste felt like someone had punch him in the gut. Brendan had changed clothes too, abandoning the shirts he wore "on duty" and was now wearing a black sweater with a V neck and light grey jeans. He had trimmed his beard too, and the hairs growing in his throat were mixing with the ones peeking from the opening of his shirt. With sleeves pushed up revealing his arms he looked casual, yet he was oozing with masculinity. Ste prayed his dick would stay down.

Brendan's eyes moved up and down on his body, making Ste even more flustered. "Well don't you look nice for Douglas." Ste might have been imagining but it was almost like Brendan's voice was bit lower than usual.

"Thanks." He managed. "Are you ready to go?"

"When ever you are, Steven. Can't keep your date waiting."

Ste wanted to throw a comeback to him, or tell him to fuck off if he was going to be as difficult the whole evening, but arguing would just make things worse so he swallowed his anger, grabbed his jacket and made his exit while Brendan followed his trails.

The pub Ste has chosen was close by, just quick fifteen minute walk to the area where his quiet neighborhood started to melt in the more busier town. Neither of them spoke during the walk, Ste was still too pissed off, partly for Brendan being such a homophobic ass and partly for himself for still fancying him.

They reached the pub and Ste walked in first. It was early still for the party people to arrive, but there was still a nice buzz from people who had stopped in for a pint before heading home from work. He spotted Doug straight away, making his way towards Ste with a wide smile.

"Hiya, so good to see you." Ste had noticed a way back that Doug had a love for sweaters and he was wearing one now too, thankfully it was darker and more sophisticated than some colorful ones Ste had seen on him, but Ste was instantly comparing his to the one Brendan was wearing and was filled with guilt.

"You too, I'm glad we made this happen." Ste decided to bite the bullet and leaned in for a brief one armed hug. When he pulled back Doug was flushed red but looked pleased.

"I have us table by the corner and I was – Oh hi."

"Hello Douglas." Brendan had come stand right behind Ste, close enough that he could feel his body heat.

"Um. Have I misunderstood something?" Doug's eyes moved from Ste to Brendan and back.

"You haven't." Ste assured and gave Brendan a warning look. "Brendan just didn't want to stay home alone but he won't bother us, will he?" He placed his hand on Doug's arm. "Do you have something to drink already?"

"Not yet, no." Doug was still giving Brendan suspicious looks. Brendan stared him down like he hated the sight of him.

"You go sit down and I'll get us something, yeah? What do you want?" Ste desperately tried to move things along and get Doug as far away from Brendan as possible.

"Beer, please."

"Coming right up. Okay, just wait for me there, right?" And when Doug made a slow retreat Ste pushed Brendan towards the bar desk and ordered drinks for him and Doug. "Right. You promised we won't even know you're here, so you better."

"I'll be on my best behavior." Brendan said sarcastically, still staring where Doug had gone. "I just hope you two will be so you won't get into trouble with public indecency."

"Fuck off Brendan." Ste said before he could stop himself and the look Brendan gave him was so amused that it made Ste more angry. Thankfully he got his drinks so he just turned around and made his way to Doug.

"Here ya go. Listen, Doug, I'm really sorry, but he wanted to come and it's a free country innit, and he said he wasn't bothered -"

"Ste, it's okay." Doug leaned closer and placed his hand on Ste's on top of the table. "I was bit surprised to see him but can we just forget he's even here and, you know, focus on getting to know each other more?"

"Sounds good." Ste gave him a smile.

They got on chatting after that. They had spend hours together while making Ste's book so they already knew enough things from one another that they could ask questions if conversation seemed to be drying off. Ste talked a lot about his kids. Doug told about growing up in America and how he had ended up in England. They laughed. Doug had pretty eyes and he was kind. Every now and then either one of them made a small touch for the other when, like placing a hand on their shoulder when they laughed, or brushed their thighs together under the table.

Ste wished he would have enjoyed it all.

Part of him did, he was sure. All the while when they were talking he kept thinking that if the stalker hand't come in his life, if he hadn't met Brendan, this date with Doug would have been what he had wished for. But from the corner of his eye he could see the bar and Brendan's dark figure sitting there. Ste had a quick glance towards him once when Doug was looking up some pic from his phone to show him, and Ste had seen Brendan staring at their direction with a glass of whiskey in his hand. Every second Ste spent with Doug he was more and more painfully aware who he would rather be with.

But he couldn't have Brendan, and maybe with time he could forget why he did fancy him at the first place. Maybe he would start to find Doug's horrible sweater collection endearing. Maybe he would stop wishing his American accent was a Irish one instead. Maybe one day he would realised he wasn't faking his interest, but was truly invested on what Doug was saying.

At one point Doug went to get them more drinks, and Ste turned so he could watch. Doug went to stand on the other end of the bar, far away from Brendan as possible, and the whole time Doug stood there waiting to be served Brendan had his eyes on him, chewing a toothpick. Ste couldn't understand what his problem was.

Second drink became the third, then fourth. Ste was getting more light headed and Doug was suddenly much more fun, everything he said made Ste burst out his honking laugh and he wasn't even embarrassed about the sounds he made. He was just wiping of tears from his eyes after some story Doug had told him about his high school years, when Doug suddenly got more serious.

"I just want to say, I'm really, really glad we did this."

"Me too." Ste said, and it was half true. He liked this, he just wasn't sure he liked what was expected from him to do next. Maybe he should just go for it, getting back in the saddle, even though it seemed pretty clear that with Doug Ste would have to learn to be the more dominant one.

Their eyes met. Doug's dropped to Ste's mouth. He seemed to find the courage and when he leaned closer Ste didn't flinch away. He just closed his eyes and let it happen.

He waited a spark, a rush of warmth, the excitement, but none of that happened. It was like kissing his brother, not that he had one, but even his kisses with Amy felt more something than this closed lipped kiss Doug was giving him.

It didn't last long before Doug was pulling back and Ste opened his eyes. Doug was smiling, a little breathless.

"Wow. That was..."

"I know."

"...Amazing."

 _Wait, what?_ Ste's drunk brain was having a crisis, how should he go on? Lie? Tell the truth? Throw up?

He didn't have to do any of that because there was a black tower next to them.

"Steven, we need to go."

"If you want to go, go." Ste shoot an angry look on him and then hoped he hadn't because just seeing Brendan's face made him more flustered than kissing Doug.

"You are drunk, and you have to work tomorrow. We are going." And before Ste had the chance to say anything else Brendan took a firm hold on his arm and somehow Ste was standing.

"Let go of me!" He yanked his arm free and glared at him. Brendan eyes were dark and he looked annoyed. Ste would have wanted to stay longer just to rile him up more, but he knew Brendan was right. He had always been light headed with alcohol and would probably have enough hard time to make through his shift with hangover from these drinks he already had in his belly. So Ste turned to Doug who looked them with questions in his eyes.

"I'm sorry Doug, I hadn't realised the time. I really do need to work in the morning. But I had fun, yeah, so we'll... we'll do this again?"

"Yeah, yeah of course." Doug stood up too and came in for a brief hug. "I'll text you."

"Bye then." Ste said and while he was rushing out the bar he heard Brendan's "See ya, Douglas." which just made him more mad.

The fresh air sobered Ste a little while he was storming through the streets. Brendan was right behind him, like staying in Ste's speed was no problem to him. Because it felt impossible to escape him Ste slowed down just enough that Brendan could reach his side.

"What was all that then, Brendan? What's with the attitude?"

"What attitude?" Brendan asked but Ste wasn't fooled, he could hear the annoyance on his voice.

"Why are you being such a dick towards Doug? What he's ever done to you, eh?"

"I don't like him." Brendan simply said and Ste, who had been expecting Brendan to lie or avoid the question halted by surprise.

"Why?"

Brendan had stopped too and was looking at Ste. "Don't you think it's suspicious, this Douglas to come into your life around the same time these letters start to arrive?"

Ste had to laugh. "Have you seen Doug? Does he seem someone who can do something as horrible as that?"

"You never know Steven, it's always the ones you least suspect."

"But the guy in the video was not Doug."

Brendan shrugged. "I don't know, he could have wear heels or something."

" _Are you serious?_ " There were no signs of Brendan joking. Ste let out another laugh and continued to walk towards his home.

Ste unlocked the door and marched in, shrugging his jacket off while walking and throwing it aimlessly somewhere on the floor. He turned to face Brendan again.

"I think you just have a problem with me going out, right. Admit it."

"Well, maybe I didn't think my job description was to watch you to smooch with a yank the whole night." Brendan stepped closer, lowering his voice. "It's my job to look after you but watching you get intimate is not what I'm here to do."

"It was one kiss, one, okay. And it was you, wasn't it, who said I shouldn't let this thing stop me from living, yeah, that I should do what I normally do!"

"And is this what you normally do, Steven, hmm? Picking up lads and making out with them?" He was so close Ste could feel his breath on his face. "Maybe that's why lovely Amy wasn't so keen to move in, knowing she would have to sleep on top of you and who ever the fuck you drag in. Well, I won't have any of that either."

Ste was so stunned he had to take a step back. It seemed even Brendan was shocked by his own words and he opened to his mouth again, but Ste didn't want to hear what he was going to say. Instead he lunged at him, pushed Brendan's chest but even with his full force Brendan hardly budged.

"Fuck you! How _dare_ you? After what I told you about... You know, you know I'm not... And how about you then, all those people trying to get a piece of you, is that why you're so mad at me going out, because you can't go fucking around?! You'd much rather spend the night with someone else than be stuck with me! Do you have your eyes on someone? Who is it?! Or do you just pick up anyone you fancy for a night?!"

And then it felt like all the fight left him and he just stood there, gasping for breath. He gave Brendan's chest one last shove but there was no strength in it at all. Ste had to tilt his head to look up at Brendan's face. He couldn't read the expression he saw. It was like Brendan was battling with himself. His eyes were very dark and he was breathing heavily too. Ste could see his nostrils flaring up like in anger. For a second Ste thought he might hit him, but then Brendan's eyes moved to Ste's mouth and Ste thought he might kiss him instead.

Then Brendan pulled himself together and stepped back. He swallowed, and cleared his throat. "I'm going to bed."

And then he was gone, up the stairs before Ste had a chance to react.

Slowly Ste got himself a large glass of water and went to his room. He brushed his teeth and washed his face, changed into a pajamas and got into bed. All the while his head was banging and Brendan's words echoed in his head.

How could have he said that? Ste thought Brendan knew him, knew what he was like, that Doug was only the second man Ste had kissed since Noah. The upset and disappointment made him curl into a ball under the covers.

His phone buzzed on the the nightstand. It was probably Doug, thanking for a nice night of something. Ste almost didn't read it, but maybe that would take his mind off from what had just happened. He blindly reached his phone and opened the message.

 _Steven. I'm sorry. I was out of line and didn't mean any of the things I said. It was very unprofessional and I understand if you feel I'm not suitable person to work with you. But I want you to know I regret what happened and how I hurt you._

It took a while for Ste to process what he was reading. It seemed he wasn't the only one haunted by words they had thrown to each other. Above him Brendan was laying awake too. He then had troubles to come up with an answer, and settled with a small reply.

 _Sorry I pushed you._

Few second later a new message.

 _You have nothing to feel sorry about._

 _But I do. I shouldn't have said or do any of that_.

 _It was all on me. I know it's cowardly blame the whiskey, but I had one too many and it blurred my judgement. I'm sorry. Can you ever forgive me?_

 _You are forgven._ Being drunk was no excuse, but the situation they were in was pretty straining for them both. More than anything Ste wanted that they could get back to normal, that nothing they had said would ruin the friendship they had. At least Ste hoped it was friendship, and not just another job for Brendan.

 _You sure?_

 _Can we just pretend this nver happend?_

 _Deal._

And just when Ste thought there would be no more messages his phone buzzed again.

 _Goodnight, Steven_.

It was too much, all the longing and pain storming inside Ste, trying to hold it all in and suppress the feelings he had. He held the phone near his heart and cried.


	6. Chapter 6

Brendan felt so ashamed he wasn't able to sleep in the whole night. Even after the text conversation with Steven, and after boy reassuring that everything was fine between them, Brendan's words and feelings echoed in his head, making him burn with shame.

He shouldn't have had all those whiskeys, but what the hell was he supposed to do, when Steven was being flirty with that little guy right in front of him? It was either ripping the yank in pieces limb by limb or trying to drown his anger in the drinks.

It was been a shock to hear about the date at the first place. Brendan thought he had got to known Steven during this week, and he had been certain the lad had a thing for him. Not that it had made Brendan's situation any easier, picking up what he thought were signs of attraction knowing he couldn't do anything about it. But then Steven had decided to go out with someone who was complete opposite of Brendan, so maybe he had just got it wrong. And after learning what that guy Noah had been like, it made sense that Steven would be drawn to men who were so mellow.

Every time Brendan thought about Noah his blood started to boil. He had googled the fucker, he was perfect image of a gym bunny, and seemed pretty darn sure about himself too. Apparently the guy was popular, he had some work out DVD's or something and his morning exercise section had been such a hit that other channel had made a bigger offer to him. There were hardly any mentions about Steven in those articles Brendan had found, some speculation here and there where photographers had spotted them together outside work but Noah seemed to be more interested to turn the attention to himself rather than anyone he might be dating with.

Brendan only had Steven's vague explanation from what happened between them, but Brendan's imagination pictured several scenarios of Noah taking advantage of the poor boy. If he'd ever come face to face with him, Brendan would have hard time not to strangle him to death.

But was he any better himself, after all? He had promised to protect Steven, yet he had hurt him just the same. Seeing someone get what he wanted had pushed Brendan over the edge and made his frustration pour out in such unforgivable way. The way Steven had fought back hadn't helped; The fire in his eyes and his anger had just made him more irresistible in Brendan's eyes. As fucked up as it was, Steven shouting and pushing his chest had made Brendan want nothing more than pick him up, carry him in bed and fuck him boneless. It had took all his self-restrain not to do so, but to step away from the situation to cool down.

Brendan was sure he had never been so sexually frustrated as he was in this house. He wanked off in the shower and before bed and sometimes in the mornings too, imagining the things he would want to do for Steven, yet he never seemed to get satisfied from that. It was like a sweet torture to be near Steven, and feel like all he had to do was to make the first move and the lad would be all his, ready and willing. But last night had been a needed reality call. Steven wanted someone else instead. The words they had said to each other were a reminder why they would be such a bad combination.

It was hardly half six when he heard Steven moving around in downstairs. Clearly Brendan wasn't the only one with troubles to sleep. Going down and meeting Steven scared him. They had agreed to put the things past them, but could they really?

He took his time in the bathroom before carefully making his way down the stairs. He found Steven in the kitchen, surrounded with smell of fresh coffee. Steven's hair was spiked up in all directions and he was wearing his dressing gown on top of his pajamas, being swamped in it made him look smaller than usual. When he heard Brendan's approach he turned to look at him and gave him a careful smile. His eyes looked red and tired, and there was wariness in there but also warmth Brendan didn't deserve.

"Good morning." His voice was croaky and everything in him made Brendan want to pull him against his chest and keep him there safe forever.

"You okay, Steven?" He asked instead.

"Yeah. Bit hangover, and me head is banging, so I couldn't sleep. Sorry if I woke you, it's so early still."

"It's fine. Couldn't sleep." There was defined sense of carefulness around them, and they kept looking at each other like searching for clues how to move on. In the end Steven took the lead and started to pour the coffee, asking what Brendan would like to eat for breakfast, trying to make it all normal. Brendan was more than happy to take that route, and in the end they had their breakfast bagels in front of a telly, early Saturday morning shows filling the voids in their conversation. By the time they left for Steven's sift the conversation was almost normal again, only Steven still had that bruised look in his eyes which Brendan could see no matter how hard Steven tried to hide it.

The bar wasn't open during the day but otherwise the restaurant was very busy for people wanting their lunches, so Brendan sat in a stool anyway to stay out from the way while Steven did his magic in the kitchen. At one point one of the waitresses brought him a massive dish of salmon and oven roasted vegetables, alongside with a coke. She gave him a wink before leaving which Brendan hardly noticed because his thoughts were already on the food and how Steven had made that for him. Usually he did send in a bottle of beer too, but maybe the coke was his way of remind yesterdays drinking. Brendan tried to push that away from his mind and focused on eating instead.

Steven wanted to do some grocery shopping after his shift was done, so Brendan drove them to that same supermarket they had been before. When he had everything he needed they headed back to Steven's place, where he made them a Sheppard's pie for dinner. It was like their usual routines, only it wasn't because Brendan still could feel the weight of yesterday on them, the careful way they talked to each other. He desperately wanted to fix it, to get things back to normal, but didn't know how.

After dinner they settled on the couch as usual, and the distance between them seemed massive. Brendan always had the desire to reach out and pull Steven to his side, but now his urge to do so was even bigger. Thankfully he got a text from Declan so he had something to do with his hands when he was texting with his son.

Some point he realised that Steven was throwing side way glances towards his phone like it was taking away his attention from the series playing in the telly. Something Steven had said the night before suddenly came into Brendan's mind, and he remembered the pained look on lads face when he had said it.

"It's Deccy, my oldest boy." He explained because he didn't want Steven to think he was texting with other men. "Just asking how he's been."

"Oh." Steven looked both ashamed of getting caught and surprised that Brendan would share something like that to him. After a while he carefully asked "How old is he?"

"Fourteen. Padraig, my youngest, he's almost ten."

"Padraig." Steven tried and Brendan laughed to his effort.

"Most of people just call him Paddy." Then before he could stop himself he flipped through his picture gallery, found the most recent picture Declan had sent him and showed it to Steven. "Here they are."

Steven studied the picture carefully for a long time. It was a nice picture of them, taken in Dublin bay during sunny summer day.

"Paddy looks a lot like you." Steven said with a small smile. "Is Declan more like their mum?"

"Funnily enough, he's not. She's dark haired too, so who knows where he gets his coloring."

"But Cheryl is light haired too, maybe it just runs in the family." Steven gave the phone back to Brendan.

"She gets that from her ma. We have same dad, but different mum." He explained and there was a look of revelation on Steven's face.

"Well, they look like nice boys. You must miss them."

"I do, yeah. But they are good with their mum, so. They came to stay over during Easter Holiday and one week in start of their summer holiday, when Eileen was kind enough to let them come." He didn't know why he was telling all this to Steven, he usually didn't like to share personal information. "Things haven't been good with us since the.. since the divorce." Since Eileen found him in a bed with another man and discovered her husband was gay. "Declan though, he's a good lad, he tries to make things work and he's old enough to make his own decisions so if he wants to see his old man she can't stop him without sounding unreasonable."

That had been Brendan's greatest fear, that his sons would despise him after learning who he really was. Declan had been angry for a while, but in the end he had accepted him and now he regularly kept contact with his dad, and tried to make Paddy do the same. Padraig had been much younger during the divorce and it was much harder for Brendan to try and connect with him. Him wanting to come with his brother to see their dad and aunt was a success enough.

"He sounds like a good person." Steven said and Brendan gave him a nod. "Thank you for.. sharing this."

"Steven, are we okay?" Brendan couldn't stop himself from asking. "I know you said but.. Are we really?"

"We are." Steven swallowed. "I know this must be hard for you, to... Be stuck in here. But I really.. I really like you being here, and you've been more like a mate for me than... And I really don't want to ruin that."

A mate. The word stung but Steven wanted him to stuck around, so at least he had that.

"I don't want to ruin that either. You know I would take back all I said if I could."

"I know." Steven's voice was small and then he smiled to Brendan again. "So, we really are good, okay, and will stop talking about it, yeah?"

"Okay, Steven." The weight inside Brendan eased a little. They didn't talk much after that, but the tension between eased way enough to relax Brendan and make it feel like any other night they had for the past week.

At some point it started to rain; the sound of drops hitting on the roof mixed with sounds of television and maybe it was that soothing sound or the day they had behind them, but Steven had fallen asleep. He was half leaning on the armrest and half laying on the sofa, almost in a fetal position, face squished against one of the pillows. His soft puffs of breath were almost lost in the sound of rain, but Brendan was so tuned into him that he could still hear them. Steven's lashes looked even longer with his eyes closed, casting shadows on those high cheekbones. His mouth was slightly open.

Brendan wasn't sure how long he had been staring at him, completely forgetting the television. He reached the remote placed between them and turned TV off, and then moved slowly not to disturb Steven, crouching in front of him on the floor.

He was supposed to wake him up, that what he was going to do, to tell him to get in the bed instead and not hurt his neck by staying in that position on the couch. But when he reached his hand to shake Steven awake, he hesitated. Before he could stop himself he slowly reached to stroke Steven's cheek instead. It was smooth and warm under his fingers.

Steven stirred and Brendan quickly pulled his hand away and stood up. Steven was frowning his eyes closed and then opened them. He tilted his head and focused his hazed gaze to Brendan.

"Did I fall asleep?"

"Looks like it. I was just about to wake you."

Steven pushed himself up and had a little stretch, then he touched the cheek Brendan had just caressed. He looked puzzled for a second but to Brendan's relief he didn't say anything, just stood up and yawned.

"Guess I go continue this to bed then. I want to be full of energy for the kids tomorrow."

"Yeah, better get some sleep." They walked on the hallway. "Goodnight, Steven."

"Night, Bren." Steven mumbled back.

Back in his room Brendan once again thought how it would be best for everyone if he would drop out from this case now, when he still had some self control left. He could ask Joel to move in with Steven, or introduce him to some of his rivals, who would be more than happy to take on a job like this. But even when he went on that train of thoughts he already knew that in the morning, when he would see Steven's smile in the kitchen it would take a fucking army to tear him away from the lad. It was not only that Brendan didn't trust anyone else to look after Steven as intensely as he did, he knew no one else would care him as much as Brendan did.

Care was starting to be a word too weak to describe it.

In the end Brendan felt too riled up for sleep, so he let his imagination drift back to how soft Steven's skin has felt. How skinny he had looked the night before, in that tight shirt of his. That mouth, the way he licked his bottom lip. How good it would look around Brendan's cock, lips wet from saliva and cum. It didn't take long for him to come and he was thankful that years living with Cheryl had made him learn to be quiet. He cleaned the mess with tissues and was finally relaxed enough to drop off.

As he had known, the next morning any thoughts about leaving were out from the window. Steven seemed more of himself now, the radio was back on and he was singing horribly alongside with the pop songs while doing a fry up.

"I guess we can have a greasy breakfast today, as we are going to be outside. You are going to do your exercises again, yeah, so you can have something unhealthy." He joked as plating food ready.

"What are you, my dietician?" Brendan asked and Steven laughed.

"I just want you to stay healthy, don't I? Here, can you take the trash out while I finish this up?"

Brendan took the bag, went to the front door and pulled it open. He wasn't looking down so he almost step on the box laid down on the front step. He quickly glanced around but of course there was no one there, and by the sight of the box it had been there whole night, moist from the rain.

Brendan crouched down and picked it up. There was no note outside, so he carefully lifted the lid.

It was a heart this time. Too small to be human, so Brendan guessed it was maybe from a cat, or a small dog. The note was inside the lid.

 _You are breaking my heart Steven._

Brendan pulled out his phone from pants pocket and took a picture of it, chose DC Scott's number and sent it in. Then he took the box and the trashes to the bin and showed them both inside.

"You took your time." Steven joked when Brendan got back in. "I thought I lost ya."

"Just wanted to enjoy the fresh air. I like how air smells after the rain." Brendan said and that seemed to settle Steven.

Steven chatted away during the breakfast and even when Brendan kept listening his thoughts also drifted back to the box and it's content. It must have been early hours of the morning when it was delivered, or the rain would have ruined it completely. Brendan had been full sleep on then, dreaming about Steven's nice firm ass.

When they finished eating Brendan made his excuse and run upstairs, opened his laptop and logged in Steven's security system. He fast forwarded through last nights tape from the front door, until at 3:56 there was the same hooded figure making quick entrance on screen, running up steps on Steven's door, placing the box and leaving. Guy was good, hiding his face the whole time so it was impossible to recognise who he was. It took a while for Brendan to figure out how to work with the tape, but eventually he managed to send it into DC Scott's email with a short explanation of what had happened. He doubted the would hear back from him, because he had just got a short confirmation that Scott had received the message from the note sent to Steven last week.

They drove to Amy's place to see the kids few hours later, and this time Amy seemed much cooler for Brendan being there. She still kept throwing some curious glances towards him while she and Steven went on about kids related stuff, there were no hostility. It also seemed that Leah had no reservation towards Brendan at all, she was instantly on him telling what she had learned in school. Lucas on the other hand was still wary and rather kept holding back and only came closer after seeing Leah being so brave.

"Is the hairy man coming to park with us again?" Leah asked to her dad when they were putting on shoes and jackets. Brendan could tell how hard it was for Steven not to laugh.

"He is yeah, only he's having a run again, just like last time."

"You could swing with us if you want." Leah said to Brendan and this time Steven did let out a honk, probably imagining Brendan trying to fit himself into a swing set.

"Maybe later Princess, once I've had my exercise." Brendan said when they were making their way into the park.

"Why you need to exercise?"

"Because he wants to stay fit, doesn't he." Steven said and threw Brendan a look he could have swear was appraising. Then the kids changed the subject and finally Steven let them run off to the playground. Brendan made sure Steven was okay alone and then went off to run his tracks again.

Even when the ground was wet from the last nights rain it was still a good run, he got his muscles warm and found his stride, keeping an eye for his surroundings while enjoying the exercise. It also gave him a moment with his thoughts. He didn't want to worry Steven with the notes and presents his fan was leaving. There was no point of making him more nervous, specially now when he was worrying about the upcoming party and possibility of meeting Noah. Brendan would make sure his life was as stress free as possible.

After he was pleased with his run he made his way back to Steven and the kids. The kids were being hyper, running around noisily but the look on Steven's face was pure love. He had promised to take them for an ice cream and that had made them even more excited.

"Steven, it's September." Brendan pointed out "Who eats ice cream in the fall?"

"Shut up." He smiled at him. "I didn't mean getting them from a stand. There's a nice cafe close by, they sell ice cream inside. And they make milkshakes and hot chocolate too if we change our mind."

"You do know ice creams and milkshakes are basically the same thing, don't you?" Brendan teased and Steven made a face to him. It seemed he was also going for a playful shove, but changed his mind in the last moment, probably remembering how he lunged at Brendan in few nights back.

"Right then, you little monsters, shall we go, eh, and see will the nice ladies in the cafe let us in when Brendan is all sweaty and smelly?"

It turned out they did, and it was a nice place, Brendan had to admit. Leah wanted a hot chocolate but both Lucas and Steven chose an ice cream dishes, and Brendan thought fuck it and got himself a ball too. He also managed to pay it all before Steven realised it.

"Add it in to my bill." He said with a wink. When they took over a table Brendan noticed some of the customers threw a knowing glances towards them and he realised how it must look – Two dads out for a Sunday treat with their kids. Steven seemed to notice it too, and looked almost apologising. Brendan didn't mind though. He didn't march around announcing his sexuality, but he didn't care what random people thought about him. And sitting there, eating his mint chocolate chip ice cream in the middle of September, listening Steven chatter with the kids he couldn't help but thinking how it wouldn't be so bad to be part of a family like this.

They took the kids home after that. Amy asked would they like to have a cup of tea before heading away, and even when Brendan tried to make his excuses he somehow found himself sitting on a sofa which was probably older than he was, drinking tea while Steven and Amy talked about the upcoming week and settling out schedules. Steven was having lesser shifts on Tony's during the week so he, and obviously Brendan, could come and see the kids some other day too. Brendan also heard Steven telling her about the party on Friday, but he made it sound like he wanted to go and didn't mention Noah being there. Brendan wondered did Amy pick something up from the way Steven was faking his excitement, but she kindly didn't ask.

When they were saying their goodbyes Steven kneel down to hug the kids and to Brendan's surprised Leah came to him for a hug too. For a second or two his brain refused to function, he had no idea how to react for a little girl standing next to him with outstretched arms. Steven gave him an encouraging nod so Brendan did what he had seen Steven do, crouched down so she could wrap her arms around his neck briefly.

"Leah likes you." Steven said when they were driving back to his. "She was asking all kind of questions about you."

"Yeah? She's a curious one, ain't she?"

"Thanks for being so good with them. I know it's not part of your job but you are doing well."

"My pleasure, Steven." Brendan said and Steven gave him a soft smile. "How are you feeling about Friday?" Brendan carefully asked, wanting to change the subject.

"Don't ask. It's bad enough to be there with all those famous people and having to stand around for photos and stuff. But if Noah's there... I don't know how I'm going to handle that."

"You don't have to. I will handle it for you." Brendan though the fire on Steven's eyes during their fight, and the power of his rage. It could well be that Brendan would have to save Steven from his own anger and stop him from attacking Noah. "I'm gonna look after you."

"I know." Steven said.

::::::

Ste tried to keep himself busy through the week to stop him from worrying over the party on Friday night. He had a long shift on Tony's on Monday and on Tuesday after his morning show. On Wednesday Amy had a meeting after her work so Ste went to pick up kids from school and from daycare and took them to their home. He kinda felt sorry for Brendan having to hang around too, and tried not to imagine what the teachers and daycare staff might think about them.

Back at Amy's place he wanted to do something nice with the kids and they ended up baking her a cake. Leah wanted Brendan to take part of it too, and after a several attempts trying to get away from it Brendan was mixing in some flours looking extremely suspicious.

"You don't cook much, do you?" Ste asked amused and got some annoyed death glares from Brendan while Leah found it all funny. They managed to get the cake in the oven and get place tidied up before Amy was back just in time for the cake to come out. They had it for tea with kids before leaving, and on their way home Ste tried not to think how much he had enjoyed Brendan being there with him and his kids.

It was another reason he tried to stay busy, to stop himself from thinking his feelings towards Brendan, but that was a lost battle.

After their fight Ste had accepted that Brendan was leaving him. Not right now, but eventually he would. What ever fantasies Ste's mind was coming up that was all they would ever be. He could enjoy his time with Brendan now, but it wouldn't last forever. Being jealous was pointless and there would be no way Brendan would suddenly go gay for him. They were just spending so much time together, that it was natural for Ste to feel close to him. Soon as Brendan would walk away from his life things would get back to normal.

That what he kept saying to himself, over and over, several times a day.

He couldn't stop his dreams though, where Brendan always wanted him. When Ste woke up in mornings with a hard on after dreaming about Brendan's weight on him he felt betrayed by his own body. But it had been ages when he last had sex, and the sex he had then hadn't been good so it wasn't no surprise he was horny. He settled for wanking off in the shower hoping the sound of water would drown down the moans he couldn't hold back while picturing Brendan fucking him. He felt very embarrassed afterwards and worried Brendan could some how sense the way Ste was using him to get himself off.

There was also Doug, who had been texting Ste a lot, making him feel very guilty of how he was treating the poor american. He used the excuse of work for not being able to see him, but he did wonder how long Doug would be buying that. Ste did like him, he really did, but trying to imagine him as anything else than a friend was too hard. Also Ste tried to imagine how Doug would handle the situation with the stalker, and that didn't encourage him for another date either.

It did seem like Brendan had become bit more open with Ste and it surprised him. Since the Saturday night Brendan had talked more about his sons and overall the life he was having outside work. Nothing major, he wasn't a talker like Ste himself was, but Ste hang on every word. He learned Brendan had born and lived in Dublin since his mum had died. He had married his ex wife, Eileen, and had kids when he was very young, just like Ste had. After the divorce Brendan had moved in England, to live with Cheryl. One of his favorite shows was Knight Rider and he liked all kind of old movies Ste had never heard of. He liked to listen songs which Ste thought were depressing, his favorite singer being Johnny something.

Ste also learned Brendan was afraid of spiders.

It has been Tuesday evening, after getting back to Ste's place from Tony's when Brendan went upstairs. Ste had been regarding the ingredients inside the fridge to decide what he should get from the store the next day when the was a loud bang and shout from upstairs bathroom.

Ste's heart had started to race, he thought about how someone had broken in the flat and had now jumped on Brendan. Before stopping to think he quickly ran up the stairs, ready to fight who ever was in there. Brendan had just rushed out from the bathroom on the hallway and had looked shaken. He was also topless.

"Brendan? You okay?"

He had looked embarrassed. "I'm fine Steven, I just got... There is a.. There's a spider in the bathroom."

"A what?" Ste had been confused. Brendan had looked like he wished the ground to swallow him.

"A spider. I don't like spiders."

Ste had tried not to smile. It had felt so strange that a guy like Brendan would seriously be scared of bugs but his body language left no room for doubt. Ste had pushed the bathroom door open and made his way in and indeed, there it was, right on top of the mirror. Ste felt quite bad from squishing it with a toilet paper, but he had thought Brendan might not be able to sleep if the spider was in the house. He had swallowed his comments because Brendan had looked so embarrassed, and also because Ste had worried about the amount of saliva that was in danger to pour out if he had opened his mouth. He had left Brendan into his business and had escaped to have a shower of his own, second one of the day but the sight of Brendan's tight muscles, body hair and tattoos had been enough to drive him on the edge again.

If the stalker wouldn't get caught soon Ste could very easily just combust.

But as hard as Ste tried his nerves were getting on him. He managed somehow muddle through his live show on Thursday, but when they were filming his weekend episode he kept messing things up so much that the director got annoyed. They had to keep cutting the scene and do things again several times before he was pleased with the amount of footage they had, saying he hoped there was enough for the editors to scrape something up. So on top of feeling nervous Ste was also feeling miserable and the filming had taken up so much time that he hardly had time to go back home before his afternoon shift in Tony's. Brendan had one look on Ste's defeated face when he got off the set and once Ste had changed his clothes and took on all the notes which Mr Clarke had left him regarding Friday Brendan drove him away from the building as fast as he could.

Instead of taking him home Brendan drove around for a while until parking in front of a cafe. Before Ste could properly realise what was happening he had been taken in, sat down on a comfy armchair and Brendan had got some fancy coffee in font of him. Ste felt so thankful he could have cried, but instead he sipped though his very sweet coffee and listened Brendan's low voice when he was telling him about Dublin and other places Ste had never seen. They only had an hour but it was enough to calm Ste down so that when they got in to Tony's and Ste walked on the kitchen he was able to get through his shift with no troubles. It was strange how Brendan seemed to always know what he needed, even without Ste saying anything.

From the moment Ste woke up on the Friday morning it was like preparing for the battle. He could hardly eat anything from being so anxious by the thought of having all those cameras on him, all those people around him. What if someone wanted to interview him and he would say something stupid? Brendan had to force him to have some yogurt saying he wouldn't want Ste to faint on the red carpet.

Around noon they had to drive into a fancy store which sold dresses and suits, where Mr Clarke had already made a reservation of a suit knowing Ste would be useless in that kind of thing. The assistant was a very friendly guy, dressed suitably for the job, helping Ste in the fitting room to try on different suits they thought would be good for him. Few of them were too big and Ste was again feeling very self-conscious about his size, but there were two which looked okay and the assistant was very pleased with them, going on with his monologue Ste was hardly listening. The other was plain black one, but the other had a dark waistcoat and a lighter jacket, and when he came out from the fitting room to have a better look from the bigger mirror Brendan gave him a appraising nod.

"Pick that one."

So he did. The designer was someone Ste could hardly pronounce and he hoped he wouldn't have to say it out loud for the reporters. Clarke had also hoped they would stop by a salon to get Ste a "clean look" but he thought fuck it, there was no way he would want Brendan to see him getting his nails polished and eyebrows picked.

The event would start at eight and Clarke had arranged a driver to come and pick them up at seven thirty as it was a long way to get to the place. Brendan had googled the address Ste has give him, and it was a new office building for one of the channels finance partners which was now wanting some good publicity with all the so called celebrities posing in front of their new skyscraper. Ste was pacing around the apartment rest of the day and nothing Brendan tried could make him calm down longer than five minutes before the stress was on him again. Around six o'clock he already locked himself into his bedroom to get into his bloody suit and trying to make himself look good enough for the pics.

There was a careful knock on the door at seven fifteen.

"Steven? Are you ready?"

"No." He moaned but faced his fate. Last glance on the mirror to check there were no toothpaste on his face and that his hair was on shape, and the he opened the door.

Brendan was standing in the hallway giving him a long look up and down. He was standing very still and Ste couldn't read anything from his expression. That always made him nervous, not being able to tell what he was thinking. Then he could see the warmth on his eyes which Ste had learned meant he was smiling.

"You look good, Steven."

"Thanks. You too." He did. His suit was so dark grey it was almost black, and he had a white shirt underneath with black tie. His shoulders looked massive and his waist narrow. Ste tried to battle away the memory of seeing Brendan topless.

"It's not me they are going to notice." Brendan tilted his head. "You're the star."

"Stop it." Ste hoped he wasn't blushing. He knew Brendan was just teasing but his praise still felt good.

There was a car honking outside.

"The driver's early, but I guess it's okay since you're ready." Brendan made a suggestion towards the door. "Ready?"

It was a black small limousine, parked in front of Ste's door. Brendan walked in front of him and opened him the door. There were seats facing both ways, and Ste sat on the one facing the direction there were going. To his surprise Brendan didn't come in with him but started to close the door.

"Wait! You won't come?"

"I sit in the front, Steven. It wouldn't look good for those photographers to see me getting off with you."

 _I don't give a damn about the photographers_ Ste wanted to say, but just made a small nod and Brendan shut the door. Brendan got in the front and the car started to move. Ste could faintly hear Brendan chatting with the driver, but other than that he felt completely cut off. He had hoped the half an hour drive would have felt longer, but they were there way too soon. Ste could see the flashes of the cameras and lights they had put on lighting the way for the stars to get inside the building.

The car came in to a stop. Ste could hear Brendan getting out from the front, and then come to open his door.

Ste stepped out to a sea of people. It was a dropping point for the stars, with a bit more space to get out from the cars onto the red carpet on the ground, which made it way to the entrance of the building. Few feet from where Ste stood started the area where the reporters and camera people stood, taking pictures and asking questions of people who had arrived before him. They were all posing against the background and looking like they were loving it.

Their car had already disappeared and the new one was driving in. Ste should move soon and get into the spotlight, to make way for who ever was coming after him. He threw a panicky look towards Brendan, who seemed to be torn on trying to decide what to do. Even while heading towards the anxiety attack Ste managed to wonder had Brendan ever had a client before who'd freaked out on the red carpet.

"Ste!" Suddenly Mitzeee was there. Ste realised it had been her car just behind his, and she had just got out from it. She threw her arms around him for a hug. "It's okay babe, just follow me," she whispered and Ste could have kissed her. He looked Brendan over her shoulder and he looked just as relieved as Ste felt. "You remember Riley, don't you? Aren't I lucky, getting two handsome man walking me in." Ste barely had time to say hi to this football player Mitzeee was seeing, before she had her one arm on Riley's and one on Ste's and started to steer them away and making space for the next arrival.

All he had to do then was to smile and try to turn on the direction he was shouted at by the photographers, but Mitzeee took on most of the attention. She was all wide smiles and sexy poses in her very tight red dress, answering some of the questions while constantly moving forward so they reached the entrance of the building fast while still giving the show. Ste tried to find Brendan from the crowd and then he was by his side again, somehow managing to move through without getting too much attention. Once safely indoors with no press Mitzeee gave him a hug too.

"Hello handsome, I think we managed to get our bambi inside with little drama, don't you?"

"Thanks a lot, Mitz, I completely froze." Ste was starting to calm down now when the cameras were out of his face. She smiled at him gently.

"It's my pleasure. Now, shall we..?" They made their way to the elevator line. Some of the buildings staff, judging by the uniforms, were standing behind the desk of some sort and one of them was furiously clicking something on his computer.

"Jesus what a nightmare, I told the system's not ready yet but they pushed through... Oh hello." He had noticed them standing there and seen the horrified looks on Ste's and Mitzeee's faces. "Oh I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to worry you, everything is absolutely fine, there's just been some troubles with the elevators but if there would happen to be any problems I assure it's fixed very soon." The elevator binged and opened it doors. "Have a great evening!"

It wasn't very assuring to get into the elevator, but there was another staff member to urging them in. It was a large one and they could fit several people in with no problem, and then they were on their way up. To Ste's relief everything went fine and they reached the top floor, where the elevator door opened to a wide space full of light and people.

They circulated for a while, Mitzeee waving hellos all around but even when Ste recognized faces he had hard time remembering their names. They found a calmer spot where they stayed to watch people around them, and there was instantly a waiter in offering them glasses of champagne. Riley spotted someone he knew, a manager or whatever, made his excuses, gave Mitzeee a kiss on the cheek and disappeared to the crowd.

"There's more people here than I expected." Mitzeee said. "I thought it would be just our station but it seems they are offering financial support for other companies too... Anyway, how are you boys? Don't you both look handsome devils. How do you like my dress?" She made a little spin.

"You look very beautiful." Ste said and she beamed at him.

"Didn't Riley look handsome too? I actually have a little announcement to make."

"You're getting married?" Ste guessed and Brendan made a sound of protest.

"I'm not, and what's that reaction Brendan? You said you liked him when I introduced you to him!"

"I said he wasn't as bad as your previous guy," Brendan said "Didn't say you should marry him."

"Well, I'm not, not yet anyways. But we are moving in together. _Then_ when we have lived together for a while I'll say yes if he asks. You should come and visit us, get to know him better." She stroked Brendan's arm and he made a grunt of displeasure. Then his phone started to ring in his pocket and he fished it out.

"It's Delcan," He said.

"Answer it." Ste urged. Brendan gave him a worried look. "I'm okay now, aren't I, and I have Mitzeee here to look after me."

"Yes, Brendan, I'll look after him." She reassured.

"Okay. I'll be right back." Brendan walked a little way off and disappeared behind the corner where Ste assumed was a more peaceful to talk.

"Well, speaking off living together." Mitzeee said and Ste tore his gaze away from the direction Brendan had gone. "How is it going between you two? How is it living with another man?"

"It's going fine, yeah." Ste said and her smile grew wider. "It's.. I'm not really... I have never lived with another man so it's.."

"I bet it's different. Exciting." She raised her eyebrows. "I know it's a pretty awful situation you are with your fan but it must have it's own thrill to live with a guy you know would give his life for you."

"I guess, yeah." Then suddenly Ste was tired to pretend anymore. "Mitz, I have done something stupid."

She looked instantly alarmed. "What is it, Ste? Is there something I can do for help?"

He shook his head. "No, it's about Brendan. I.. I think I'm falling in love with him."

"Oh Ste!" She almost jumped on him. "This is amazing!"

Ste frowned at her excitement, and then he got frustrated. "Amazing?! How? Mitz, you don't get it, do ya? What it's like to fancy someone you can't get, to have.. feelings towards a straight guy. It's like a fucking nightmare!"

"What?" Now it was Mitzeee frowning and then her expression changed. "Oh my God. I'm gonna kill that man. I thought he would have told you, he can be such an ass sometimes, I swear!" She shook her head and Ste was completely confused. She took a hold of his arm and looked him straight in the eye. "Ste. Brendan's gay."

 _What?_ For a moment he was too struck to get any words out from him and when he finally did it sounded like he had been punched in the gut. "Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure! I have known him for years! I even tried to hit him once when I was sad and lonely, and do you think any straight man would turn down this?" She pointed at herself. "Trust me Ste, I don't know why that stupid man has not told you himself, but he's gay. And not only gay, but he really likes you too."

Ste didn't know what to say. Then Riley was back, saying he wanted to introduce her to some of his friends. She gave Ste a worried look.

"It's okay, go on." Ste said. He didn't sound like himself. He didn't feel like himself either. Maybe he was having an outer body experience. Mitzeee gave her one last look but then Riley was leading her away and Ste was alone.

Ste drowned his champagne on one go and when a waiter appeared to offer him a new one he did the same to that one too. He remembered Cheryl saying Mitzeee was not his type with a knowing wink. He thought about Brendan's behavior towards Doug. _He really likes you too._ It wasn't Brendan being a dick. It was Brendan being jealous. Ste's chest was filling with something, something which made him feel lightheaded. He was also getting angry. For weeks he had lusted after Brendan, feeling bad and embarrassed about his crush, and Brendan had been liking him back all along.

"Well don't you look nice."

Ste knew the voice. In some other moment it would have made him feel nauseated but now it made him feel nothing more than annoyance. He turned around and saw Noah standing there, smug smile on his face.

::::::

"Hiya Deccy. Everything alright?" Brendan answered the phone soon as he got further away from the buzzing crowd.

"Hi Dad. All is fine. Just wanted to call ya. Is this a bad time, are you out?"

He must have heard the talking and music from the background. "I'm out yeah, but I have a minute. What's up? How's school?"

"Same as always. I was just wondering, we have a few days holiday in the end of October, I was thinking if me and Pad could come and see you then, or just me if Pad's not up for it."

"Yeah? That sounds great. It's just that I'm on a case right now, and I'm not sure if I'd be free."

"Your cases never last this long." Brendan could hear the confusion on Declan's voice. He was right though, he usually stuck around when his clients went on events or had a massive life change. He had never lived with one for weeks before.

"I know. This is a special one."

"Can you tell me about it?"

"Sorry, I can't." Brendan was feeling edgy thinking about Steven surrounded by strangers. " But if I get this sorted out before your holiday, you are more than welcome to come. And I think your Auntie Chez could work her schedule so she could look after you two even if I have something else."

"Seeing you is kinda the point of coming." Declan sounded disappointed.

"I know. I'm sorry. I'll try to arrange things, yeah? It would be great to see you too."

"Okay. Let me know how it works out."

"I will. Listen, I better go back to.. Back to work. I'll call you soon, alright?"

"Okay. Bye, Dad."

"Bye son. Love you. And tell Paddy I..."

"I will. Love you too."

Then he was gone. Brendan took a deep breath, and then started to walk back through the corridor he had wandered in. There were few other people too, making phone calls or just getting a breather by the look of them.

He made it through the corner where he could see the whole room. He tried to spot Anne's striking red dress, from the direction they had stood before Brendan took his call. She was no where to be seen, and it took a while to see Steven from the sea of suits. The one Steven was wearing was very fitting for him, and made him stand out a little. Brendan realised Steven wasn't alone. There was a man talking with him. From the hours Brendan had spent googling him he had no troubles to recognize Noah Baxter even across the room.

It was like entered some red haze. He was aware of moving fast and pushing people who were in his way. He could see Noah reaching out and touching Steven's arm.

"Get the fuck away from him." Brendan was on him, pushing him away from Steven, ready to rip him in pieces. Noah stumbled form the impact and Brendan registered a complete shock on his face which just made him more angry. "How dare you touch him!" But just when he was about to lunge at him there were hands tugging him away, pulling his sleeve and then that someone moved between him and Noah.

"Brendan! Brendan, stop!" Steven's face looked clear in that mist of rage Brendan was in. "Leave it, alright, let's just go. Come on!" He kept pushing Brendan's chest and then grabbed his arm and dragged Brendan through the floor towards the elevator. Brendan tried to make few attempts to get off and go back, finish what he started, but somehow he couldn't escape Steven's hold on him.

By the time they reached the elevators Brendan's anger was dying down. He realised what kind of fool he had made himself of. Steven seemed to sense it was okay to let go because he dropped Brendan's arm and took a bit more distance between them.

"Going down already?" The staff member who stood there greeting the quests asked bit surprised. Steven just gave her a grim nod so she didn't ask any more questions. Few moments later one of the three elevators reached the top floor and after all the arriving quests had came out Steven marched in and Brendan had no choice but to follow him.

No one else was coming down with them. Why would they, the party had hardly even started. Brendan risked a glace towards Steven, and his face was dark with anger. He was frowning and pouting.

"Steven, listen, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have touched him, but after what you told me about him I just lost my -"

"I don't want to hear about it." Steven snapped.

"Sorry." Brendan tore his eyes away from that bottom lip and stared his own shoes instead. "Sorry."

The elevator had a sudden stop and the lights went off. The darkness only lasted few second before a emergency lights went on, dimmer than the real ones but enough to make them see.

"I'm terribly sorry!" Voice came through from the intercom. "It's just a bit of maul functioning, bare with us a few moments and we get everything running again."

"Great, fucking great." Brendan didn't much care being stuck in a small places. He turned to Steven again. He was still staring in the distance like this sort of small inconvenience had done nothing to his bad mood. "You okay?"

"Brendan, why didn't you tell me you're gay?"

"What?" Brendan frowned. What was Steven on about? He had mentioned it, hadn't he? Hadn't he?

Steven turned his head so he could look at Brendan. His eyes were dark in the dim light and there was fire inside them. Brendan had never seen him so mad, not even during their fight after Steven's date. The boy was shaking from it.

Then Steven grabbed the front of Brendan's jacket and lunged upwards, crushing their mouths together.

The power and surprise of it made Brendan stagger a few step backwards until his back hit the wall. For a few second he was too stunned to do anything but then something in him just cracked, and his arms were crushing Steven and almost lifting him up, when he opened his mouth wider to let Steven in. There was nothing gentle about it, he could feel Steven's teeth scraping on his upper lip when he was sucking the tache in. Brendan had his own mouth latched on that bottom lip of his, sucking and biting it. It was just as soft and delicious as Brendan had dreamed it would be. They changed their angle enough for their tongues to tangle. Steven was moaning inside Brendan's mouth and Brendan could feel his whole body shaking against his. He pulled him closer, bumping their crotches together. Brendan could feel Steven was getting hard and he sucked Steven's tongue even more eagerly.

The lights blinked on and the elevator had a drop before continuing smoothly downwards. Steven jumped away from Brendan, to the other side of the elevator. They were both breathing hard. Brendan was looking at him, trying to figure out what he hell was going on, but Steven stared at the floor. His lips were red and wet.

"Steven -"

The doors opened and Steven rushed out. There were people getting in and almost blocked Brendan's way, but he reached Steven when he was standing on the desk.

"Leaving already?" The staff asked bit confused. Steven looked flushed and his clothes were crumbled from where he had been crushed against Brendan.

"Yes." Brendan had to clear his voice because it was sounding too rough. "Could you please call a car for Mister Hay?"

"Back door." Steven said.

"Yeah, if you could get him on the back, please?"

"Of course." The man picked up a phone. "The exit is just behind you, you see the green sign? Through that door, and through the corridor, it's not far away. I'll call the car, it shouldn't take a minute."

"Thank you." Steven said and he was on his way again, making Brendan rush after him.

They reached the exit just when the car drove there, same kind of black limousine they had come in to. Brendan rushed to open the door to Steven, hesitated just a second before getting in the back with him. He sat opposite of Steven and slide the window separating them and the driver open just to tell the address, and then closed it again.

Steven still wasn't looking at him. For a long time neither of them said anything and the silence was killing Brendan.

"I thought you knew." He didn't know what else to say.

"How? How should have I known?! You never said anything." There was so much hurt on Steven's voice. "You have _kids_."

"No offence, Steven, but so do you." Brendan had to shoot back. He regretted his tone instantly. "Listen, maybe I didn't think it was essential part of my job, okay. I thought.. I thought it wouldn't matter."

Steven let out a bitter laugh. "'Wouldn't matter.' Of course it bloody matters!"

"Why? Why does it matter if I'm gay or straight?"

"Well I just snogged your stupid face on the elevator and wouldn't have done if you were straight, so I'd say it does matter." Steven finally shoot him a bruised look before staring from the window again. "And then there's the whole you jumping on Noah, you were supposed to look after me and not attack on people."

"I lost it. I saw him touching you and I thought what you told me about him hurting you and I lost it. I said I was sorry."

"What about if you would have gotten arrested, eh? What if they would have dragged you away from beating the shit out of him, how could you look after me if you're in custody?" Steven's voice was calm but Brendan could see the effort it took for the lad to stay composed. He was blazing. "And you can't punch people just because they don't know how to fuck me right, you hear me?"

Brendan opened his mouth for a reply but Steven shook his head for him.

"I'm done talking so shut up, Brendan."

So Brendan shut up and tried to think. He was sure his sexuality had come out at some point. It must have. How Steven couldn't have known? But then he reminded himself how he had fooled his own wife for years, so maybe the lad was right. Maybe he hadn't mentioned it.

They reached Steven's flat. Steven was out from the car faster than Brendan had thanked the driver. By the time Brendan had got himself in the flat and locked the door Steven had already disappeared into his bedroom and slammed the door shut.

Brendan went to upstairs. He removed the suit and changed into his sleeping gear before making his way to the bathroom. While he stared his image from the mirror he felt so stupid. He hadn't been imagining Steven's attraction towards him. He had gone for a date with Douglas because he didn't know Brendan was gay. But it didn't matter, did it, because Steven was his client, and Brendan could not mess this thing. He still blamed himself for what had happened with Vincent and he couldn't take a risk of same thing happening again.

He could still feel his lips tingling from the power of the kiss. Fuck. They would need to sort this out, and sooner the better.

::::::

Ste had undressed that bloody suit and made sure it was hanging on the right way so it wouldn't get creased and the firm wouldn't complain to him when he'd return it. He had gone to the loo and brushed his teeth and changed into his pajamas and he had done it all while fuming with anger. He was mad at Noah having to come near him, throwing empty flatters and acting like nothing bad was between them. He was mad at Brendan for keeping him in the dark. He was mad at himself for thinking this would change anything. He was mad at himself for kissing Brendan, and he was mad at Brendan for letting it go on for so long. How could they go back to normal after that?

It was weird to look at the time and see it wasn't even ten pm. They had left the party so early and it felt like so much had happened already. Ste hoped Clarke would be pleased with the photos of him and Mitzeee in the red carpet, and that it would be a proof that he had been in the party if someone would miss him.

Ste's phone buzzed on the table. He reached it to read the message.

 _Are you awake? We need to talk._

Steven was tempted not to reply. But they would have to talk about this at some point. Maybe it was best to bite the bullet now than spend another night dreading tomorrow.

 _Yes._

He could hear Brendan's steps when he came down the stairs and through the hall. There was a knock on his door.

Ste rose from the bed and went to open it. There were no lights outside, but the lamp on Ste's nightstand illuminated Brendan enough. He had changed too, and was wearing his trackies and loose T-shirt. They stood there for a while, staring at each other, challenging the other to speak.

Ste wasn't sure which one of them moved first but they crashed together, Ste's arms around Brendan's neck, Brendan's around Ste's back, kissing. Ste had never kissed like that, it was full of desperation, need and relief. He could feel Brendan's hands stroking up and down his back, before sliding to his bum for a squeeze. There was a uh sound escaping from Ste's lips and then he was being lifted up, and he instinctively wrapped his arms tighter around Brendan when he carried Ste the short distance to his bed.

Brendan dropped him there and Ste shuffled middle of it, and then Brendan was on him, leaning down for more kisses. Ste's legs were wide open for Brendan to lay between them, like he was meant to be there. Ste's hands found their way to hem of Brendan's shirt, tugging it up, and once it was gone Brendan pulled Ste's away from him. His hands were on Ste's pants next and there was a unsaid question in the way he looked Ste's reactions, but Ste just lifted his bum so Brendan had better access to remove them. Ste slid his own hands down Brendan's back and inside his pants, squeezing his ass before grabbing the fabric and pulling it down. He looked down for a better view and his mouth was watering.

He had already seen Brendan topless but seeing him completely naked and a all new experience. The dark hair from his chest and belly continued down, his treasure trail changing into a dark hair above his cock. Ste could see he was getting hard, and that the size of him was both exciting and intimidating. He stroked his hands down that chest to the hard muscles on Brendan's stomach, over his hips to his back and up again.

All the while Brendan's hands were on him, stroking, squeezing where he found enough flesh to do so. He was looking down on him like Ste was a piece of art, something worth studying for. When their eyes met there was a knowing smile on Brendan's face and then he bent down to kiss Ste again, leaning his full weight on top of him. It was just like in Ste's dreams, the power of him, crushing and protective.

He got completely lost of the sensations. Feeling Brendan's hardening cock rubbing against his with every slide of his body. The weight of him, his hands, his mouth all around Ste. Ste's own hands trying to pull Brendan even closer, legs wrapping around him like they had a life of their own. It felt like there were no part of him where Brendan didn't touch, where he didn't kiss or lick or nibble. It felt like there was no part in Brendan which Ste didn't explore in the same hunger.

Brendan's hands were on his hips and he rose up a little, trying to flip Ste over. Suddenly Ste remembered the moments spent under Noah, the lack of contact, the emptiness.

"No." He resisted, and he didn't know what Brendan saw in his eyes but his hands were instantly wrapping around him, pulling him closer.

"Okay." He was nuzzling against Ste's collarbone, placing kisses there, and then sliding downwards, kissing along the way. He stopped on Ste's hip, licking the tattoo Ste had there for a good while before continuing lower. Brendan sucked Ste's thighs and stroked his legs, smoothing the hairs there. Ste reached to stroke Brendan's hair and Brendan gave him a challenging look before biting down hard on his belly, just under his tattoo.

It was "Ow!" at first but then the pain turned into pleasure, and by the time Brendan moved to bite on the other side Ste was moaning with it. Once Brendan was pleased with the bites he pulled back a little and had a look on Ste's dick. Ste was flushed with both arousal and embarrassment. Noah had never looked at him like this, like he was good enough to eat, but Brendan was throwing so shamelessly adoring looks on his body that Ste could hardly handle it. Now Brendan licked his lips and flattened his tongue on base of Ste's cock, liking up to the tip with one smooth motion.

"Ohmygod." Ste couldn't stop himself and crushed his lips shut to stop more noises escaping from him. Brendan took another lick and Ste had to squeeze his eyes shut for not shouting out. There was a hand on his cheek, thumb on his lip.

"Don't hold back. I want to hear you."

Ste opened his eyes and Brendan was looking at him intently. He hold on the eye contact while angling Ste's cock into his mouth. Ste breathed out a moan and there was a pleased gleam on Brendan's eye. He kept looking at Ste while slowly sucking him, and the more Ste moaned, sighed or cursed, the deeper and harder he went. Ste never had a blowjob like that. He had been sucked of plenty of times, Amy and the girls before her, the random bloke in the gay bar toilets, Noah. But it had never felt like this. It was like their goal had been to get him hard, to make him come, get it over with. Where as Brendan seemed to love it, like he couldn't get enough the taste or the sounds Ste was making.

He finally released Ste's dick with a pop and crawled back up settling on top of Ste, one arm sneaked around him and the other stroking his face. He looked unsure would Ste want to kiss him but Ste linked his hands on Brendan's neck and pulled his head closer. He could taste himself on Brendan's tongue, but instead of finding it disgusting it excited him more.

"Do you have the stuff?" Brendan asked when they came for the air. Ste nodded and pointed the nightstand drawer. Brendan had to rise up to reach there, and Ste was already feeling the loss of the contact. Brendan pulled out the lube and unopened pack of condoms. Noah had never spent a night in Ste's place, but Ste had got them in just in case. Noah had even suggested they'd take in the next step as he called it, and Ste had got himself tested just for Noah to dump him before the results (negative) came in. Ste banished the memory and focused on what was going on now. Brendan studied the lube and tutted. "Such a cheap stuff, Steven. We'll need to get something better."

"Yeah?" Ste felt a rush of hope inside him, would mean it wasn't just tonight when Brendan wanted him?

Brendan laid on his side again, popped the lube open and coated his left hand fingers with it. He shuffled closer and leaned to kiss Ste while his hand reached between Ste's legs. He was gently stroking behind Ste's balls and and making way to his hole. Ste shivered when he felt the fingertips brush against his entrance.

"You okay?" Brendan breathed against Ste's lips, and Ste kissed him as a reply. Brendan took his time, toyed with the surroundings, stroking, stroking, until Ste relaxed against his hand. Then he felt Brendan carefully pushing one of the fingers in.

Ste couldn't focus on the kissing anymore. He rested his forehead against Brendan's collarbone, hands around his shoulders, gasping for the sensations. When Brendan pushed the second finger in Ste let out a moan and dug his fingers in Brendan's back. Brendan kept sliding his fingers in and out, stretching him. Ste had done it to himself, but it had never felt like this. When Brendan turned his hand a little his fingers brushed a spot inside him, making him shout out when the wave of pleasure hit him hard. He could hear Brendan's chuckle.

"More." Ste could hardly believe what he was saying, but Brendan didn't hesitate. Now when he had found Ste's prostate he kept gently but thoroughly pushing it with his fingertips, massaging Ste's inside, making him cry out with every push. Ste could feel him inserting the third finger and the stretch and the rub on his sweet spot was making him see stars. All he could do was cling on Brendan and moan.

Brendan pulled his fingers out and smiled for the disappointed whimper that escaped from Ste's lips. He kneel up to roll a condom on, and to coat himself with more lube. Ste watched it all with hazed eyes. Now when Brendan was fully hard he was massive, and Ste was bit afraid - he could remember how much Noah had hurt even when he was average size. But Noah had never spent this much time to make Ste ready. Noah had never made Ste cry the way he had just from Brendan's fingers inside him.

Brendan leaned on top of him and Ste was already getting addicted feeling his weight. He ran his hands over Brendan's back while Brendan wrapped his arms around Ste, kissing him deeper that ever before. When he pulled back he looked deep in Ste's eyes.

"Are you sure?"

Ste could feel how much Brendan wanted him. He could see it in his eyes, when he looked at Ste the way no one else ever had, full of hunger and need. But Ste could also see something else there, the need for Ste wanting him back, need for Ste to be ready for this. If Ste would say no Brendan would back off. Ste was being trapped under his body, much smaller than Brendan was, but at that moment he held the power and it excited him. He circled his arms around Brendan's neck and lifted his head so he could kiss him.

"Yes." Another kiss. "I want this." Another. "I want you."

He could feel Brendan's cock nudging against his hole. Ste was afraid of the pain, but trusted Brendan. He wasn't Noah. He wanted Ste to feel good. He spread his legs wider and circled them around Brendan's back. They locked eyes and Brendan pushed in.

He was moving slowly, leaning his forehead against Ste's, looking at his expressions. Ste was gasping for air, willing his body to relax and allow Brendan deeper. There was the stretch, but this time the pain was mixed with something else, and Ste wanted more. Then Brendan's cock brushed against Ste's prostate and his head rolled back.

"Steven." Brendan's voice was strained.

Ste could feel how much the struggled to stay still, to let Ste get used to the feel of fullness. Ste lifted his hips, pushed against him and got Brendan deeper in. "Don't stop." He begged. "Brendan, please."

Brendan pulled out a little and then pushed back in, slow movements which made Ste's toes curl. Each slide Brendan got in bit deeper until he finally was fully inside. Ste was gasping against his shoulder. It felt impossible. It felt amazing. The pain was melting away from the pleasure, or maybe it was the mix of both which made Ste's skin tingle all over. Brendan's cock moved inside him, rubbing the place which made Ste moan, every push forced a cry out of him. He was aware how noisy he was being, but he had no control over it. His hands were all over Brendan's body, his back, his sides, his bum, his heels trying to pull Brendan even deeper. Ste's dick was trapped between their bodies, Brendan's movement giving it the delicious friction.

All the time Brendan's mouth was on him, kissing his mouth or side of his neck, teeth scraping over Ste's shoulder or collarbone. His hands cradled Ste's head or stroked his back. When ever their eyes met there was so much feeling inside Brendan's gaze that Ste felt like he could explode.

Ste was getting close. The forced his hand between their bodies to grab his dick, but it still wasn't enough. He could feel the warmth pooling inside him, but there was something blocking him, not letting him come. He let out a grumble of annoyance and then he felt Brendan's hand on top of his own.

"Steven, it's okay. Just let go. I'll take care of you."

Ste let go of his dick and grabbed Brendan's waist instead. Brendan pushed himself up, his other hand on Ste's dick, the other on his hip and he kept speeding up, hammering deep inside him.

"That's it, that's it." His voice was low and thick from sex while he stroked Ste with the rhythm of his movements, looking down at him like he had never seen anything as amazing. "I'll catch you. Come for me, Steven."

And Ste let it go. All his anxiety, fears and worries. All what was left was intense pleasure for being spread open like this, being fucked like this, by a man Ste trusted his whole life with. He could hear his own screams like from far away, he was shaking and all he could see was a white light when he came all over his stomach.

When he started to realise something again Brendan had pinned his arms down, leaning over him and pushing in almost punishing pace, the rub on Ste's prostate sending sparks all over his body. He was too spent to do anything, so he just looked up and met Brendan's eyes. There was something close to pure worship in there and he held his gaze the whole time Brendan was coming. Ste had never felt so powerful in his whole life. After his last grunt Brendan draped himself over Ste, stroking his face, kissing his neck. Ste was aware how sweaty and sticky they were, how Brendan's weight made it hard to breathe, but it only made him more pleased.

Brendan kissed Ste's mouth while slowly pulling out from him. Ste winced for the loss and instantly felt strangely empty. Brendan stroked his face once more and then rolled away.

Panic rose inside Ste. "Don't go." He grabbed Brendan's arm. Noah had always left him straight after, when Ste had wished to be kissed and held. He couldn't handle if it Brendan would walk away from him like that, not after what had just happened.

"I'm just going to get rid of the condom. I'll be back in two seconds. I promise."

Ste let go of him and true enough, Brendan just quickly tossed the condom in the bathroom bin before getting back to bed.

"It was at least four seconds." Ste said and Brendan let out a laugh. He then dipped his head down and started to lick Ste's belly clean from his cum. Ste was laughing because it tickled, but also bit shocked that Brendan would do that. When Brendan had done they got under the covers, turned off the light and Ste cuddled up as close as he dared, but Brendan pulled him even closer.

Suddenly Ste started to laugh against Brendan's hairy chest.

"What's so funny?"

"If I would have know you're gay we could have spent weeks doing this."

"Well, we must make it up then, won't we." Brendan said and Ste was glad it was dark so Brendan couldn't see the hope rising Ste's heart. They settled in the comfortable position, and Ste was already starting to drift away, when he felt a kiss on top of his head. "Goodnight, Steven."


	7. Chapter 7

_They really make up the lost time without sex in this one ~_

* * *

There was a warmth next to Brendan, a steady breath against his skin. The the memories came, vivid and overpowering, from last night. The fight. The kiss. The sex. He opened his eyes. All he could see was the mussed up brown hair from Steven's head, tugged under Brendan's chin. Brendan was on his side and Steven was laying his belly down, arm and leg draped over Brendan, face buried against his chest.

Brendan shuffled further away just enough to see Steven's face. Once Brendan moved Steven changed his position a too, had a little stretch in his sleep and then fell still again. His hand was still resting on Brendan's ribs, but now Brendan could see him properly.

He looked peaceful, face squished against the pillow. His mouth was slightly open and Brendan could hear the steady sound of his breathing. It was so far away from the expressions Brendan had see on Steven's face the night before. The anger turning into a lust, the need in his eyes, need of something only Brendan could give him. The confusion when Brendan was in him, like he hadn't known was it pain or pleasure he felt, but wanting more nevertheless. The pure oblivion once he finally let go and came, the beauty of his screams while his cum had spurted out, on Brendan's hand and over his own golden belly.

Well, that's it about _no fucking clients_ then. Still Brendan couldn't feel sorry or ashamed. Deep down he had known this would happen sooner or later. Now he would just have to make sure Steven would be safe, always. Brendan was in this balls deep now, quite literally.

He slid away from the bed, slowly and carefully not to wake Steven up. His clothes were thrown on the floor during last night, but then he spotted Steven's dressing gown and put it on instead. It smelled like Steven, not just his shower gel but him. For a few second Brendan got lost in the memory of tasting Steven's skin, smelling his prominent scent from it, how it got stronger and more arousing closer to his groin.

He made his way to kitchen, put on the coffee maker and went to study the contents of the fridge and the cupboards. He found croissants, and a jar of raspberry jam. It was seedless, the one Steven had bought it for him during one of their shopping trips when Brendan had said he didn't like the seeds. He put the croissants and the jam on a plate and took it in the bedroom, placing it on the nightstand as quietly as he could. Then we went to pick up their coffees, and when he got back he saw that Steven had awoken.

The lad was looking around, sleepy and confused, and when he saw Brendan on the doorway his face lit up with relief.

"Ain't getting rid of me that easy, Steven." Brendan set the coffees next to the plate, shrugged of the dressing gown and got back in bed.

"Am I dreaming?" Steven asked while instantly leaning closer to Brendan soon as he was there.

"Never had breakfast in bed?" Brendan reached his arm around Steven's shoulders.

"I'm not on about the breakfast." Steven mumbled against his skin.

"Really?" For a while they were both silent, before Brendan reached for Steven's coffee and handed it to him. "Drink up. It'll do you good."

"Ta." Steven had a sip and closed his eyes. "Mmm. You make good coffee."

"One of my many talents." Brendan had a swing from his own mug, mainly because he wanted to kiss the boy and didn't want him to taste his morning breath. He then took Steven's mug from him, put them both aside, wrapped his arms around him and rolled them so Steven was on his back and Brendan on top of him. That was quickly becoming Brendan's favorite place to be. Brendan took a hold of Steven's face and thoroughly kissed him.

It was amazing how Steven opened up under the attention he got. His hands were lazily moving up and down Brendan's flanks, legs wrapped around his. His mouth was open and soft, and there were quiet moans of pleasure he made while Brendan was sucking his tongue and bottom lip, slowly grinding down to him. He could feel Steven was getting harder. It seemed impossible to think that Noah had not seen what he had, that he had not know how to make Steven like this.

Brendan pulled back so he could look at Steven's blissed face. The lad was smiling widely up to him. His mouth was red from the kissing and from the beard rubbing against his delicate skin.

"Look at you." Brendan stoked his hair. "You were quite something last night, weren't you." And because he was a dick, he couldn't stop himself adding "I assume it was better ride than what Noah gave you."

"Stop it." Steven's face grew darker. "I don't want to talk about him."

"Sorry." Brendan kissed him again and it took a second before Steven kissed him back. "Looks like you're up for more, though." He teased and slid his hand around Steven's cock. He made a sound and his hips lifted. Brendan kept stroking him and didn't know where to look – Steven's face full of pleasure or down on his pretty cock, how nicely it fitted in Brendan's hand.

When he slid his hand down for a second to stroke his balls too, Steven took hold of his wrist and pushed it further down. When Brendan raised his eyebrows Steven looked shy, biting his bottom lip like a virgin schoolboy, throwing glances on Brendan under his impossibly long lashes.

"That what you want?" And when Steven nodded Brendan wanted more. "Tell me."

"I want you to... I liked it when..." Steven was getting redder. It was quite cute. "I liked when you used your fingers." He finally blurted. Brendan laughed and kissed him.

"Okay." He rolled to get the lube from top of the nightstand, then turned back to Steven. He stayed on his side and pulled Steven closer, hitched his leg over his hip and poured lube on his fingers. Steven looked hungry when Brendan pushed his hand between his legs and stroked his lubed fingers over Steven's hole.

Steven flinched and Brendan eased the pressure. "Are you sore?" He must be, if what he had been telling Brendan had been true and his last sexual encounter had been ages ago. Brendan also liked to amuse himself with the idea of being bigger than that fucking Noah judging by the size of the condoms which had been a bit of a squeeze for him.

"A bit. Don't stop though." Steven placed a quick kiss more on to Brendan's beard than to his mouth. "Please."

Brendan continued what he was doing, watching every expression on Steven's face. It was fascinating. The boy was breathing hard, his sounds were mixture of sighs of pleasure and _ow_ 's, but not once he told Brendan to stop. It was becoming pretty clear that Steven didn't mind some pain if it was mixed with pleasure. Brendan risked it and went in with two fingers straight on, pushing in slowly until he found his sweet spot, like he was already so accustomed on Steven's body that he knew how to play with it. Steven's fingers scraped over Brendan's shoulders painfully when he cried out while Brendan kept fucking him with his fingers. He could have gone on, massaging Steven's insides until he'd come but Steven pushed his own hand between them and wrapped his fingers around Brendan's dick.

"Fuck me."

Brendan slowly pulled his fingers out and turned to find a condom. Steven kept kissing his chest and lick his nipple while he tried to roll one on. "Do we need those?" Steven asked and for a second Brendan was confused before he got what Steven meant. "I mean, I'm clean so I wouldn't mind if..."

"I want you to be safe, Steven. I'll need a check up first." Jesus, he had only fucked the lad once and was already talking like they were going steady and could drop the protection. He had never been without it with anyone else than Eileen so he should be clean and the thought of going bare with Steven was extremely hot, but there was no way he would risk it.

"Alright." Steven nuzzled Brendan's beard. "Now get it in me."

"Yes, boss." Brendan quite liked this bossy Steven, hungry for him. He decided to try something new, to let Steven set the pace. He settled between Steven's legs and slowly pushed in, loving the gasping he got out from him. Once he was fully in he took a firm hold on Steven's hips and rolled them so he was on his back and Steven was sitting on top of him.

The position made it feel like Steven sunk even lover on Brendan's cock, and he was hardly breathing, just looking down on Brendan with his mouth gaped open like the feeling was almost too much. Then Brendan felt him relax around him and Steven sighed at first, then burst out a honking laugh.

"Are you alright up there?" Brendan teased while stroking Steven's hairy thighs. He had never seen such hairy legs on anyone, but they were beautiful, just like everything else on Steven was.

"Yeah. I have never..." Steven blushed again and looked bit embarrassed, and Brendan realised that he had never been riding anyone. Jesus, what had Noah done with him.

"It's easy." He took hold on Steven's hips and started to move them slowly. "Yeah?"

"Fuck." Steven's hands came for leverage on Brendan's chest when he surrender to Brendan's handling. Then he started to grind down himself, and Brendan moved his hands away, stroking his bum, his thighs, up from his belly to his nipples. Steven found the angle where Brendan's dick rubbed him just right, and his movements started to speed up and noises get louder. He was clearly a fast learner. Brendan had never seen anything hotter than Steven was when greedily taking pleasure from his cock. His skin was smooth under Brendan's hands, and he couldn't stop touching him. He kneaded Steven's bum, hard, and that made Steven moan louder. Steven's fingers were scratching over Brendan's chest, his dick hitting against Brendan's belly in rhythm of his movements. His insides were tightening in waves around Brendan and fuck that felt amazing, and he knew he wouldn't last much longer.

Steven's movement were getting erratic. Brendan moved his hand around Steven's dick and he had hardly squeezed it when Steven was already coming, shooting cum all over Brendan's chest. Brendan took hold on his hips and pushed upwards, and the filthy noises Steven was making alongside with the pulsing of his body drew him over the edge too. God how he wished there was nothing between them, and he could have come inside Steven's body instead of latex. Steven was still leaning on top of him, hands shaking, laughing elated and Brendan couldn't help but grin right back at him. Then to Brendan's surprise Steven ran his fingers over the spots of cum on Brendan's belly, scooped some up and then pushed those fingers in Brendan's mouth like most natural thing ever. Brendan made sure he held the eye contact the whole time he sucked those fingers clean, and he could see how the shy Steven and the filthy fucker Steven fought inside Steven's head.

Once he had done Steven pulled his fingers out and then lifted himself off from Brendan. Brendan's softening dick slapped against his stomach and he knew he should rise and get rid of the condom. But he couldn't help himself wrapping his arms against Steven's back and pulling him fully on top of him, kissing him deeper than he ever had kissed anyone else. When Steven pulled back for air and gave him one of his shy but pleased smiles Brendan knew that he was truly, truly fucked.

::::::

Ste had worried that soon as they got up the bed the spell would be broken and Brendan would just be his bodyguard again. And it was weird in the end how little things seemed to change. Ste got dressed, he made them proper breakfast which they ate together. They sorted out clothes for washing and Ste prepared for his evening shift for Tony's. They joked around, like before.

Only it wasn't like before, because it was better. There was something new and different between them, and it didn't make things awkward as Ste had worried. When they looked at each other the knowing and the memory of the last night was strong between them. Brendan was running his hand down Ste's back while he was cooking. When they ate they knees were touching and at some point Brendan rested his hand in Ste's thigh. Ste had a squeeze of Brendan's bicep when he was carrying a pile of shirts for the wash. At one point, middle of Ste chatting over something Brendan moved closer, pushed Ste against the wall and kissed him in such power that it made Ste see stars. It was the first time Ste ever considered calling sick and dragging Brendan back to bed to let him do what ever he wanted with him.

He was also nervous for going outside, because he didn't know how they would be around other people. They hand't talked about it, not a one word of what this was. It was all exciting and scary at the same time.

Before they left for Tony's Brendan stopped Ste in the hall, took his face between his hands and kissed him, gently, and then opened the front door for them to get out. Ste thought that Brendan might not know how to deal with this either. So he decided he would to his best to just enjoy what he had and try not to stress over what tomorrow might bring.

They had a nice, quiet drive, like words were hardly needed and they both just soaked in with the presence of the other. Every look they exchanged was full of warmth and shared secret that it was hard for Ste not to grin like mad when they finally got into Tony's and made their way in. Brendan disappeared to his usual place in the bar while Ste went to change his clothes. He wondered would people see what had happened from him, but everyone was so busy they hardly had time to greet him. Except for Stacy, who gave him a long look when he got in and got on to his first order, but thankfully didn't say anything.

Alongside with his orders Ste threw some stuff on the pan for Brendan too. Lamb with loads of greens, roasted sweet potatoes and spicy chickpeas. That should give him lot of energy after their activities last night. Ste must have spent way too much time making the meal perfect, because after he sent it out he saw how Stacy was clearly holding back her laugh.

"What?" He asked and knew he was already getting red.

"Nothing. I just figured out who your Brendan is seeing. Poor Alexandra. She never got a chance." Then she winked at him and continued her work.

It was weird how being away from Brendan, even if they were just separated by a wall, was enough to make Ste doubt everything. While he was working he was reliving the last night and this morning, but this time he was tormented with all kinds of thoughts he didn't like. Was it just a casual thing for Brendan? Had it been anything else than him needing to have sex and Ste just happened to be there? Maybe he had thought that being stuck with Ste would be more pleasant with added sex. Maybe Ste kissing him in the elevator had made Brendan think he should take advantage of the situation while he could. It felt too impossible that man like Brendan would really want him, when he could get anyone else he wanted. If Ste wouldn't have a soreness in his pelvic floor as a proof he could have doubted the last night happening all together.

But it was't just the pleasant soreness inside him and in his muscles. When he took a five minute toilet break and lowered his pants he saw the bite marks on his belly. He traced them with his finger, flinching at first then enjoying the tingling sensation they had. There had been love bites on him before, when he and Amy had first started to go out they had used to suck those purple marks on each other. Still, they had never made Ste feel this wanted, than he had when Brendan had marked him with his teeth. He tried to hold on that memory till the end of his shift.

And when the closing time came and the kitchen was cleaned, Brendan was waiting Ste in the hallway and there it was again, the feeling like he was tingling all over. Like Brendan was pulling Ste's every fiber towards him, and it took all Ste's willpower not to slot himself against Brendan's bigger frame there and then. The way Brendan was looking at Ste, like there was no one else in the whole building threw all Ste's worries out of the window. He quickly stepped into their dressing room to change his clothes, rushing impatient for the thought of getting Brendan home and being able to touch him again.

They hold their distance when walking out, and Ste's voice sounded weird, strained and nervous when he said his goodbyes to his co-workers. Once in Brendan's car Ste instantly turned more towards him and felt almost embarrassed for trying to get closer to him on his seat.

"How was your night, was it boring? Did you like your food?"

Brendan took hold of Ste's chin and leaned in for a kiss. No tongues, no biting on Ste's lip, just a quick but thorough kiss and it still managed to light up the fire inside Ste. The pleased smile on Brendan's face when he pulled back showed it hadn't go unnoticed.

"It was delicious. And I'll have you for a dessert."

Ste's dick made a twitch and there must have been some rush of lust on Ste's face because Brendan's grin grew bigger before he turned the engine on and started to drive. Ste fidgeted on his seat the whole way home, very well aware how excited his dick was getting. The drive had never felt longer.

Brendan stood extremely close to Ste while he tried to unlock the door to the apartment, making it even more difficult to get the key in the lock with the rushing and hands shaking. He finally managed and soon as they were in and Brendan had closed the door and set on the alarm he was on Ste, arms wrapping tightly around him, lifting him up to his toes while his tongue found it's way to Ste's mouth. Ste's arms were instantly around Brendan's shoulders, grabbing his hair, pulling the fabric of his shirt which was on the way, denying Ste's access to the skin underneath.

Brendan half pushed half carried Ste on the sofa, and they crashed there, never breaking the touching and kissing. Brendan had Ste's hoodie open and hands underneath his T-shirt, and Ste was nibbling his way on Brendan's throat, dipping his head lover to lick the part of chest which was revealed when the top buttons of his shirt gave up the fight and popped open. Brendan bit Ste's ear and slid his hand inside of Ste's pants, grabbing his bum and the noise which Ste made sounded primal even into his own ears.

He pulled back. "I need to... I need the loo."

"Okay." Brendan kissed his neck again and almost made Ste forget what he was supposed to do. He tore himself off and quickly made his way to his room, and to his bathroom.

He sorted himself out, only he was getting paranoid again of not being good and clean enough. Quick shower wouldn't hurt, and then he would be all ready for Brendan. So he took of rest of his clothes and got under the shower, only he had just started to wash his hair when he saw the bathroom door opening and Brendan stepping in. Ste got the sudden urge to cover himself, which he then thought was funny – Brendan had already seen every inch of his body and the look he gave to Ste through the glass door showed he liked what he saw.

"Mind if I join ya?" And without waiting an answer he started to strip. Ste couldn't look away when Brendan revealed his body, tossing his shirt aside, opening his belt, unzipping his pants and letting them drop. Socks and underwear, removed annoyingly slow, like he enjoyed making Ste wait. When he was finally gloriously naked he slid the shower door open and stepped in. He seemed to fill the shower cubicle with his broad shoulders. Ste felt paralyzed with desire, there was too much he wanted to touch and taste.

Brendan lifted his hands on Ste's head and started to rub the shampoo in, thing which Ste had completely forgot soon as he had seen Brendan coming in. It felt so good that Ste closed his eyes and leaned on him, hands slightly on Brendan's waist for support. Once Brendan had took the hose and rinsed Ste's hair clean, Ste squirted some shampoo on his hands and reached to Brendan's hair. He felt shy at first, like he wasn't sure if he was allowed to do that, but Brendan tilted his head to give him a better access as a encouragement. When Ste massaged the foam into back of Brendan's head he let out a pleased sigh, which made Ste fill with satisfaction. Once he had done his hair Ste didn't hesitate anymore, but started to spread the shower gel on Brendan's chest without any further invitation.

He noticed some red marks on Brendan's chest, hidden under the dark hair he had there. He traced his finger on top of one and then it hit him – they were scratch marks, made by him this morning. When Brendan turned so Ste could do his back there were even more of red lines, over his shoulder blades, his waist, even some on his bum. Ste hadn't even noticed he was doing it, that his pleasure had been so intense that he'd been clawing through Brendan's body.

"Do they hurt?" He asked and Brendan shook his head.

"Just tingle."

"I'm sorry." Ste said but Brendan turned around again so he could face him, slid his hands down Ste's back to his bum.

"Don't. I like them. I liked you to get so wild." Brendan also seemed to say things which made Ste blush and embarrassed. "It was hot to see how good I made you feel. How much you loved what I did to you."

Ste felt he was flaming red. He was also getting pretty hard against Brendan's belly, and that earned him another smug smirk from Brendan. It was now Brendan's turn to wash him, and he took his time, rubbed Ste's nipples while washing his chest, slid his soapy hands on Ste's bum and kneaded and stroked the cheeks, sliding his fingers down of his crack, toying his hole. Ste was being sore from the sex, but the way Brendan was playing with him made him believe he could take it again. Then Brendan turned his attention to Ste's dick instead, stroked and rubbed it and his balls to the point Ste thought he would come, but Brendan gave him a devilish smile and took his hands away, starting to spray him clean with the water instead. Brendan too was hard, but each time Ste tried to touch his cock Brendan moved his hand away, clearly enjoying teasing Ste.

They stepped out the shower and Brendan rubbed Ste thoroughly dry with a towel, and then picked him up like he weighed nothing and carried him in bed. This time when he rolled Ste on his belly he didn't resist, because he knew Brendan wasn't like Noah, that the connection would be there. Brendan nudged Ste's legs further apart and kneeled between them, running his hands up and down on Ste's back, before starting to play with his bum. He squeezed and stroked like he couldn't get enough of it, run his fingers down on the crack to his balls and back. It didn't take long till Ste was whimpering mess, burying his face into the pillows and bunching the sheets in his hands.

The slap Brendan landed on Ste's ass came as a surprise and he let out a yelp when he heard the smack and felt the sting. Brendan was instantly rubbing the place, and placed a gentle kiss on there too. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Ste looked him over his shoulder, saw the mixture of worry and desire on Brendan's face. He pushed his bum higher. "Do it again."

"Dirty boy." Brendan smiled and Ste pressed his reddened face against the mattress, while angling his hips higher.

There were two more slaps, both of their stings making Ste gasp out, but the tingling he got straight after felt amazing. And then Brendan was soothing the place he had slapped with licks and gentle strokes, which made Ste's balls humm. He was so close already, it was insane how Brendan knew how to touch him to keep him on that edge.

Ste felt Brendan's hands spreading his bum cheeks. "What a pretty sight." His voice was thick and low while he rubbed over Ste's hole with his thumb. "You look so good Steven, you have no idea."

"Shuddup." Ste was torn with embarrassment and being turned on. No one had ever said these things to him like Brendan did. He heard Brendan's breathy laugh and felt him shuffling down a little. He was sure Brendan would finger him again and his dick oozed out some pre-cum from the thought, but then to his surprise he felt Brendan's breath, and then his tongue.

His whole body jolted, and Brendan had to hold his hips tightly to keep him in position. Brendan hadn't been joking when he said he'd have Ste for dessert, he felt like he was being eaten alive, with the licks and sucks Brendan was giving to his hole. Ste had never been rimmed before. Noah hadn't wanted to because it was dirty, and when Ste had first felt Brendan's tongue part of him had wanted to tell him to stop, but two seconds later he had no room for thoughts like that. Any thoughts, as it went, all he could do was whimper and moan when being assaulted by Brendan's talented tongue and feeling the burn of the beard rubbing between his cheeks. When Brendan pushed his tongue in Ste was sure he was going to die, that no people was meant to survive a feeling like it. He wasn't even aware of rocking back for more. He started to come, just like that, and Brendan's other hand sneaked between his legs and on to squeeze his dick to finish him off. Every fiber of Ste was shaking and when he finally was able to stop crying out he heard Brendan's pleased laugh.

"Oh God." He managed to breathe out. "Oh fuck."

"You're amazing," Brendan was kissing his way up, his bum, small of his back, his shoulder blades until he was chest flushed against Ste's back. "Coming just from my tongue, Jesus Steven, you should see yourself."

Brendan rolled them away from the wet patch and Ste was curled against his chest, getting his breath back. Brendan kept stroking his back, giving him that connection he needed to come back together again. Once Ste started to get his body back he tilted his head down and saw that Brendan was still hard. He reached his hand around Brendan's dick and this time Brendan didn't move it away. Ste turned his head so he could see Brendan's face, and then pushed him so Brendan was on his back, and slid down a bit so he was closer to his groin. Brendan's hand was on his hair, stroking.

Ste licked his lips, the squeezed his hand around the base of Brendan's cock and licked the head of it. He could feel Brendan's muscles getting more tense and hear how his breathing got faster. Ste looked up on him, the fascinated expression on Brendan's face when he watched Ste blowing him. Ste licked up and down the shaft, dragged his tongue over the vein underneath and that got a grunt out of Brendan.

He angled the cock into his mouth, sucked the head, bobbed his head as down as he could without gagging and then back up to suck the head again. Ste loved it, the weight and size of it in his mouth, Brendan's taste filling his senses. The more he got into it the deeper he could take him, and what he couldn't manage he held in his hand, stroking and squeezing the base while his other hand scratched Brendan's pubes.

"Good boy." Brendan murmured, rubbing Ste's neck with his fingers and fuck, Ste had never known how into he was to praises but that made him more eager to continue. He could tell Brendan was close, and it was only a moments later then Brendan's grip grew harder. "Steven. I'm going to come."

Ste had no intentions to pull away. He opened his eyes wide and looked Brendan in the eye while sucking him down, and that seemed to be the last thing to push him over the edge. Brendan came with a grunt, and Ste swallowed what he could. He came up for air and then licked Brendan clean, savoring the taste and almost disappointed that it was over for now. Then Brendan was pulling him upwards, until Ste lied flushed against his body. Brendan stroked Ste's lip with his thumb and looked very pleased.

"Aren't you something, Steven Hay." And then he kissed him. There was a taste in his mouth, which Ste realised was his from before, and it mixed with taste of Brendan on his tongue. He had a quick thought how someone might have find it icky, but he just kissed Brendan deeper, trying to get all of it.

When they were done Ste felt a shiver of anxiety in him. He still didn't know what this was, what he meant for Brendan. "You'll stay here, yeah? Sleep with me down here?"

Brendan stroked his cheek. "Of course I will. As long as you want me to."

Ste settled against his side when Brendan put off the light and pulled the covers on top of them, circled his arms around Ste.

 _Then you'll stay forever_ , Ste thought before falling asleep.

::::::

Brendan was scared how easily he seemed to get used to waking up next to Steven. It was only the second morning and it already felt familiar and comfortable to feel Steven's breath on his skin, his warmth pressed against him, his limbs wrapped around Brendan. And that serene face of his, Brendan could have stare that for hours. Steven always looked young, but this peaceful expression made him look much younger.

Brendan couldn't help but to reach out to stroke his hair. Steven stirred, blinked his eyes slowly open and it took a second or two before he focused his gaze on Brendan's and seemed to realise where he was. Then there was that shy smile again, which Brendan had begun to adore.

"Morning." Steven's voice was groggy from the sleep, his hair spiked up in all directions and his eyes still looked sleepy. Brendan was once again struck how beautiful he was.

"Morning Steven. You slept okay?"

"Like a baby." Steven's hand came on Brendan's jaw, scratching his beard. "I like sleeping next to you."

Brendan found it interesting how Steven could get shy and careful like he was now, when he had been demanding to get fucked or sucked Brendan down like a pro, like the sex made him more confident and sure about himself. Maybe he felt unsure about everything else, just like Brendan did. Brendan wanted to say all kind of things back to him, but he didn't know where they stood yet. He had never been good with relationships, mainly because apart from Eileen he had never properly been in one and with Eileen it had been mostly lies.

"Good," was all he managed to mutter out and he rubbed Steven's ear gently. And then to stop himself from saying anything stupid he kissed Steven instead. Boy had a morning breath and Brendan was sure he had too, but Steven was still eagerly opening his mouth to him so none of that mattered. Once Brendan was pleased he pulled back and stroked Steven's now wet bottom lip with his thumb. "What do you want to do today?"

"You mean..." Steven was getting flushed before bursting into a honking laugh. "Oh, not about the..."

"Only one thing in your mind then?" Brendan smiled. "I don't have anything against staying in bed and fucking you in every position you want but my initial meaning was what else you'd like to do today than get me in you?"

Steven was still laughing. "Well I never had it good before so you can't blame me for wanting more."

"Really? Was it that good?"

Steven's fingertips played with Brendan's chest hairs, before he settled his palm there, against the spot where Brendan's heart was beating. "You know it was." Then his expression got clouded. "Or... Was it not for you?"

"Steven." Brendan kissed him again and then leaned his forehead against his. "Of course it was."

They stayed like that for a while, Brendan trying to let Steven see everything he felt but couldn't say from his eyes, and then Steven relaxed against him again.

"It is Sunday." Steven finally said, "So I want to go see the kids, if it's okay? Maybe take them to another park, a bigger one, with more squirrels and ducks for them to feed."

"Sounds good."

"Good." Steven gave him a quick peck. "Want to get some breakfast, then?"

"Yeah." Brendan could feel Steven's half stiff dick pressing against his thigh, and slid his hand down to grab it. "I'll have this."

He pushed laughing Steven on his back, shuffled between his legs and made his laughter change into string of moans and curses. It didn't take long for Steven to come, and Brendan couldn't help but hum with pleasure when Steven kissed him hungrily afterwards, like wanting to taste himself from Brendan's mouth.

As delicious as it was Brendan still didn't say no to a fry up. He made the coffee while Steven was preparing the food, chatting about this and that. Being satisfied suited the boy. Brendan had seen it yesterday but it seemed even more evident now, the way Steven glowed and was filled with energy, every look and smile he gave to Brendan were full of warmth. The sex seemed to make him hungry too, because for the first time since Brendan had moved in Steven's dish was as big as his and he finished it all. Brendan couldn't help but keep touching him, stroking the hair on his neck while Steven stood in front of a stove, touching Ste's thigh when they sat close together eating, wiping away a piece of scrambled egg he had on his face. Brendan had never craved to touch anyone this much and he wasn't sure how he could stop it once they walked out from the door.

Steven had a quick call to Amy asking what time it would be okay to come and pick up the kids, sorted out some food for their day in the park and then all they had to do was to change their clothes. Brendan felt bit off by the thought of going upstairs in his room to get his stuff. He had already got used to staying down with Steven, and the time when he spent upstairs alone felt so far away. It seemed Steven felt the same way, because there was a confusion on his face too when Brendan said he needed to go to his room for fresh clothes.

"Should you... If you want to... I mean, move your stuff into mine?" Steven asked visibly nervous.

It was all Brendan wanted, but at the same time there was still some stupid part in his brain which tried to hold on to the business deal they had even tho it all had been thrown out from the window by now. There was no way he would ever charge Steven from anything, but it was still pretty unclear what exactly were they. Fuckbuddies? _Boyfriends?_

His silence made Steven grow more unsure. "Sorry. Stupid idea. I'll go and change, I'll be ready in a bit." And he disappeared into his room, leaving Brendan feeling utterly horrible.

He made his way into the room he had stayed in, and felt the coldness of it. Suddenly he imagined his room at Cheryl's, and how it too felt just a place he went to sleep in, how even when he enjoyed staying in the flat it wasn't his home. There were faint memories from distant childhood, when his mother was still alive and they had shared a small flat together, the warmth of summer day and scent of his mothers cooking. He hadn't felt the same kind of feel of belonging since, not until falling asleep with Steven in his arms.

If only he would stop be such arse about it and tell it to the lad.

Once he was done he went back down again and Steven was all ready, waiting for him. He had that bruised look which he tried to hide by smiling, like it was any other time they went outside together. Only Brendan could tell how unsure and disappointed Steven really was, like he'd had too much expectations and Brendan had ruined them all.

"Come here," He wrapped Steven in his arms and kissed the side of his neck, spot which was quickly becoming his favorite. Steven held on to him "Are we okay?"

"Yeah." Steven nodded against his shoulder and when Brendan let go of him he looked soothed. Brendan didn't know what to say or how to say it, so he kissed him instead.

"Lets get going then."

Steven seemed to get more settled during their drive to Amy's. Brendan wondered how much the lad had to work mentally to get in that state – he had noticed how Steven worked through his disappointments, like he was used to get up again after being knocked down. He felt awful thinking that he had been pushing Steven down just like everyone else, like he hadn't had enough of that in his life. Yet as hard as he tried Brendan had troubles to reassure him. He had wanted Steven the moment he saw him on telly several months ago and getting to know him had changed the physical desire to something more bigger. Still, saying something things like I _want to get serious with you_ seemed too big, and too soon.

He pulled on a vacant space near Amy and they walked rest of the way. Brendan would have wanted to reach for Steven's shoulder, but public display of affection wasn't really his thing, even if their relationship would be something they had agreed to be open about.

The door opened before they reached it and kids run up to meet their dad, and then Leah was on Brendan too. He lifter her up without thinking and she laughed, and Steven gave them ridiculously soft look. Brendan let her down and noticed that Amy was on the door, studying him and frowning a bit like she wasn't sure what she was supposed to think.

"Amy," he greeted and she gave him one of her thin smiles before putting her attention to Steven with more warmth.

"They have been waiting for you all morning. We have been chopping lettuce for the ducks, haven't we?" Amy ruffled Lucas's hair.

"Lettuce? Don't the ducks eat bread?" Brendan frowned.

"Bread makes duck's tummies hurt." Leah informer him. "And it sounds funny when they munch the lettuce."

"Okay. Didn't know that."

"You learn something new every day, eh?" Steven smiled. "Well I have some snacks for us, so why don't you get your stuff and ducks snacks and we get going?"

It took a while for the kids to get their little jackets and back bags, and Brendan hadn't remember it was such a hassle with children. He didn't mind it though, it just made him realise how much he had missed with his own sons. Once everything was ready and kids had waved their goodbyes to Amy they got them in the car and Steven gave Brendan the instructions where to drive.

Brendan had been in that park few times before for a run. There was a pond and a stream where the ducks liked to hang out, but there were more trees and plantation than their usual one so Brendan didn't feel comfortable to have an exerciser because he would have lost a sight of Steven and the kids. But it was okay to spend the time with them, watch the kids feed the birds and listen their endless chatter. Leah had been right – the sound the ducks made when eating the lettuce was funny. And every time Steven looked at him there was the electricity between them which reminded Brendan for all the things they had been doing in nights before. When they walked after the kids they were so close to each other that Brendan could feel Steven's heat and he could have just reach his hand a little to take Steven's, but something stopped him. He hated himself for that.

There were tables and benches here and there around the park, and they found one set which was free. Brendan spotted some exercise machines close by.

"Mind if I go and do some pull-ups? Build up my hunger?"

"No, you go on." Steven was setting up the drinks and sandwiches on the table. "We'll be right here."

"Good." There was a field of grass between the table set and the machines, so Brendan could have a straight view for them the whole time. He had a jog over there and did some moves on the machines, until his muscles had a nice burn. He was working on a sweat, tied his hoodie around his waist and then he jogged back to Steven and the kids. They we just finishing their lunch.

"Good timing." Steven handed him a sandwich. Brendan saw how his eyes run over his arms where they were visible from the T-shirt sleeves.

"Enjoying the view, Steven?" He had to ask and Steven looked him through his lashes in a way that set a nice heat on Brendan's groin too. The kids had spotted a squirrel and tried to get it attention with nuts, and Brendan took the opportunity to give Steven's bum a quick pinch. Steven's gaze turned even more filthy and for a second Brendan was ready to say goodbye to every sense of reason and kiss him, but then there was excited squeals from the kids when the squirrel had been brave enough to get a nut from Lucas's hand.

Overall it was a nice day and the presence of the kids seemed to take Steven's mind off the awkwardness from the morning. When they were making their way back to the car Lucas took hold of his dad's hand but Leah came for Brendan's. There was another proud smile from Steven but Brendan felt the pressure. Not only had he Steven to look after, but the kids were getting close to him too, and what if he would ruin everything like he always did, and ended up hurting not just Steven but Leah and Lucas in the process?

Amy was waiting them and asked them in for a tea. The kids told her about the ducks and squirrels, taking up all the space from any other conversation which suited Brendan perfectly. And while the water was boiling Amy showed Steven some online magazine, with pictures from the Friday nights event on it.

"Don't you look dashing." She said and gave him a kiss on the cheek while Steven was studying the pics frowning.

"I look like an idiot. I don't know what I would have done if Mitzeee wasn't there, look, she's the main focus on every pic."

"Aw, don't say that, I think you look good! No one would know you were nervous by looking these." Amy clicked on another photo, one taken so Steven was more on the focus there, and she was right, his wide smile showed no signs of anxiety. Only his posture was bit stiff, but Brendan guessed that anyone who wouldn't know Steven like he did wouldn't have noticed. Steven still seemed too embarrassed to watch any more and moved back to kitchen.

"Water's boiled." He started their teas and once he was done he handed a cup to Brendan.

"Here ya are."

"Thank you, Steven." Their fingers brushed when Brendan took the cup and Steven's expression was as hot as the cup was. When Brendan blew in the tea to cool it down he noticed that Amy was staring at them with something like shock and realisation on her face. Fuck.

When they had finished the tea she turned to the kids. "Won't you show that new lego set to Daddy in your room? Mummy has a word with Brendan."

The kids run off and Steven followed them after throwing a curious glance towards Amy. Once they were gone Amy was by Brendan's side and talked in hushed voice.

"Is there something I should know about?"

"What do you mean, Amy?" Brendan hoped his voice remained cool.

"You know what I mean." Her eyes narrowed. "Is there something going on between you and Ste?"

"I'm here to look after him." Brendan leaned against the kitchen counter. "And that's what I'm doing."

She knew he was avoiding the subject, Brendan could tell. She was biting inside of her mouth and clearly trying to decide how detailed questions she could ask.

"How are things with you, has there been any troubles?" Brendan hoped that would be enough to change the subject. Amy seemed to battle with herself for a while, trying to decide would she go on with it. Finally she seemed to give up trying to milk out any more information from him.

"Everything is fine, just like normal. I haven't seen anything out of the ordinary, just one reporter trying to get a pic. Only I don't know why they even bother, they can't put pics of kids on papers and I don't think a ex's of Ste is interesting for a readers. How about Ste? Has there been any more.. contacts?"

Brendan debated for a while how much he should tell her. "There has been some. Nothing he or you should worry about. I'm handling it."

"And what else are you handling with Ste?" She was back on the same topic but then Steven was back in the room with the kids.

"Alright, I think it's time to let these little rascals to settle down for their dinner and bedtime, yeah? Bren, I think we should go."

"Okay, Steven." Brendan finished his tea. "Thank you, Amy."

"You're welcome." Brendan could feel her eyes on him even without looking at her. He knew he hadn't been able to fool her, but also it seemed like Steven's place to tell her what ever he wanted about them. He couldn't get out the flat quick enough, and stood outside while Steven was still saying his goodbyes.

"What was that with Amy?" Steven asked when they were in the car.

"Nothing." Brendan said but Steven squinted at him. "She just thinks I'm having my wicked ways with you."

"She's right." Steven smiled. "What did you say?"

"I told her nothing." Brendan drove on. "I thought it's not my place to tell her."

Steven was quiet for a while and when Brendan looked at him Steven was staring in the distance.

"Steven, if you want to tell her... I just thought we could, you know, work this out first."

"I know." Then Steven smiled again. "Our Leah has really taken on with you though. It's cute to see you two together."

" _Cute?_ " Brendan hoped he looked appalled. "I'm not cute. But she has a good taste, doesn't she, like her dad."

"The thing is, actually, she's not mine." Steven said.

"What?" Brendan was confused.

"Amy had a bloke before me, you know, as a teenager, and she got pregnant, and then we started dating and I don't know, soon as Leah was born she was mine." He looked Brendan like waiting him to challenge him in that matter. "I'm the only dad she knows and I love her to bits just as much I love Lucas, I'm just not blood related."

"Blood means nothing, Steven. You took her, and you loved her, and she's yours, anyone can see that." Brendan parked the car on his usual spot and turned to look at Steven properly. "I think it's great what you have done with her."

"You don't think I'm stupid for taking in someone else child?" Steven asked.

Brendan leaned in, damn it to be a daylight still, damn for them being in a place where anyone walking past could see them. He held Steven's chin and kissed him. "I think it's amazing." He said when he pulled back. "I think you are amazing."

Steven gave him a bashful smile, like trying not to look pleased.

They went in and Steven wanted to start their dinner, so that was what they did. Brendan did his best to help, mainly chopping the veggies, trying to make them look as neat than he had seen Steven make and Steven seemed pleased with his handiwork. Brendan left the actual cooking and seasoning to Steven, and it didn't take long until they had steaming wok on their plates. They had beers with it and sitting there by the table, eating the dinner they made together, talking about this and that made Brendan realise how much of a couple they seemed. Maybe they were. Maybe he was okay with it.

When Steven took the empty plates to the sink Brendan took the rest of their beers into the sofa table, opened the telly and made himself comfortable on the couch. Steven disappeared into the loo for a while, and when he returned to join him he stopped to hesitate for a second, trying to decide where to sit. Brendan lifted his other arm and Steven sat next to him, slotted himself there and Brendan draped his arm over him. They didn't talk much then, and Brendan was more interested to stroke Steven's side with his hand than following what every crappy show TV was playing. It didn't take long for them to be making out on the couch like teenagers. It wasn't as hectic as it had been last night, now Brendan was truly taking his time, enjoying how desperate Steven seemed to get with it.

"Wanna get in the bed?" He whispered while nibbling Steven's ear and the boy made a keen noise against Brendan's throat where he was kissing the beard.

They turned out the lights and went to the bedroom. They undressed each other in the dim light of the nightstand lamp, taking their time, exploring each other's skin as they revealed it. Steven run his fingers over Brendan's cross tattoo and kissed it. Brendan lifted off Steven's t-shirt and licked his collarbones, dropped to his knees to kiss and sucked the tattoo he had on his hip. The bite marks were still there too, and Brendan run his thumbs over them. Steven's hand was in his hair, tugging. Brendan pulled his trackies and undies down at one go, and Steven steadied himself hands on his shoulders while stepping out of them. Brendan could tell the boy wanted him to blow him, but instead he stood up, laughed at Steven's disappointed crumble and pushed him on the bed. Steven licked his lips while watching Brendan unzip himself and drop his jeans, slowly removing his underwear too. Then he crawled on top of Steven, laying his full weight on him, his hands on Brendan's back and bum, legs circling around him like he wanted him closer still.

Brendan moved to his side and pulled Steven with him, and then Steven reached over him to the nightstand for the lube, opened Brendan's palm and squirted an generous amount there, before tossing it aside and starting to kiss him again. Brendan reached between his legs blindly, found his target and started to stroke and toy with it. Steven was making noises against his mouth and when Brendan pushed two fingers in Steven bit down on his bottom lip, and this time it was Brendan who moaned.

"Have you decided what d'you want to do today?" Brendan asked between kisses.

"You know. _Uh_." Steven panted against his neck while Brendan rubbed his prostate. "I want - _ah_ \- I want you close."

"Turn around, then." Brendan licked his ear and removed his fingers. "That's a good boy."

Steven looked over his shoulder when Brendan rolled on a condom and got on top of him. He leaned to kiss the side of Steven's face, other hand rubbing his shoulder while he guided himself in with another. Steven moaned while letting him in, relaxing underneath him. When Brendan was completely inside, he slid both of his arms around Steven's chest and slowly rolled them to their side.

He held Steven close, arm around his belly, other around his thigh lifting it up to give him a better angle to thrust inside him. His mouth licked Steven's neck, kissed his throat, bit down on his shoulder. Steven's moans were delicious and his other hand held tightly the one Brendan had wrapped around him and the other reached back to Brendan's bum. Brendan pushed in deep and slow, and it didn't take long when Steven's noises were getting louder and the pull of his inside muscles more intense. Brendan slid his hand down, wrapped it around Steven's dick and stroked it alongside his movements. Steven twisted his head and Brendan sucked his moans from his mouth when he came over his fist. The way his body was shaking made Brendan come too, and he grabbed Steven's hips to pull him even closer to bury himself deeper in him while biting down hard on his shoulder.

When their aftershocks had died down Brendan slowly pulled out, quickly tossed the condom aside and cleaned Steven with some tissues with great care. Steven was basking in the attention, all languid and mellow, lazily wrapping his arms around Brendan once he was done. Brendan pulled the cover on top of them and put the light off. In the dark, with Steven in his arms it all seemed so simple.

"Steven?"

"Mmmh."

"I could move my stuff down tomorrow. If you like."

He could feel Steven tilting his head up, even when in the dark it was hard to see.

"You want to?"

"It would be easier to have my toothbrush down here." He joked before getting serious. "Yes, I'd like to."

"I'd like that too." There was a kiss on Brendan's jaw.

"Also, if you'd... If you meant what you said about... Not using protection..."

"Yeah?" Steven's voice was hardly more than a breath.

"I could get myself checked. Just in case."

"Okay." Steven's hand sneaked up to stroke Brendan's neck. Brendan took hold of it, held it lightly.

"Steven. I'm not.. I wasn't planning on sleeping with you."

"Yeah, you were." He sounded amused.

"Well, yeah, I wanted to, but I thought to – It doesn't matter. I'm trying to say that I'm not good at relationships." He took their tangled hands on to his mouth and kissed the back of Steven's hand. "Steven, aren't you worried how fast this is moving? I'm..." He mumbled against it.

"I'm scared too." Steven shuffled closer. "I mean, I am, and at the same time I'm not, because I'm with you. Does that make any sense?"

"It does."

"And I know this is really fast, everything, but at the same time it doesn't feel like it. And if you want to, like, try, with me, I'm... I'd like you to."

"I'd like it too." Brendan kissed his forehead.

"Good." Steven buried his face against Brendan's chest. Neither of them spoke after that and after a while Steven's breathing changed into a steady puffs when he fell asleep.

Brendan drifted off too, but woke up again. He needed to take a piss, so he carefully slid out from Steven's grip and made his way to the bathroom. Once he had relieved himself he noticed he was thirsty too. He slid the dressing gown on him again and quietly made his way to the kitchen.

He had just filled a glass and was about to sneak back next to Steven, when he heard a faint sound. He set the glass down on the desk and moved into the hallway. The front door had a two small windows of smoked glass, and Brendan was sure he saw someone moving behind them. He went closer and listened. Footsteps.

He quickly removed the safety lock and pulled the door open. There was no one there, but he though he saw someone disappear behind the cars at the end of the road. He took few steps out, but realised he was naked apart from the dressing gown and had nothing on his feet. There was no way he would catch anyone like this.

Brendan looked down the stairs and there it was again, another box, flat and long this time. He picked it up, went back in and made sure the door was locked and bolted. He took the box into the kitchen and put on the counter light.

It was heavy box, and he almost knew what was in it before opening it. It was a hunting knife or something similar, long, thin and curved blade with a wooden handle. Brendan didn't touch it, he just pulled out the note.

 _Did you like your present? Use this in the show and I know you love me._

Brendan put it back in the box. This one he couldn't throw away like the heart, but he could take it to the station tomorrow so they could check it for fingerprints. He couldn't leave it in the kitchen though, for Steven to find it. He rose upstairs as silently as he could, hid the box underneath his blanket and came back down again. He shut the light, picked up the glass of water and went back to bedroom.

Steven stirred when he came in. "Bren?" He sounded like he was still half asleep. "Where you been?"

"Just to get a glass of water." He placed the glass down on the nightstand, slid the dressing gown off and got under the cover. Steven wrapped his arm over him again, set his head on Brendan's chest and was asleep instantly.

Brendan stroked his hair. Part of him thought Steven should know about the presents. But the boy was finally happy, after being stressed because of the stalker and for work and Noah. Brendan didn't want to imagine the fear on Steven's eyes again if he'd learn about the heart and the knife, someone sneaking close to his apartment. Brendan would protect him from that, just like he would keep him safe from everything else.

 _No_ , he thought while wrapping his arms tighter around Steven, _he wouldn't need to know_.


	8. Chapter 8

Ste reached over Brendan to shut down the alarm from his phone. Brendan groaned with his eyes shut.

"It's too early."

"Sorry." Ste kissed his cheek. "I have a morning shift, remember?"

Brendan wrapped his arms around Ste and pulled him down against him, buried his face on Ste's neck. "Call Tony and tell that you can't come. You have serious case of Irish cock in you."

"Brendan." Ste laughed and tried to wiggle off because he was seriously tempted to do that. "Come on, let go, I need a shower."

"No you don't."

"I do. I stink."

"Let me check." Brendan took noisy breaths from his neck, then his chest and finally sniffing around Ste's mouth before kissing him. "You smell delicious. Like you had sex the whole weekend."

"Wonder why." Ste stroked his hands on Brendan's hair and when he felt Brendan's arm to relax around him he took the opportunity to scramble over him. Brendan tried to catch him but Ste was quicker and he let out a disappointed grunt when Ste disappeared to the bathroom.

It seemed he couldn't resist the idea of naked Ste in the shower, because it didn't take long for Brendan to join him. They washed each other again, very thoroughly, and shared a quick hand job. Ste was almost embarrassed how fast he came from Brendan's fist around his dick and a soapy finger inside his bum, but Brendan didn't last much longer either. They were giddy and breathless, and Ste wasn't sure had he ever been happier.

When they finally managed to get some clothes on and Ste was making them toasted bagels with salmon topping Brendan seemed to get bit more serious.

"Steven, do you think you'd be okay during your sift if I'm not there?"

"I'd guess so, I'm in the kitchen the whole time anyways. Why? Where you going?"

"I thought about popping into the clinic, you know, get my check up." Brendan took the plate Ste was offering for him and Ste could feel the rush of electricity between them when their fingers touched. "Just in case if we..."

"Yeah, okay." Ste took a quick sip from his coffee, trying to calm himself. It was weird how parts of him felt like their thing had gone on for ever, and same time it felt moving really fast. "I'll be fine, don't worry."

Brendan run upstairs to get his jacket before leaving, but it seemed he still wasn't convinced Ste would be okay. He stopped the car behind the restaurant to let Ste get off, but Ste could see how worried he was.

"I shouldn't be long but if I'm not back when you're off you wait for me inside, yeah? Don't leave until I'm here to get you."

"I'll be fine, Brendan."

"Promise me, Steven." He was resting his hand on Ste's neck, looking like he was sending Ste in the war.

"I promise. Now let me go before people see."

"Maybe I should call Tony, just in case and tell him to -"

"No. Brendan. I'll wait for you, alright? The quicker you go the quicker you get back to me."

Brendan seemed to battle with himself, but then just pulled Ste's head towards him for a kiss. When he let go Ste scrambled out from the car and Brendan stayed put watching him go until Ste reached the door and went inside.

He was working with Tony today which was nice, they usually had different shifts because Tony wanted either himself or Ste in the kitchen as a head chef, but Ste guessed Tony had arranged this so they could spend some time together. It reminded Ste of those times when he was just learning the cooking with Tony's guidance, and there were still things he could pick up from him. And because Mondays were the quieter days they had time to talk alongside with the slow arrival of the lunch orders.

"I guess everything is going okay?" Tony asked while chopping on onions. "I mean you look good so.."

"Do I?" Ste hoped the heat from the pan would hide his flushing.

"Yeah, you look, I don't know, relaxed? Happy? I guess it must ease your mind a lot knowing someone is looking after you." Tony let out awkward laugh. "I mean, I don't think I have seen you like this since you started working on that station."

"Yeah well, to be honest I think it was one of my biggest mistakes to sign on." Ste plated his dish and rang a bell to let the server know he was ready. Then he paused and thought a moment. "Well, no, it wasn't, because I wouldn't have.. Wouldn't have all the experiences I now do. But, you know, stress, fame and a personal stalker ain't fun."

"I can only imagine." Tony gave him a sympathetic smile. "But that Brendan, him being around has helped, right?"

"Yeah." Ste got busy with starting his next order. "He's a lifesaver."

"Actually... I don't know have you seen it already, but.. Can you manage a second on your own?"

"Of course." Ste frowned when Tony suddenly sprinted off the kitchen only to quickly return with a gossip magazine.

"Straight from the press, this one."

"Don't tell me you buy that crap?" Ste hated those, always making a big deal of nothing.

"Just wait." Soon as there was a moment of lull in the orders Tony flipped through it and showed the several pages of press shots form the Friday night event. Ste hated seeing himself on pictures like that, but he was pleased no one couldn't say he hadn't been there. Clarke should be pleased. There was also a page dedicated to Noah, with a small interview where he explained how thrilled he was to return on to his old station and work with the old gang again. Tony gave Ste a concerned look but didn't ask anything. Instead he flipped the pages all the way back, and when he found the right one he handed it to Ste.

It was a opening dedicated to "Readers pics", aka nosy people taking secretly pictures of any celebrities they came across with and sent them to the magazine to published with stupid lines like " _looks like someone is out of milk_ " if some known person were spotted on shopping. There was a picture of Ste and Brendan in the park. Kids were cropped off because it wasn't allowed to show their faces, and it was taken far off so they both looked kinda blurry but still easily recognizable.

 _New love for our beloved chef?_ The tag line said, _Since his relationship with sports guy Noah Baxter ended Channel five's chef Ste Hay has been unlucky with love. Has he finally found new sweetheart from another man of sports? Our reader spotted the couple on their Sunday activities._

"Oh for fucks sake." He wasn't sure how Brendan would react to it. Ste should have guessed someone would think they'd get an extra quid for taking secret pics of him and Brendan. He wondered had his stalker seen this too and how he would react.

"Thought you should know." Tony said. "Not that it matters what people think, eh?"

"It doesn't." Ste threw the magazine on the counter. "It just.. bothers me that people keep an eye on me."

"I know." Tony gave him a pat on the back and then there were more orders coming in and they got back to work.

Rest of the time Tony tried to take Ste's mind off by asking how the kids were doing, talking about his upcoming wedding and some recipes he had come up with. Ste went with it and it felt nice to talk about the food with someone who was as interested at it as Ste was. They run past some ideas for the new menu and Tony helped Ste to plan the upcoming recipes for his show. At some point Ste burnt his hand on the oven, but just like the cuts he was used to get damages like that in the kitchen and it didn't stop him from finishing the foods.

When the afternoon staff started to arrive they made a switch on the kitchen. Tony asked would Ste like to keep the magazine and he would have much rather burnt it, but then he thought Brendan might want to see it. There had been no buzz on Ste's phone from Brendan so he wasn't sure had he returned yet and there were no sign of him when Ste went to change his clothes. But when he got out from the dressing room Brendan was there, looking like he had just arrived through the back door.

"One of the staff members let me in. Sorry, I got hold up." He indicated Ste to follow him with a nudge of his head and they got out and walked to his car parked a bit further away. Ste was amazed how just seeing Brendan made his whole body tingle all over and how relieved he felt for seeing him even when they had only been few hours apart.

Brendan seemed to feel the same, soon as they were in the car he turned on his seat so he could hold Ste's face and gave him a long studying look. "You okay? Did anything happen?"

"I'm fine." Ste smiled. "Nothing happened. Well, except I was clumsy and burnt my hand."

"Jesus." Brendan grabbed the hand in question, run his thumb gently next to the blister. "I leave you for five minutes and you get yourself hurt."

"It was longer than five minutes," Ste joked but the expression on Brendan's face was grave, like he found nothing funny from it. "I'm a chef, Brendan, cuts and burns are part of my job. Anyways, how was your... thing?"

"You know." Brendan placed Ste's hand to his thigh and started the car. "Lots of questions and swabbing and groping. There are more pleasant ways to spend one's morning."

"You didn't need to do that." Ste stroked his thumb over the fabric of Brendan's jeans.

"I wanted to. In case we... I don't want to risk it."

"Did they say how long it's going to take to get the results?"

"A week or so." Brendan cleared his throat and shifted a little, and Ste could feel the same excitement rush over his own body. It was completely mad that he was ready for this, but nothing had felt so natural to him than being with Brendan did.

Once they were back at Ste's place he showed Brendan the magazine. He wasn't as shocked as Ste had expected.

"It was only matter of time, I guess. You are no Madonna but there are still people who recognize you and get curious. Don't let it get into your head."

"You don't mind? People gossiping about uz being.."

"Well," Brendan cleared his throat, "we are, aren't we?"

Ste wouldn't have been surprised if he'd started to float, the joy of that statement making him feel lightheaded. He was aware he was grinning because his cheeks hurt and Brendan gave him amused smile.

"Anyway." Ste tried to stay on the topic "Do you think it might make the stalker more mad? Do you think he's even interested anymore, he's been quiet for a while now?"

"Don't worry your mind about that, Steven." Brendan quickly said and made a way towards the stairs, "I'll start moving my stuff down, yeah?"

It didn't take much for Brendan to move his belongings, and Ste showed him the places on his closets where he could put them.

"You have a lot of free space," Brendan observed when stacking his shirts on a empty self.

"Well, yeah, like I said, I have the whole house to myself so.." Ste sat on the bed watching Brendan work.

"Not anymore." Brendan said softly, and once he had put away last of his belongings he turned to Ste. "I have something for you." Brendan handed him a brown paper bag.

"Is this why you were almost late? Stuck in shopping?" Ste delved in, pulled out the content and burst our laughing. "Lube?"

"Better than the cheap crap. If you've liked it so far just wait till I rub this into you..." Brendan straddled Ste so he had to lean back to his forearms. His breathing was already getting quicker. Brendan leaned close as he could without touching him.

"Yeah?" Ste swallowed. "Is it, like, those tingly ones?"

"No." Brendan's lips hovered above his and his voice was low and seductive. "It's nice and thick and will make my fingers feel so much smoother inside you. Same for my cock, I can push in nice and deep and you won't be as sore for it the next time. In fact, I think that with this I can have you many times in a row."

"Hnnng." Ste tried to arch up but Brendan kept his distance, close but not touching.

"You like that idea? Wanna try it?"

"Yes please."

And then Brendan got off him with the most evil smile on his face. "Maybe later. If you're a good boy."

"Bastard." Ste groaned. He was already hard in his pants and tried to palm it down while pouting. Brendan laughed at him.

"Good things comes to those who wait, Steven. Now, if you get yourself presentable, I'll take you out."

"Out? You mean..?" As mad as Ste was for being denied sex the thought of having a dinner with Brendan outside their home felt too good to be true.

"Food, yeah? Anything you like."

"Anything?" Ste tried to grab Brendan's crotch but he was faster and held Ste's hand.

"Dinner first. And then I'll fuck you the whole night." His intent was very clear, Ste could tell. He wanted Ste desperate and horny, enjoying to see his frustration before finally giving what he wanted. And no matter how much it annoyed Ste he also loved the build up. He could see Brendan wanted him just as bad but he loved the control. There was no doubt on Ste's mind that Brendan wouldn't do exactly what he said and the thought of it made his insides shiver in anticipation.

"Sounds promising."

::::::

Pub, that what Steven wanted. "Nothing posh, you know, just somewhere where we can relax." So once Steven had his boner down and could control his worst lust Brendan took him into a pub for a bite and a pint. Not the same one where Steven had his date with Douglas, but one bit further away. Steven didn't seem to mind the walk nor did he mentioning anything about avoiding of the closest pub in the area, which indicated that he too rather wanted to forget the whole evening.

Brendan hadn't asked had Steven been in contact with Douglas after that, and his insides were boiling just from the thought. But he reminded himself that it was him who had Steven spread out underneath him and not Douglas. Not that he could imagine Douglas topping anyone anyway, and judging Steven's carnal desire for sex it seemed that the little Yank would have definitely been a wrong choice for him even if Brendan was out from the picture.

They ordered some food and got drinks, and even when the meal couldn't be compared to Steven's it was still good and Brendan was enjoying himself. He never had anyone he wanted to take out like this but it seemed he couldn't get enough of Steven. Even when they weren't touching Brendan was still positive anyone looking at them long enough would see the affection and electricity between them.

Steven was playing it dirty, blowing his food long and thorough, or putting fries in his mouth in a way which was almost obscene. At some point Brendan could feel his feet rubbing against his shin under the table, trying to inch it's way up. Brendan changed his position a bit, blocking it's way and made sure he looked Steven in the eye when he wiped some spilled sauce to his thumb and sucked it clean. He was half expecting someone to come and arrest them from public indecency but it seemed that no one paid any attention to them. They were just two guys having a bite to eat, having fun together and it all seemed so normal that Brendan was surprised he hadn't freaked out yet.

At least Steven didn't seem to suspect anything which was good. The clinic had been a good cover up for Brendan's visit to the police station to take the knife in for investigations. Not that he had high hopes, DC Scott had seemed a bit more interested now when he had went through the events with Brendan (he might have skipped the part of fucking Steven) but he still felt none of the officers took things seriously. Or maybe it was just Brendan, who would have concentrated every officer to Steven's safety. He was starting to realise just how obsessed and possessive he was becoming over the boy.

His trip to the clinic had took much less time than the talk on the station, and the sex shop just happened to be on his way back to Tony's. He had needed new condoms anyway, the ones Steven had were bit tight stretch for his size and while he was at it he had picked up the lube too. He was just as eager than Steven to try it out, but he loved the desperation on the boy and how it made him throw those filthy glances towards Brendan. It had only been few days but Brendan felt he already knew exactly how Steven liked it and how to play with him to get the most out of him.

And it was so much more than just the anticipation towards sex which he enjoyed. Brendan liked to listen Steven talk alongside their dinner. He even talked himself, told Steven more about his old jobs, his boys and his childhood, the parts suitable to be told, things he never shared with any other lad before. The guys he had picked up weren't the kinds to be talked to, they were good for a fuck and nothing more. Even with Vincent things were different, back then Brendan didn't thought of taking him out like this.

Brendan noticed how after they had finished their meal Steven was gulping down his beer, in hopes of getting away sooner. But Brendan took his time with his own drink, and that earned him some annoyed glances from Steven which made him try to make it last even longer. At some point Steven disappeared for the loos and Brendan used the opportunity to check his phone, noticing he had text from Cheryl. She was saying she missed him and wondered could Brendan get a few hours to stop by next weekend for a dinner. As much as Brendan didn't like her foods he did miss her company. Maybe he could take Steven with him. That what people did, right, introduce person they were shagging to their family members? He should run that past to Steven and see what he thought about it.

When Steven was back Brendan thought he had been dragging it on long enough. He paid their bill (Steven protested but Brendan didn't care) and they had a walk back. It was like Brendan had dreamed weeks ago and it felt so unreal that he had to reach out and give Steven's arse a squeeze despite being middle of the street, just to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

Back in the flat they didn't waste any time, both tired of waiting. Brendan had Steven naked and spread on the bed in no time, slicked up fingers deep in him. He could tell the boy loved the thicker lube, the way he was arching up in bed when Brendan stroked his insides, string of pretty moans and curses escaping from his lips. Steven made an attempt to grab his cock but Brendan pushed his hands away.

"I know you can come without touching yourself. I want to see you do it now."

Steven let out a sound half annoyed and half aroused, but after few failed attempt to take hold of himself and getting blocked by Brendan each time he finally took hold of the sheet instead, twisting it in his hands.

"Good boy," Brendan murmured against the skin of his thigh, moving his fingers faster, making sure to rub that spot which made Steven's whole body shake. "Come on, I know you can." He bit down on the hairy thigh while slipping in the third finger. Steven's cries got higher and higher until he arched up and came whit a high pitched moan.

"That's it." Brendan kept rubbing him while kissing Steven's belly until he stopped trembling. Steven was still trying to get his breath back when Brendan pulled his fingers off, quickly rolled on a condom and pushed in him with one smooth motion.

There was no resistance left on Steven's body when Brendan fucked him, he was open and soft for him, legs spread open and hands lazily glazing over his chest like it was taking too much energy to do more. The look Steven gave to him was full of bliss and adoration, making Brendan's chest fill with something he had never felt before. He took his time, trying not to let Steven's small whimpers to pull him over, but instead every time he felt too close for coming he slowed things down because he wanted this to last. He could see Steven getting hard again and feel the energy returning to his body, and this time Brendan took him into his fist so when they came they came together. Their kisses were more like panting each others mouths, and they stayed entwined a long time before Brendan pulled out and cleaned Steven up. He loved to take care of him like that and it was clear Steven loved the aftercare too.

They curled up side by side, Steven's leg on Brendan's hip and he kept stroking Steven's bum and back, ready to fall asleep. Only after a while Steven started to kiss his neck with more intently and his hand sneaked around Brendan's cock.

"Steven..."

"Whole night, remember?" Steven mumbled while half biting, half kissing his shoulder and his hand got more demanding. "You promised."

Brendan let out a laugh. His own sexual appetite had always been strong and never had he met anyone who'd match that. Not until now, it seemed. He pushed Steven on his back and leaned on top of him, stroked under his balls to discover Ste was still lose for him. Steven spread his legs wider, and who was Brendan to deny anything from him.

::::::

It seemed that the things Ste discovered from Brendan during the next days were better than any fantasy he could have had of him. It was so much more than just those sexual things Ste had imagined from him. It was the comfort of waking up next to someone solid and real. He liked the sounds Brendan made during his sleep, his deep breaths almost a snore but not quite, and it somehow made Ste imagine lions or other big animals when they slept. Hearing that and feeling his chest rise and fall in sync of the sounds made Ste feel safe.

Of course sex which came with that security made it even better. Ste loved the way Brendan's body weight felt on top of him and how close he liked to stay no matter what position they were in. He learned that Brendan wanted to hear him, not just the noises he was unable to stop when Brendan was touching him, but he also constantly prompted Ste to talk more, to tell what he liked or wanted Brendan to do next. Ste's shyness and awkwardness seemed to just encourage him more. Same way he was encouraged when Ste got lost in his pleasure and scraped his fingernails over Brendan's back and bum, scratching red stripes all over his muscles. Ste was always bit shocked afterwards of what he had done, but Brendan seemed to get turned on by it, picking up his pace when Ste dug his nails into him. Brendan also liked to watch Ste's face when they came, asking him to open his eyes if Ste was squeezing them shut when the pleasure was getting too much to handle.

Brendan did pamper Ste afterwards, wipe or lick him clean carefully, or take him into shower where he soaped him thoroughly, cradle Ste in his arms in bed, soothe down any markings he'd left on him. Ste loved that, how it had nothing to do with warming him up for more, even though it usually lead him to get horny again and wanting a second round. Same way than Brendan took a long time to make him ready beforehand he took his time afterwards too to make sure Ste was okay. It was exactly what Ste had craved with Noah but never got from him, how he only seemed to touch Ste when he wanted him, not simply enjoying the possibility of being close to him.

Ste had been worried about running up with Noah at work. Monday had been his first day back but Ste had hardly given him any thoughts during the weekend he had spent legs spread for Brendan, but on Tuesday morning, when Brendan drove him in the studio he got anxious of Brendan seeing him and loosing his temper again.

"Maybe you should just wait in the car or something?" He had tried to suggest but Brendan wasn't listening any of that.

"I'm not gonna let you go there alone. If that fuckface tries to touch you again.."

"That's exactly what worries me! You can't beat him up, you need to promise me! He's not worth of you getting locked up or getting a restraining order. I need you with me, and I can't lose you."

Seemed like since they started to sleep together Brendan had got more protective and even obsessive of Ste's safety. He barely wanted Ste to get out from his sight for a second, even for bathroom or taking out trashes. Ste had a weird feeling that Brendan wasn't telling him something, but when Brendan touched him or kissed him he forgot everything else and could only focus on him. He wasn't sure what it told about him that parts of him felt excited by the idea of Brendan getting so possessive, or that he was ready to beat the shit out of anyone who'd hurt Ste. He still tried his best to keep both Brendan and himself out from Noah's way, and made Brendan wait for him in the dressing room. He had crumbled a lot, but a long, hot tongued kiss had finally silenced him.

Ste had hoped that his soreness didn't show outside when he walked on the set, how there was a pleasant ache on his lower body from all the times he had Brendan in him the night before. They only had few hours of sleep in between, but when Mandy had come in to give him his glow up for the screen she had complimented how well Ste had looked. He had tried not to look Brendan smirking behind her back. But Ste knew she was right, he had looked at himself in the mirror in the morning while quickly brushing his teeth and he had been glowing. Guess that's what satisfied sex life did to a person.

On Tuesday he just quickly rushed back to the dressing room for Brendan after his bit, almost expecting him to gone search for Noah and felt relieved to find him where he left him. Brendan seemed edgy and soon as Ste closed the door he was grabbed into a tight hold, like those twenty minutes without him had been too much for Brendan. Ste had noticed how Brendan liked to breathe him in, face pressed against Ste's neck and sniffing him there like he couldn't get enough of Ste's scent. He was filled with that feeling again, feeling he knew he should be worried about, that the need like this was not healthy and it was too much, but he just melted against Brendan and pushed every other thought away.

On Wednesday he was stopped by Mitzeee while he was getting off the set. She was her usual glamorous self and gave Ste a quick one armed hug.

"I tried to catch you yesterday but you were already gone when I got in. I wanted to know where you and Brendan disappeared on Friday." She looked him up and down and knowing smile was appearing on her face. "But I must say, you look extremely good. Very satisfied if you don't mind me saying."

"Well, yeah, you know." Ste tried to play it cool but couldn't stop grinning. "Had a nice weekend and all."

"Don't be such a tease!" The she lowered her voice a bit. "How are things with you and Brendan?"

"Err. It's good. More than good. We kinda... I don't know, got together I guess?"

"Ste!" She looked like she could burst. "I knew it! Ever since I saw the way you two kept undressing each other with your eyes during your first meeting! Oh, this makes me wish I would have introduced you two earlier! You must tell me everything! How was it? Romantic? Did you confess your feelings towards each other under the moonlight?"

"It was more like a row and a.. you know."

"'You know' meaning.."

"Yeah. There's been a lot of 'you know' after that." Ste felt weird talking about it. It did seem they were getting serious, but Ste hadn't yet told about it to anyone. He was sure Brendan hadn't either, but they both knew Mitzeee so he hoped this was okay.

"Oh my god! You two." She looked very pleased. "I might need to see if Clarke is interested to turn my section for match making show. But where is your hairy beast, I haven't seen him around."

"He's in my dressing room. So I think I need to go back to him before he wonders where I'm at."

"Okay, you run back to your man's arms. But tell him to call me, or maybe I call to him... Oh this is so exciting! All these years I have known him I have never seen Brendan with anyone, I'm so happy for him!"

"Really?" Ste knew he should be going, but also he was very curious to hear more about Brendan's past. "He never had any boyfriends?"

"All I ever knew was all those nameless random shags he was having. I don't think he's been having a same boy in his bed twice since Vinnie." Then Mitzeee saw the look on Ste's face. "But it's all past now, isn't it, he has you now and everyone can see how devoted he is to you! I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything!"

"No, it's alright. I think.. I think I need to get back to him. See ya, Mitz." And before she had a chance to say anything else Ste started to rush down the corridor.

He shouldn't have been surprised, man like Brendan would have people lining up for a chance to spend a night with him. None of those random blokes meant nothing to him, right, but Ste did. Didn't he? And who the hell was Vinnie and why Brendan hadn't mentioned him? Who was he? Where was he? Why had he and Brendan ended? Did Brendan still care for him? Had he meant more to him than Ste did?

He had himself completely riled up by the time he reached the dressing room. Brendan jumped up from the sofa soon as Ste stepped in.

"Are you okay? Why were you gone so long?" He held Ste's face in his hands and stroked his cheeks with his thumbs. "Steven, is everything okay?"

"Yeah. I run up to Mitzeee, is all, had a chat with her." It wasn't fake, was it, the worry and adoration on Brendan's eyes. Ste felt all his insecurities washing away, as always when he was with him. "I told her about.. you know, us."

"Yeah? I bet she was pleased." Brendan had the warmth of a smile on his eyes now. Maybe he too forgot to dread when they were together. "Actually I have been meant to ask you... Cheryl asked me to go for a dinner to her place on this weekend. I was wondering would you like that? Go over with me?"

"You mean like a... You would told her about me?" Ste tried not to feel too hopeful but Brendan kept stroking his face and looking at him in a way that made his insides buzz.

"Yes." Was all he said but that was all Ste needed. He rose for his toes and kissed Brendan quickly.

"I'd like that. She was nice. I would like to get to know her better."

"Good." Brendan slid his hand on Ste's neck and the physical desire lingered between them, thick and heavy.

"Isn't this a cozy scene."

Brendan's hands dropped down and his whole body went rigid against Ste's, who quickly placed his hands on his chest to keep him still.

"What are you doing here, Noah?" He didn't even want to look at him, trying to focus on keeping Brendan at bay. Again Ste thought he looked like an animal, teeth bared and eyes locked on Noah.

"Came to see if we could have a chat. But it seems you are busy."

Ste turned around then, but made sure he was still directly in front of Brendan so he could stop him from lunging forward.

"Well you saw me. Go away."

Noah looked Ste like he found the whole thing funny. "Don't be like that. I don't see why we can't be mates. That what I was going to talk to you in the party before your... friend attacked on me." He was looking Brendan now and Ste noticed he couldn't completely hide his approve about Brendan's size. Noah was a into sports after all, and Brendan's body was well trained. "Clarke told me about your arrangement, only I think he didn't tell the whole truth about you two."

Ste could feel Brendan's anger. He needed to get Brendan out, soon. "I don't wanna be your mate, Noah. Now piss off."

"Ste, I just wanna talk."

"I don't." He stepped forward and slammed the dressing room door shut so Noah had to step back if he didn't want to get hit by it. Then he quickly removed his chef jacket and pulled on his own hoodie, while keeping his eyes on Brendan and how he clearly struggled to keep himself calm. He reached to touch Brendan's arm. "Let's just go, okay?"

He carefully opened the door, but Noah was gone. They didn't talk until they were back at Brendan's car.

"I hope he got the message now." Ste said. "I don't get what he wants from me."

"You." Brendan said and Ste could tell how hard he focused on driving instead of raging out. "He wants you back."

"Don't be daft." Ste laughed. "It was he who dumped me."

"And now he's regretting it. But he's not gonna have you, is he?" Ste thought he should have been scared the possessiveness on Brendan's voice, but instead it made him excited.

"Of course not. " _But what about your ex's?_ He wanted to ask. _What about all those men who you have been touching and kissing, men you have told to open their eyes so you can look at them when they come._

But when Brendan parked the car and leaned over to him, stroked his hand on Ste's neck and pulled him closer for a demanding kiss, it was hard to focus on anything else. All there was was Brendan's lips, soft touch of his tongue, scrape of his beard, his heavy breath, the scent of his aftershave and something more earthy which was just him. There was no room for doubts or thoughts about men who became before him. There was just Brendan and Ste's desperate need to get closer, closer, closer.

::::::

Steven had to work on Sunday so Brendan told Cheryl to expect them on Saturday afternoon. Cheryl sounded delighted from seeing Steven again, but Brendan hadn't told her the whole reason why he was just coming, just that he didn't feel comfortable to leave Steven alone. It was weird to be nervous about it, Steven had met her before and they seemed to come along well, but still he was the first man Brendan was introducing to her as his partner. She has learned about Vincent only after he was long gone, around the time when Brendan's closet had been busted broken by the aftermaths of his death. During the following years she had been trying to encourage Brendan for dating, but he hadn't been interested, not until Steven appeared behind his door.

It was also weird how much Brendan enjoyed doing the everyday things with Steven. There was little change on their routines, the studio, Tony's, groceries, domestic chores and what ever. Yet it all was monumentally different and Brendan had the desire to let everyone in the supermarket or in the restaurant know that he was fucking Steven Hay.

Even when it had just been a few days Brendan felt like what they had was what he had wanted from his marriage with Eileen. Only it had took years to accept that the marriage with her wouldn't work and that all the frustration he had inside him, slowly poisoning their relationship was down to the fact that she didn't have a penis. It wasn't that Brendan hadn't cared for her, or desperately wanted to be like everyone else and have a family thinking she would be perfect for it. He loved his sons and wouldn't change them for anything. But after being forced out, after getting his shit together again, he had been much more stable. His work had been filling that inner need he had to look after someone. Now he had Steven to look after to, to share the routines with and he got to sleep with him. It was the perfect package.

Brendan had never had a partner who would have been his match the same way Steven was. When they were alone he couldn't stop touching the lad and Steven seemed to be just as keen to it. Brendan always had a high sex drive and thought he would never find someone with similar appetite, but Steven was up for it just as much. Even when Brendan worried it would be too much for the boy he surprised him and asked for more. And when Brendan felt pity for his poor sphincter for all the activities there were plenty of other ways to bring each other off. With his randoms things like hand jobs or blowjobs had purely been a foreplay for something more, but with Steven those things felt just as intense and amazing than being buried deep inside him. Brendan knew most of the couples were on at it like bunnies during the first months, but deep down he had the sense that for them it wouldn't be just that. That if this thing of theirs would go on they would remain like this, hungry and passionate for each other till they were old and grey.

Friday had been hectic, first Steven agreed to do a longer shift on the restaurant because one of the chefs had called in sick, and then Amy had called saying she had a job emergency and asking could Steven pick up the kids instead of her. So soon as there was someone else to take over the kitchen they had rushed to pick up Lucas from daycare and Leah from school, and Steven had wanted to bring in his place instead of taking them to Amy's. Kids had loved the idea, they had got fish and chips on the way and once in the apartment it had felt like the kids belonged there. Brendan had worried a bit if they'd question where he slept, but they hand't asked and were more interested to run around the small untamed backyard Steven had. Steven clearly wasn't a gardener but the kids seemed to love the overgrown grass and bushes which were good hiding spots. Then Amy called that she was back home, and they had a drive back to hers to drop the kids off. Brendan waited in the car while Steven took the kids in, because he didn't give Amy any more reasons to suspect something going on between they were finally back home Brendan could see how tired Steven was, so they just watched bit of a telly, had a shared shower and went to bed early. Steven had curled to his place on Brendan's side, hand sneaking down but Brendan took hold of it and placed it on his ribs instead before hugging him against his chest. Steven had let out a pleased sigh before falling asleep instantly, and his steady breath had soon made Brendan drop off too.

Never in his life had he just slept with a man before. Usually he kicked the guys out or sneaked off straight after sex. Sure he had cuddled with Vincent, but only after sex and he never stayed a night without fucking him. But with Steven he seemed to be pleased just for the opportunity to hold him. And even when Steven did give him the best blowjob of his life when they woke up, Brendan was still shaken by all these new feelings he had.

Steven wanted to drop in a shop to get flowers and wine to go with the food on their way to Cheryl's, and Brendan thought he looked as nervous as he felt. Brendan found it endlessly fascinating, how Steven could be so anxious on one moment, and soon as he was cooking, even with all the cameras, he regained his confidence. Same way than in bed he was embarrassed and shy when Brendan prompted him to tell what he liked, and then shamelessly demanding to get fucked or riding Brendan like pro a few seconds later.

"Are you ready?" Brendan asked when they rose up the stairs to Cheryl's front door. Steven gave him a nervous smile and a nod, and Brendan gave the door a knock before letting them in with his keys. "Chez? It's us."

"Bren, come here, I have missed you!" She was on him instantly like a colorful tornado, hugging and kissing his cheek before turning her attention to Steven. He too got a kiss but she didn't cling on him quite as long.

"And it's good to see you Ste! I'm so excited to have you here! Although it does make me a bit nervous to cook for a chef." She let out a shaky laugh.

"Thanks for having me. What are you making?"

Brendan noticed a faint smell of something burning. He glanced at Steven who seemed to notice the same.

"Irish stew." She smiled like nothing was wrong. "And some soda bread, family recipe."

"Um, is there something in the oven?" Steven asked and for a few second her face remained blank before she let out a shriek and ran to check the damages. Brendan rolled her eyes and they followed Cheryl in the kitchen.

"I think it's ruined." She looked like she was going to cry. The bread was pretty dark from the top.

"Don't worry, I'll help ya make another one." Steven put the wine and the flowers down on the table, ready to get on work. She gave him a thankful smile.

"See, I knew there was a reason Bren wanted to bring you in, it's because he doesn't trust my cooking and knew you would step in."

"I would never." Brendan tried to look appalled by the thought, even when though he had been thinking about it. When Cheryl wasn't looking he gave Steven a wink.

"Anyway, Bren's doing the dessert, he always insists." Cheryl had collected the impediments for the soda bread and Steven was already throwing stuff in the mixing bowl without looking any measurements. He clearly knew what he was doing.

"Really?" He looked Brendan frowning. "You hate cooking!"

"It's different, it's Crème brûlée. You get to use the blowtorch in the end. It's awesome."

Steven gave him the softest of smiles and that one didn't go unnoticed by Cheryl. Brendan saw her mouth fall open like she was wanting to say something, but it seemed that for once she didn't know what.

Brendan cleared his throat. "Actually, Cheryl, there's something I want to... You see, me and Steven, we're..." He didn't know what to say. We're fucking? Together? A couple? Dating?

She let out a new shriek, this time from joy and then she was hugging Brendan again, and then Steven who tried to keep his floury hands away from her dress.

"Oh my God, Bren, this is amazing, I knew it, I knew it when I first saw you, I'm so happy for you two!"

"Cheryl, calm down." She looked like she would suffocate Steven and Brendan pulled her away. "Don't freak out."

"It's so wonderful, I'm so pleased for my gay big brother!" The she looked like she had a revelation. "I have pink champagne! It's on my room so it's warm but I'll stick it in the freezer for a while so it'll be good soon!" And off she wen't to retrieve the bottle. Steven looked bit shocked but pleased and Brendan let out a heavy sigh. Telling her had been the easy part. Now they would have to endure the dinner with Cheryl's enthusiasm.

Weirdly, Brendan didn't feel quite as resentful for the thought than he had first assumed.

::::::

Cheryl was more interested to fuss around them than focus on the food, so Ste ended up finishing the bread by himself which was fine. At least he had something to do with his hands not to get so overwhelmed by Cheryl's overflowing affection. Soon as he got over the initial shock of the liveliness of her he started to relax around her, and it didn't take long until they were chatting and laughing together, her sharing things from Brendan which Ste didn't yet know. Brendan's nervousness seemed to ease down too. He was making their desserts while listening Ste and Cheryl talk, barking warnings when Cheryl's stories started to sound like there was some juicy, or maybe even embarrassing detail of young Brendan but Ste could tell he wasn't really mad.

Ste had a sneaky taste of the stew and added some seasoning in when Cheryl wasn't looking, but Brendan gave him a thankful nod. Once everything was starting to get ready to be served Brendan's phone buzzed and he read the message, frowning at first, then his face relaxed and there was a new kind of gleam in his eyes.

"What was it?" Ste asked when Brendan pushed the phone back to his pocket and came to help Ste to take down the plates from the cupboard.

"It was the results. From the clinic." His voice was low so Cheryl couldn't hear. Ste was suddenly very aware how close Brendan was standing and the heat floating between them. "All clear."

"Yeah? That's good." He tried to sound casual but he had to swallow hard, the excitement flooding his whole body. Brendan nodded and slide his hand on small of Ste's back, to stroke his hip.

"Isn't it?"

"Okay you two, if you manage to keep your hands off from each other long enough to eat, that would be great." Cheryl teased from the table, and Brendan pulled his hand away but gave Ste a very promising, intent look before carrying the plates on the table.

It was hard to focus on anything after that. Thankfully Cheryl liked to talk, so she didn't seem to notice how quiet both Ste and Brendan were. Their feet were touching under the table and they were throwing meaningful glances towards each other constantly. Cheryl seemed surprise how well her stew had come along and both Ste and Brendan kept praising it. The dessert was good too, and Ste joked that he would put Brendan cook for them from now on when he had been hiding his talents all the time. That lead Cheryl to tell him some incident from their childhood when they had been baking biscuits, and how Brendan had eaten the whole dough raw and became sick.

Cheryl mentioned some man she had recently met and who was "dreamy" which brought out the protective Brendan Ste liked to see.

"What about Nate? Weren't you two supposed to be serious?" He was frowning. "I just got used to him and now you have someone new?"

"Oh he's back at his mums and I don't know, we are taking a break to decide is this what we really want... So I'm not gonna say no if someone asks me for a coffee! Keeping my options open until Nate can make up his mind."

And when Brendan mentioned that his son, Declan, had planned to come and visit both Ste and Cheryl got excited by the idea, and Ste watched and listened how the siblings run past ideas how to entertain a teenager. Ste enjoyed it, the comfortable anticipation growing inside him by each passing minute, but knowing neither he or Brendan wanted to rush. So they stayed, and ate, and listened Cheryl talking, and Ste tried not to get a hard on from the way Brendan kept staring at him. During the dessert he had his revenge, sucking the Crème brûlée slowly from his spoon and loving the way Brendan's eyes grew darker.

After they had finished and cleaned the dishes away, Brendan said he could get some more stuff to take with him now when they were there. He disappeared upstairs to his room to pack, and Cheryl focused her full attention to Ste.

"You two are so adorable." She smiled when Ste tore his eyes away from the stairs where Brendan had just went. "Such a lovely couple you make, our dark and hairy Bren and you with your model face."

"Ta." He fidgeted on his seat embarrassed.

"Seriously, Ste, I'm so happy my brother has found someone, and you seem such a great guy, I feel like I have known you forever!" Then her face got bit more serious and her tone changed "It is serious between of you two, isn't it? I mean.. I wouldn't want Bren to break his heart again."

Again? "It is. At least it's serious for me. I know it's been such a short time but... I'd like to see where this goes."

"I knew you would." She was all smiles again. "It's just that, he looks all strong, doesn't he, but he can get hurt too. I've been so worried he would never get over what happened with Vinnie and now I don't think I have ever seen him so happy!"

"Vinnie?" There it was again, that name, and Ste's insides took an unpleasant twist. Cheryl's face dropped.

"Oh God, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, if he's not told you.. It's not my place, and I don't really even know everything because it had already happened when he moved here and I had to dig some information out of him... Oh God, me and my big mouth!"

"It's okay." Ste quickly said. "I'm sure he'll tell me when he's ready."

"You're so sweet." Cheryl stroked his hand. "Brendan is so lucky to have you."

She didn't mention Vinnie after that and no matter how curious Ste was he just couldn't bring himself to ask. She was right, it was something only Brendan had the right to tell him, but Ste wasn't sure would he. There was still so many things he didn't know about him, he had just started to scratch under the surface. How could he be this invested to someone he hardly seemed to know?

But when Brendan came down with a small bag and gave Ste a warm smile Ste was certain he knew Brendan better than anyone else. He didn't share a long history with him or hadn't seen how he was as a child, but there were still close in some deeper way. He couldn't explain it, not even to himself, but that didn't matter either. He wanted to be with Brendan, as simple as that.

"All set?" Brendan asked, "Ready to get on going?"

"Yes." He stood up with Cheryl and gave her a hug. "Thank you, Chez, it's been great."

"My pleasure, darling. Please make my brother come here soon again, and you are always welcomed."

She walked them to a door and after a long goodbyes they were finally on their way back home. It was only early evening but Ste was still expecting them to go straight to his place and have sex, so he was surprised when Brendan suggested they'd get a drinks first.

"It's early still, we still have plenty of times after. I just thought it might be nice. To celebrate."

"Okay." Ste agreed. He still wasn't used to the idea that Brendan wanted to take him out. When they were in Ste's place they were like in their own bubble, wrapped on to each other. It was strange, in a good way, to take that thing they had to outside world.

There was a new place opened few streets away from the pub where they had their meal in, and Ste suggested they'd go and check it out. They dropped the car on Ste's street and then had a walk there. Ste enjoyed the way their hands brushed against each other when they walked on a narrow street, and it was like each touch sent more sparks on his body. He was sure it showed, from the way Brendan kept looking at him like a hungry animal.

The place was surprisingly crowded for such a early evening. The music was loud and it was more like a nightclub than a bar. They got their drinks, but it was hard to have a proper conversation in there. People were dancing on the floor and Ste thought that he could have liked the place if he'd come out with friends, have a drink and dance. But it was clear Brendan wasn't enjoying the stay, and right now Ste too would have rather been somewhere else. Home, just with him.

"What do you say if we just finish these and get back home, yeah?" He shouted over the music and Brendan nodded. "I'm just gonna have a wee."

"Do you want me to come with you?" Brendan asked.

"No. I'll be fine. I don't need you to hold it."

"No, but you like when I do." Brendan shouted and gave him a pleased grin. Ste realised he was grinning too, but still shook his head.

"I'll be back in a minute, yeah, and then we get going, alright?"

He made his way to the loos across the crowd, trying to avoid bumbing into anyone. When he was coming back there was more people on the dance floor, and he had to try and walk around it. He was about half way through when there was a hand on his shoulder.

"Ste?"

He turned around to see who it was, and was face to face with a man. He had a brown hair and he was slim but in a muscular way, like a dancer or something. He had something familiar in him and it took a while for Ste to recognise him.

"Oh. Hi."

"Hard to recognise me when I'm not holding a camera on my face, eh?" Man smiled and Ste let out a awkward laugh. "I was at your place, doing the photo shoot."

"Yeah, I remember now. Sorry, I was so busy with the food, it was all such a buzz. Simon, right?"

"That's right. So you too are having a night out?" He had to lean closer so they could hear each other. Ste hadn't notice how tall Simon was during their photo shoot. He was holding a half empty beer glass in his hand.

"I am, yeah. You here with your mates?" Ste glanced through the dance floor and noticed that Brendan had saw them. He stood tall and still in the other side of the room, staring at Ste over the sea of dancers.

"I'm meeting them here, checking out the new place. You here alone? Wanna join us?"

"I can't, sorry." Ste was only half listening, his focus more on Brendan and his desire to get back to him. He was having the same look on his face than he had when Noah was around, or when Ste had been out with Doug. Jealousy and possessiveness. It sent shivers down on Ste's spine. "I gotta go, see ya later."

He pushed his way through the crowd, eyes on Brendan who seemed bit more relaxed now when Ste was getting back to him. Ste was only few feet away when some guy walked on to Brendan and touched his arm to get his attention. Ste guessed the guy was about the same age than he was and it was obvious he fancied Brendan from the way he kept looking at him and leaning closer. He saw them talking to each other but was too far away to hear what they were saying.

"Hiya" he shouted over the noise when he was next to Brendan, and stood as close at him than he could "Sorry I got held up. Who's this then?" He turned to look the guy and hoped he would get the message.

It seemed it worked. The guy looked embarrassed. "Hi, I'm Sean. Me and Brendan, we.. We know each other." He looked Brendan like begging for back up, but he didn't seem like he was up to continue the conversation.

"We did. Not anymore." He turned to look Ste. "Wanna get out from here?"

"Damn right I do." He threw a last glance at the guy. "Bye, Sean."

He started to push his way out from the club. He didn't turn to look at Brendan but could sense him right behind him. Ste was so mad. How many guys like Sean Brendan had know? How many had there been before him? He stormed out to the open air, hoping the fresh air would wash away the jealousy. It didn't.

::::::

That was not how Brendan had planned the night to go. He had wanted them to get drinks and relax, build up the anticipation so when they finally would have got in to bed it would have been all the sweeter. He should have turned around from the club's door, take Steven somewhere more calm instead get stuck in a noisy place full of people in their twenties, which made Brendan feel like everyone's dad.

Then that fucking bloke had appeared like from nowhere, Sean, was it, and now Steven was pissed off. He was walking fast, frowning and pouting in that way which made Brendan balls ache, but also annoyed him. He hadn't done anything wrong, had he, so there was no reason for Steven to be this mad.

"So, Sean." Steven's voice was thick with disgust. "Your ex, was he?"

"Wouldn't call him that." Brendan saw no point of denying ever fucking the guy, it had been pretty obvious.

"What then?" Steven's jaw clenched. "You have slept with him, haven't you?"

"So what if I did?" Brendan had hard time to place the lad anywhere, he hadn't been that memorable. Then he remembered; the night before he met Steven. Somehow it shook him a bit, that he had been having someone in his bed the same day when Steven walked into his life. That there had been anyone before Steven when what they had already felt so permanent.

"Doesn't matter." They had reached the apartment and Steven srcampled with the keys.

"Let me." Brendan tried but Steven pushed him away. It took him a while but he finally managed to get the right key in the lock and open the door.

Steven marched directly in the kitchen and got himself a large glass of water. Brendan watched how his adam's apple moved when he drank.

"Steven, what's the matter?"

"Is this how it's going to be, us going out and your ex's jumping on you where ever we go?"

"I told you, he's not my ex. I fucked him, okay, once, and then he was gone. Never seen him after that, not until tonight."

"Bet you had another one in your bed after him, and another after that." There was so much hurt in Steven's voice that it almost broke Brendan's heart. But then he got rush of anger in him too.

"I got a past Steven, so do you."

"It's not the same, is it?" Steven put the glass down, brushed past him into the bedroom. Brendan followed him. Steven was pacing around, like didn't know what he was supposed to do. "You know I have only been with Noah but you... There's been more than one for you, hasn't it?"

"Yeah. I'm not proud of it, okay." Brendan hated this conversation and he hated seeing Steven so upset. "Can we just drop this?"

"No. No." Steven was shaking his head. "I need to know how many of those 'Sean's' are out there. So you better just tell me!"

"Why? Steven, why does any of that matter?"

"Because I need to know what they meant for you!" He was in front of Brendan now, his hands on Brendan's chest, twisting the fabric on his shirt. "I need to know if you had this with any of them!"

"Are you serious?" He took a hold of Steven's face, made him look at him."I fucked them, okay, that's all I did with them, I never had this, nothing like this with any of them. Only you."

Then Steven surged up, kissing him with desperation, pressing against him. "Prove it."

"What?" Brendan tried to pull back but Steven didn't let him, and his next kiss was more of a bite, making Brendan moan against his mouth.

"Prove it." He said against his lips, his groin pressing against Brendan's and he could feel Steven was getting hard. "Show me you want me. Like you never have want anyone else."

"Steven.."

"You have been holding back, I know it. I can feel it. Just don't, not anymore." Steven looked him with so much demand and need, and it echoed how Brendan was feeling. "Let me feel you."

Brendan grabbed him and crushed them together again. He sucked Steven's tongue into his mouth, while his hands groped his ass, hard enough to bruise him. He nipped Steven's lips with his teeth, licked his way down his throat, pulled down the shirt enough to reveal his collarbone. Brendan bit down hard, and the noise Steven made sent another rush of blood into his groin. Steven was rubbing himself against Brendan, desperate for the friction. Brendan slid his hand into his hair and pulled his head back so he could see his eyes.

"Sure you can handle it?"

"Try me." There was challenge in there which drove Brendan mad with lust. He kissed Steven again, swallowed his moans while walking him back until his legs met the bed and he toppled down on it.

Brendan grabbed Steven's shirt and tore it away, then he took hold of his pants and yanked them down too. He bent down and bit on to that tattoo of his while pulling his underwear away. Steven was already hard and when his dick sprang free Brendan grabbed it and gave it a rough rub. Steven's head was rolling back and his breathing sounded animalistic.

"On your knees." Brendan tossed off his own clothing, while Steven knelt on all fours, feet dangling off the edge of the bed. He watched when Brendan quickly grabbed the lube from the nightstand, but left the condoms there. Brendan could see him shiver with anticipation.

He tossed the lube on the bed and stood behind Steven, hands on his bum, squeezing, stroking. If Steven wanted it rough he would give it to him, and he landed a slap on there, and then another and another, admiring the way Steven kept pushing back despite the little yelps he made each time Brendan's hand landed on his backside. Even when his ass cheek was already turning deep shade of red he was still angling his hips higher for more. Jesus, what had Brendan done to deserve him? He bend down to bite that bum, and the low moans from Steven encouraged him to go on until there was several markings all around his pretty ass.

Brendan took the lube, squirted some of it on his fingers and slicked Steven's hole with it. He could feel the muscle flicked under his touch and pushed straight in with two fingers. Steven arched his back and grabbed the sheets even tighter. Brendan leaned over him, licked his shoulder.

"This how you want it?" He asked and turned his fingers which made Steven cry out. "Steven, tell me."

"Yes. Ohgodyes." Steven pushed against his hand, and Brendan made sure Steven felt his dick pressing hard against his hip.

"Can you feel you hard you make me? How much I want you?" Then Brendan spread his fingers wide inside Steven which seemed to make him lost all ability to speak. "Do you know why I picked up that Sean fella all that time ago? Because he looked like you." He bit Steven's ear and his next word were low and thick with lust. "I wanted to fuck you the moment I saw you on that crappy morning show and with every lad I pretended I was fucking you instead. But none of them came even close. None of them felt as good as you do."

Brendan leaned back to watch Steven's hole when he pulled his fingers out. The sight of it blinking made his blood burn with need. Usually Brendan spent more time preparing him, but if Steven wanted it rough he surely could take it now. He quickly lubed himself up, positioned himself and pushed in. It felt amazing, Steven was tight and alive around him, his inner muscles pulsing and grabbing a hold of him, everything feeling more sensitive without the rubber on. Brendan could hear a low moan and realised it was his, and Steven's higher cries echoed that.

Brendan grabbed a tighter hold on his hips and started to pound on him, long hard pushes which forced the moans out from Steven. He looked down where his cock was stretching him, and it turned him on more. He picked up his pace, kept on going while constantly kneading Steven's ass cheeks, slapping them, pulling them further apart for a better view. Steven was punching the sheets in his fists and crying out, tightening in waves around Brendan's cock, pushing back to meet his thrusts.

He had to see his face while coming, so he took a hold of his base to starve his orgasm down before pulling out and turning Steven over. The boy was breathless, and Brendan manhandled him middle of the bed and lifted his ankles on his shoulders, so when he leaned down Steven was folded in half underneath Brendan's weight. Brendan nudged his dick against Steven's hole and it widened to let him in, and when he pushed back in he grabbed Steven's wrists and pinned them down on the bed. There he was, trapped underneath him and yet when their eyes met Brendan knew Steven was exactly where he wanted to be, that this was all because Steven wished so.

Brendan's thrusts were hard and deep, and he knew he wouldn't last much longer but neither would Steven, he was rigid and ready to explore in any second. Few well angled push later Steven was coming, and the tight grip of his body, the sounds he was making and the look on his face made Brendan come too. It had been years when he had been with anyone without the protection, and climaxing inside Steven's body felt so intense, like he was losing himself inside Steven. He looked down on Steven's delighted face while giving him the few last thrust, trying to push himself as deep as he could, before collapsing on top of him.

He was gasping for air against Steven's neck, Steven's legs still trapped between them but at some point Brendan had released his hands because they were now stroking his hair and his back. Brendan realised how heavy he must be and pushed himself up, gently releasing Steven's legs from their bendy position and slowly pulled out from him. There was ooze of cum dripping out and the sight made what had happened feel even more intimate. Brendan stroked the hairs on Steven's leg and looked down on him. The boy was out of breath, completely limbless and he had a big smile of satisfaction on his face.

Brendan considered a second, then he got off the bed and lifted Steven into his arms. He lazily wrapped his hands around Brendan's neck and buried his face there too, expecting Brendan to take him into shower like he had before. Instead Brendan started to carry him off the room.

"What are you doing?" Steven mumbled against his skin.

"I'm gonna look after you." Brendan turned his head so he could kiss the side of Steven's face. He carefully rose up the stairs to the second floor, kicked the bathroom door open and sat Steven on the bathtub. He made sure the water was warm before letting the tub get filled, and while the water was running he poured in some of the bath oils and bubble foams before he went to the quest room and got those extra towels out from the cabinet. When he returned to Steven he indicated him to sit forward and got in carefully, sitting behind Steven so he could lean his weight on Brendan's chest. When the tub was full enough he reached to close the tab and circled his hands around Steven.

The boy let out a pleased sigh and rested his head against Brendan's shoulder. He stroked Steven's belly gently while giving small kisses on the side of his head and neck.

"Are you okay?" He had to ask, because even when they always had been intense and passionate with each other, this was the first time Brendan had gone so rough with him. Steven had been right, he had been holding back, just like with everyone else, because he had been sure no one could handle the passion he had inside him. It seemed that Steven could.

"I am." Steven twisted his head and placed a soppy kiss on Brendan's beard. "Thank you."

They stayed there for a while, just calming down, before Brendan reached for a sponge and started to gently wash Steven. When he was done he carefully helped Steven up and patted him dry with a towel. There were many bite marks all around his body, most on his bum, with darkening bruises from where Brendan had gripped and slapped him hard. There was a massive bruise on Steven's collarbone and grip marks on his wrists too. Brendan studied them all carefully, bit shocked that he had caused them but Steven didn't seem to mind, on the contrary he run his hand over his ass, winced for the soreness and threw a massive smile for Brendan.

Brendan wrapped him in his arms once again, lifted him up and carried down to their bed. Steven tucked himself under Brendan's arm soon as he laid down next to him, and it didn't take long till his breath steadied down and he was fast asleep, contented smile on his face.

::::::

Ste could tell it was early still, even before opening his eyes. There was no bright light behind his eyelids, but something had still woken him up. There was a soft stroking on his shoulder, and he could feel Brendan's steady breathing. Ste carefully peeled his eyes open, and found out that they had moved since he had fallen asleep. Brendan was now half leaning against the headboard of the bed, Ste's head was on his lap while Brendan stroked him. He noticed Ste was awake and gave him a soft smile.

"Hiya." Ste's voice sounded raspy. "What time is it?"

"Hardly morning. Go back to sleep."

"What are you doing up, then?" Ste reached his hand up and gave Brendan's beard a gentle rub.

"Nothing. Thinking."

"About what?"

"You." Brendan leaned to kiss Ste's forehead. Ste shuffled himself so he was now leaning against Brendan's shoulder. He could feel the markings form the last night, his bum felt extremely sore even against the softness of the bed. It felt amazing, to still feel Brendan's desire on him. Brendan must have noticed him flinching though. "You okay, you know, from last night?"

"You gotta stop asking." Ste rested his lips against Brendan's skin. "I'm fine. Just bit sore but I'll live."

"I'm sorry Steven, for going too far -"

"No, don't. You didn't. I liked it. I wanted it."

"What you told me about Noah hurting you -"

"It was not the same." Ste wasn't sure how to explain it. "He hurt me because he wasn't there for me, not really. I don't mind it hurting a bit when you want me so much."

"Okay." Brendan kissed his forehead again. "Not quite how I planned the evening to go, but if you're pleased I have no complains." They settled in a comfortable silence, Ste playing with Brendan's chest hair and his thumb stroking Ste's neck. It felt so nice that Ste almost didn't ask, but he knew he would need know or it would just eat him alive.

"Brendan?"

"Mmh?"

"Who's Vinnie?"

Brendan tensed next to him. Ste continued stroking his chest, hoping it would calm him down.

"Who told you about him?" Brendan's voice was strained.

"Does it matter? I just want to know what happened. To get to know you better." When Brendan was silent for a long time Ste started to regret saying anything. "Look, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have -"

"It's okay. It's just..." Ste watched how Brendan struggled to find words. "It was a long time ago. I wasn't the man I am now. I don't like who I was and I can't... You wouldn't have liked me back then." He met Ste's eyes briefly. "I just don't want you to hate me."

"I could never." He put a bit of distance between them just so he could see Brendan without twisting his neck. "Brendan, I'm not gonna hate you."

Brendan nodded but looking at Ste seemed too much of a task. Ste had never seen him this vulnerable and he hated that he had caused it. He was about to tell Brendan again to forget it, when he spoke again.

"You need to understand where I came from, why I was the way I... You see, it was my dad, he was... He hated me. When my mum died and I moved with him and Cheryl and Cheryl's ma... He used to beat me, you know. Call me a filthy queer, even when I was just a kid and knew nothing about any of that."

Ste knew what it was like. His step dad had hit him from every excuse he could come up with, and he always didn't even need a reason. Ste knew what it was like to grow up when the man you were supposed to look up to abused you. His heart was breaking for the thought of small Brendan having to go through it. "Did he hit Cheryl too?"

"No. Just me. She was her girl, he pampered her with toys and treats. Pretended to be the best dad of the world and then when we were alone he just... He told everyone I got into troubles and fights with other lads, that all the cuts and bruises were just from me being a troublemaker. He even broke my arm once and told it was because I fell off a tree."

"I'm so sorry." Ste rested his hand on Brendan's tight. He had to fight back his tears because he needed to stay strong that Brendan could go on.

"Anyway, it's no wonder I grew up such a fuck up, every time I looked a lad and felt something I heard Seamus's voice in my head, telling me how disgusting I was, how he always knew I was a faggot and... You know. I often ended up battering the guys I fancied, just because I was so angry for what they made me feel. And I went out with Eileen, because going out with girls was what other boys did, and I wanted to be normal and prove to Seamus I wasn't what he though I'd be. When the kids came I was like any normal man, wasn't I? Only I couldn't stop the feeling, and I ended up fucking around with lads behind her back. D'you know I used to work in nightclubs?"

"You mentioned it, yeah." During some of their conversations when Brendan had told him about his past in Dublin Ste had got some vague idea what Brendan had done while living there.

"I used to work out back then too, you know, and that was advantage of getting work as a bouncer even when I was young, and one of the club owners kinda took me under his wings, started to get me into it more, showed what it was apart from just standing on the door or throwing out drunk punters... So when he set up a new business in Liverpool he asked me and this other fella, Warren to look after it. It meant I had to stay away from Eileen and the kids but at that point it sounded a good idea because our marriage was just a show so... And that club, that's where I met Vincent."

He met Ste's eyes briefly to see his reaction. Ste was feeling quite numb but gave him a nod to go on.

"He came looking for a job. Just moved in the city himself, because he had a nasty ex, who used to batter him. He was just a lad, barely nineteen, and I wanted look after him. Gave him a job, helped him to settle down. He used to get threats from his ex, just like... And I told him not to care about those things, told him to move on. My first case, in a way. Anyways, soon as I thought the time was right I, you know..."

"Seduced him?"

"Yeah." The thought seemed to embarrass him. "It went on some time. Months. Almost a full year. It was better than having to go for a pull each time I wanted sex and I guess I got... Only I couldn't handle it. I got mad every time he did something at work which I thought might expose me, or if he was being too affectionate in private. We fought a lot. Or like, I screamed and he just.. He was such a sweet guy, you see. He didn't fight back. Like you do."

Ste tried to picture him, this Vinnie, some young sweet lad Brendan had had his eyes on, and he couldn't help the twist of jealousy in him. "What happened then?"

"One day he told me he.. that he loved me. I lost it. I hit him. I left him, wanted to finish it off. Only the next day he left a message for my phone that he needed to see me, he begged me to take him back, that he would be better. And I guess he was coming to see me when his.. You see his ex, who I told him not to worry about, he was still hung up on him and had been waiting in his car outside his apartment. When he saw Vincent leave he drove after him on the street, only he had been drinking and lost the control of the car and... I didn't even know until the day after, when I tried to slither my way back in to his bed, and he didn't come to open his door when I kept banging on it and the neighbor came out and told me that there had been an accident on the street. He had died there, all alone."

"Oh my God."

"The ex had drove away but they caught him later on and he confessed it all, but what good did that do? And that's when I really lost it, started drinking, left the club and went back to Dublin. I was a mess and I think Eileen would have thrown me out anyway if she wouldn't have found me in our marital bed with some lad. It was a messy way to come out and I had nowhere else to go so I came to stay with Cheryl. Grew a beard, got back in touch with Warren to see if he had any jobs going and that's how I met Anne, she was his girl you see, only he wasn't treating her right and I couldn't let anyone else get hurt anymore so I helped her. There were many things Warren could be sent down, illegal stuff, and I kept her safe until he was locked up. She gave me the idea of starting to work in security, and helped me to sober up and get everything back on track. Looked up some support groups where to go and handle my problems. She really helped me. I owe her a lot."

"She's a good friend."

"And when I started my business she told about me to her celeb friends to get me the clientele. And did you know that Joel who works with me is actually Warren's son? Turned out he didn't like his daddy's way to beat up women either. Wanted some other role model and though I might be it. But that's pretty much all there is about it. About my past and Vincent." It seemed to Ste that Brendan had to force himself to look at him, like he was scared what he would see on Ste's face. "Do you still fancy me?"

"Of course I do." If anything, Ste's feelings had just grown stronger. Yet, he had to ask. "Did you love him?"

"No." Brendan was looking openly at him now. "I cared about him, but I didn't love him."

 _Do you love me?_ It hanged on top of Ste's tongue, but he couldn't bring himself to ask it. It was too much, too soon, and he was afraid of the answer in both cases. Brendan seemed to sense there was more on his mind.

"I never felt about him, about any of them, like I feel about you."

Ste leaned in to kiss him then. There was a new kind of desperation he was experiencing, not about the physical need, but he was desperate to show Brendan how much he cared about him. How none of what he had told had changed his feelings for the worse, that Ste knew exactly what it was like to be angry and frustrated, what that frustration could lead into. He needed Brendan to know that Ste could see him, all of him, and he wasn't scared of any of it.

He pulled Brendan on top of him, and this time there was no asking was Ste sure or ready; His body was telling Brendan everything he needed to know. He looked around till he found the lube, poured it generously on his hand and then he was kissing Ste all the while when slowly preparing him. None of the aching from the last night could match up the pleasure Ste was feeling from Brendan's touch, and when he finally was ready and Brendan pushed in he had never felt more complete.

They held the eye contact the whole time and there was no space between their bodies when they rocked together. Ste was certain he could see the answer to his unasked question from Brendan's eyes, and it felt like his own heart was beating those words, faster and faster the closer he was getting to his climax, too heavy to be spoken out just yet but still more true than anything Ste had ever said in his whole life. _I love you. I love you._

::::::

They had stayed in bed for the whole Sunday morning until it was time for Steven to get into his afternoon shift in Tony's. Brendan had felt weirdly relieved after what he had told Steven about his past, and how the lad reacted to it. Talking helps, was what the people in the therapy groups had repeated to him years ago, and maybe they had been right after all.

There was a 24 hour gym close to Tony's, and during the week Steven had suggested that Brendan might want to check it out during his shifts instead of sitting the whole time getting bored in the restaurant. They had had a long argument over it, Brendan hating the idea of leaving Steven alone even for a five minutes and Steven insisting that Brendan should start to do things for himself, and not just stay focused on Steven all the time. He had reminded how nothing had happened while Brendan had went into the clinic and the boy had a point, so in the end Brendan had took on the idea. That's where he planned to go now too, to clear his mind more with the exercise.

He parked the car on his usual place behind the restaurant as the gym wasn't that far away, and made sure for several times that Steven would in no circumstances leave the restaurant without him. After Steven had promised few times and was clearly getting annoyed Brendan's fussing, he stood and watched him get inside the building before heading to the gym.

It was a decent place, and sold short membership passes so Brendan didn't need to sign up on forever like some gyms wanted. He worked out a nice sweat, and after he felt he was done he made his way back to restaurant to wait Steven's shift to end. He did feel bit awkward to walk in with his sweaty clothes, but the staff knew him already and one of the waitresses went to inform Steven that Brendan was there. Soon he had food in front of him, chicken breast seasoned to perfection and lots of stuff on the side which Brendan was sure were healthy and good for him. After Steven's shift were over they headed back home, and while Brendan hit the shower Steven gave a call to the kids to say them goodnight and promising they would come and see them tomorrow after school.

They had a snuggle on a sofa in front of a movie before getting back to bed, and even when Steven was feeling sore it didn't stop them from slow and passionate sixty-nining. Steven surely knew how to suck a cock and loved Brendan's tongue on his arse.

The next morning they were fooling around in the kitchen, having a late breakfast because neither of them had wanted to get up. Brendan had wanted to do the breakfast for once, alongside with Crème brûlée he knew how to make a mean fry up, and Steven was chatting away in that way of his. He was middle of singing horribly along some crappy song of the radio when they heard the mail box clanging and Steven sprinted on the hall to pick up the letters.

Brendan kept on pushing the sausages around to get them well done from all sides, humming alongside of the music even though he could have sworn he hated it.

" _BRENDAN!_ "

He dropped the spatula and ran to the hallway, where Steven stood, pale and shaking, holding a letter in his hand.

"Steven, what is it, what's the matter?" He cursed to himself, he should have checked the mail before Steven in case there were more nasty surprised. He reached for Steven and he seemed to collapse against Brendan, showing the letter into his hand. Only it wasn't just a letter.

 _Don't you dare to ignore me._

Alongside was a picture of Leah and Lucas playing in their front yard.


	9. Chapter 9

It was almost like the incident with the rat all over again. Ste was panicking, demanding Brendan to get his car keys to they could drive to Amy, and he wasn't even sure what he planned to do after that. All he cared about was that his babies were in danger, that there was someone who knew where they were, and it was all because of him.

Brendan tried to calm him down. He sat Ste down and once he stopped shaking and hyperventilating Brendan got his phone and called the police.

"What did they say?" He asked soon as Brendan finished the call.

"DC Scott is on his way here. And they sent someone to check on Amy and the kids." Brendan sat next to him and pulled him closer. Ste buried his head under Brendan's chin, and for a second he felt safe there, breathing in the comforting scent of Brendan and feeling his strong arms around him. Then he though about unfair it was that he was safe like this, when his kids weren't. He pushed himself away and up and started to pace around.

"Shouldn't we still go there? Maybe we could bring the kids here, so you can look after them like you do with me. Only, the creep knows where I live, doesn't he? I know, we go away, yeah, pack our stuff and just leave somewhere where he can't follow us."

"Steven. You need to calm down. It's going to be okay." Brendan tried to reach for him but Ste batted his hand away.

"They are my kids, Brendan, if something happens to them because of me I can't, I don't know how to handle it!"

He walked to the stove and looked the burnt sausages and bacon on the pan.

"Your breakfast is ruined." He took the pan and dipped the contents on the trash before tossing the pan in the sink. "Everything is ruined." And then he broke down, tears pouring down and he didn't know how to stop them. There were steady hands on his shoulders, turning him around and he was pressed against Brendan's chest again, and this time he let himself to be held while wetting Brendan's t-shirt with his tears.

"I'm so sorry, Steven, I'm sorry." Brendan mumbled into his hair.

Ste had been so happy. The past week had been the best week of his life, and it felt so weird it had only been so little when he felt like had been with Brendan forever. He had woken up each day full of joy, excited to see what the day had to offer. His only worries had been Brendan murdering Noah in the studio, but even that had gone well. Ste had almost forgot why Brendan had come into his life in the first place. He had pictured their life to go on like this and now it was all crashing down.

They must have stayed there for the long time because doorbell made them both jump. Brendan stroked Ste's cheek briefly and then went to open the door, giving Ste a moment to dry his eyes. He heard greetings and then Brendan came back to kitchen followed by DC Scott and another officer.

"Shame to meet again like this" Scott shook Ste's hand. "I have talked to the officer sent to Miss Barnes apartment, but there was no one in the premises. It's okay though," He continued quickly when he saw Ste opening his mouth, "Neighbor saw her leaving with the kids just like normally to escort them in the nursery and school, and we have contacted her by phone. Everything is fine and normal with them."

"That's good, isn't it, Steven?" Brendan said, trying to comfort him. Ste managed a nod.

"What happens now?" He asked.

"There will be someone watching over the apartment for not at least. It's probably just a way to scare you though, but we can't take any risk."

"You still have no idea who it could be?"

"Sadly, no. It seems the man knows where the security cameras are in your area, and we haven't managed to track down his route. Now when we know he's been around Miss Barnes we will review the footage from that neighborhood, to see if we spot anything suspicious. Also the analysis from the knife didn't give us any more clues, there were no fingerprints on it."

"Knife?" Ste had no idea what Scott was talking about, but Brendan went still and threw a quick glance towards Ste which he couldn't read. Scott didn't seem to notice while he was going through his notes.

"So I'm afraid we know little more than the last time we spoke. But like I said, we now have bit more hope with the cameras in the area where Miss Barnes lives, so we'll do some asking around and see if we can pick up anything from the security footage. I'll let you know how we get on."

Ste didn't feel reassured but Scott seemed to be eager to leave. They bagged the letter and the photo for evidence and then they were on their way, reminding them to call if they'd remember anything useful.

Once they were gone the place fell in silence. Ste could hear his own breathing when he tried to collect his thoughts. Brendan stood and stared at the floor.

"What knife was he talking about?" Ste's voice sounded loud in his own ears. He wasn't sure was he shouting or was it because of the unnatural silence of the apartment. "Brendan? I need some answers, now."

"Steven..."

"What knife?!"

"Okay, okay." Brendan stepped closer and tried to hold him but Ste took a step back. He knew what Brendan's touch did to him, and he needed a clear head. Brendan seemed to sense his thoughts and let his arms drop to his sides. "Okay. You need to stay calm. But there's been... You have been getting more mail. Gifts. From this guy. I almost even caught him the other night, but I was too late."

"You what? When? What gifts? Brendan, just tell me!" Ste couldn't get his head around this all. Had Brendan been lying to him all this time?

"There was a... There was a heart, from a animal, okay, and the knife, it was -"

"When?" Ste thought he might throw up. "How long as this been going on? How long have you kept this from me?"

"The heart, that was few weeks ago, after your date with Douglas I think, and I just tossed it away with the trash. The knife was last week." Brendan looked worried, like he could sense how awful Ste was feeling. Maybe he was feeling too, to be exposed like this. "There was some note, how he wanted you to use it in your show, to show your dedication to him, and I took it to the police station for prints."

"When you went to the clinic." Ste realised. "That what it was about, was it? Did you even get yourself checked up, or was it a lie too?"

"No, Steven, I did go there, I swear. But that's why it took me so long, because I had to go in the station too."

"And you didn't tell me."

"I thought they would upset you. I didn't want to make you worry, okay." Brendan looked like he was in pain. "I just wanted to protect you, Steven."

"If I would have known... I could have done what he wanted, and he wouldn't have gone to my kids."

"Steven, listen to me, you can't play his games, you can't let him control you like that."

"Brendan, he threatened my kids!" He was shouting now and Brendan seemed to shrink, like seeing Ste like this was upsetting. "I would do anything to keep them safe, anything, I would have played his stupid games if it keeps him away from my children!"

"You know I care about those kids, you know I won't let anything happen to them."

"Well you're too late! It has happened! And I don't know what to do! How can I protect them? How?" Tears were back and this time when Brendan came to him he allowed it. He was too tired of this all.

"Steven, I will fix this, I promise." Brendan mumbled on his hair.

Only it was the first time when Brendan's touch couldn't calm Ste down, and he knew Brendan could sense it too.

::::::

It didn't take long after that when Steven's phone was ringing.

"It's Amy." He said when looking the screen. "I'll take this in the bedroom," and he disappeared before Brendan could ask him to stay. He would have wanted to hear what Amy had to say, but he was also very aware how hurt and disappointed Steven was with him.

It took a long time for Steven to come out and when he did he looked kinda numb and his eyes were red again.

"She's talking about taking the kids away. To Manchester, to her dad, if she manages to get time off from work and they let Leah have some time off from school."

"Steven, I'm sorry."

"I'm losing my kids, Brendan." There was so much pain in his voice Brendan's heart was breaking. "She has to take them away from me because it's too dangerous to be around me."

"You know it's not true. You haven't done anything wrong." Brendan stroked his arm and for a second Steven seemed to be comforted until his face twisted with rage.

"I haven't, have I, it's you for not telling me the truth and let me decide what to do."

"Steven, you can't give him the attention, that's what he wants, some reaction from you -"

"Well he's got one now! If he's watching he's seeing the police in my place, or in Amy's, and how my kids have to be escorted home by officers because of him! If you would have just told me and let me decide what to do..."

"So are you saying this is my fault, hmm, is that what you mean?"

"No. Yes. I don't know." Steven threw a look on him which was both angry and hurt, like he was expecting Brendan to give him the answers. "Can we just go and see my kids before Amy takes them away, please? If she even lets me in."

"Of course, yeah, anything you want." Brendan tried to keep his voice calm but his insides felt hollow. He hated the idea of Steven blaming him, but he hated the idea of Steven blaming himself more.

Their drive was a quiet one, Steven was wrapped up with his own thoughts and stared blankly in front of him. He was even curled up against the door, like he wanted as much space between him and Brendan. Brendan tried to breathe and think, but there was ache in his heart which demanded his attention. There was the fear, not just because of the kids, but fear that this was it, that Brendan had fucked it up like he always did and after this Steven would want nothing to do with him.

Brendan spotted the officer's car when he parked on Amy's street. They weren't in uniform but the newish car with two fancy dressed people sitting in it stood out like a sore thumb in this neighborhood.

"I'll go and have a chat with them." Brendan said when they got out from the car and Steven just gave him a small nod without looking at him. Brendan watched him to go knocking on Amy's door and how he was let in. Then he walked to talk with the officers.

Brendan showed them his card, and they already knew about Steven and that Brendan would be with him. They were both maybe few years younger than Brendan, polite and calm, explaining how they had picked Amy and the kids up soon as they had contacted her. She had been very upset and had took rest of the day off from work, just wanting to be with her kids. Nothing out of the ordinary had been happening since, and they still hadn't got a word about the security tape analysis.

He thanked them for the information and asked them to keep him in the loop with any new evidence. Then Brendan though he had been dragging it on long enough and made his way to the flat. He took a deep breath and knocked the door.

It wasn't long until Amy answered. She looked pale and worried, but there was also a glint of anger in her eyes when she saw who he was. She looked over her shoulder that no one had followed her to the door before stepping out and pulling the door almost closed after her.

"You said you are gonna keep them safe, Brendan." Straight to the business, then. "Is this what you meant?"

"I'm sorry this has happened, Amy, but you know the officers are working to get this resolved."

"And what about you, then, are you working hard to keep my kids and Ste safe or are you too focused on thumping him?"

Brendan hoped he would know what Ste had been talking with her. "Listen, I don't know what Steven has been telling you -"

"He's not said anything but don't think I'm stupid. I can see something is going on and how much he's changed since you came along." It seemed like she tried to pierce her gaze through Brendan to expose all his secrets. And despite the situation there was a faint hope in Brendan, that his presence would be good for Steven after all.

"Really?" He had to ask and for a moment Amy got more softer.

"Well he does seem happier. Like he can hardly stop smiling. And the way he looks at you is not completely platonic, is it? So, I'm right, aren't I, there is something between you two?"

Brendan shifted on his feet. "I think you should ask that from Steven."

"I'm asking you."

Okay. "Yes."

She let out a big sigh and studied Brendan for a long time. "In a way I'm glad. That means he has someone to look after him when me and the kids aren't here."

Brendan's heart sank. "You're really taking them away?"

"I have to, don't I? I told you, I don't want them to live in a way where's someone is constantly following them. It's not for good, just a few weeks to get them settled and hopefully by then the guy has been catch. And Leah can't stay away from school any longer than that, so. But yes, I have taken some time off from work and talked to school and nursery, and tomorrow we leave for my dad in Manchester."

"Okay. Actually I think it's a good idea."

"You do?" She seemed surprised. "Why, so there's less people for you to watch over?"

"No." Brendan tried to stay calm even though her tone was aggressive. "Because the kids don't need this, they shouldn't need to be scared to play outside. It's just Steven, I'm not sure he'll understand."

"I know. He's been pretty upset." She looked guilty. "But I'm their mother and I need to take care of them." Then she nudged her head towards the door. "Do you wanna come in?"

"Am I allowed?"

Of course. If you're Ste's... I could make tea."

"That would be lovely. Thank you, Amy."

When Brendan followed her in he saw Steven sitting on the couch with Leah and Lucas, reading a book for them. He lifted his gaze shortly to look at him before getting back to the story. Brendan listened for a while, how he read slowly and carefully to make sure to get the words right, and it seemed he was making stuff up too as he went on based on the pictures rather than the text, but the kids didn't seem to mind. Brendan had noticed it before too, how Steven wanted to avoid the reading the best he could and when he had to he went over the text several time to make sure he had got it right. Dyslexia, Brendan suspected, but it hadn't stopped Steven to make something out of himself, and it had made Brendan even more proud of him.

Brendan went in the kitchen to get his tea and Steven followed him soon after. He looked a bit calmer now, like he had accepted his fate, but there was still lot of sadness in his eyes too and he avoided looking directly at Brendan.

"How are the kids?" Brendan asked while Amy handed a cup for Steven too.

"They're fine, they don't seem to notice anything's wrong. Well, not Lucas anyways, he's just excited to have a shorter day in the nursery and hearing they're getting on a trip tomorrow. They both look forward of seeing their granddad." His voice faltered a little during the last sentence.

"It's only for a little while." Amy said and reached to stroke his arm. Brendan was surprised how jealous he got from that gesture.

"I know." Steven stared at his mug. "I just hate this."

"We all do." Brendan said but Steven still didn't meet his eyes. "The main thing is that the kids are okay, right? So we can focus on catching the guy."

"Catching who?" Leah had appeared on the doorway and was looking up to Brendan.

"Leah, why don't you go and start packing?" Amy tried to sound cheerful but Leah still kept looking at Brendan, so he knelt down.

"Nothing for you to worry about, Princess, okay? You are going to have fun with your granddad and I'm going to stay here looking after your dad for you."

"Like the Huntsman."

"Who?"

"The Huntsman who caught the wolf and saved the Little Red Riding Hood." Leah smiled.

"Something like that, yeah. Do you think your daddy would look nice in a red hood?"

"He would look very handsome." Leah said, and Brendan glanced at Steven and there was a smile on his face and seeing it made Brendan's heart beat louder.

"He would, wouldn't he? Now, do what your mummy said and get on packing, yeah? Good girl." He straightened up and Leah disappeared on to her room. Both Steven and Amy were looking at him now. "What?" He asked.

"Nothing." Amy said but Brendan was more focused on some of the warmth which had returned on Steven's expression.

"What time are you leaving tomorrow? So we know when to come and say goodbye?" Steven asked but Amy was more serious again.

"Actually, I was thinking it might be best if you'd say your goodbyes today. It might upset them and make them realise something is wrong if you come and see us off like we're never coming back."

"Are you serious?" Steven put his mug down and Amy shushed him. "You are taking them away and I can't even say goodbye?"

"You can say it today, just like every other time when you leave. That way it's more normal to them."

Steven opened his mouth but Brendan touched his shoulder. "I think she might be right. It's just like any other time you've seen them, there will just be a bit longer time between before you see them again."

Steven shook his hand off. His face was dark again, and that bottom lip was pouting out so deliciously that Brendan would have wanted to suck it into his mouth. That would have probably made Steven more mad. "I'm gonna go and see how they are getting along, " he informed and was off the kitchen. Amy looked torn.

"He'll calm down." Brendan said but she didn't seem convinced.

They stayed for couple more hours, Steven helping the kids to pack, making it seem like a game and the kids loved that, trying to pick up right clothes and laughing when their dad suggested all kind of silly things. Brendan saw how Amy tried to suggest that it would be time for the kid's tea soon or other polite ways to let Steven know they should leave, but that only lead Steven to cook them like he wanted to prolong the moment he would have to say goodbyes. And the way Amy looked Steven when he was plating the food, chatting with the kids, she looked as reluctant as Brendan felt to say that it was time to leave.

Finally Steven seemed to understand he couldn't drag it on forever. The kids came to hug and kiss him for goodbye, all excited about their little holiday and Steven tried to stay brave, smiling brightly even though Brendan could sense he was in his breaking point.

"Ask mummy if you can call me, alright, I want to hear how you are getting on."

"Of course we call you, Ste," Amy assured, "And we'll be back in few weeks."

"I know." Steven hugged the kids one more time and kissed their heads. Then Lucas surprised Brendan by coming to him too for the first time, even though his hug was very brief before escaping back to his mum. Leah hugged her for a longer time and when she was done she studied Brendan's face.

"Are you sure your not my dad's boyfriend?"

"Would you like it if he was?" Steven asked and Leah gave a mighty nod.

"I like him. He should stay."

"Maybe he will, then." Steven said and for the first time in what seemed like hours looked Brendan before his smile got sad again. "Okay, we better get going then, remember to call me, yeah? Love you."

Both kids and Amy said it back while they made their exit. There was a new car now on the street with new officers sitting in it, but they didn't look any less suspicious than the first one had been. Brendan nodded at them when they walked past them to his car.

"Steven..." He tried when they were in the car, but Steven shook his head.

"Don't. I'm fine."

He didn't look like it. He looked like he was about to cry again, or that he would break if Brendan would touch him, so he didn't. They drove back to his instead and the silence felt smothering. Once at Steven's, he went straight into the sofa and curled himself up, like a small and vulnerable child.

"There's no messages from Scott." Brendan tried, but he doubted if Steven even head him. After a few minutes of silence Steven reached for the remote and turned the TV on, but his eyes kept staring in the distance and not what was happening on the screen.

Brendan peeked in the fridge but even when there were groceries in he didn't come up with anything he would feel comfortable trying to cook. He knew how to make coffee and breakfast, but apart from crème brûlée and some soup he didn't trust his skills. But Steven needed something to eat, he had hardly had anything at Amy's and boy needed to keep his strength up. So he looked up the Chinese restaurant's take away menu and phoned in their order, hoping he remembered Ste's order right. It took about half an hour for their food to arrive and Steven hadn't moved from the couch the whole time.

"What's this?" He frowned when Brendan placed boxes in front of him on the coffee table and sat next to him.

"Dinner." He informed and delved into his own dish. "Eat up."

"Not hungry."

"Steven. You need to eat. Come on." Brendan stared him long enough that Steven finally picked up his food and poked it around with a fork. "Good lad."

After nibbling his dinner a bit Steven put the dish down. "I'm not hungry." He said again. "You can finish it. I'm gonna have a shower." He pushed himself up and started to make his way into the bedroom.

"Steven?" When he turned to look at him Brendan had to ask. "Do you want me to sleep upstairs?"

"What? No." Steven was frowning. "Why would I?"

"It's just... If you're still mad at me you might not wanna..."

"Don't be stupid." Steven was looking at the floor. "I just need to think, okay?"

"Okay. See you in a bit, then?"

"Yeah." And off he went. It was obvious he didn't want company this time, so Brendan tried to focus on the TV before giving up. He put the remains of Steven's food in the fridge and turned off all the lights before heading into the bedroom.

Steven took a long time in the bathroom, and when he finally emerged he looked bit more of himself but there was still some kind of wall around him. Brendan took his turn and once he came back Steven was already in bed, lying under the covers and back towards Brendan's side.

He got in carefully and shuffled as close to Steven as he dared. He reached his hand around him to his belly and Steven didn't push him away. Brendan moved a bit closer so he could breathe in the familiar scent of Steven from his neck.

"I'm not mad at you." Steven said in the dark. "I'm just.. feeling hopeless."

"It's okay." Brendan stroked his belly. "You can feel how ever you like, it's normal to go through this. And you can blame me all you want, I know I did wrong when I didn't tell you."

Steven turned over so he was facing Brendan. It was dark and hard to see much more than the outline of him and the gleam of his eyes, but he could feel Steven's breath on his face.

"Why didn't you?"

"I told you. I thought I was protecting you. You were so happy and I wanted you to stay that way."

"I was happy. I am happy. I just don't like you hiding things from me."

"I'm sorry."

"And I do know it is best for the kids to go away for a while, and they love to see their grandpa, it just feels like I'm losing them."

"You won't. I won't let that happen."

"You don't know that. What if they'll never catch the guy?"

"Then I will. Even if it's the last thing I'll do, I'll catch him and make sure he won't ever threat you or the kids again."

Steven's hand reached to Brendan's jaw, gently scratching his beard.

"You really would, wouldn't you?" His voice was quiet and amazed, like there had never been anyone else in his life who would put him first.

"Of course I would. Steven, I'd took a bullet for you if I'd have to, to keep you safe."

"Don't." He moved closer, pressed himself against Brendan, placing urgent kiss on his lips. "Don't say such things. I can't lose you, you need to promise me."

"It's just an expression," it wasn't, he had meant it and Steven knew it from the way he kept hugging himself closer. "I promise. You ain't getting rid of me now."

"Good." Steven kissed him again, and for a long time there was nothing else than his soft mouth against Brendan's. When he pulled away his thumb kept stroking Brendan's bottom lip. "And did you mean what you said, the other night, about seeing me on telly and, you know, fancying me?"

"Yes." Brendan knew Steven could feel him getting harder against his belly. "Ever since I first saw you I couldn't stop thinking about ya. And when Anne brought you on my doorstep... "

"Was I different than you expected?"

Brendan held him tighter. "You were better than I could have imagined. So much more than just a fancy piece of ass."

Steven pushed Brendan until he was on his back, and then he straddled him, grinding their groins together.

"I wanted you too, the first time I saw you. I never stopped. I want you now."

"I can feel that. Put on the light. I want to see you."

Steven reached for the lamp, and once it was on he grabbed the lube. Brendan stroked his hands on Steven's flat belly, let his thumbs scrape down his treasure trail and the pubes above Steven's hardening dick. Steven dropped the lube on his chest and continued to move his hips like a dancer, every movement making Brendan more ready for him.

He took the lube, squirted some on his fingers and Steven rose up just enough for Brendan to slide his hand between his legs. The lube was cold and Steven shivered when Brendan pressed his fingers on his hole, but soon he was pushing down against his hand when Brendan kept rubbing him, and when he finally slid his fingers in Steven let out a long sigh before starting to rock on his digits.

Brendan was burning for him but seeing Steven loving his touch was so good too and he could have gone on forever just fingering him, but it seemed Steven needed more, rising up from his fingers. Brendan stroked the residue of the lube on himself and then Steven grabbed his cock, shuffled bit forward and sunk on to him, slowly until Brendan was all the way in.

For a moment he sat there, gasping, fingers scraping over Brendan's chest while his body got used to the stretch. Then Steven started to move, slow movements with his hips searching that spot which would make his body feel like it was on fire.

Brendan could feel when he found it, when his whole body seemed to tense and his noises turned louder. He took a hold of Steven's hips and rose up so he was sitting and Steven was in his lap, and the movement made Steven gasp out. He flung his arms around Brendan's shoulder and kept on rocking, his moans vibrating against Brendan's lips when they leaned their foreheads together. Brendan wrapped his arms tighter around Steven and started to thrust up to meet his movements.

"Brendan."

It was so full of need and Brendan could tell Steven was close. He slid his hand around Steven's cock and started to stroke it in rhythm of their movements. Steven's noises were loud cries and Brendan was aware of his own grunting while he tried to press Steven closer to him, push in deeper, no amount of closeness feeling enough. Steven's nails scratched Brendan's shoulders and then he was coming, spats of cum hitting both of their bellies. His whole body was shaking and he pressed his face closer to Brendan's, panting on to his mouth, his eyes looking straight to him like he could see Brendan's soul. Brendan had no control of the noises he was making while he made his few last thrusts before coming into Steven, and he was filled with that feeling again, overpowering sensations hitting on him when he knew he had found his home.

::::::

The next day Ste had managed to get through his show somehow and was changing his clothes in his dressing room when his phone rang. He was alone because Declan had called Brendan just when they were about to leave his car, and after making sure several times that Ste would be okay he had stayed outside to talk with his son. Ste knew they were probably planning about Declan's visit and it excited him despite everything what was going on. It was still weeks ahead and hopefully this situation would have been resolved by then.

Now he grabbed his phone and thanked heavens that Brendan wasn't there, because he saw Doug's name flashing on the screen.

"Hiya." He answered and already felt ashamed how fake his cheerful tone sounded.

"Hi," He didn't sound as cheerful,"Don't worry, I'm calling purely for professional reasons."

"Listen, Doug-"

"No, you don't have to say anything, ghosting me for these past few weeks made the message loud and clear."

"I'm sorry, I really am, my life has been such a mess and I -"

"Anyway, our office had your channel on and I saw you on screen and it reminded me to call in and arrange a time for the cover shoot."

"Cover shoot?"

"For your book. The E-book is nearly there and the printed version is almost ready to hit the press, just in time for Christmas season. We have some snaps from the shoots we did in your place which might be suitable for the cover, but I think we could take few more and then decide which one looks the best."

He sounded completely professional and distant which made it obvious how hurt he was. Ste knew he had a good reason – since he started sleeping with Brendan he hand't been replying any of Doug's texts. He owed him an explanation.

"Errr, that sounds good, yeah."

"How is your next week? Tuesday? Wednesday? We might squeeze you in for Thursday but the beginning of the week would be best for us."

"Tuesday, then?" Ste was pretty sure he had that day off from Tony's and he could always change his shifts.

"Great. You wanna come over straight after your time in the studio, or later in the afternoon?"

"Straight after."

"I'll mark that up."

"Okay. Doug, I'm really sorry I haven't been straight with you, but if you'd know what's been going on..."

"I just, really thought we hit it off. But I guess it didn't happen for you, and that's fine. You should have told me though, instead of keeping my hopes up." There was a higher pitch in his voice now, from frustration.

"I know. I'm sorry." He was. He had liked Doug. Maybe in some other universe they would have ended up together. Only then the thought was replaced with the knowledge that in every universe he would have been drawn to Brendan, until he had found him one way of another. They had been drifting towards each other all along.

"It's fine. But be honest, Ste, please. It's that so called roommate of yours, isn't it?"

"Yeah. Turns out he's not that straight as I thought."

"I kinda figured that out the way he kept rubbing his ownership all over you." Ste was glad to hear some humor creeping back to Doug's voice.

"He what?"

"Never mind. I better get going, then. I see you next week, alright."

"Okay. Bye then."

Ste ended the call, made sure he hadn't left anything in the dressing room and started to make his way out. Only once he pulled the door open he almost stumbled on Noah. What was it with these guys today?

"What are you doing here?"

"No need to be rude." Noah acted annoyingly pleasant. "I just saw your Irishman outside and thought this could be my change to have a chat."

"How many times I need to tell you, I'm not interested." Ste tried to push past him but Noah didn't budge.

"Why can't we just be friends? Would it be so awful? We work in the same station so it would be beneficial to come along."

"Well I'm not going to stay here much longer, am I?" Ste noticed Noah surprise. "I only have few months left in my contract so by the end of the year I'm out and you don't have to worry about us being friends." He managed to wiggle past him and started to march towards the elevator, but Noah followed him.

"Look, Ste, I know I was bit of a dick when I left you, but I hope that's not the reason why -"

"Oh get over yourself, will you." Ste snorted. "My leaving has nothing to do with you. And I'm well over you too, so run along and leave me alone."

"Well I'm glad to hear you have no grudges against me." They had reached the elevators and Ste pushed the button, praying one to arrive soon. There were people coming and going and Noah dared to move a bit closer, dropping his voice. "I'd really like it if we could patch things up. Bury the hatchet. Maybe have a drink, as friends." He gave Ste appraising look and Ste couldn't believe the nerves that guy had. "You look really great these days, what's your secret?"

Elevator blinged and group of young women came out. Ste turned to look Noah straight in the eye. "Amazing sex life. Something I never got with you. There's just something about nine inch Irish cock, you know." He stepped in and the last thing he saw when the doors closed was Noah stunned face and few of the office girls laughing so much their mascaras were running.

He went out the back and saw Brendan standing leaning against his car. There was relief on his face again soon as he spotted Ste and Ste could sense his desire to hold him, but held back because they were in public.

"Alright? Ready to go?" He asked instead and once they were in a car and they drove out the gates he placed his hand on Ste's thigh. "Do you wanna grab a coffee, from that place you like? I'd could use one."

"Aww, are you tired from last night?" Ste teased. He had wanted comfort from Brendan's body more than once.

"Did you hear me complaining? I have nothing against dating such a nympho." Brendan grinned.

"We'll need to get your coffee then, so you can keep up with my needs." Ste laid his hand on top of Brendan's and stroked his thumb over his knuckles. "Bren, I had a call for Doug."

"What? The fuck he's calling you for?" Brendan was instantly frowning.

"Because of work, Bren. My book. It's almost done and they just need me to go in for a cover shoot or something, give my opinion about the results."

"When?"

"Week from now. Next Tuesday after my show. Is that okay?"

"Of course, yeah. As long as little Dougie doesn't try anything.."

"He won't. He's got the message. You know what he actually said? That you have been rubbing your ownership on me." He laughed and there was a little smirk on Brendan's lips too.

"Well he better keep his hands off you. Not having you snogging him in front of my eyes anymore."

"I might, just to get you jealous." Ste smiled. The he said more carefully, "I also run into Noah again."

"Fuck's sake. Either you burn yourself when I leave you alone for a five minutes of get surrounded by suitors."

"Yeah it seems you were right, he did try to get it off with me."

"Are you serious?" Brendan clenched the wheel. "Right, I'm going to go and -"

"You won't do anything. I sorted it out. I don't think he'll try anything again."

"If he's decided to want you back he will -"

"He won't." Ste stroked Brendan's arm and could feel the tension in his muscles. It excited him again, to see how much Brendan needed him. "I told him he's bad in bed and that I'll get my satisfaction from... nine inch Irish cocks these days."

"You what?"

"And there were other people around and I think if there's one thing what Noah hates it's the public humiliation so I'd say he's never going to bother me again."

"Jesus, Steven." Brendan pulled the car in the parking sloth and turned to look at him. "I can't believe you said that."

"So I guess soon as those girls tell their friends and they tell their friends it won't be long until the whole building knows you're banging me." Ste bit his lips. "I should have asked you first, I'm sorry."

Brendan shook his head and the he burst out laughing. Ste had never heard him laugh like that, like he couldn't stop. Then he grabbed Ste's neck with both hands and pulled him closer for a kiss. Ste could feel him smiling against his mouth.

"Well I guess that's one way to make it obvious who you belong to," he said once he pulled back.

"Oi, why is it always me being the one to belong to someone? You're mine just as much."

"I am, aren't I?" Brendan said quietly while stroking Ste's lip. They looked at each other and the answer was clear between them. Then Brendan pushed his door open. "Come on, let's get us that coffee."

::::::

Brendan had told Declan about Steven. He had been more nervous than he had been with telling to Cheryl, but to his relief Declan had sounded pleased. He had been eager to hear all about him, and when he heard Steven worked in telly he instantly informed that he would google him up.

Brendan also told him that he pretty much lived with Steven now, but that Declan would still be welcomed to stay, either with Cheryl or in Steven's place. It had been Steven's idea, the house was so big that there was plenty of room for one teenager. It was only three more weeks or so for Declan's holiday and Brendan was looking forward of seeing him again and introduce Steven to him. Needles to say Steven would be first man Brendan's sons would ever meet as their dad's partner. He hoped Steven would be the only one.

He had been worried how Steven would handle the news of Declan definitely coming, now when he had just had to say goodbye to his own kids. But he was excited, already planning what kind of foods he would make, vegetarian and vegan ones for Brendan's horror. He had such a big heart, and always trying to focus on now and on the future, and he clearly wanted to make a good impression for Brendan's son. It warmed him more than he could say, to see Steven wanting to come along with him so much. He also tried not to think how there was about same age difference between Steven and Declan than there was between Steven and him.

They felt the absence of the kids through the whole week, even when they did call Steven almost every night it wasn't the same than going to see them when ever Steven had free time from his jobs. He was bit more quieter than what Brendan had used to, but Brendan could tell how hard he tried to stay positive.

Brendan did his best to take his mind off things. He took Steven shopping one afternoon, and pampered him with several pair of nice underwear to replace some of the old baggy ones he had. He took him out to eat, or walk in the park, but some part of him was constantly alert and scanning their surroundings and Steven must have been too, because neither of them could properly relax outside Steven's apartment. Even Brendan's workouts were short until he rushed back in to Tony's, even though he knew Steven would be surrounded by other people and there was no way someone could just walk in the kitchen and snatch him up.

The one thing that seemed to make both of them stop thinking was sex, and they had loads of it. Steven was starting to be quite a demanding power bottom and Brendan had nothing against satisfying his needs. He got his pleasure from giving pleasure to Steven and the boy knew it. Now when he had learned what turned Brendan on or threw him over the edge his moans became most filthiest sounds Brendan had ever heard, and the looks he gave for him under his long lashes were mixtures of shy virgin schoolboy and horny expert he was quickly becoming. And now when they had established their stance in the roughness levels Steven's bum was constantly marked with bite marks and bruises from Brendan slapping or kneading it, and Brendan's whole backside from shoulders to bum was covered in scratches. Steven had hinted he wouldn't mind to get tied down and Brendan already had several plans in mind how to make most of that type of situation. He was sure they wouldn't be able to do anything the whole week Declan was going to stay with them, because Steven was loud when ever he had Brendan's fingers, tongue or dick in him, but he was also sure that Steven wouldn't like that thought at all.

On Saturday Brendan got a call from Anne.

"Hello mister, and than you very much for keeping touch with me," her voice told him she was joking, "I have been dying to hear all about your little romance with golden boy, the whole studio is buzzing about it."

"Are they?" He groaned. Steven had made him wait in the car whole week during his show, because he still couldn't believe Brendan could handle himself around Noah. The boy was probably right.

"Apparently your Steven has been singing praises about your... Irishnes and the girls love to think of you two together. You should hear them."

"Not really interested about imagination of female sex, am I?" Brendan grunted and Anne giggled.

"No, you aren't. And to be honest I don't think they can truly imagine you two together because they don't know you that well. Me, on the other hand..."

"Jesus, Anne."

"I'm just teasing. But seriously, how are you doing? Steven seems to be very pleased but what about you?"

"No complains. Well, if you don't count the creep terrorising him..."

"Ah, yes, Ste did mention the about the new twist. Still no news from the police?"

"Nope. I have no idea what they are doing there, but it seems to take a long time to review some footage."

"Maybe they haven't found anything and are too ashamed to tell you?" Anne tried to sound cheerful. "But you and Ste, you are okay?"

"Yeah. He's working right now and I'm hanging in the restaurant. But yeah, we are okay. When it comes to things between us, it's better than I could have hoped for." He was silent for a second. "I told him about Vincent."

"Oh." She seemed surprised and no wonder. Brendan hardly mentioned that time of his life. "How did he take it?"

"He was jealous, could you believe. Shocked too, I guess, but he was more interested about what I had with Vincent than rest of the stuff."

"That's... That sounds like it went really well. I'm so proud of you for telling him."

"Yeah?" Brendan fidgeted on his seat.

"Yes. He's quite special, isn't he, if he gets you open up like that. Or can keep you in his bed longer than one night." Brendan could tell Anne was smiling.

"He is. I'm not gonna lose him, Anne."

There was a long silence and Brendan wondered what Anne was thinking and how possessive he had just sounded.

"You know," She finally said, "I'm really surprised the creeper hasn't got the message yet. Anyone who's willing to go against you has to be insane."

::::::

Ste had worked all weekend and had Monday and Tuesdays off from Tony's. On Monday he and Brendan had hardly moved from the flat, but instead spent hours in bed and then laying on top of each other on the couch while watching crappy movies between all the touching and kissing.

"I'm just a sex toy to you, aren't I?" Brendan asked when Ste had a satisfied stretch after being sucked off again.

"And a coffee maker." Ste teased and stroked Brendan's hair. "Like a multi tool or something."

"Well, I'm glad to be at service." Brendan pulled Ste's trackies back up and then crawled up and laid on top of him, nuzzling his neck and throat. Ste could feel his teeth scraping over his skin, searching for the perfect stop to sunk into.

"Wait," he gave Brendan a nudge, "You can't leave any markings so high, where they might show."

Brendan made a disappointing grunt and settled to just kiss him there before pushing himself back up. "I don't know Steven, it might look good to have you posing on a book cover with my teeth mark on your throat."

"Should I show them the ones on my belly and thighs too?" Ste smiled. "Become the new 'Naked chef'."

"Jamie Oliver should be worried." Brendan pushed Ste's shirt up just a bit so he could run his fingers gently over the bite marks he had left on top of Ste's tattoo the night before. "Although I'm not sure I'd like the idea of others seeing you nude."

The possessiveness in his voice sent shivers down on Ste's spine. Since he had told Brendan about the photo shoot and meeting Doug again Ste had noticed what Doug had meant about Brendan rubbing on his ownership; he had been even more intense in bed, leaving his markings all around like wanting to imprint himself on Ste for good. Ste was pretty sure that it wasn't very healthy to get so turned on by it, that this level of attachment wasn't right, yet it was everything Ste had ever wanted. He had realised it since the first night they had spent together, that all his life had craved someone to want him this badly, need him just as much as he needed Brendan.

"They wont." He assured. And then he suddenly needed to feel that desire again, so he pulled down the collar of his loose T-shirt. "They wont be seeing my collarbones either, will they."

Brendan gave him the knowing, smug look before dipping his head down, licking the area Ste had revealed before biting down, sucking the skin until he was satisfied with the bruise. When he tried to move away Ste grabbed him and pulled him forward, so he could bite Brendan's chest in return. It was the first time he did that, the markings he left on Brendan were scratches and once bruises on his arse when he was pulling him deeper, and he heard Brendan's surprised sigh before he relaxed and let Ste suck a love bite on his skin.

"Happy now?" He asked once Ste pulled away.

"Yup."

"Good." Brendan smiled to him with warmth in his eyes and for a second he looked like he was going to say something more, and Ste felt sudden rush of hope – but then he just leaned down to kiss him once more before getting away on top of him. "Come on, put some clothes on and we'll get you something to eat."

"But I'm not hungry." Ste complained.

"I know you, being too nervous about tomorrow, but you need something in you. Something other than me." Brendan continued when he saw Ste open his mouth. "Come on, that Italian place you like, yeah?"

Brendan was determined and in the end, once they managed to get out the house and in the restaurant Ste did enjoy the food. Even when they didn't do much touching in public he could feel the fresh bite mark on throbbing in his collarbone and he knew Brendan could feel his just the same. And once they were back in the apartment they were already hungry for each other again. Before Ste fell asleep, half laying on top of Brendan, head on his chest and listening his steady heartbeat, he did wonder would that hunger and desire ever go away, that one day they'd get bored to one another. Somehow he couldn't see that happening.

The next morning, while getting his make up done for the cameras Ste crossed one another day off in his mental calendar. End of his contract was getting closer by each day, and the he would be free from publicity. He had always dreaded the future, not knowing what would happen and where he would end up in, but now he had Brendan to focus on. Life had so much more to offer when there was a gorgeous Irish man in it.

He hardly paid any attention to the quick pasta dish he was making and was surprised how soon he was done and the cameras were turned away from him. He was rushing off the set when he came face to face with Clarke.

"Good job Ste," he said and gave him a pat on the back, "I was supposed to call you but now when you're here, we should arrange a meeting regarding your future here with us."

"Err, yeah, lets do that, only I'm in a hurry right now. I have the last photo shoot for me book and I need to get there soon as I can." Ste hoped he didn't look as eager to get away from the situation as he felt.

"Ah, yes, I was informed about that. How about end of the week, then? Say, Thursday? At noon? Looking forward to seeing you then." And then he was rushing off without giving Ste any change to agree. Just as well, he thought while going into his dressing room and changing his clothes, there was no point drag it on any longer and he could inform Clarke on Thursday that no amount of money would keep him on board another year.

When he got out he saw Brendan chatting with Jeff. He was wearing the same blue shirt than the first time Ste had seen him, and he looked even better now than he had back then – mainly because now Ste knew what lied underneath the tight fabric, how Brendan's skin and body hair felt against his hands. And when Brendan spotted Ste and his expression changed slightly it was that knowledge that Brendan was his, which made him more irresistible in Ste's eyes.

They both made their way to Brendan's car.

"Alright?" He asked from Ste. "Ready for your cover pic?"

"I hope they have some good make up artists and editors." Ste groaned while checking his hair from the car's mirror. "I look like a mess."

"Steven, you look grand." Brendan gave him appraising look. "It's impossible to get a bad pic from you."

Ste felt himself blushing. He waved his goodbyes to Jeff while they drove out and Brendan followed the GPS's instructions towards the publisher house. It wasn't a long drive, and they soon reached the area with lot of tall, posh looking buildings with all kind of brand names hanging on top of the entrances. Brendan found the right building and they got out.

"Blimey, this building is massive." Ste looked up. "Almost as tall that the fancy office building where we had our party."

"The building is the last thing I remember from that night." Brendan threw a hot look towards Ste who grinned back to him. "Come on then, lets get you immortalised for you book."

They made their way in the entrance and stepped in through the massive glass doors. They were greeted by a man in the front desk.

"Good morning, may I have your name, please?"

"Ste Hay, I have a meeting with Doug Carter."

The man clicked through his computer and handed Ste a visitors pass. "Here you go, Mr. Hay. Mister Carter is in here in any minute." Then he gave Brendan a look. "And you are?"

"Brady," Brendan said, "I'm here with Mister Hay."

"I'm sorry but I don't have you on the list." Man said. "You are not being marked as a visitor for today."

Ste gave Brendan a worried look. He hadn't thought about this. Of course Doug had no idea who Brendan was and why Ste needed him with him. To Doug Brendan was just Ste's roommate slash boyfriend. Brendan opened his mouth and looked like he was ready to start arguing, but Ste noticed few guards on the other side of the lobby giving them suspicious looks.

"Bren." He touched his arm. "Don't. It's just a photo shoot, okay, and I'm with Doug the whole time. I'll be fine."

"I don't want you to go alone." Brendan frowned. The guy in the desk gave them some curious looks and Ste steered Brendan a bit further so no one could hear them.

"I'll be with someone the whole time. Look at this place, there security is on top notch, yeah. I don't want you to go all mad and get yourself throw out by those guards."

Then Doug arrived from one of the hallways.

"Hiya Ste. Oh, Brendan."

"Douglas." Ste wondered did Brendan even try to hide his dislike.

"Bren was just dropping me off." Ste explained. He turned to give Brendan one last look. "I'll call you once we are done, okay?"

"Okay. I'll be just outside the building if you need me. And you, Douglas," Brendan directed his words to Doug, "Don't let him out of your sight, you hear me?"

"Err, okay." Doug looked confused and Ste could only imagine how this all seemed to him.

"See you soon." Ste said and gave Brendan's arm one last squeeze. Brendan looked like he wanted to kiss him, but they hadn't done that in public yet, so he just gave a grave nod. Ste started to follow Doug out from the hall and when he turned to look behind him before they reached the elevators Brendan was still looking after him.

"So, I guess there's no point asking how you've been, because you look really good." Doug broke the awkward silence during their elevator ride.

"Thanks." Ste tried to focus on what was going to happen instead letting his thoughts drift back to Brendan. "So, what are we going to do now?"

"I thought you might wanna go over the pics we have chosen for the book and then we could focus choosing the cover image. This way." He showed the way through corridors and past different office rooms. After a while Ste was pretty confused on which direction they had come from.

"This place is massive."

"I know, it took me months to learn how to move in here, and they are still expanding. You saw the other building right next to ours? It's going to be our second branch and this building is going to get connected to it. In the future our studios will be there. Here we are."

Ste felt like they had walked a mile from the elevators to large room with several computers and different kind of equipment. This time Ste recognized Simon who was alone in the room, doing something what looked like editing pictures.

"Hello again." He greeted when they entered the room, saved what he was doing and stood up.

"Hi. Is this your office then? Looks really nice." Ste looked around curiously.

"Thanks, yeah, this is where we have been working on your pics. Where the magic happens." Simon made a mystical movement with his hands and made Ste laugh. "Is this the first time you see your book?"

"It is, yeah, I'm dead excited."

Doug went into one of the computes and did some clicking. "Come and see then, I hope you like it."

He indicated Ste to sit down in one of the office chairs and took one himself, and they sat side by side while Simon stood behind them. It was strange to see the results on screen, recipes written down in a stylish font and different sort of decorations on sides of the pages. In some pages there were also pics of Ste cooking, and even when he hated watching himself he had to admit that the crew had done a good job to make him look presentable. Both Doug and Simon kept explaining things to him, how things could be changed if Ste didn't like them, but Ste was more than impressed by what he saw.

"It looks really nice," he said, "I can't believe it's actually done."

"I'm sure it will sell well." Doug smiled. "Are you ready to go over the cover pictures?"

"I am, yeah."

"I'll get them." Simon moved to pic up a memory stick.

"Actually, would you like to have coffee while going through them? Sorry, I should have asked earlier." Doug rose up. "I can go and get us some, to help us focus."

"That's a good idea, this might take a while." Simon agreed.

"Black for you, right? And Ste, how you like yours? We have a fancy cafeteria downstairs, they have anything you'd like."

"Latte, please."

"Okay. I'll be back soon, you'll go ahead and I'll catch up when I'm back." Doug strolled out the room.

"Okay, let me just..." Simon leaned over Ste to stick the memory stick on it's place and opened the file from it. "These are some snaps from your place we thought might be good, if you want something more casual in the cover."

Ste had no idea he'd been photographed so much during the days. The pics were cropped so there wasn't anyone else on the shot, but some of the pics he looked like he was either listening to someone or watching them, smiling. There were few snaps from middle of his baking and one where he was tossing the flour so it was a nice action shot.

"There's so many," he said while the diashow played on. "How on earth can I choose?"

"This a nice one." It was Ste licking a spoon. "Something playful, maybe?" Simon suggested.

"I don't know. Maybe you guys should just choose one, I can't."

"Wait. I have some more." Simon reached to his back pocked and fished out another stick and connected it to the computer. He was still standing and when he leaned to grab the mouse he was almost touching Ste. He opened a album and pressed on the diashow. There were more snaps of Ste, but these were close ups.

"Err, I don't want to have just my face on the cover." Ste shuddered. He was becoming too self aware while watching all these photos of him. Then there was a pic of him with a bloody finger, when he had cut himself. Another, and another, each zoomed closer to the blood, to the tissues he and Doug had tried to press on the wound. Ste was suddenly very cold. "I didn't know you saved these."

"Of course I did." Ste could feel Simon standing very close to him. "I saved one of the tissues too, managed to take it before anyone could throw it away." The diashow went on and there were other pictures now, of Ste on the streets, or getting into his house, or in park with his kids. There was a hand pressing hard on Ste's shoulder, but Simon's voice was soft when he spoke. "Steven, you have no idea how long I have waited for this."


	10. Chapter 10

Brendan couldn't shake the feel of uneasiness while he stepped back outside from the publisher house. He tried to tell himself it was just the fact that he had to be apart from Steven, now when he was so used to stay by boys side almost 24/7. Maybe it was because of Douglas, who might do try something now when he was alone with Steven. But deep down Brendan didn't believe that. He had seen the look on Douglas's face, and there was nothing challenging or threatening there. That tiny American wasn't like Noah trying to slither his way into Steven's life again, but the yank had accepted that he would never have any chance with the lad.

No, it was something else, the weird feeling of threat. Brendan stood near the entrance for a long time, kept on eye for the people entering and exiting, watching the guards through the glass door before he realised how suspicious he might look. He walked slowly back in to his car, not knowing what the hell he was supposed to do now. There was no way he would leave too far from the building, in case Steven needed him.

His phone rang and he quickly grabbed it from his pocket, sure it was Steven calling him, but it was just Cheryl name flashing on the screen. Brendan swallowed his disappointment and answered.

"Hey, sis."

"Hello you. How are things going? Everything okay with you and Ste?"

"Everything is grand. Being busy with Steven's work, you know." Brendan unlocked his car and got in. At least chatting with Cheryl would past some time. "How are you? Any words from Nate?"

"Urgh, not much, he keeps saying he misses me but he's still too wrapped up with his mothers business to make a proper move. What is it with you men, saying one thing but your actions not matching up? But I had another date with mister Dreamy yesterday and he seems like a catch, so Nate's better make up his mind soon. Anyways," she changed her tone to more cheerful one, "there was actually a reason to call you, other than go over my poor dating stituation. You haven't replied to my email about the concert I was thinking to take Deccy in and the tickets need to be booked soon before they sell out and -"

"Chez, what email? I haven't gotten anything." Brendan hadn't got any alerts lately.

"I'm sure I send you a link, check again."

"Okay, okay. Just wait until I..." Brendan fiddled with his phone until he got Cheryl on cars Bluetooth and went to his emails. "There's nothing here. I haven't got mail in days."

"Have you updated your stuff lately?" Cheryl's voice came through the cars speakers, "Joel came in the other day and helped me to update everything because apparently there has been a bug or something, go and check your trash mail."

"Jesus, why is everything so complicated these days?" Brendan squinted at his phone screen and managed to find the right file. "Yep, it's here." There were several other mails too, from old clients and colleagues. Brendan was about to click Cheryl's mail open when his eyes landed on a mail from DC Scott, sent to him couple days ago.

"You found it? Good. I thought it would be something Deccy could like, you know, all kind of indie bands playing all night, I think he might be into that kind of stuff."

Cheryl went on but Brendan was only half listening, reading what Scott had written to him.

 _After reviewing the footage from Miss Barnes neighborhood we have discovered one individual who might be our suspect. We still haven't identified him but if you recognize him contact to us immediately._

There was a attachment and Brendan clicked it open.

"Are you reading it now? You really need to keep your systems updated, I was just telling Simon yesterday how hopeless you are with technical stuff and-"

"What? Who's Simon?"

Brendan stared the picture on his screen, trying to place the man somewhere. He was holding a camera in front of his face and the pic was blurry because it had been zoomed in a lot, but Brendan was sure he knew him. There was cold sweat trickling down his spine.

"Simon, my date! Do you even listen when I talk to you?" Cheryl sounded amused. "He actually knows Ste, isn't it funny, he's working for a publisher who's making Ste's book, he was very thrilled about that, you must be so proud -"

"Chez, I gotta go." Brendan scrambled out from the car and ended the call despite Cheryl's shouts of protests. He scrolled through his contacts while rushing towards the building, until he found DC Scott's number. Brendan pushed through the doors and tried to make his way to lifts but his way was blocked by a guard.

"Excuse me sir, you can't go further without visitors pass" Guy from the desk informed.

"This is a emergency!" Brendan shouted while calling to Scott's number. "Steven Hay, I need to find him, he's doing a photo shoot, you saw him come in just some time ago!"

"I'm sorry sir, but I can't -"

"I need to get up there so you better start to tell me where I can find Steven!" Brendan was loosing it. Scott's phone was still ringing. He tried to surge past the guard but the guy pushed him away. "Don't you fucking touch me again or I'll-"

"Brendan?" Douglas had appeared in the hall, no doubt after hearing the shouting, and was holding a tray of coffees. "What's going on?"

"Douglas, I need to get to Steven, it's emergency, can you tell these idiots to let me through, I need to see him, now!" Brendan was aware he probably seemed like a crazy person no one wouldn't want to let through, but he didn't care. His call went into a voicemail. Brilliant. "Scott, it's Brendan Brady, I just saw the email and I know who that person is, he's a photographer, he's... Hey Douglas, what's the name of that guy you had on Steven's place?"

Douglas looked stunned. Both the guard and the guy on the desk looked from Brendan to him.

"Simon? Are you talking about Simon Walker?"

"Simon Walker." Brendan said on the phone. "He's our guy. I'm in his work place right now with Steven." He ended the call and looked Douglas. "I need to find Steven. Now."

Douglas stared at him for a second and Brendan though he would tell the guard to throw him out. But then he swallowed and looked the guy on the desk. "It's alright, you can let him through and mark him as my guest."

"You sure?" Guard asked and gave Brendan a look which made him want to punch him.

"Yeah. Come with me, Brendan."

"Thank you, Douglas." He pushed past he guard and followed Douglas to the elevators he had seen him taken Steven in earlier. There was one just arriving and they got in. Douglas pushed the button on the twelfth floor. There was a guy riding with them but he got off in the fifth floor and once they were alone Douglas turned to look Brendan.

"What was that about? About Simon?"

"He's trouble. I need to get Steven out from here. Where is he, you said you were gonna stay with him." Brendan was suddenly cold all over when he was the expression on Douglas's face. "Douglas. Where is Steven?"

"I left him go through the photos while I came down to grab the coffees. He's... I left him with Simon."

"YOU WHAT?" Elevator door opened just when Brendan thought he might lunge on Douglas. Douglas made a quick exit and Brendan followed him. "Where are they? WHERE?"

"T-t-this way." Douglas pointed and Brendan ran, peeking through each door he passed, startling the people working on their computers.

"Steven? STEVEN?!" His heart was racing. He had never been this scared in his whole life. People were gathering on the hallway, seeing what the noise was about. "Steven Hay, anyone seen Steven?"

Fuck fuck fuck.

"The door on your right." Douglas was rushing after him, still holding on the tray of coffees even when they were spilling all over while he tried to keep up with Brendan's speed.

Brendan pushed the door open. There were several computers in the room, one of them having pictures of Steven changing on the screen. But there was no Walker.

And there was no Steven.

::::::

Simon's grip was hard on Ste's arm when he was escorted through the empty narrow corridors inside the building. Ste tried to think, but his mind was blank and he felt like he was just a puppet being dragged where ever Simon wanted him. Simon was taller than him and more stronger, and he knew where they were, so even if Ste would manage to fight himself free he would have no idea which way to run.

The way Simon was taking him must be some sort of maintenance path. They had walked past few small rooms which had seemed like a cleaning closets and storage rooms, but there had been no offices or signs of other people. Some of the lights in were off or dim or blinking in a way which indicated that these corridors weren't well kept. _No screaming now, Steven, you promise me?_ Simon had said before leading him out from his office through another door which Ste hadn't even noticed when he had walked in with Doug, but he doubted anyone would even hear him. There were staircases and corners and he was confused were they even in the same floor anymore.

How could Brendan ever find him here? How long would it take for him to even realise Ste was gone?

Ste threw a quick glance towards Simon's profile. He seemed pleased and had a small smile on his lips, and there was determination in his eyes like he knew exactly what he was going to do. Part of Ste still couldn't believe this was a man who had been stalking him and threatening his kids.

"Are you going to kill me?" He asked and was shocked how normal his voice sounded when he felt like he might die from fear.

Simon looked at him and frowned. "Why would I do that? We are finally together, I won't lose you now."

Ste wasn't any more reassured about his safety, on the contrary he started to dread other things Simon could do to him instead of killing him. "Where are you taking me?"

"Somewhere safe. Where he won't find us." He made a sudden stop and yanked Ste closer, looking at his face intensely. "He's been with you all the time, not allowing us to get to know each other properly. He's been trying to hide you from me, but I knew that one day I could be with you alone."

Ste swallowed and his mind was racing. What was it that people always said about situations like this? Should he try to play along, keep Simon pleased?

"I- I didn't know you're gay." It was the only thing he could have think of. Simon frowned again.

"Gay? I'm not gay. I like people who are special. And now it's just you, no one else. I should have been more clear with my feelings from the start, and I tried, but I was so worried you would turn me down. You aren't going to now, are you?"

"No." Ste stuttered, seeing the flash of something dark in Simon's eyes. "Of course not."

"And did you like my gifts?" Ste could feel his breath on his face, and tried his best not to shake. "You didn't use the knife."

"I couldn't." Maybe if he would say what Simon wanted to hear he could get his chance to get away. "They didn't let me. But I got it. I got them all. Thank you."

"You're welcome." Simon smiled so brightly in opposite how dangerous he had looked just seconds ago. But his grip was still strong on Ste's arm when he started to walk again and Ste did his best to stay in his speed.

"When... When you got me address... Did you know you were going to see me?" Ste tried to get the pieces together, how had this all happened, and why.

"I hoped. They were signing off the jobs and I knew there would need a photographer for your book. I had been watching you a long time and hoped a chance to meet you. You have no idea how excited I was." Another narrow staircase up, and in the corridor. "I tried to get your attention but Doug was there, so I waited, and when I came back later on and hoped I could come in for a chat I saw you with him." His voice was thick with disgust. "And he's been with you ever since, keeping you from me."

"You are hurting me." His grip had grown harder, fingers digging into Ste's flesh. Soon as Ste said it Simon eased a little and looked apologetic.

"I'm sorry. He just makes me very angry."

"He's not here." Ste said even when saying it made his inside hurt. God, he wished Brendan was there. "So you can let go."

Simon gave him a smile. "Steven, don't think I'm stupid. I know you don't trust me yet."

"Where are we going?" Ste asked again.

"I have set up a place for us. We can't go to my place, that's the first place they'll look, but there's a little corner in here where we can get to know each other."

"Here? In this building?" Ste had seen the cameras in the lobby and he felt hopeful. He quickly glanced up but apart from the blinking lights there was nothing up on the roof or in the ceilings.

"Yes, here. Can you believe that they want a new building when they have so much empty space in this one? They are not like you and I, Steven, they don't appreciate the little things. All they want is bigger and better." They turned another corner and the corridor ended in to a door. Simon put his finger on his lips. "Quiet now."

He used his free hand to unlock the door and opened it for a crack, listening for a while before pushing it open. They emerged on some larger room which was dark apart from the emergency exit sign on top of another door in the opposite wall. Ste could make out shapes of chairs in the room but other than that it seemed empty when Simon pulled him through it to the other door. Again he listened for a while before pulling the door open and taking Ste through a new hallway, only this one was bigger and had more rooms by it. The lights were off but there were windows in the rooms and the daylight reached the hallway through the open doors, making it easier to see. The whole place seemed quite abandoned and was complete opposite of the busy floors Ste had seen earlier.

"Where is everybody?" He had to ask.

"Told you, moved to the next building. These used to be our studios and such, but they wanted do build new ones. Waste of space, like I said. Don't worry," he gave Ste's arm a tight squeeze, "we should be quite alone in here."

Ste's heart sank.

Simon lead Ste through the corridors, turning in corners. At one point Ste spotted a staircase with the exit sign but then he was lead on again and he wasn't sure how he could get off from Simon long enough to find his way back there. His mind was racing, with all the things Simon could be doing to him, and wondering had Brendan realised something was wrong by now. Surely Doug would get suspicious when he'd came back and neither Ste or Simon was nowhere to be found.

There was a bathroom sign on one of the doors and Ste tried to stop. "Wait, I need.. I need the loo."

At least that would give him few seconds time to try and think. Simon stopped and glanced Ste suspiciously.

"Please." Ste said and Simon sighed and walked him in the toilets and hit the light button. He let go of Ste's arm but stood in front of the door.

"No cubicles," he said when Ste tried to went in one. Ste swallowed.

"Can you just... turn around then?"

Simon tilted his head and considered few long seconds until smiling like there was nothing weird in this whole situation. "Of course."

Ste made sure Simon had his back turned when he walked in front of the urinals. While he pulled the zipper of his fly open noisily as possible he sneaked his other hand in his hoodies pocket and pulled out his phone. It was hard trying to force himself to pee while fiddling his phone, but he didn't want Simon to get suspicious – he was lucky the man had been in such a hurry to get him off that he hadn't realised to take his phone away.

Ste quickly sent a message to Brendan's number.

 _Upstrs hrry_

He had no idea what floor they were in but he would just have to hope Brendan would find him. He pushed his phone back in his pocket and zipped himself up. Simon turned to look at him when Ste went to wash his hands.

"Good to go?" His smile was sending shivers down Ste's spine.

"Yeah. Ta."

Ste tried to smile and forced himself to go stand next to him and not to flinch when Simon took hold of him again. But it seemed it worked, because Simon's grip wasn't as hard this time as it had been before.

"We are almost there anyway." Simon explained and after few more turns he stopped in front of a door and fished a key from his pocket. "Nobody has noticed I keep using this after we moved rest of the stuff away. Do you like it?"

It clearly was an old studio with most of it gear taken out. One wall had tall windows with thick curtains for what Ste guessed was for more intimate photo shoots to block out the daylight. One glance out told him that they were too high for him to even think about trying to get out. He tried to remember the amount of stairs they had got up to figure out which floor they were in, but couldn't. Ste looked around the room, and saw a old lumpy sofa against one wall and few tall stools. Same side of the room where the door was there was a table with camera and different sized suitcases filled with stuff on it. There was also several pictures spread on the table and on the wall on top of it, and single glance was enough to tell Ste that they were all about him. He felt like he was going to throw up.

"We have water and some snacks here." Simon said. "We can stay here for a while. They'll go to my place at first to search for us, so we just have to wait and lay low."

"Then what?" Ste's voice sounded weak even for his own ears.

"I have a cottage in the countryside. We can go there and hide." He step closer and his hand rose up to gently stroke Ste's neck. He wanted to back out but he was scared that it would anger him. "We are going to be so happy, Steven, you'll see."

"Ste." His voice was barely stronger than a whisper. "Please, call me Ste."

"As you wish." Simon slide his hand away and looked cheeky. "Actually, now when we are here and we have time to spare... Would you pose for me?"

"What?"

"I've been looking forward for today, to get you in my studio, and this turned out even better than I thought and I would really, really like to photograph you. You posing, just for me. Could you do that for me?"

The way he looked at Ste gave him no chance to say no.

"Okay." He swallowed and tried to smile. Anything to keep Simon happy and busy long enough for Brendan to get his message and find them. Oh God, let him find them.

"Excellent. Here," Simon pulled out a stool and placed it against the empty wall on the other side of the room, "sit here, here's the best lighting."

Ste walked there slowly, his legs shaking so much he worried he might trip and fall. Simon was beaming at him. _He really must be crazy,_ Ste thought, _thinking any of this is okay._

"Take of your hoodie," Simon commanded, in a low voice.

"No." Ste couldn't hide his shaking now.

"Ste, please." It was not a request.

"I'm cold." He tried. Simon's eyes went softer then.

"I have something that will look good on you." He went on his table full of stuff, shuffled over some things and then came back, shaking open a red shirt. "Put this one on." The look was back in his eyes, the one that Ste was too scared to tempt with.

His hands were shaking when he pulled open the zipper of his hoodie and slowly peeled it off. He had his T-shirt underneath but he still felt naked from the way Simon was watching him. It was not the way Brendan was watching him when Ste was undressing, like every inch of skin he revealed was something precious he wanted to savor and explore with. Simon looked at him like he wanted to break him.

"Give it here," he extended his hand and Ste had no choice but to hand his hoodie to him, praying Simon wouldn't notice the phone in it's pocket. But Simon was looking at his arm instead, and took a hold of it. "What's this?"

There was a bruise on Ste's wrist, two days old and already fading. He had been on his belly when Brendan had fucked him, pinning Ste's hands behind him on the small of his back, squeezing tight when he was coming with a roar which Ste could feel vibrating through his body.

Simon's eyes drifted upwards, and he reached to pull down the neckline of Ste's t-shirt to fully expose the bite mark on Ste's collarbone.

"Has he been hurting you?" Simon asked, voice soft but the dark shadow in his eyes.

 _Say yes_ , Ste's brain told him, _gain his trust_. But his mouth wasn't working and his heart was beating faster, refusing to lie. _No_ , he wanted to say, _he's been loving me_.

Last night they had gone to sleep Ste on top of Brendan, but when he had woken up they had shifted during the night and Ste had been on his back, Brendan's head resting on his chest heavy and solid, on top of his heart and top of the marking he had left on his skin. Ste had stroked his hair, hearing and feeling Brendan's steady breaths against his skin and even when neither of them had said it out loud Ste had never felt more loved.

Ste's vision went blurry from the tears he couldn't hold back anymore. They poured out silently, down his cheeks and throat.

"Oh Ste." Simon stroked his cheekbone. "You don't have to worry anymore. You are with me now. He'll never lay his hands on you again."

::::::

"Where he's taken Steven?! Where?!"

"Brendan, stop!"

Through the red haze Brendan realised he was holding Douglas from his collar and shaking him, coffees the yank was holding spreading on the floor when he dropped them. There were shouts and gasps, lot of talking, all mumbled up and Brendan could hardly focus on them. He dropped his hands and took a step back, only faintly noticing how people had gathered on the doorway, peeking in and trying to see what was happening, shouting out to people further in the hallway to explain what was going on.

"I need to find him." Brendan said but he wasn't sure was he talking to Douglas or to himself. His chest was hurting and his gut felt like snakes, twisting and turning. He started to look around the room, throw out things from the tables like the clue to Steven's location would be hidden somewhere underneath.

"Um, Brendan?"

He spun around and it was Douglas, pale and looking scared to be so close to him. Behind him on the doorway Brendan could see people whispering and few of them had phones out, probably calling for police or the guard.

"Yes, Douglas?" He tried to stay calm but the flinch in Douglas face told him that he wasn't succeeding.

"I, uh, I was just.. Why would Simon hurt Ste?"

"Because he's been stalking him for months. And you brought him into Steven's home." Brendan took a step closer. Somewhere back of his brain he could hear the voice of the therapist going through the list of anger management, telling him to step back and count to ten but it was getting drowned by other noises. "And you left Steven alone with him, dropping him into Simon's lap. So, unless you have something useful to tell me you better run along and let me handle this."

Douglas swallowed. "I, I know his address."

"Write it down then." Douglas scrambled past him to snatch a piece of paper and while he was scribbling Brendan turned to look the people gathering around. "Has anyone seen Simon Walker in the last thirty minutes? Has anyone seen him leave?"

People were shaking their heads, but then one hand rose up and people made way for a young woman to get through. She looked as scared as everyone else but she had something familiar in her face. Then Brendan realised that she reminded him of Steven, the color of her hair, the shape of her nose, her big blue eyes.

"I haven't seen him," she started, "but he's been, um, kinda harassing me before, when I started my internship few months ago he kept asking me out and telling how I remind him of someone, and that he, uh, he would like to take my pictures. I told my supervisor about him and he hasn't talked to me since."

"But you have no idea where he is?" As much as this cleared the whole picture about Walker's obsession it wasn't helping Brendan to get any closer to him or Steven.

"Well, not exactly, no, but he kept saying he had a private studio somewhere, and I just though..."

Brendan rubbed the bridge of his nose and tried to keep his head clear but it was hard. Man he loved was in danger and he was nowhere closer to find him. "Does anyone have any idea where this private studio might be?"

People were shrugging and Brendan felt his panic rising again. He was wasting time here and the guy might be do God knows what to Steven as he stood there doing nothing.

His phone started to ring and for a second he felt hopeful, only it was DC Scott's name on the screen.

"It's Brady," he answered, "Listen, he has Steven, he was supposed to have a photo shoot and they have disappeared."

"Okay, try to stay calm." Scott sounded like he was driving. "We looked him up soon as I got your message and we actually know this guy, sort of, he was training to be a cop but his file says he was let go because he had some obsessive tendencies which made it too risky to have him around. We have his last known address and there's a patrol going in now, and we have also contacted the security of the office to keep an eye of him."

"I'm going after him."

"It's highly possible that he's dangerous, I don't recommend -"

"Thanks for your concern, but I'm not going to let him have Steven." Brendan ended the call before Scott could say another word. His phone started to ring straight after but he just hang up on Scott again.

Then he got a message and he was about to delete it too, but his heart stopped for a few second when he saw it was from Steven.

 _Upstrs hrry_

"Douglas, what's on the upper floors?!" Brendan shouted, startling him again.

"More offices, why? Oh wait, there's some empty spaces too, from where they have been moving stuff for the new spaces to the next building - "

"Which floor? How do I get there?" Brendan wanted to grab him and shake him until he spilled the information, it seemed to take far too long for Douglas to form sentences.

"Fourteenth. We're on twelfth now. If you take a lift you come into still used office area first, the emptied studios are in the east side." He saw Brendan opening his mouth and quickly continued before he managed to bark where the fuck is east. "Just turn right and there still should still be some signs left..."

"Make yourself useful and go down to wait the police to tell where we are, you think you can manage that without fucking up?" Brendan was already going, pushing his way past the crowd gathered in the hallway.

He got momentarily confused which way the lift was, but one of the staff members pointed him in the right corridor and he was running then. He reached the elevators and hit the button repeatedly even when he knew it wouldn't make it come any sooner. Then Brendan saw the signs for stairs and run their direction instead, and found them behind another corner. The racing of his heart had nothing to do with him rushing up the stairs two step at the time. His thoughts were on Steven, what Walker was doing to him right now. Brendan was sure that killing wasn't on top of his list, even when his delusional mind could go there if Steven wasn't co-operating the way Walker wanted. But there were other things he could do now when he had his hands on a man he had been obsessively stalking for months, things Brendan didn't even want to think about.

He ran faster and hoped he wasn't too late.

::::::

If Ste had hated cameras before it was nothing compared to the disgust he felt towards them now, sitting there on a stool and having Simon moving around him taking pics. He wanted to scream or to lunge at him, throw that thing on the floor or grab it and smack it against Simon's head until neither camera or Simon existed anymore. But at the same time he felt paralyzed by the fear and he could still feel where Simon had been holding him while they dragging him through those corridors. That would bruise him, and not in a way Ste liked to get marked.

Ste felt so thankful for the bruises Brendan's desire had left on him. He was sure that without them Simon would have demanded him to pose for him in more revealing ways, but now he had wanted Ste to cover those signs instead, asking Ste to wear that red shirt he had found. Ste still felt naked and vulnerable, and he couldn't force himself to smile no matter how much he tried.

It didn't seem to matter. Simon was completely in his own mind, praising Ste and acting like this was all normal, like they were both enjoying this even when Ste had to fight back tears.

"Look at that smile, that's it, God you're beautiful."

 _"Brendan, what are you doing?"_

 _"Taking a picture. I wanna show you how pretty you look when I'm in you."_

Ste didn't know how long he had sat there but Simon finally seemed pleased, going through the pictures from his camera, delighted smile on his face.

"These are all so good. You are such a good model. Here." He tried to make Ste look but he couldn't and turned his head away. Simon let his hand's drop. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Ste tried.

Simon sighed. "I know this all is new to you. But you'll get used to this, to us, I'll promise. It will be good soon as I get you out and it's just you and me and we don't have to worry anyone finding us." He reached to stroke Ste's arm. "That's what we want, isn't it?"

Then to Ste's horror he leaned closer as trying to kiss him. Ste knew he should have just let it happen to buy him more time, but he couldn't. He couldn't let the memory of Brendan's mouth against his be replaced like this. Ste quickly turned his head aside and leaned as far as he could, sliding off the stool.

Simon froze. His hand was still on Ste's arm and he was so close Ste could feel his breath against the side of his face.

"What is this?" His voice wasn't as soft anymore, but it had a sharp edge on it. "Why are you pulling away?"

"I'm – I'm not ready yet." Ste tried but it seemed his luck had run out.

Simon pulled further away and started to pace in front of him. "Have you been tricking me the whole time? Is that it? Have you been faking your feelings for me? All those times you were on TV and looked so innocent and pure, it's been all a lie, hasn't it?" Simon stopped and the look he gave to Ste was full of anger. "I thought you were different. I thought you could understand me but you are just the same than everyone else!"

There were sound of sirens down in the street, and Simon threw one last look full of disgust to Ste before stepping on the window. Ste tried to count how many seconds it would take for him to run for the door and could he get past Simon before he notices what was going on. He took a step.

But then to Ste's horror his phone started to ring in his hoodie. Simon sprung around and saw Ste inching his way to the door. He took a few long steps towards the table he had discarded Ste's hoodie in earlier and fumbled his phone out.

 _Amy_ , Ste saw in the screen, before Simon declined the call. He was breathing so hard Ste could hear him. The sirens were still singing, closer now.

"You called them?" Simon asked, squeezing Ste's phone in his fist. "You let them know where we are?!"

"No, no." Ste tried to say but he could see that Simon was completely consumed by rage now and nothing Ste would say could calm him down.

"You little slut. I was trying to help you and show you what you could be, what we could be and this is how you thank me?! All the time I have spent giving you attention and you have been laughing behind my back!"

"Simon, please -"

"I thought we had something real, something beautiful and you had to ruin it all!" Simon threw Ste's phone on the ground and started to shuffle through one of his bags. Ste gasped and took a step back when Simon pulled out a knife, large and sharp, almost like one of Ste's chef knives.

Simon noticed Ste was staring. "You recognize it? It's same than the one I gave to you. I thought it could have been our thing, something to unite us. But we can still fix it, we can still fix us." He reached for the bag for a second time and now he had a gun, small pistol he tucked behind him. Then he took hold of the knife again and extended his hand towards Ste. "Ste, come here."

"No." He tried to go back, make himself small, but there were no place where he could hide. Simon stepped closer and grabbed his arm, pulled him towards himself.

"It will be okay. You'll see." He started to drag Ste out from the room and this time Ste fought back, trying to twist himself free, trying to hit Simon until he felt the sharp poke of the knife on his side. "It'll be better if you come nicely and don't make me kill you here."

Ste went numb then. He tried to summon a thought, a memory of Brendan to calm himself, to have something to hold on to. How he liked to stroke his hand on Ste's spine while Ste was cooking. How his beard felt against Ste's belly or thighs when he was licking his way down. How warm he was, how safe. How he looked Ste like he thought he was special, making him feel like he could do anything as long as Brendan kept believing him.

But Brendan wasn't there now. _And you'll never feel any of those things ever again._

As hard as Ste tried all there was was Simon's hand around his arm, his breath on Ste's face, the press of knife against his skin as he was being dragged out from the room.

::::::

When Brendan reached the right floor he stopped to take a breath and also tried to figure out how to go on. All he wanted was to barge in every room in the floor until he found Walker and rip him apart. But he forced himself to think, to look past those animal instinct in him. He had no idea what Walker was doing, and if he would hear Brendan approaching he might just go ahead and do something to Steven rather than let anyone get him away. As much at it annoyed Brendan, his best chance was to try and surprise the bastard, maybe even distract him long enough to give Steven time to escape.

He entered the hallway from the staircase carefully. He could hear some distant noises from his left side, and remembered what Douglas had said about the empty studios being right from the elevators, so he chose that way. There were several rooms but most of them had their doors open and Brendan just quickly peeked in every room to make sure they were empty. He came into a corner where the hallway separated for two corridors. Fuck. He had no idea which one he should take, which would take him to Steven faster. What if he even wasn't on this floor, if Walker had taken him somewhere else? Was this the top floor, or was there still one or two on top of this one?

Brendan took few steps on the corridor on his right, but he was hit with a weird feeling, like the bite mark Steven had left on his chest was aching, so he turned around and carried on the way he was originally going.

It felt like he had been away from Steven for days, even when it had barely been an hour. _You should have kissed him_ , he thought while walking on, _before you left him you should have kissed him, no matter who were there to see._

Then he suddenly stopped, listening carefully. Was those sirens? He sneaked into one of the empty office rooms and went to look down the street. This side wasn't the front of the building, but he could still see the flashing lights of police cars and hear the sirens getting closer.

Fucking idiots. This might just be the thing to agitate Walker more, if he hadn't done something unforgivable already. Brendan tried to tell himself that it wasn't that long from Steven's message, but it only took a moment to hurt him or to kill him.

Brendan returned to the hallway and was now moving faster, listening every sound. His whole body was humming like his fear was making his senses more accurate. With each corridor he hesitated only a second before choosing which way to go. It was like he was being pulled towards something, and he had no choice but to follow his gut.

Then he heard it.

" _No_." There was sniffing, and the sound of steps, sound of someone being dragged. "No, no, no, _please_ , don't."

Brendan tried to locate the sound, returned his steps to the previous hallway he had passed. He peeked behind the corner and there he was. Steven, being pulled by Walker. He saw something shiny in Walker's hand, pressed against Steven and Brendan's heart sank. Their backs were towards Brendan when Walker kept walking fast towards end of the corridor, pushed open the door of the room in the end of it. Once they disappeared inside Brendan rushed after them as quietly as he could.

He was just in time to see the maintenance door in the back of the room close. So that's how he got Steven out from the office without anyone seeing them. He ran across the room and listened in case Walker was right behind the door, but only could hear some muffled pleas. He prayed the door wouldn't be locked and thanked the heavens when it opened to him. The thin corridor behind it was dim, with only few of the lights on, and he could hear the faint sounds of Walker and Steven somewhere ahead of him behind the corner.

Brendan followed them and as much as the sobs and pleas from Steven were breaking his heart, at least he was still alive. There was no way Brendan could surprise Walker in this narrow walkway, he would hear him coming if Brendan would try to run to them and who knows what he would do for Steven then. Brendan's best chance was to stay on their trail and hope for a opportunity to get Steven away from Walker once they were out from the maintenance space.

In every corner he sneaked a look ahead and could see them, Walker pulling Steven like a rag doll. Brendan imagined how it would feel to crush Walker's skull between his bare hands.

Suddenly it seemed like their sounds were moving upwards, and when Brendan came where he had seen them turn he came into a staircase. It was a spiral one and smaller than the one Brendan had run up to, barely wide enough for one person. He could hear Steven struggling to get away, but when he dared to look up he saw that Walker had made him go first, pushing him up.

"Don't make this any harder," he could hear him say, "I don't want to hurt you but I will if I have to."

When Steven went quiet Brendan almost lost it, but then the footsteps continued and Brendan realised that Steven had just given up and did what Walker told him to do.

Soon as he heard the door clang above him he was rushing up the stairs. The door on top of them lead to the roof and the wind and daylight felt such a shock to him after those minutes he had spent in the dim hallways. He took a cover behind one of the ventilation systems while trying to locate where Walker had taken Steven. It seemed like there had been some rooftop deck going on at some point, with few chairs and a ashtray which now looked very abandoned. When Brendan finally got Walker and Steven in his sight the fear hit him so hard he couldn't breathe.

Walker had dragged Steven near the edge on the side which Brendan imagined was the front of the building. Steven had his back against the railing and he was crying hard, sobs making his slim frame shake and the fear making him look smaller. Walker's back was towards Brendan but he could see Walker pointed Steven with the knife.

"Go on, do it!" Walker's voice carried over to him as he sneaked closer behind the ventilation tubes, "Prove me you still care about me!"

"Simon, please." Steven's words were muddled from crying.

"Say it! Say you love me or go over!" Walker sounded like he had completely lost it. "I just want you to love me as much as I love you, but if you don't I'll either make you jump or kill you here. It's your choice. Now, say it!"

Steven was shaking his head. Tears were running down his face but he looked like he had made up his mind, as terrified as he was. Brendan slid under the tubes and edged closer.

"I don't love you. I never have. You are sick and you need help. Please, don't do this."

Walker let out a shout of rage and frustration. Brendan saw that his hand which was holding the knife wavered a little. This could be his only chance.

"WALKER!" he boomed as he charged forward, getting Walkers attention from Steven just for a second but it was enough. Brendan smashed on to him sideways, pushed him away from Steven. "Steven, run!"

Walker swung the knife towards Brendan and he could feel the blade scraping his side, hitting his ribs, but there was no pain, he was too riled up.

"Brendan!" Steven's voice was full of worry and Brendan cursed in his mind, the lad should be running by now.

He protected his body and face with his forearms like a boxer, dodging the swings Walker tried to aim at him, forcing in a blow or two until he managed to hit the knife out from Walkers hand. Then his next hit was towards his face and Brendan heard the satisfying crunch when his fist hit Walker's nose. Walker dropped down, face covered with blood.

Brendan turned to look Steven who was still there, face filled with horror.

"Steven, run." He said again, taking a few steps towards him.

"Brendan, _he has a gun_!"

Brendan spun over just in time to see Walker pushing back to his feet while pulling something out behind him. Without a second thought Brendan took a step to side to be in front of Steven just when Walker pulled the trigger.

The impact made him stagger back and he was vaguely aware he couldn't feel his right arm. His head was ringing and he could hear Steven screaming. The only thought in his head was that if he dies Steven would be on Walker's mercy, and as his last act he would take the bastard with him for not to let that happen.

He was roaring like an animal when he charged forward again and it took Walker on surprise. Brendan could see him raising the gun again but he didn't have time to shoot before Brendan was on him. He half lifted, half pushed Walker as he ran those few feet towards the edge of the building. He could feel his strength running out as the pain finally caught up with him but it didn't matter – one last push and he could see the blank shock in Walker's face as he went over and dropped.

Then all Brendan could see was the blue sky as he felt the hard roof underneath his back. Breathing hurt and he would have wanted to stop it. His right side was in flames, wave after wave of pain hitting him.

There were cool hands on his face and Steven was holding him.

"No, no, no." His hands moved from Brendan's face and then he felt the pressure when Steven tried to press the gunshot wound. It made him groan more. "Brendan, where's your phone, I need to call for help, you are bleeding so much."

"Left pocket." He managed even though he knew that police would probably guess where they were from the gunshot, not to mention that smashed up body of Simon Walker on the street was a good hint too.

He felt Steven scrambling the phone out but everything was getting blurry. Brendan tried to focus on Steven for the last time. He noticed just now that he was wearing a red shirt Brendan had never seen on him before and his foggy brain thought it matched nicely with the smudges of blood on his face. Leah had been right, red suited him.

"Steven..." Breathing was getting too hard but there was so much he wanted to say to him.

"No, Brendan, you promised." Steven pressed his face closer. "You promised you wouldn't leave me, you can't die, please." He leaned his forehead to Brendan's, his breath against his mouth like he wanted to breathe life back to him. "I love you so much, I can't do this without you."

 _I love you too_ , Brendan wanted to say. _There won't ever be no one else_. But he had no strength left, and when he tried to open his mouth another wave of pain came and then he was surrounded by a white light.

::::::

The police had finally left Ste sit in the hospital corridor. He felt like he had been answering questions for ever, going through what had happened first to the officers who had found him and Brendan from the roof, then to DC Scott and now to these two. It had been hard to focus, from the shock and fear and from worrying over Brendan. It probably hadn't taken more than few minutes for the officers to arrive and one of them started to press Brendan's wounds and check on him while other had to force Ste away to give them space. The medical helicopter had arrived soon after but to Ste's horror they hadn't let him travel with Brendan.

The police had asked him lot to questions before taking him out and giving him a drive to the hospital. On his way to their car Ste had seen more police, surrounding something covered with a dark blanket and he had only faintly realised it was what was left of Simon. Once in the hospital DC Scott had arrived to ask the same questions again, details Ste didn't want to remember anymore. All Ste wanted was to hear how Brendan was doing but no one had told him anything. Thankfully the officers who had just left had came in to return Ste's hoodie and phone they had found from Simon's secret studio, and after few more question had left him be. He went to the loos and changed the red and bloody shirt back to his hoodie and buried the shirt in the bottom of the bin.

Screen of his phone was cracked pretty badly from Simon smashing it on the floor, but by some miracle it still worked. He didn't know what else to do so he called Amy, and telling her what had happened made him cry again for the first time after they had taken Brendan away from him. She sounded shocked and worried, but it would take hours for her to get back in town from Manchester. Ste had never felt more alone.

He had no idea how long he had sat there, hoping every passing doctor or nurse would bring him some news but suddenly he heard a sound of heels clicking on his way and familiar voice calling his name. Then he was wrapped in tight hold of Cheryl Brady.

"Oh babe, I came straight when they called me, what happened? They said Brendan got shot, how is that possible?"

So Ste had to go through it all again. When he mentioned Simon's name Cheryl's face went pale.

"Simon Walker? You mean, the photographer?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"I've been going out with him." Cheryl looked like she was feeling nauseated. "I thought it was a funny coincidence that he'd know you, but this.. this makes it seem like he only went out with me to get closer to you."

"Oh God. I'm so sorry Chez, he probably found out who Brendan was and that he lived with you and... I can't believe this."

"He just happened to walk on me one day in the coffee shop and I thought it was like fate, universe showing to me that there are other men that Nate... Oh my God, Nate. I called him from the taxi on my way here, I haven't told him I have been seeing someone else, and now that guy I've been having coffees with was revealed to be stalker for my big brother's boyfriend. And he shot my brother! How can I ever tell him that?"

"I won't tell him if you won't." Ste said and they both let out a sad laugh.

"Excuse me? Are you relatives of Brendan Brady?" Young female doctor walked towards them. Ste was instantly on his feet.

"Yes. How is he?"

"I'm pleased to tell you the surgery went really well. The bullet went completely through. The wound is pretty big and damaged the artery so he had lost a lot of blood, but now he's all stitched up and stable. Unfortunately there was quite a lot of damage to the nerves, my team did the best they could to fix everything up but we won't know the full results until he wakes up. There might be some mobility problems but I'm hopeful that with right kind of physio therapy we can minimize it."

"He's left handed anyway." Ste said. Main thing was that Brendan was alive. "Can we go and see him?"

"Of course. He's still asleep and the shock to his body was pretty hard so it might take some time for him to wake up, but you can go and see him if you like."

She took them to the room where Brendan was. Ste couldn't hold back the gasp when he saw him there, pale and vulnerable, with tubes and wires going to the machines monitoring him. Ste could see the dressing peeking from under the hospital gown. When Ste laid his hand on top of Brendan's it felt cool.

After a few hours they had sat there quietly talking over Brendan lying between them there was sound from the door and tall blondish man with curly hair rushed in.

"Nate!" Cheryl practically flung herself to him, and he took a tight hold of her. It took her a moment to remember Ste was in the room. She pulled herself back and wiped tears from her cheeks. "Nate, this is Ste, he's Brendan's boyfriend."

"Hi." Nate reached to shook his hand and then his attention was on Cheryl again. "Are you okay? I booked the first flight I could."

"I'm okay. The doctors say he'll be fine. Oh I'm so glad you are here!"

They tried to stay as discreet as possible, Nate picking up another chair and sitting next to Cheryl, but Ste hardly paid any attention to the way they kept holding on to each other as comfort. His focus was on Brendan, and on the hope he would wake up if he just wished it hard enough.

They stayed as long as they were allowed before nurse came to inform the visiting hours were over for the day.

"I can't leave." Ste said, "What if he wakes up when I'm not here?"

"He might sleep for couple of days after the battle his body has gone through," the nurse said, "and we will call you straight away if he wakes up during the night."

"Come on Ste, he'll be alright now." Cheryl had been crying a bit after seeing Brendan and bit more after Nate had came and she had explained what had happened, but she now tried to put on a brave face for Ste. "And you need some rest too. What do you think Brendan would say if I wouldn't look after you, eh?"

"Okay." Ste tried to linger on as long as he could but finally he had no choice but to place a quick kiss on Brendan's forehead before leaving.

"Do you want to come to my place for tonight?" Cheryl asked. "I don't really feel like I want to send you in your house all alone."

"I don't want to be any trouble."

"Don't be daft. We're family. I would really love it if you'd come."

Ste felt relieved he didn't need to go into his empty house. Cheryl was tired and sad as well, and not as chatty as she usually was but it was still nice to be in her place and not alone. Nate seemed like a great guy, making sure both of them were comfortable as possible. They had tea and some indian leftovers Cheryl had in the fridge, but neither Ste or Cheryl were really hungry. Cheryl made bed for Ste in Brendan's room and dug out some of his trackies and T-shirts to wear during the night. They were massive on him but they were Brendan's, and even when they were clean like were the sheets and there was no familiar scent lingering around Ste still felt bit more comforted to be in a place where Brendan had spent his life before moving in to Ste's.

Next morning there were some calls to be made. Ste called to Clarke who had already heard the news from DC Scott the previous day. Clarke seemed pretty understanding for the situation and told Ste to take some time off before returning to work. Ste informed he was not going to come back at all, period, and they had a long argument which ended Ste telling Clarke to stick the contract to his arse. He then called Mitzeee who had left dozen messages to him and who was very shocked about everything that had happened. She told Ste that the press was going crazy, trying to get info from anyone working on the station. It wasn't every day when TV chef got involved in a dramatic abduction and shooting.

Cheryl had called Eileen, Brendan's ex-wife that he was in a hospital and Declan had been bugging his mom so much that she had finally allowed him to take some time off from school and come to see him. He was arriving in the afternoon, so in the morning Cheryl and Nate drove Ste to his place for fresh clothes and then they dropped Ste on the hospital before they went to pick Declan up from the airport. Brendan was still sleeping but it didn't stop Ste sitting next to his bed, holding to his hand and talking to him about all the things he wanted them to do once he would wake up. Doctors came in and did their check up's and everyone seemed to be pleased how Brendan was getting on, reassuring Ste that his body was healing during the sleep and he could wake up any minute.

When Cheryl and Nate later returned with Declan it didn't take long for them to get over the awkwardness of not knowing one another other than through what Brendan had told them. Declan was taller than he seemed in a photo, almost as tall as Ste, and he could see lot of Brendan in him despite Declan having a lighter hair like Cheryl did. Declan wanted to know everything what had happened but Ste gave him the very mild version.

It was near the ending of visiting time when Ste got a call from Amy, that she was in the cafeteria waiting until Ste was ready to go home. "Kids are with my dad tonight so I can come and keep you some company." Ste appreciated the gesture, even when the idea of going back to his place, specially without Brendan, felt almost too hard.

After they had said goodbyes to sleeping Brendan Cheryl gave Ste and Amy a lift to his place, promising she, Nate and Declan would pick him again in the morning to the hospital. It wasn't long after they had gone in the flat when Ste got a call from Tony, and he put him in the picture while Amy made them something to eat. Ste was very grateful for all the people in his life who were reaching out and were there for him, but he still hoped the person he most wanted with him would wake up soon.

Amy told him about the things news and the magazines had been saying. They seemed to get the basics of the story pretty accurate, but no one knew the full details how and why things had ended the way they did. She had few of the magazines with her but Ste didn't want to see any of them. He was tired of it all, tired of being in the pages of stupid newspapers, tired of people knowing what was going on with him.

"Ste, I've been meant to ask you..." Amy started carefully. "Have you been talking with someone? I mean someone professional, about what happened?"

"Not yet." DC Scott had suggested it during his interview, same as some of the medical person in the hospital who had checked him before they realised all the blood on him had been Brendan's. But back then Ste had felt like he had been talking about it enough already and his main priority was, like it still was, Brendan's well being. "I'm gonna." He said quickly when he saw Amy opening her mouth. "I just want to focus on Brendan now, and make sure he's okay. Once he's woken up I'll... I'll go and talk to someone. We'll figure it all out soon as Brendan wakes."

It was Friday when Brendan finally did woke up. Declan had gone to the loos while Cheryl and Nate had gone for a cafeteria to get them coffees after doctors had done they usual check up and telling everything looked fine. Ste was in his own thoughts, sitting on his chair next to Brendan's bed, leaning so he could rest his head on Brendan's thigh when he suddenly felt him stir.

Ste was instantly up, stroking his hair, his beard. "Brendan? Bren? Can you hear me?"

"Steven." Brendan's voice was raspy and quiet, and he was frowning, like opening his eyes was too much.

"It's me, I'm here." He quickly reached to press the call button before returned to stroke Brendan's face. "I'm here." He repeated again and he had to blink away tears.

Brendan turned his head towards his direction and his eyes opened a little, squinting against light until he focused on Ste. "Is this heaven?"

"No." Ste kissed his forehead. "This is better."

::::::

It took some time for Brendan to fully get hang on what had happened. He was tired and thirsty, and there were doctors poking him and asking questions. There were Cheryl and somehow Declan too, and he thought he remembered seeing Nate there as well. But what stayed with him most clearly from those confusing first hours from being awake was Steven, constantly there, holding his hand the whole time other people came and went from his bedside.

Once the doctors thought he was well enough and not too drugged up from the pain medication they allowed DC Scott come in and ask Brendan's version on what had happened. He seemed pleased to his story and how it matched with Steven's, and now when Walker was dead they could close the case. Apparently his apartment had some evidence to proof he was their guy and it was all the police needed to pat themselves on the back and mark it as another case they had solved. Brendan didn't care who took the credit. Steven being alive and unharmed was his reward.

Steven hardly left his side and Cheryl had to practically drag the lad away each evening after the visiting time was over. It was hard to see him go and even with the strong pain medication Brendan had hard time to sleep without Steven's steady breath next to him. Cheryl told him that Steven had been staying with her and Declan most of the nights because his own place had been surrounded by media people. Nate had gone back to Ireland to sort out some things but according to Cheryl he was moving to her place soon as he could. Cheryl needing him after Brendan getting shot had made him realise that he needed to be there with her, so at least there was some good things coming out from it.

Steven was with Brendan when some specialist came to check out his right arm. He made Brendan wiggle his fingers and do what ever minimum movement he could. Brendan himself was pretty shocked about the amount of numbness and how useless his right arm felt, but the specialist seemed more optimistic, saying everything looked very good judging the damage that had happened. Still, Brendan couldn't help but get moody after he was gone and he was alone with Steven.

"I won't be much use for you now." He started but Steven frowned and squeezed his left hand harder.

"Don't say such things."

"But if I'll stay like this, if I don't get any movement back, you'll be stuck with a old, feeble man -"

"Don't be daft, Brendan. You are alive, that's all that matters." Then to Brendan's horror Steven started to cry and pressed Brendan's hand against his cheek. "I though I lost you. I have never been so scared."

"Steven, I'm sorry, I'm sorry about everything that happened, I should have notice it earlier and stop him."

"It's not your fault. I just... When you were shot and I thought you'd die I realised that I can't lose you. I can lose my kids and I can lose my job but you... I need you."

"Come here." Steven carefully slotted himself to Brendan's side and Brendan hugged him the best he could with one arm. "I'm sorry. You'll never lose me, okay? I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me to fuck off." They stayed quiet for a while, and Brendan waited until Steven's sobs had died down and he was breathing more calmly against his neck. "Steven, are you okay? How are you handling all this?"

Steven rose up so he was sitting in the side of the bed, facing Brendan. "I'm- I'll be alright. Being with Cheryl helps. And I have been talking to someone. In the evenings, when I have to leave you, I sometimes go and talk with a therapist. She's nice. She's been helping me to deal with what happened."

"I'm glad to hear." Brendan stroked his thigh and Steven laid his hand on top of his. "I'm... I keep thinking how me and Walker, how similar we were in a way and how it could have easily been me to done this to you."

"What do you mean?" Steven looked confused.

"We both saw you in telly and got obsessed about you." Brendan felt awful saying it out loud.

"But you never wanted to hurt me." Steven said. "You would never force me to do anything I don't want. You held back until I made it clear I wanted you. I mean, you even let me date Doug even though it was killing you, but you thought it was what I wanted. Walker was sick. You are nothing like him."

"But -"

"Stop, Bren, please. I can't talk about him anymore, not now." Steven looked tired and Brendan touched his face briefly.

"I'm sorry, I'll shut up from him now. Hey, once I get better we go away for a while, yeah, go somewhere for a holiday, would you like that?"

"I would." Steven smiled and even with his eyes puffed from crying he was still the most beautiful thing Brendan had ever seen. "Where you wanna take me?"

"Where do you wanna go?"

"Dublin." Steven said and laughed at Brendan's surprised face. "I wanna see where you grew up. And we could see Declan and I could meet Paddy. I mean if it's okay with you." He quickly added.

"It is. I just thought you'd be wanting something more warm than Dublin." Brendan smiled.

"I've heard it's lovely this time of the year." Steven took Brendan's hand and kissed it's palm.

"What about your work in telly, though?"

"Well, I kinda quit." Steven smiled sheepishly. "It was about to be a big mess and Clarke was raging about me breaking the contract even when there would only be few months left anyway. But Mitzeee came up with an idea. I'll give an interview on the show about what happened, exclusive only to them. That way I should get all the other medias out from my neck and Clarke gets his big story, and he was very pleased with that."

"And what about you? How do you feel about that?"

"It's okay. If that's what it takes to get my contract done and the press to back away, that's what I do. They also postponed my book because no one wants to use the pics Walker took and I'm not up for new photos just yet. I might, one day. I do like the idea of having my own book, just being in front of cameras again..."

"It will all work out." Brendan said and Steven leaned to kiss him. While Steven's soft lips pressed against his Brendan thought that even if his right arm would never be the same he was alive and he had Steven, so it was a small price to pay.

He watched Steven's interview in his hospital room with Declan and Cheryl. Steven looked nervous but gorgeous as fuck with his smart shirt and pants, and the interviewers were very sensitive, not asking anything too detailed. Steven told his story, how he was doing now and why he wasn't going to return to his show anymore. He ended the interview stating how thankful he was for all the support he had got over the year and fans he gained, but it was time for him to move on and forget everything that had happened. Brendan was bursting with pride and crabbed Steven in a tight squeeze when he finally arrived in the ward from the studio. In the same afternoon doctors informed that they were very pleased with Brendan's recovery and would let him go home in couple of days. Steven paid lot of attention when the nurse came in to explain how to take care of the wounds at home and how to change the dressings, how much pain medication was allowed to use in a day, what kind of exercises Brendan should do at home to make his arm stronger. Brendan could already tell that Steven would be fussing over him a lot during the upcoming weeks.

The day they discharged Brendan was a dim one, sky full of dark clouds and rain dripping down in a steady stream, but the smile on Steven's face couldn't have been brighter and it made Brendan feel like a warm sunny day. He would still have to get lot of physio therapy and get his wounds checked up but the relief of getting home was making both of them giddy with joy, and both Cheryl and Declan seemed overjoyed too.

They all got in Cheryl's car, Declan in the front and Steven and Brendan in the back. Steven sat as close as Brendan's good side as he could and took a tight hold of his left hand, and didn't let go the whole time it took for them to drive at Steven's place.

There was familiarity in a way Cheryl and Declan walked on Steven's place and Brendan was glad the three of them had been taking care of one another while he had been hospitalized. He had been dreading a bit how Declan and Steven would come along but they joked a lot and Brendan could see genuine warmth between them. Declan instantly made himself comfortable on the couch until Cheryl asked him to help with the food, and Steven forced Brendan to sat down and made sure he was comfortable in a way which Brendan couldn't decide was it adorable or annoying. He had always been the one taking care of the others but somehow he didn't mind to let Steven take care of him for once.

It was already late afternoon and they had skipped the lunch so they were all hungry, and they had a massive meal. Steven seemed pleased to see that Brendan got his appetite back even though he couldn't resist some joking either.

"Starting from tomorrow I need to pay more attention to your foods, now when you can't get into full training just yet. I don't want to go out with a tubby."

"Jesus, I just got out from the hospital after being shot and you only care about my looks." Brendan said back and laid his hand quickly on Steven's thigh to soothe his words when he saw the memory flashing in his eye. Steven gave him a soft smile and the Cheryl changed the subject, talking about Christmas and what plans she had for it.

After the meal they are crashed on Steven's sofa's, Cheryl and Declan on one and after Brendan found a comfortable position in the other Steven slotted himself against his side, fingers gently stroking the good arm Brendan had thrown over him. He could feel his pain killers loosing their effect and the aching returning to his body, but Steven's presence helped. Never would have he thought he could spend time with his sister, son and his very male partner like this, but it was nice, comfortable. He was too tired to speak much himself but listening Steven and Declan chatting and Cheryl making some remarks in between was more than good.

Just when his aches were starting to get too annoying to ignore Steven turned to look at him.

"Are you getting tired?"

"A bit." Brendan hated to admit but Cheryl instantly rose up.

"It is getting late, I better get Deccy to my place anyway."

"You won't stay here?" Brendan asked from Declan. He had thought he would sleep in the room upstairs.

"I'm staying with auntie Cheryl. She said you two would need some private time." He was grinning when he said that but Brendan could still see Steven getting flushed deliciously. Declan waited until Brendan had got himself up and then hugged him and then gave a quick hug for Steven too. "I'll see yous two tomorrow."

"Have a rest, yeah, see you later." Cheryl gave them both a kiss and then they were gone.

"Here," Steven fetched Brendan's pain medication and glass of water, "these should help."

"Thank you." Brendan chunked them down eagerly. And then Steven was in his arms, head on his left shoulder, and Brendan could tell he didn't dare to hold him as tight as he would have wanted to. He kissed Steven's hair and then Steven tilted his head up and kissed his beard and then his mouth, and Brendan realised it was first proper kiss they'd had the whole day. It went on for a long while, and once Steven finally pulled back Brendan could see he was blinking away tears.

"Do you want to get washed up? Come on." He took Brendan's hand and lead him to their bedroom.

He helped him to undress and even when Brendan only struggled with his hoodie's right arm and taking off his T-shirt he didn't mind Steven pushing down his pants either. Steven carefully removed the dressings from his shoulder and flank, and Brendan could see how much it hurt him to see the wounds.

"Hey." He stroked Steven's chin. "It's okay. I'll be okay. I promise."

Steven nodded and then started to strip himself. It felt like forever when Brendan had last seen him naked and despite memorising every inch of that golden skin the sight still took his breath away. Those hairy legs, that crappy tattoo on his narrow pelvis, the way his ribs were slightly visible when he moved, it was everything Brendan could have ever wanted from a man.

Steven took his hand again and lead him in the bathroom and in the shower, where he gently but thoroughly washed Brendan, minding the wounds and making sure the water didn't hit them directly. Brendan did his best to return the favor but he felt clumsy, not still able to lift his right hand up properly but Steven still melted against his touch. Once they were done Steven patted Brendan dry with great care and then took out the new dressings from Brendan's medical bag and covered the wounds up.

Brendan knew it was early still but he was exhausted, not being used to stay up this long and he knew Steven hadn't been sleeping well either, so they both seemed just as eager to get in bed.

"No, take the other side." Steven said when Brendan was going to his usual side. "We need to switch so I won't be crushing your wounds while I sleep."

"Just till I get better, yeah? It's weird to be in this side." Brendan made his way on the other side and Steven slid next to him.

"I know." Steven kissed his left shoulder. Brendan tried to make himself comfortable and Steven rested his hand over his chest when they laid silently for a while before Steven whispered "I have missed you so much."

"I have missed you too." Brendan tried to turn to his side for a better look but winced from the aching. But then Steven pushed himself up to his elbow and leaned on top of his good side and kissed him, deep and hard. His breath was getting quicker and Brendan could feel him getting stiff against his hip. He slipped his left arm around Steven and stroked his bum, slid a finger down on his crack and rubbed his hole. Steven's kisses were getting more desperate.

He pulled back a little, breathing in to Brendan's mouth. "Are you hurting much?"

"Not that much." Brendan licked Steven's bottom lip and the moan escaping for the lad made his own dick twitch eagerly.

"Wait." Steven pushed himself up, put on the light on the nightstand, grabbed another pillow and pushed it behind Brendan so he was more upwards position. "Tell me if it's too much, yeah?" And then he slid down pushing the cover out of the way while he went, until he made himself comfortable between Brendan's legs.

He nibbled Brendan's thighs for a long time, one hand stroking his balls, before nuzzling the base of his dick. His tongue came out to give teasing flicks there until he licked all the way up, hand sneaking around him and pulling back the skin to expose the head so he could lick it too. Then Steven was tracing his wet lips up and down his shaft, giving a wet suck to the head every now and then before returning to give his attention to the shaft.

"God, Steven." Brendan reached to stroke Steven's hair.

Steven took him in his fist and gave him slow strokes while nuzzling his pubes again, throwing filthy glances towards him. "You taste so amazing." He breathed against Brendan's skin, "I want to make you feel good."

"Jesus, Steven, you have no idea." And when Steven finally took him properly in his mouth Brendan couldn't stop himself groaning. He wanted to squeeze his eyes shut because seeing Steven blowing him and watching Brendan's reactions under his long lashes was driving him near the edge already, but the sight was also so mesmerizing he didn't want to miss a second.

Steven pulled away when Brendan felt he might start coming at any second. His lips were wet and red and his voice was full of need. "I want to feel you so bad."

"Come here."

Steven crawled on top of him, minding his right side, and kissed him with great enthusiasm. Brendan could taste himself from his tongue, and he could feel Steven's hard dick pressing against his stomach. "Touch me," he begged.

"Where's the lube?" Brendan nipped his bottom lip before Steven leaned towards the nightstand. It took him a while to find the lube from the drawer and Brendan used the opportunity to stroke his bum, before Steven finally found what he was looking for and shuffled back, straddling Brendan's left tight. Brendan opened his hand and Steven poured generous amount of lube in his fingers before tossing the tube away and once Brendan slid his hand down his crack Steven pressed against him again and kissed him deeply while Brendan played with him.

Brendan loved the way Steven kept pushing back against his hand while he stroked and toyed with the surroundings, and the noises he made once Brendan gave him what he wanted and slipped his fingers in. Brendan swallowed his moans and gasps while Steven rocked on his digits, and he slid his right hand between their bodies to take hold of Steven's dick clumsily. Steven let out a cry and pulled back a little.

"I want you in me." Steven moaned and Brendan had to grab a hold of himself instead to stop himself coming just from that.

"Get on, then." Brendan pulled his fingers out slowly and stroked rest of the lube on his dick before Steven took a hold of it while he got himself in a right position, crouching on top of him and slowly sinking down on him, making them both moan.

Steven reached his hands back on Brendan's knees for support and started to move, giving Brendan the perfect view to watch himself disappearing inside Steven's body when he moved up and down. He took hold of Steven's dick with his left hand while his right stroked Steven's hairy ankle, trying not to come from how amazing it felt and how hot Steven looked while taking his pleasure form him. Brendan could tell he was close too, that the separation had driven them both crazy with need.

"Brendan," his voice was low and filthy, "please, I want to feel you come."

And that was it, Brendan couldn't hold back anymore. He could hear Steven's moans over his own grunts when he came, and Steven sunk down lower, shaking and Brendan could feel the splatters of his cum landing on his chest and belly.

Steven stayed on him a long time while they were getting their breaths back, trying to lean his weight on Brendan's good side. Brendan could still start to feel the throbbing ache in the wound of his side but he had no complains. He actually found the thought of few teared stitch caused by the sex with Steven quite amusing and totally worth it. When Steven finally rose up from him he was already feeling sorry for the loss, and this time it was Steven who took some wipes and cleaned them both up. Brendan already dreamed the day when he could bang his boy properly again, have him tied down and fuck him the whole night.

Once Steven had wiped off all the cum he made himself comfortable on Brendan's side. Brendan stroked his back and Steven had his arm draped over him. Brendan felt like he could drift away any second.

"Brendan? I have something to tell you."

"Mmh? What is it? Is something wrong?" Brendan was instantly awake again, but Steven stoked his chest soothingly.

"No, everything is fine. But I have talked to a realtor and I'm putting this place into a market."

"What? Why?"

"It's too big. I'm looking for something smaller, with just two bedroom if the kids or lads come to visit. And I want to start a new, you know? After everything."

"I'm sorry, Steven, that this happened and you feel like you need to leave your home because of it."

"This has never been my home, not properly. Not until... Not until you moved in." Steven kissed his chest. "And I was kinda hoping you would, if you want to, come with me to the new place too."

"Steven." Brendan pulled him closer. "Of course I will. But I'll pay for it too, yeah? If it's... If it's going to be our home, I want to be fully part of it too."

"Our home." Steven repeated and smiled so widely Brendan's heart skipped a beat. "And I also started to look place for my own business."

"Really? That's... That's amazing."

"I have my savings and I should get enough money out from this place so I should afford it. Something small, not as massive as Tony's. Or... I was thinking... A place where people could come and relax after work, some place where they could get a drink and also something to eat, but not like a regular pub but something more, howd' you say it, sophisticated? Like a club or something. And I was thinking... If I choose that... I might need someone who knows something about running a club to work with me."

Brendan didn't know what to say. Steven was looking at him carefully, waiting his reactions. "Sounds like you have been thinking about everything." Brendan finally managed and cleared his throat. "You sure you won't get sick of me?"

"That's the danger." Steven laughed before got serious. "I don't want to let you out of my sight again."

"I thought it was my job to look after you 24/7, not the other way round." Brendan mumbled against his hair.

"See? You have to live and work with me so you can keep up with that. And do you really think I'll let you go and live with another client, you might fall for them instead."

"Steven..." This felt like the perfect moment for Brendan to say it. The words which were burning in his blood and dancing on his tongue. He was sure he could remember Steven breathing those words to him while he was laying on the roof, bleeding, and he wanted to return them. But even when he had said it to Eileen all those years ago, he had said it to his sons and to his sister, it felt so much more important now. It was so much that he feared he might explode from the power of it.

Steven seemed to sense it, because he leaned up to kiss the side of his mouth. "Shh. Let's just enjoy you being back home, yeah? There is no rush, is there?"

A month from now they would be standing on a bridge of Brendan's home town, black winter night around them and the lights of the streets and the shimmering river illuminating Steven like a creature Brendan had dreamed up, too perfect to be real. He would choke out those words then, just to see that after the first time saying them would become as natural as breathing. _I love you, Steven. I can't live my life without you_. He would taste the tears of joy from Steven's mouth when he kisses him there, not caring who might see.

Few months from that Steven would jokingly propose Brendan in his new kitchen with a ring made from bread dough, and Brendan would refuse to answer before going into a jewelry shop the next day and buying them a proper rings. _Yes, I will_ , while slipping the gold ring on to Steven's finger. Those gossip magazines who still were interested about ex-TV chef with a tragic events in his life would get a hint of their engagement and doom their marriage to fail, but they would prove them wrong.

But now, Brendan tilted Steven's face up and kissed him one more time, putting all his feelings into it before they settled back, Steven's head on Brendan's heart, Brendan's fingers drawing lazy circles between his shoulders.

"We have all the time in the world."

* * *

 _Thank you so much for everyone who's been reading and leaving lovely comments, it has helped me to gain more confidence with writing and finish this baby. I hope you have enjoyed the ride (insert filthy Stendan sex joke here) as much as I liked writing it. All this supporting feedback is greatly treasured xxx._


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